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Movie Reviews

Blended (2014)

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Blended (2014) is another romantic comedy brought to us by our friends at Happy Madison. Now this is a movie that was made so that Adam Sandler and his friends can take a vacation in Africa. You can tell because of the weak plot, the lazy writing, and the scenes looked like they were taken during their breaks from their vacation. That being said, as far as Adam Sandler movies go, you can do worse.

                The plot is simple enough, a seemingly mismatch couple meet and through some sort of quest find out that they are meant for each other. It doesn’t get any more generic than that. The movie starts off with the couple on their first date, and it is a bad one. We learn that each is a single parent struggling to fill both rolls. As they try to struggle between being good parents and their careers they find that they keep running each other. There are scenes where the Adam Sandler struggles to fill the roll of the mother and doesn’t know how to deal with some of the issues his girls face, suggesting the need for a new mother. This is superimposed with Drew Barrymore’s character struggling to do the same but with her boys. Maybe what they are missing is each other?

This movie tries too hard to show that this couple should be together. They own the same car and they both like their coffee with no cream and some sugar. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is. Despite despising each other, Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore keep running into each other until they stumble upon the trip to Africa that would change their lives forever. Not only becoming a real family but also learning to love again.

                As generic and simple as this movie is, you can do way worse. I did get a few laughs from it so if you have nothing better to do, I’d say go for it. The plot does have some holes, but it’s a movie that was filmed from a vacation, so you shouldn’t expect too much. Of course, not all of the jokes land and I wouldn’t say it is a must see, but you can at the very least put it on as background noise.

                Overall, I wouldn’t say I’d recommend it as it is really generic, and the plot has been done better in other movies. I’d say, if you are looking for something to watch and have nothing better to do, go for it. This movie won’t hold and in fact I’ve already forgotten most of what happened in it already. It won’t win any awards, but you can do worse. 4/10.

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Escape Plan 2: Hades

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Hey guys, its been a while. I’ve been busy with work and such and will be rolling out the reviews slower than usual until I get settled.

Escape Plan 2: Hades is the sequel no one knows exists. Probably because the entire budget was spent on the special effects. Plot wise, it follows the same formula as the first, except with a lot less Stallone, which was incredibly disappointing for me. If you look at the poster for this film, you’d assume this would be a movie that stares Stallone and Bautista, but it doesn’t. Instead we follow Shen who gets captured because his cousin has this super secret high tech skeleton key that some secret evil force wants to steal. The movie then works in a similar fashion where Shen must figure out a way to escape the prison.

This was a much more poorly executed movie than the first one. The budget is noticeably smaller than the previous as most of it is filmed in front of a green screen with horrible CGI. Most of the actors sleep walk through this, possibly because they assume no one is going to watch it. Sadly, I got to watch it and we paid to rent it. I have never felt so cheated in my life. The plot doesn’t make any sense and if you haven’t seen the first one, don’t bother watching this one because you will be confused. For some reason this movie makes a lot of references to the first one assuming that the first film was incredibly memorable. Having seen the first one myself, I struggled to follow the plot and I honestly forgot the plot of the first one. Writing this review, I am struggling to remember what the hell I just watched.

The best part of the movie is how the try to sequel bate a third movie, as if they believed this would be the beginning of a long lasting series, but I cant see a movie with a lower production value than this one. This movie is so bad and boring, skip this one. It doesn’t have any redeeming qualities. If you are a fan of the first one, watch the first one again.

Movie Reviews

Incredibles 2 (2018) Review

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I finally got to see Incredibles 2. Most of you are least familiar with the film so I wont waste your time with too much synopsis. This movie takes place immediately after the events of the first one. After the big confrontation with the Underminer, they are dropped from the government program that helps keep their secret identities a secret. Some dude wants to make supers legal again so Mrs. Incredible gets asked to be the face that will make supers legal again.

I got to tell you guys right now, if you are going into this movie believing the hype, you will be disappointed. I was. I think most of my disappointment comes from being blinded b y nostalgia. I recently revisited the first movie in preparation for the sequel and found that it wasn’t exactly what I remembered. Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoying it but it wasn’t as good as the first couple times I watched it when I was younger.

This one was no different. I even fell asleep for parts of it. It wasn’t as terrible as some sequels are, but it was definitely over hyped. Now what it did well, it did really well. Some of my favorite parts of this film had to do with the family. Well Mr. Incredible trying to raise the family while Mrs. Incredible went off to do work. You can see how hard he struggles and feel the frustration as he finds that the domestic life is much harder than crime fighting. You can see that he misses the glory days and longs desperately to go back but he also wants to do good for his family. I loved these scenes. They were humbling, they were cute, they were real.

The super hero parts I found lacking however. It was interesting to see what they did with Eslasta Girl and how she used her abilities but it wasn’t interesting enough. Her plot was kind of boring. I knew who the villain was as soon as it was introduced and even though they try to misdirect you, the big reveal isn’t surprising. There is action, the animation is great, the music is incredible but the super hero parts just didn’t do it for me. To be completely honest, I forgot a lot of the plot because it was kind of generic. I can’t tell you the names outside of the main family nor can I tell you a detailed synopsis without sounding generic. They repeat a lot of the jokes from the first movie and they aren’t as funny the second time around. I expected a little more after 10 years.

That being said, if you have kids, GO WATCH THIS MOVIE. They’ll love it and you can do a lot worse. It is a well-produced movie for what it is, it’s worth watching on the big screen. I repeat though, do not believe the hype as you will get disappointed. I’ll give it a 6 out 10 because I really don’t see me watching this movie again.

Movie Reviews

The Star (2017) Review

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THE PLOT

The Star is director Timothy Rackart’s animated Christmas story. But it is not the traditional Christmas story you’d expept. The plot revolves around the birth of Jesus, yet the plot is centered around the animals that were present for the birth.

The movie opens up with the main character, a mill donkey named Bo who is tired of his life and wants to run away to see what is outside the Mill. We are introduced to his best friend, a bird named Dave who tells him stories of the outside world and tries to help Bo escape. When Bo finally manages to escape, he finds his way to Mary and Joseph’s house. Due to an injury received during his escape, Bo stays with Mary until he can walk. During this stay, a bond forms between Mary and Bo and his desire to leave and see the world isn’t as strong as it used to be.

As this is happening, the three wise men are making their way to the manger and they alert the king of a new king that will be born. We now have a villain who is set to eliminate this new threat. Bo learns of this plot and the rest of the movie is Bo racing to Mary and Joseph to save the day.

The Review

As far as kids movies go, this isn’t bad. It has an incredible cast and the voice acting is great. Now mind you, it is a religious movie geared for kids, so the plot is simple. If you do not like overly cheerful movies without real consequences or danger, you won’t like this movie. With that said, it is a cute movie. The characters are likeable, the jokes aren’t super cheesy, and the animation is really pretty. If you’re an adult, it won’t be terrible. As far as kid’s movies go, you can do a lot worse.

I also would like to point out that this has a really solid sound track. Some kids movies tend to have really cheesy music and I can’t watch some kids films because of the music it has, but I find this one a delight.

If you aren’t a religious person, you won’t take too much issue with this film since it never tries to shove religion down your throat. While it does have some religious elements in it, the main focus is on Bo’s adventure.

Although the movie is geared for kids and the some of the jokes are easy, the film had a few good laughs. They do take the time to explain some jokes after they are made, and explain parts of the plot that are obvious, remember we aren’t the target audience so it works well for a kids film. I didn’t really have any real issue with this movie, I was never bored and not being very religious myself I didn’t think it was too harmful.

I would recommend this to anyone who has kids and needs something to watch. I know my mom would like this film because its not offensive and its cute. Check it out. Final grade 7 out 10. I do so because although I did enjoy it the first time around, I probably wont remember the plot of this movie down the line nor would I watch it again. Definitely give it a watch tho!

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Viral (2016) Review

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Viral (2016) Comes to use from directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman and writers Barbara Marhall and Christopher Landon. The film is an outbreak horror film that takes place in the idle of god knows where. An outbreak has happened off screen and we know this because it’s on the news. We learn about the symptoms of what the news is now calling the worm flue. We cut to a girl creepily staring at a couple making out in a hallway of a random high school. This is our main girl, Emma, and the movie being self-aware, calls her out on being a creeper. We are introduced to her best friend? Her only friend? It doesn’t matter because this is the last we hear from her because she is clearly infected. We meet Emma’s love interest Evan, who is the love interest due to his sex appeal? Emma’s desire to have sex with him? From the initial dialogue, that is the depth of her attraction to the love interest.

We meet the sister, Stacey, who is of course the rebellious one and the complete opposite of Emma. We learn more about the virus and that there has been a quarantine. Oh and the best friend has become fully infected at this point. The virus starts to spread through out the city and we learn this because the movie tells us. Instead we get to watch go to a party, get to see the sisters bond, and of course watch the Machine Gun Kelly cameos. After the one-party scene, and it is a terrible party, Stacey gets infected. The rest of the movie drags on where nothing really happens and Stacey struggles to keep her infection a secret.

I don’t know where to begin with this movie. This is the type of horror movie where everyone dies off camera. We get to learn about death through exposition or implication. The biggest issue is that you are stuck with these two sisters throughout the whole movie. It’s like they ran out of money after renting the house where most of the movie takes place that they couldn’t afford anything else. I say the virus doesn’t matter because it barely ever shows up and when it does, it is a shitty jump scare.

Fucking Evan. There is no reason for Evan to be in this movie. He is actually kind of awkward and creepy which I guess works for being Emma’s love interest, but I don’t understand why they are together. Mostly because they are the only ones left in this town for the duration of the movie. This guy can’t act to save his life so scenes where he is supposed to be emotional, or where he is supposed to be scared don’t work because he stands there blankly. They also work really hard to give him a sad story so that maybe you will feel bad for him and ignore his terrible acting. All done through exposition of course.

If you are looking for a good epidemic movie, look somewhere else because most of the time you are stuck dealing with these two girls and their problems. The virus is glossed over so vaguely that I still can’t tell you what it does. Are they zombies? Are they aliens? Who fucking knows.

Although the first half wasn’t terrible, the last half falls off quick and I was sitting here wishing it would just end. This movie would have been over a lot sooner if Stacey hadn’t gone to the party. Or, instead of hiding, they had left like the rest of the teens. But nope, of course everyone in this movie lacks rationality and we have to pay for it with our time. While it isn’t the worst horror movie, or even the worst pandemic movie I have seen, it is bad. Check it out if you like watching bad movies for fun and like to make fun of it. I caution you though, you will run of things to say. I give this film a 3 out of 10.

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Carpool (1996) Review

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Carpool (1996) is a comedy written by Don Rhymer and directed by Arthur Hiller. The movie introduces to a businessman, Daniel, who is late for a meeting. The movie tells us that Daniel works a lot and is very punctual. Today is his families turn to drive the carpool, but his wife cannot do it because she has fallen extremely ill. Daniel now has to take all the kids to school. We are introduced to Daniels two sons whose names don’t matter. We also get introduced to the rest of the kids whose names also don’t matter. Because Daniel is running late, he has to get breakfast for the kids. This is where I’d argue the movie starts, 15 minutes in. In the store, the shop gets robbed. Due to a mistaken identity, Franklin, who happened to be on his way to rob a bank accidently robs the store because the actual robbers are incompetent. Remember that because it is a theme. Franklin ends up taking Daniel and the kids as hostage. The rest of the movie involves all of the hijinks that they must pass as they evade the police and try to get Franklin to his destination.

You should watch this movie if you want to know what it is like to have kids, but not actually have them. The movie even starts off with sound bites of kids being annoying as they are being driven around. The first five minutes are unbearable. Then you meet the kids, who are incredibly forgettable, and you wish you didn’t. They each have a quirk that defines them, but you forget the quirk because for the rest of the movie they just become incredibly annoying. If you’ve made it past the first 15 minutes of the movie, you are ready to be a parent. The first 15 minutes of this movie work to show how annoying kids are as Daniel tries to drive the kids to school and all they do is get on your nerves.

Now I’ll address the incompetence in this movie. Everyone is incompetent in this movie. In fact, this movie would be so much shorter if at least one person was intelligent, but no one in this city is. Literally this movie would have been over at the grocery store but they have to drag it out. The worst part, the movie never gets funny. There is a lot of slap stick that doesn’t land. Everyone in this movie fumbles their way through the scenes and it gets annoying.

If you’ve stuck with this movie to the half way mark you get to watch the kids and the robber franklin because….The movie even becomes self-aware and the father, Daniel, is constantly asking why the kids are helping out the criminal, and no one ever an answer. In fact, through the power of charisma alone, Franklin is able to win the hearts of everyone and is even avoid prison. Sorry, spoilers, but you should really avoid this movie.

This movie doesn’t know what it wants to be. It doesn’t even try to be funny. It’s like baby sitting extremely annoying kids that aren’t yours and you have sit there and watch this mess for an hour. There is absolutely no reason this movie should be this long. There are so many times he should have just been shot. Despite that, even if Franklin makes it to his destination, his face is all over the news. There is no possible outcome that he will walk out of this scenario a free man, even if it is a case of mistaken identity because he goes on to rob the store, kidnap all these people, and his hijinks destroy half the city.

Please skip this one, it’s not a good time even if you like watching bad movies for fun like I do. The characters will annoy you. There is no redeeming factor in this. I grade it 0 out 19. Thanks.

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Alex Strangelove

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Alex Strangelove is a high school coming of age story of a young teen trying to find his identity. Alex Truelove struggles to come to terms with his sexuality as pressure from his parents, friends, and classmates make life confusing.

The movie itself is awkward, but in a good way. It does a good job depicting the awkward time that is high school. It’s confusing, it’s stressful, it’s scary and you get to experience all these emotions along with Alex. As a coming of age story, it works. I am not sure how it well it works as a coming out story, but I enjoyed it non the less.

It isn’t your traditional high school movie, at least not the one I expected. It has moments where it is quirky, but it doesn’t overdo it. For example, the relationship between Alex and Claire is fun and sweet. The characters are bubbly and they have great chemistry but they do not get annoying. Although I didn’t care for the animal documentary bits. Most importantly, this feels like high school and not what some old guy think’s high school is.

And this movie is stressful, because high school is stressful. There is the stress of trying to get into a good school. The waiting, wondering if he will get into Columbia. There is the pressure from his peers to fit a certain category and Alex, like most teens, doesn’t know what that category is. There is also the pressure of being in school. Getting good grades all while trying to have a social life. Alex has to find the balance between his friends, his love, his family and a school, and that is a lot.

I recommend this movie. It’s funny, it’s cute, and does a really good job at telling a story. It’s probably the first Netflix original movie that I’ve liked a lot and definitely worth checking out, even if you are curious. I rate this movie a 9 out 10.

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Where’s the Money (2017) Review

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Where’s The Money (2017) comes to us from director Scott Zabielski. The film is a heist comedy staring Andrew Bachalor as Del. The movie starts off giving you context of the economic inequality that exists in South Central LA. You get introduced to the main character, Del, who lives in a struggling boxing Gym. You also get introduced to his friend Juice, played by Allan Maldonado, and the love interest Alicia, played by Kat Graham. After receiving a call from his father who was imprisoned for bank robbery, he learns the location of his father’s 1-million-dollar stash. Del and the other main characters become determined to find the money but discover the house where the money is stashed was turned into a frat house. Now, Del with the help of his friends must infiltrate the house and pretend to be a student trying to rush the frat. The rest of the movie turns into a frat comedy where we get to see Del participate in the hazing process while trying to get the money out of the house.

This movie works for the most part. Although not all of the jokes land, I got some good laughs out of it. It does try to address issues about racial inequality and racism. They briefly insert jokes about gingerfication for example. There is a scene where the frat boys are dressed like the clan. But they mostly joke about triggers, specifically what white people can say around black people. Although some of it did get a laugh, it doesn’t always work, and it gets a bit repetitive. It is stuff that has been done before.

The love interest plot line was a bit forced. There was no chemistry between the two characters and the only reason that they end up together (spoilers) is because it was written so. I didn’t really care for that plotline as the scenes where they are flirting and together aren’t funny and just drag.

The plot is generic. It isn’t bad, you can get one good viewing of it but I wouldn’t watch it again. It is forgettable if anything, I probably wont even remember what it’s about a month or even a week from now. Some of the jokes don’t land and they will stay on that joke for way too long and although it’s only an hour and thirty minutes, it will feel a bit longer. The second half in particular feels longer because it stops being as funny. The jokes are tired, they will make sure you know that Jake Paul is from Youtube and resolution is lacking.

Overall, I’ve seen worse. It isn’t a bad sit at all so if you are bored, definitely go for it. It won’t hold up the second time around though as the plot is really basic and the jokes are easy. Ill give this a 6 out 10 because it does work, and I found parts that were funny, but I won’t be adding this to my favorites.

Movie Reviews

The Kissing Booth (2018) Review

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The Kissing Booth (2018) is a Netflix original, written and directed by Vince Marcello. The film is based on the novel Beth Reekles. The plot is about two teens that are best friends. It doesn’t get any deeper than that. The main characters, Elle and Lee, are born on the same day and they are best friends because their moms were best friends. Lee has a dreamy older brother, Noah, whose only characteristic is that he is dreamy. Since this is a high school drama, well prep school, of course the dorky main girl instantly falls in love with Noah. You can clearly tell from the opening montage that Elle’s love for Noah is merited by his good looks and…that’s about it. And there is something about rules Elle and Lee make up as kids. They have multiple rules that they quickly gloss over because they aren’t important, but the one they do constantly remind you is that Elle can’t go out with Noah.

The rest of the movie revolves around annoying high school drama, if you could call it that, and their genius plot to make money for the school by hosting a kissing booth. If you are wondering why the movie is named after this plot point, it doesn’t matter. As much as the movie attempts to help you make the connection and symbolism of the kissing booth, and they try way too hard, it doesn’t matter enough to name the movie after it. Maybe the book did a better job creating this connection, but for the plot, as generic as it is, it doesn’t matter.

So the main character Elle, who if you don’t hate her by minute 13 you will learn to, is tasked with organizing the kissing booth and even get Noah and the popular girls to participate. Then there is more high school stuff that doesn’t matter until finally the day of the fundraiser. The kissing booth is a success, maybe that is why it is the name sake? And Elle ends up kissing Noah without knowing. The rest of the movie becomes annoying couple stuff where the two try to keep their relationship a secret and you get to see their love grow as they just bang. It’s a generic high school drama, you know how it goes.

This film is dull. The main characters are such bad people that I stopped caring about them instantly. Noah is hyperbolically perfect to the point where he isn’t even real and this all feels like a dream of some awkward girl. But I’ll give them credit. The awkward scenes are extremely awkward. Other than that, it was too generic to hold your attention. They try to fake you out a couple times where you believe that the two best friends would end up together, and I would have probably like it better if they did because Lee was a little more real than his brother, but they don’t, and you end up hating yourself for sitting through so much of this film. At an hour in I couldn’t believe I had made it this far.

My favorite part of the film is the ending credit scenes. They had such confidence in their final product that they believed people would stay till the end. I only made it that far because I had to, and the credit scenes are awkward and unimportant. They aren’t even bloopers, it is just awkward scenes of the actors being “silly” and at that point I just turned it off.

This isn’t worth your time. The side characters are forgettable. The plot isn’t good. The acting is ok but the concept doesn’t help in the slightest. I didn’t care about this movie. Maybe it’s because I’m not the target audience but it did a poor job grabbing and holding my attention. Netflix needs to stop spreading itself so wide and focus on making more quality content, as of now it is becoming the “strait to VHS” bargain bin crap you skip at Walmart. I’d say skip this and watch something else. Final verdict: 3 out of 10.