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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Competition(2018)

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I had to gut this review because every draft before this was too long. I was beginning to nitpick every aspect of this movie out of frustration, but this movie doesn’t deserve it. The Competition is bad and you should avoid it. 

The competition is supposed to be a quirky rom-com about an intelligent woman who views love and relationships scientifically. She creates an arbitrary formula that can predict when a someone will cheat in a relationship, but has never actually tested it. This formula is to the test when she falls in love with a man who was bribed to go out with her. Together they decide to test this formula by trying to trick five different people into cheating on their significant other. The outcome of this test will determine the outcome of their relationship. It is a lot dumber and annoying than you can imagine.  

This writing is terrible, the acting is stiff and awkward, and the plot is pseudoscience garbage. I’m not sure what upsets me more, the lack of science from a movie that desperately tries to convince its audience otherwise, or the irredeemable main characters you are supposed to be rooting for.  

The experiment they have is gross and unethical. This three million dollar idea wouldn’t produce a valid conclusion because the sample size is way too small and the test is heavily skewed to prove her hypothesis. The main character is insufferable. She is cocky and condescending without any real reason other than she’s good at making formulas. The formula behind this whole movie is one with arbitrary variables that she herself gages with a personal scale. This is the dumbest most frustrating movie I’ve seen in a while. It took me multiple breaks to get through this movie and it isn’t worth the trouble. 

You can watch it for free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother. 

Movie Reviews

Hell Fest (2018) – Review

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I don’t know what I expected from this movie, but I was left utterly disappointed. I understand that I am not the target demographic, but I will still give my grumpy old man rant if you’ll allow it. This review does contain spoilers, but I am hopping that after reading this I can convince you to watch this.

The film starts in the past and a cheap jump scare.  Although it might be done to set the tone of the movie, it is out of place and doesn’t add to the overall narrative. The true start is with the introduction of the main character, Natalie. Natalie has flown back home for Halloween weekend to visit her best friend Brooke. It is in this introduction that you see Natalie has some deep seeded resentment towards Brooke’s roommate Taylor. It is never explored as to why Natalie doesn’t like Taylor; it is simply brushed off as one of her quirks. She has a lot of terrible quirks. She instantly forgets this resentment because in their next scene together they are the closest friends.

Through plot convenience, Brooke has scored VIP tickets for a pop-up Halloween amusement park. It is at the park that you meet the boyfriends. None of these characters are memorable and seem to be simple representations of what someone believes teens are. Most of their dialogue can be summarized with “yall gunna fuck!”. I know It is asking a lot for proper characters and character development from slasher film, but at least let me like the main characters. At this point you are 30 minutes into the movie and nothing of note has happened. A faceless killer joins the game and now the movie turns from an outing with friends to a night of survival. This is a shameless Halloween rip off, go watch that instead.

The main issue with this movie is that the concept doesn’t work. Everything is so busy that it there is no real tension. This lack of tension hurts is status as a slasher film. What is worse, most of the movie is just reaction shots as they make their way through the many haunted mazes. They aren’t even well done nor are they fun to watch. This makes up so much of the movie that I honestly would have forgotten about the killer if Natalie wasn’t constantly reminding me. The plot to this movie is so weak that it wouldn’t exist had Natalie been sensible and left the park. The killer gives her ample opportunity to leave, but this movie wouldn’t happen if Natalie was sensible. She chooses too late to call the police. If she honestly felt in danger and threatned, she could have left, called the police, asked for a refund and we wouldn’t have to sit through this.

This park is also the void of safety. I have been to enough festivals to understand that this was not a very well-run from how much effort was put into its production. Had this been some sketchy fair, these issues could be easily ignored. But this place looks expensive, and nothing this expensive should have this many safety violations. There are no safety measures put in place to get the people out safely during a crisis. There are no clear signs that point to a clear exit. There is no medical staff or tents. There is also only one security guard in this whole place. They don’t even turn on the lights when they close the park to help people safely evacuate. This park wouldn’t have been approved for the public. Ignoring all of that, this is a park that should have been shut down the first-time people were murdered there. I am confident there should have been enough buzz around to shut it down the second or third time this happened. At the very least, there should have been a lot more preventative measures.

The killer is also a huge problem. This is a killer that pops up when it is convenient. The rest of the time, you are watching a bunch of drunks running around an amusement park. When he does show up, he exhibits inhuman powers. He teleports to cut off the group. He is able to keep close with a group of drunk college kids at popular festival, even skipping lines to pop up when the script calls for him. Anyone who has gone to a popular festival can tell you how easily you can lose your group, but somehow he is able to cut them off at every single turn. He is even able to disappear to avoid capture. This wouldn’t be a problem if he wasn’t so massive and slow. Even with this mass, he has no presence in the movie. I’ll say it again, I completely forgot he was the villain because he barely does anything.

My biggest issue with the movie is Natalie. The film attempts to create a deep character, but she ends up just as shallow, forgettable, and annoying as her friends. They give her a love interest who she clearly has no chemistry with. They kill him off instantly and no one even knows that he is dead, making this death pointless. You can argue that his death was used so he can get the phone and track the teens through the park, but that is a dumb plot device because it stops working when they really need it. But, this relationship is a huge part of her character and seems to be the only thing defining her. Having a relationship with the opposite sex is not a character trait and I hate that this movie made it one. For once I want to see a movie where the female protagonist existence doesn’t revolve around being swooned. Because of this trait, you get to watch one the most boring dates ever.

It is on this bad date that they allude to her vague and sad back story. This sad story is forgotten almost instantly. This movie does that a lot. Why do all main characters in these movies always have a sad back story? Just once I would like to see a character who is happy with her life. Bad shit happens to happy people too. But then it wouldn’t be very Hollywood and this essay would be a lot shorter. In this case, it doesn’t add anything to her character. In fact, most character development is established through lazy exposition. If they wanted to give her a sad back story, they could have had her have an argument with one of her parents over the phone. After this phone call, they could have had one of her friends console her and establish depth in that conversation instead of randomly inserting it as dialogue. This would have shown the audience she has trouble at home but also show a deeper relationship between the group. But this isn’t a better movie and you just get this shallow copy of something you would rather be watching.

In closing, you should probably skip this one. There isn’t enough substance for a full movie, even if they try bait an entire series. I don’t see this movie aging well, nor do I see any of their sequels or prequels coming to theaters. It is not an original concept, nor is it a good execution of it.

Movie Reviews

Red Rover (2018) Review

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Red Rover is a movie that proves that a movie doesn’t need a huge budget to tell a story. Although the story of the movie is not the best, it is able to create a fluid one.

The movie starts with introducing the main character Damon, who by all accounts fits the loser trope. He is nonathletic and a bit overweight, he is meek, he works for a shitty boss that constantly takes advantage, and he lives in the basement of his ex’s house. He seems to be losing control of his life as he loses his job and his ex her new boyfriend has asked him to move out. It is when he is at his lowest that the mystical force of Phoebe comes to give his life purpose again.

The biggest issue with this movie is this relationship. Through what I would call magic, Phoebe seems to sense that Damon needs her and comes to his rescue. When they meet, it is late at night and alone at the beach while Damon combs the beach with a metal detector. Phoebe has no issue approaching this strange man and gives him the hope he needed when he was the most down. Now the rest of the movie is about the change that she brings to his life as she helps Damon with his goal to go to mars. There is a contest to go to mars, but that isn’t incredibly important.

Now Phoebe is a modern-day manic pixie. She is quirky, bubbly, free spirited and the opposite of what Damon is. But she is also exactly what he needs. This makes the film seem more like a fantasy that Damon has made up because it doesn’t necessarily make sense. Fate keeps them constantly bumping into each other and she seems to always know what to say to make Damon feel better. Like I said, it isn’t the best story, but they are able to tell it well considering their small budget.

But this film does keep the same quirky tone throughout, which I thought works for this movie. It doesn’t get annoying and I honestly had a lot of fun watching it. What I thought it did well was the date scene. It is a carnival montage, but instead of having it set to the tune of a pop song, it is a conversation between the two. It works incredibly well here because as they date progresses and they get closer; you can also hear it in the conversation. A conversation that adds depth to both of their characters by not only providing back story, but also insight into who they are as people. Albeit not the most original back story, but it works well enough to make the characters a bit more memorable.

Now this isn’t going to be the best movie experience you will have this year, but it does its job to entertain. You will need to suspend your disbelief on parts of the movie and it does feel like a fantasy of a man going through his midlife crisis, but it’s a fun movie to watch. Maybe one you don’t have to pay too much attention to. It is impressive what they can achieve with such a small budget and it should merit a watch just on that alone. I would be curious to see what else the film makers can do with a bigger budget and I will be looking out for what else they are able to come up with.

 

Movie Reviews

Next Gen (2018) Review

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Next Gen is a poor man’s Big Hero 6, and given the choice, you should probably go watch that instead. This more poorly written knock off is a Netflix original that you probably won’t miss if you don’t watch it. This movie attempts to be an edgier version of Big Hero 6 through its plot, design and music, it fails to entertain. It doesn’t push the envelope hard enough and has more holes in its plot to make it work. Granted I might not be the target audience, but you can still make a movie geared for kids that is still entertaining to other groups.

This is a movie about a trouble teen, Mai, who lives in a world where robots are a part of everyday life. The problem is that she hates robots. The movie suggest that her dislike of robots is due to her distant mother’s obsession with robots. The movie will suggest a lot to give the illusion of plot and character development. As these movies go, she is also troubled by a past you get in small bits of dialogue and flash backs. Because her father left at a young age for whatever reason, she is now unable to trust anyone and therefore forces herself to be alone. Her sad past is what makes her destined to be this movie’s hero. And as this movie’s hero, nothing bad will happen to her.

This is one of those movies where things happen because shitty writing. That is to say that they will make shit up to write themselves out of all the plot holes and it isn’t subtle. For example, her encounter with the robot of the movie, Project 77, as so credulous. She is able to sneak past all of these security robots which makes me believe that robots in this universe are useless if they can’t stop a single little girl from sneaking into a secret lab. Even more troubling is the lack of consequences in the movie. Just reaching Project 77 she causes enough property damage where she should have at least been fined, but of course nothing ever comes of it. Maybe they forgave her because they knew she was destined to save the world.

Then you get the weirdest abusive relationship in cartoon history. Project 77 imprints on Mai and the rest of the movie is Project 77 trying to break through Mai’s hardened character. The issue is that Mai only keeps him around to hurt the ones who hurt her. This is one of those movies where the character has to have the saddest life so everything is wrong with her. Now project 77’s quirk is that he only has a limited amount of memory and he must erase certain memories to keep making new ones. And you never really care because Mai isn’t a nice person. You can argue that her past, the one that was poorly written for her, made her act this way, but I didn’t feel bad for her. I didn’t want to follow her around. She was extremely generic, as characters of this genre often are, and the relationship between Mai and 77 wasn’t captivating like that of the Iron Giant or Big Hero 6.

The other big issue with this movie is the plot. The villain of the movie is ridiculous. His plan to take over the world is to mass produce these robots that he gives to everyone. He plants bombs in these and his plan is to activate them to blow up and destroy humanity. The problem is that these explosions do so little damage that by the end of it you wonder if it was even necessary for Mai and 77 to get involved. Like I have mentioned before, this movie has no consequences and therefore, you will never really care for this movie.

This movie is bland. Netflix seems to be pumping out movies for the sake of pumping them out. These knock offs are not content and instead we get our feed bombarded with crap they keep labeling as original. I wish that instead they would spend more time between releases, so they can make watchable content. They have the ability, I have seen some Netflix content that I didn’t mind but lately it just seems like they are churning cheap rip offs of shows and movies that were successful. The problem with this is you get content with very little substance that panders and it is getting harder and harder to justify paying for the subscription when good content is diluted with this crap. Skip this so they don’t keep making crap like this.

 

Movie Reviews

The Meg (2018) Review

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The Meg starts off in the same fashion as other movies in the genre. It sets up a sad back story for the trouble and rugged hero and it cuts to modern day where scientists are doing science. As these movies go, science goes too far and they release the Meg into the modern world and now they must not only survive the Meg, but destroy it before it causes too much damage to the world. Sprinkle in a pointless love plot, some action scenes, and some comic relief and you have this generic movie.

I do not recommend going to watch this in theaters, you have seen way better from this genre and you’d be wasting your money. Instead, I urge you to wait till it comes out on Netflix, you aren’t missing anything. That being said, it isn’t a terrible movie, it’s just not worth theater price. First off, the characters in this film don’t help the movie. If this movie is meant to be a horror film, it has too much comic relief. This movie spends more time trying to be funny that it does trying to be suspenseful or scary. This is not a bad thing because I got a few chuckles from it, but if you are looking for a serious monster movie, look elsewhere. This is one of those movies where you will not remember character names, or even whole characters. There are characters in this movie who you will forget are in this movie until it is their turn to get eaten. And when the Meg eats, it will look terrible on the big screen.

The other issue with the movie is the chemistry between the characters. They kill off the only characters with any real chemistry really early on. The rest of the cast are poorly written archetypes that are put in the move to feed the Meg. The two leads are of course in love because the plot demands it. Their scenes together are my least favorite because they lack the most chemistry. While I do believe that there may be physical attraction, I do not believe that it is the deep seeded love the movie tries to convey. This movie will stop the plot to show you the two leads in an awkward interaction and tell you that they love each other repeatedly. This for me takes away from the film because I didn’t care for this plot line and cuts the time we get to spend with the real star, the Meg.

This movie has a lot of padding. I felt like the Meg was barely in the movie, and that is the whole reason I went to watch it in the movie. I wanted to watch a monster shark eat people. Instead you get a bunch of unassay scenes such as all the love plot scenes. The little girl was probably the worst padding for the film as she had no real purpose for being in the film. Cut her character out of the film and the movie doesn’t suffer from any drastic change. Instead she is there to provide comic relief and be cute in order to pander. Like most characters in this movie, she becomes a gimmick that doesn’t really work with the tone of the movie. She was in it to be cute and that was it. But by far my biggest complaint is that the Meg doesn’t kill enough people. This was the least violent monster attack I have ever seen.

This movie isn’t terrible. It is flawed but not the worst thing that has come to theaters this year. It has a certain charm to it that will be lost on a second viewing, but you won’t be completely bored with it. This is one of those movies you can only watch once and you will probably forget you watched it later. I do not recommend paying            theater price. Wait till it gets on Netflix. I give this movie a 5 out of 10.