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Movie Reviews

The Meg (2018) Review

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The Meg starts off in the same fashion as other movies in the genre. It sets up a sad back story for the trouble and rugged hero and it cuts to modern day where scientists are doing science. As these movies go, science goes too far and they release the Meg into the modern world and now they must not only survive the Meg, but destroy it before it causes too much damage to the world. Sprinkle in a pointless love plot, some action scenes, and some comic relief and you have this generic movie.

I do not recommend going to watch this in theaters, you have seen way better from this genre and you’d be wasting your money. Instead, I urge you to wait till it comes out on Netflix, you aren’t missing anything. That being said, it isn’t a terrible movie, it’s just not worth theater price. First off, the characters in this film don’t help the movie. If this movie is meant to be a horror film, it has too much comic relief. This movie spends more time trying to be funny that it does trying to be suspenseful or scary. This is not a bad thing because I got a few chuckles from it, but if you are looking for a serious monster movie, look elsewhere. This is one of those movies where you will not remember character names, or even whole characters. There are characters in this movie who you will forget are in this movie until it is their turn to get eaten. And when the Meg eats, it will look terrible on the big screen.

The other issue with the movie is the chemistry between the characters. They kill off the only characters with any real chemistry really early on. The rest of the cast are poorly written archetypes that are put in the move to feed the Meg. The two leads are of course in love because the plot demands it. Their scenes together are my least favorite because they lack the most chemistry. While I do believe that there may be physical attraction, I do not believe that it is the deep seeded love the movie tries to convey. This movie will stop the plot to show you the two leads in an awkward interaction and tell you that they love each other repeatedly. This for me takes away from the film because I didn’t care for this plot line and cuts the time we get to spend with the real star, the Meg.

This movie has a lot of padding. I felt like the Meg was barely in the movie, and that is the whole reason I went to watch it in the movie. I wanted to watch a monster shark eat people. Instead you get a bunch of unassay scenes such as all the love plot scenes. The little girl was probably the worst padding for the film as she had no real purpose for being in the film. Cut her character out of the film and the movie doesn’t suffer from any drastic change. Instead she is there to provide comic relief and be cute in order to pander. Like most characters in this movie, she becomes a gimmick that doesn’t really work with the tone of the movie. She was in it to be cute and that was it. But by far my biggest complaint is that the Meg doesn’t kill enough people. This was the least violent monster attack I have ever seen.

This movie isn’t terrible. It is flawed but not the worst thing that has come to theaters this year. It has a certain charm to it that will be lost on a second viewing, but you won’t be completely bored with it. This is one of those movies you can only watch once and you will probably forget you watched it later. I do not recommend paying            theater price. Wait till it gets on Netflix. I give this movie a 5 out of 10.

Movie Reviews

Snitch (2013) Review

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Snitch was created as an argument against the strict and unfair drug convictions in the United States, but whether it works or not is up to the viewer.

The film starts off introducing us to the Rock’s son, Jason, talking to his best friend. His friend asks Jason to hold a shipment of MDMA till he is able to pick it up from Jason. Although he Jason doesn’t agree, you know the friend will send it anyways. The film cuts to the Rock, playing John Mathews, doing business. Now the film will go out of its way to let you know that John is a model American man who has made all his money running an honest trucking business. It will also go out of its way to make The Rock look like an ordinary John.

Cut back to the Jason receiving the shipment of drugs and promptly being raided by the DEA. Jason, who was set up by his friend, must now face the harsh sentencing even if he did not intend to sell. It now falls onto the rock to free his son from prison. To do so, he must help in the arrest of a major drug deal and he attempts to do so with the aid of one of his employees, former gang member Daniel. The rest of the movie shows how deeply gets wrapped up trying to win his sons freedom until his goal is to capture a major player in the Mexican cartel.

As an argument against the strict drug convictions, this movie doesn’t work. It is clearly written by someone who clearly doesn’t know how gangs or street life work. To make maters worse, the hero in this movie isn’t likeable. I can see that they were trying to portray John as someone who will do anything for his children, but all he does is put his family and other people in danger for no reason. Well the reason is to gain his son’s freedom, but he does it so selfishly that I couldn’t sympathize with his pursuits. John essentially ruins the life of a man who wants to make a positive change in his life.

Furthermore, the Rock playing John is a total miscasting. The movie tries so hard to make the Rock look like an everyday man by hiding his muscles and it looks awkward. I don’t believe it when he is powerless against the cartel when I’ve seen him beat countless people in other movies with his bare hands. His acting in this is unconvincing. Maybe Dwayne Johnson can play a serious role, but this one wasn’t it. The acting by the other characters wasn’t any better.

The plot doesn’t make sense. This film would have ended the first time he met with a drug dealer because he looks like a cop. But the movie forces you through all the convoluted story points and I for one was furious at the lack of logic this movie has. I understand that there should be some suspension of disbelief when watching films, but not when the movie is trying to change a real issue in society. Especially one that is supposed to take place in Modern America. Everything that happens in this movie happens for the sake of the plot and you can’t force a story if you are trying to examine a real issue. What makes it worse is despite his selfishness, he is ultimately rewarded at the end because the plot demands it and I can’t sit back silently.

I can’t recommend this movie. I could barely finish it because it is just pandering and terrible. If they wanted to make a proper argument, they should have followed Jason into jail and show how it ruined his life. Maybe show everything that was lost because of this one mistake he made. The movie will go and tell you why this war on drugs is bad, but it does little to show it. I give this movie a 0 out of 10 because there is nothing redeeming in it. Skip this one.

Movie Reviews

The Package (2018) Review

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The Package is a raunchy buddy comedy that comes to us from our good friends at Netflix. As far as plots go, this movie doesn’t have one. The premise is simple enough, a group of friends go into woods for a camping trip and one of them cuts off his dick. The rest of the movie involves shenanigans as they the group of friends try to reunite the penis with its owner.

If you are looking for a movie that is engaging and with a narrative, look elsewhere. This movie feels like a series of improvised skits edited together. They do not feel natural and almost seem improvised. The dialogue is iffy in this film. Sometimes you will get decent banter, but most of the time it was unnatural, forced, and awkward, almost as if there was no script. At least not a good one.

As a comedy, it doesn’t always work. The jokes are easy and a lot of the time I knew the punch line to the joke before it was even set up. The movie spends more time trying to gross you out and make you uncomfortable that I at least lost interest a lot of the time. You will see a lot of penis. That being said, I had a couple laughs out of this, so it isn’t a terrible comedy, I just wouldn’t recommend watching this sober.

Because of the genre, every scene must involve the group and shenanigans. This becomes forced as they just move from one mishap to the next. There is no plot, there is no story, just a bunch of slap stick. There also is no character development. There is no growth and all the characters end up where they started in the movie, but this time with girlfriends. I can’t tell you a single name from memory because they were so generic and bland.

Overall, I wouldn’t recommend this movie. Although not terrible, it is one of those movies you will forget you watched. Even if you do watch it and enjoy it the first time through, the film loses the little charm it has the second time around. As far as Netflix releases go, this is not the worst one by any means. But it does feel like a Netflix film. Cheap, easy, and forgettable. At least this one wasn’t offensive.

Final score, I give this a 4 out of 10. It wasn’t bad to sit through, but I wouldn’t watch it again.

Movie Reviews

Extinction (2018) Review

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Synopsis:

Extinction is another postapocalyptic film coming to us from Netflix. It seems this seems to be a recurring theme as a lot of the movies that are coming out have to deal with the end of the world. This one follows a family who must survive the world being destroyed by aliens? The film starts with a dream sequence and pretentious monologue. It sets the tone in the first five minutes, and it seems the tone is a pretentious one. We are introduced to the main character, Peter, who is a overworked father who is never there. The film attempts to show a dysfunctional family as the main issue seems that the father is never home. Aside from the disfunction we learn that Peter has also been having recurring nightmares about the world ending, nightmares that the film will continuously cut to throughout the first half of the movie. It is not until Peter attempts to make amends for being absent that the aliens decide to attack the earth. But of course, because of the skills he has from being a mechanic of sorts is able to escape the initial attack and starts to make his way to safety. And you can pretty much guess where the rest of the film goes as they try to make their way through the city without being spotted by the aliens.

 

Review

                Although a interesting premise, and by no means a dull movie, it’s not great. What hurts this movie the most is the miscasting, I can’t say I was impressed by any performance in this film. Michael Pena wasn’t very believable, and his serious role was played rather bland. The same could be said about Lizzy Caplan’s performance. I’ll give the kids a pass for their performance because they are children, but it did remove a lot of the drama and suspense when the kids had to act scared or sad. As a suspenseful movie, it doesn’t work. The budget was low, so I suspected there were going to be terrible effects, but they are not as bad as the effects the Escape Plan 2 so there is that.

                I really wouldn’t recommend this movie because it is not that good. It has some cool action scenes, but it is really boring. The only redeeming factor I could say would be the twist in the movie that makes the other wise confusing movie make sense, but that alone isn’t enough to watch the movie. Well not if you are an average movie goer. It does take some interesting liberties in playing with how narrative is told and perspective, but that’s saying little when the narrative is boring. In the end, I’d have to give this film a 4/10. It won’t be a terrible time, but it’s defiantly nothing I would recommend.

Movie Reviews

Signal (2014) Review

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               We start the film introduced with the main character Nic. For reasons that aren’t really explained in the movie, Nic cannot walk without the help of crutches. Nic is buying coffee for his friends who are in a road trip. Being the decent guy that he is, Nic stops to help a young boy who is struggling with the claw machine. He shows the boy how to win his prize by drawing the solution on the glass and giving the boy more money. This scene is used to get the audience to sympathize with Nic since he is a good person and also to show that he is really smart. To reinforce the fact that he is smart we learn that not only does Nic go to MIT, but he is a hacker as well. We are then introduced to his friend Jonah, who is also a hacker, and his girlfriend Haley who are on a road trip to California to help Haley move to her new school.

                Nic and Jonah are being taunted by some mysterious hacker who taunts the pair to go find him. And if obvious trap isn’t obvious, you haven’t been paying attention. The two find the location of the hacker and despite all the warnings that it is a bad idea, they go find this mysterious hacker because the plot says so. They find the location is at an abandoned house and as they search the building, something happens. Nic wakes up in a sterile research facility with no recollection of how he got there. We are introduced to Damon who is in charge of interrogating Nic to try to find out what is going on. We learn that aliens have made contact but nothing else is known. The rest of the movie involves Nic trying to reunite with his friend and girlfriend and trying to escape.

                This movie is a weird one. It tries incredibly hard to be deep by constantly going back to simple motifs that only really serve to flesh out Nic as a character. For example, he constantly has to write out his problems in order to find logical solutions. It doesn’t take long to figure out twist so the rest of the movie you are just waiting for the big reveal. At least I wasn’t surprised by what happened. The movie, if anything, is really pretty. The scenes all set up so nicely. The sterile facility, the desert, every scene was just so well shot that it is worth watching just to see the different sets.

                This film definitely isn’t for everyone, so if you are an average movie goer that likes big name block busters, search elsewhere. Nor is it different or unique enough where I can recommend it to people who like weird films, although I can see this having a small cult following. If you have absolutely nothing else to watch or are in the mood for some weird suspenseful sci-fi, give Signal a chance. I’ll give it a 6 out 10 because although I liked it, it is not for everyone and it’s one of those movies you can only watch so many times.

Movie Reviews

Blended (2014)

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Blended (2014) is another romantic comedy brought to us by our friends at Happy Madison. Now this is a movie that was made so that Adam Sandler and his friends can take a vacation in Africa. You can tell because of the weak plot, the lazy writing, and the scenes looked like they were taken during their breaks from their vacation. That being said, as far as Adam Sandler movies go, you can do worse.

                The plot is simple enough, a seemingly mismatch couple meet and through some sort of quest find out that they are meant for each other. It doesn’t get any more generic than that. The movie starts off with the couple on their first date, and it is a bad one. We learn that each is a single parent struggling to fill both rolls. As they try to struggle between being good parents and their careers they find that they keep running each other. There are scenes where the Adam Sandler struggles to fill the roll of the mother and doesn’t know how to deal with some of the issues his girls face, suggesting the need for a new mother. This is superimposed with Drew Barrymore’s character struggling to do the same but with her boys. Maybe what they are missing is each other?

This movie tries too hard to show that this couple should be together. They own the same car and they both like their coffee with no cream and some sugar. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is. Despite despising each other, Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore keep running into each other until they stumble upon the trip to Africa that would change their lives forever. Not only becoming a real family but also learning to love again.

                As generic and simple as this movie is, you can do way worse. I did get a few laughs from it so if you have nothing better to do, I’d say go for it. The plot does have some holes, but it’s a movie that was filmed from a vacation, so you shouldn’t expect too much. Of course, not all of the jokes land and I wouldn’t say it is a must see, but you can at the very least put it on as background noise.

                Overall, I wouldn’t say I’d recommend it as it is really generic, and the plot has been done better in other movies. I’d say, if you are looking for something to watch and have nothing better to do, go for it. This movie won’t hold and in fact I’ve already forgotten most of what happened in it already. It won’t win any awards, but you can do worse. 4/10.

Movie Reviews

The Star (2017) Review

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THE PLOT

The Star is director Timothy Rackart’s animated Christmas story. But it is not the traditional Christmas story you’d expept. The plot revolves around the birth of Jesus, yet the plot is centered around the animals that were present for the birth.

The movie opens up with the main character, a mill donkey named Bo who is tired of his life and wants to run away to see what is outside the Mill. We are introduced to his best friend, a bird named Dave who tells him stories of the outside world and tries to help Bo escape. When Bo finally manages to escape, he finds his way to Mary and Joseph’s house. Due to an injury received during his escape, Bo stays with Mary until he can walk. During this stay, a bond forms between Mary and Bo and his desire to leave and see the world isn’t as strong as it used to be.

As this is happening, the three wise men are making their way to the manger and they alert the king of a new king that will be born. We now have a villain who is set to eliminate this new threat. Bo learns of this plot and the rest of the movie is Bo racing to Mary and Joseph to save the day.

The Review

As far as kids movies go, this isn’t bad. It has an incredible cast and the voice acting is great. Now mind you, it is a religious movie geared for kids, so the plot is simple. If you do not like overly cheerful movies without real consequences or danger, you won’t like this movie. With that said, it is a cute movie. The characters are likeable, the jokes aren’t super cheesy, and the animation is really pretty. If you’re an adult, it won’t be terrible. As far as kid’s movies go, you can do a lot worse.

I also would like to point out that this has a really solid sound track. Some kids movies tend to have really cheesy music and I can’t watch some kids films because of the music it has, but I find this one a delight.

If you aren’t a religious person, you won’t take too much issue with this film since it never tries to shove religion down your throat. While it does have some religious elements in it, the main focus is on Bo’s adventure.

Although the movie is geared for kids and the some of the jokes are easy, the film had a few good laughs. They do take the time to explain some jokes after they are made, and explain parts of the plot that are obvious, remember we aren’t the target audience so it works well for a kids film. I didn’t really have any real issue with this movie, I was never bored and not being very religious myself I didn’t think it was too harmful.

I would recommend this to anyone who has kids and needs something to watch. I know my mom would like this film because its not offensive and its cute. Check it out. Final grade 7 out 10. I do so because although I did enjoy it the first time around, I probably wont remember the plot of this movie down the line nor would I watch it again. Definitely give it a watch tho!

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Viral (2016) Review

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Viral (2016) Comes to use from directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman and writers Barbara Marhall and Christopher Landon. The film is an outbreak horror film that takes place in the idle of god knows where. An outbreak has happened off screen and we know this because it’s on the news. We learn about the symptoms of what the news is now calling the worm flue. We cut to a girl creepily staring at a couple making out in a hallway of a random high school. This is our main girl, Emma, and the movie being self-aware, calls her out on being a creeper. We are introduced to her best friend? Her only friend? It doesn’t matter because this is the last we hear from her because she is clearly infected. We meet Emma’s love interest Evan, who is the love interest due to his sex appeal? Emma’s desire to have sex with him? From the initial dialogue, that is the depth of her attraction to the love interest.

We meet the sister, Stacey, who is of course the rebellious one and the complete opposite of Emma. We learn more about the virus and that there has been a quarantine. Oh and the best friend has become fully infected at this point. The virus starts to spread through out the city and we learn this because the movie tells us. Instead we get to watch go to a party, get to see the sisters bond, and of course watch the Machine Gun Kelly cameos. After the one-party scene, and it is a terrible party, Stacey gets infected. The rest of the movie drags on where nothing really happens and Stacey struggles to keep her infection a secret.

I don’t know where to begin with this movie. This is the type of horror movie where everyone dies off camera. We get to learn about death through exposition or implication. The biggest issue is that you are stuck with these two sisters throughout the whole movie. It’s like they ran out of money after renting the house where most of the movie takes place that they couldn’t afford anything else. I say the virus doesn’t matter because it barely ever shows up and when it does, it is a shitty jump scare.

Fucking Evan. There is no reason for Evan to be in this movie. He is actually kind of awkward and creepy which I guess works for being Emma’s love interest, but I don’t understand why they are together. Mostly because they are the only ones left in this town for the duration of the movie. This guy can’t act to save his life so scenes where he is supposed to be emotional, or where he is supposed to be scared don’t work because he stands there blankly. They also work really hard to give him a sad story so that maybe you will feel bad for him and ignore his terrible acting. All done through exposition of course.

If you are looking for a good epidemic movie, look somewhere else because most of the time you are stuck dealing with these two girls and their problems. The virus is glossed over so vaguely that I still can’t tell you what it does. Are they zombies? Are they aliens? Who fucking knows.

Although the first half wasn’t terrible, the last half falls off quick and I was sitting here wishing it would just end. This movie would have been over a lot sooner if Stacey hadn’t gone to the party. Or, instead of hiding, they had left like the rest of the teens. But nope, of course everyone in this movie lacks rationality and we have to pay for it with our time. While it isn’t the worst horror movie, or even the worst pandemic movie I have seen, it is bad. Check it out if you like watching bad movies for fun and like to make fun of it. I caution you though, you will run of things to say. I give this film a 3 out of 10.

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Carpool (1996) Review

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Carpool (1996) is a comedy written by Don Rhymer and directed by Arthur Hiller. The movie introduces to a businessman, Daniel, who is late for a meeting. The movie tells us that Daniel works a lot and is very punctual. Today is his families turn to drive the carpool, but his wife cannot do it because she has fallen extremely ill. Daniel now has to take all the kids to school. We are introduced to Daniels two sons whose names don’t matter. We also get introduced to the rest of the kids whose names also don’t matter. Because Daniel is running late, he has to get breakfast for the kids. This is where I’d argue the movie starts, 15 minutes in. In the store, the shop gets robbed. Due to a mistaken identity, Franklin, who happened to be on his way to rob a bank accidently robs the store because the actual robbers are incompetent. Remember that because it is a theme. Franklin ends up taking Daniel and the kids as hostage. The rest of the movie involves all of the hijinks that they must pass as they evade the police and try to get Franklin to his destination.

You should watch this movie if you want to know what it is like to have kids, but not actually have them. The movie even starts off with sound bites of kids being annoying as they are being driven around. The first five minutes are unbearable. Then you meet the kids, who are incredibly forgettable, and you wish you didn’t. They each have a quirk that defines them, but you forget the quirk because for the rest of the movie they just become incredibly annoying. If you’ve made it past the first 15 minutes of the movie, you are ready to be a parent. The first 15 minutes of this movie work to show how annoying kids are as Daniel tries to drive the kids to school and all they do is get on your nerves.

Now I’ll address the incompetence in this movie. Everyone is incompetent in this movie. In fact, this movie would be so much shorter if at least one person was intelligent, but no one in this city is. Literally this movie would have been over at the grocery store but they have to drag it out. The worst part, the movie never gets funny. There is a lot of slap stick that doesn’t land. Everyone in this movie fumbles their way through the scenes and it gets annoying.

If you’ve stuck with this movie to the half way mark you get to watch the kids and the robber franklin because….The movie even becomes self-aware and the father, Daniel, is constantly asking why the kids are helping out the criminal, and no one ever an answer. In fact, through the power of charisma alone, Franklin is able to win the hearts of everyone and is even avoid prison. Sorry, spoilers, but you should really avoid this movie.

This movie doesn’t know what it wants to be. It doesn’t even try to be funny. It’s like baby sitting extremely annoying kids that aren’t yours and you have sit there and watch this mess for an hour. There is absolutely no reason this movie should be this long. There are so many times he should have just been shot. Despite that, even if Franklin makes it to his destination, his face is all over the news. There is no possible outcome that he will walk out of this scenario a free man, even if it is a case of mistaken identity because he goes on to rob the store, kidnap all these people, and his hijinks destroy half the city.

Please skip this one, it’s not a good time even if you like watching bad movies for fun like I do. The characters will annoy you. There is no redeeming factor in this. I grade it 0 out 19. Thanks.

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Upgrade (2018) Review

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Upgrade (2018) comes from writer director Leigh Whannell. Grey is an old-fashioned mechanic living in a world everything is becoming mechanical and automated. Still clinging to the traditional way of living, he doesn’t use any of the modern tech that make up the world. Grey builds muscle cars for people who still want them. After delivering his last car, and being introduced to STEM, the most high-tech innovation for upgrading humans, Grey and his wife are assaulted. The assailants kill greys wife and leave him paralyzed. Eren, the creator of STEM tells him that there is a way he can walk again if Grey allows them to install STEM into his spine. STEM not only gives grey the ability to walk again, but incredible fighting and processing abilities. STEM agrees to help Grey and the rest of the movie is Grey trying to solve his wife’s murder.

I know this movie has been out for a while, but I felt the need to do it. I’ll start with the things I liked. The fight scenes are for the most part, cool. They are different from the traditional fight scenes as they seem more mechanical and calculated. The way STEM takes over and moves GRAY’s body is inhuman and it works. Gray himself is also an interesting character because he isn’t a traditional action hero. Gray is remorseful, he doesn’t want to kill, he’s afraid, and he constantly expresses this. Gray is human, but there are moments when he get’s cocky and emotional and STEM will point it out. Gray is flawed and the only reason that he is capable of being this action hero is because he has STEM. I liked that a lot because this is a action hero that isn’t immortal and it is definitely refreshing.

As for the bad, it gets a little dull. Some of the fight scenes are not great and I got bored on some of them. There is a really boring car chase. It got to the point where I was really only waiting for him to fight more people because although the concept of the plot was cool, the execution was kind of boring. I liked the first half, where he is dealing with being a paraplegic, but then after he gets stem it just got kind of boring if it wasn’t a fight scene. But that is just me. And who am I but some guy who writes movie reviews for fun.

The film itself is a solid watch. I don’t I can watch it again, or if I do it won’t be for a while. But I don’t regret watching it. I recommend it to any one, especially if you are looking for an action movie that doesn’t follow the formula. It is definitely a neat film. I rate it a 7 out of 10.