Spirited has released just in time to disappoint you for the holidays. If you are looking for a good holiday movie to add to the season’s list, look elsewhere. Spirited is a modern and mediocre adaptation of the holiday classic, A Christmas Carol. This movie proves that star power should never outweigh talent. For those of you wondering if there was an Elf reference, here you go:
Spirited focuses on the agency of ghosts responsible for the hauntings of terrible people in the hopes of making them better. Will Ferrell is the ghost of Christmas Present and is at the point of his career where he feels like something is missing in his life. Ferrell finds hope as he takes on his most hopeless soul yet, Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds is a spin doctor who makes a living by causing disorder and chaos without regard for his fellow man. Can Ferrell change Reynolds in time for Christmas, or is Reynolds truly irredeemable?
Spirited is a boring musical that I can’t recommend. For those of you interested in this movie, wait till someone with talent makes a better cover of the songs. While some of the songs are catchy, the singing and dancing by the leads are rough. The leads can barely hit their notes, and their choreography is stiff at best. If you are looking for your new favorite Christmas musical, Spirited isn’t it.
As far as comedies go, this one isn’t funny. Spirited has taken its collection of funny and charismatic actors and placed them in roles where they are anything but. The jokes are bad and outdated, and this movie tries way too hard to be funny. As much as they shoved their meta jokes down my throat, I did not appreciate any of them. All this movie managed to do was have me sit here and contemplate my boredom.
It should come as no surprise that this story has been adapted better elsewhere. I suggest you choose your favorite adaptation and watch or read that instead. The characters in this movie are just generic renditions of their actors. Ferrell and Reynolds play themselves but are restricted by the writing and their singing. Ferrell’s singing would be fine for an internet short, but it isn’t for a whole movie and Reynolds can barely sing. To make matters worse, Reynolds pays himself yet again. This character has lost his charm a long time ago, and I hope that he can find roles where he can play anything else. There is no real reason to have these two as the leads for this movie because they don’t add value to it except to maybe trick people into wasting their time on this movie.
My biggest problem with this Spirited is that it wastes the star power it didn’t need. This movie needs real singers who can dance. As disappointed as I am with this movie, I caught myself singing one of the songs. They aren’t all bad. I would have easily forgiven the boring plot and comedy if the singing was good. But it’s not, and I am left here with my growing disappointment.
You can stream this movie on Apple TV if you have a subscription, but I wouldn’t waste the data. I urge you to wait for better covers or to look up the songs on YouTube. There isn’t anything worth watching in between the singing, and I am sure there are better covers on their way if they aren’t already out.
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Movie Review: R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned (2022)
I knew RIPD 2 was going to be a terrible movie going in, but I needed to know how bad. RIPD 2 is one of those direct-to-video sequels that no one talks about. I’d be surprised if anyone knew this was out. This film was a shameless attempt at cashing in on a franchise that wasn’t very good to begin with, don’t watch it. I will be using spoilers. Stop reading if you care about spoilers.
The movie follows an old-timey sheriff who dies on duty. His judgment is in, and while he is too good to be in hell, he isn’t good enough to be in heaven. To ascend, the sheriff must serve in the R.I.P.D and hunt down the souls who refuse to move on. Unfortunately, his first job is to hunt down hell’s second-strongest demon. Will he and his partner have what it takes to save the world from eternal damnation? Yes. With the help of terribly written ex-Machina, the two will save humanity.
It should come as no surprise that this movie sucks. While the actors may be trying their hardest in their roles, their efforts are in vain. RIPD 2 is a generic Spaghetti Western that attempts to be quirky with its ideas about the afterlife but isn’t competent enough to tell its story.
The biggest issue with this movie is its lack of villains and heroes. The villain has no real motives and only acts evil because the script asks him to. The heroes fumble through the plot without real urgency and lack the characteristics to make them memorable or heroic. The movie doesn’t even try to build up to the final confrontation. It just happens, and it is disappointing. If you are going to have a strong demon as the villain, make the fight harder. Have him be more present, constantly creating obstacles for the heroes. Make him do something that shows that he isn’t just evil; make him competent. Without any urgency, motive, or suspense, why should I care about this movie?
My personal issue with this movie is the ending. The main characters defeat the demon and save the world from an invasion. The sheriff celebrates his victory and grows excited that he will get to ascend, but his contract stipulates that he still has 100 years of service left before he can go to heaven. The sheriff and Joan of Arc save humanity but don’t even earn a sentence reduction. How is this fair? How bad was this sheriff in life that even saving humanity doesn’t earn him eternal salvation? This is extremely predatory for God. Some will argue that he should have read his contract before signing, but who would suspect God of this level of trickery? This all feels like a lazy setup for an upcoming series that I am sure will be canceled.
I hope I am wrong and this will put a rest on this mediocre franchise. Don’t watch this movie. You can stream it on Netflix, but I would skip it.
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Image by Rosy – The world is worth thousands of pictures from Pixabay
Movie Review: Nope (2022)
I finally got around to watching the movie Nope. I tried watching it multiple times when it was in theaters, but it never worked out. After watching it today, however, I am glad it never worked out. This movie is not worth the ticket price.
Nope is a horror movie about aliens who terrorize a small horse ranch. The struggling rancher’s life is turned upside down when an alien makes a nest for itself on his property. Horses go missing, objects fall from the sky, and electricity goes out from time to time. Now OJ, his sister, and a small team gather on this ranch to obtain proof of life beyond the stars. Will they be able to do it, or will they be another unexplained disappearance?
This movie is painfully slow as it builds up to a disappointing ending. The acting is great, and there are some pretty visuals, but there isn’t enough to this movie to have you rushing to watch it. I have seen most of Peele’s movies, and it seems to be a common thread that his movies are just okay at best and complete disappointments at their worst. Looking at you Wendell & Wild. Peel is good at creating beautiful and scary moments, but he isn’t good at creating whole narratives. I can point to specific scenes in all his movies that show promise, but he isn’t able to achieve this level of promise in a whole movie. Peele either doesn’t know how to end his stories, or they are just boring. He might find better success in a shorter format.
The worst part about Nope is its pacing. The first hour or so is a build-up to an alien reveal that is both ugly and disappointing. The first half of the movie deals heavily with a lot of family and personal drama that gets thrown out the window as soon as it remembers it is an alien movie. It doesn’t help that it will reference better movies along the way. I get that he might be trying to show how small problems are in the grand scheme of things, but it is boring to watch.
This isn’t a terrible movie. The acting is fantastic, and the chemistry between the stars is amazing, but they deserve better. There are some really cool visuals and a couple of terrifying scenes that may complicate my disappointment, but it doesn’t cure it. I look forward to the day when Peele can find the perfect balance between visual, narrative, and horror.
If you haven’t watched the movie and are on the fence, don’t bother. If you are a fan of his work, you might have a better time than I did, but I feel that Nope is one of his weaker films. I wouldn’t pay money to watch it. You can find it on Peacock November 18. For those who can’t wait, you can rent it on Amazon with through my affiliate link.
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Movie Review: Bullet Train (2022)
Before I start, I’d like to give a special shoutout to Impromtdude for buying me coffee. I really appreciate you my dude. It means a lot to have your support. I’ll do my best to keep making better content, and I will be sure to review the Fallout series when it’s out! Now without any further ado, my review:
I am glad I did not see Bullet Train in theaters. I really wanted to watch this movie when it came out, but thankfully I never got around to it. Bullet Train isn’t a bad movie, but it isn’t worth the theater ticket. If you can stream it or rent it, those are the ideal circumstances in which to watch this movie. Bullet Train is a beautiful and interesting concept that ultimately falls flat because the story isn’t good.
Fate has gathered Ladybug and a group of hungry assassins on a bullet train to Kioto. Bad luck seems to follow Ladybug, and now he finds himself in the middle of a logistical nightmare. The assassins are on this train to carry out conflicting missions, turning the train into a colorful battleground. Who will make it to the end of the line? Who is behind this mixup? You have to watch to find out!
There is no question that the acting in this movie is great for the most part. There are some fun and memorable characters that do their best with what they are given. I love the aesthetics of this movie. The costumes, the colors, and the sets are fantastic. Bullet Train is such a pretty movie, but it loses me with its story. The movie is set up like a mystery of sorts, although you can probably solve it in the first few minutes. It will constantly jump between groups, and it becomes tedious quickly. Each group gets a back story, each blander than the last, and you get a bit more of the mystery to piece together. It’s this formula throughout, and I honestly stopped caring because I just wanted more action. Bullet Train has some solid action scenes, and it makes me sad that there weren’t more.
A big issue with the plot is how heavily it relies on fate to work. The constantly regurgitates the idea that fate has heavily handily brought all these events to unfold on this train. This movie literally derails itself to make every narrative fit together as destiny. They make some ridiculous rationalizations in this movie that ruin the overall tone. What could have been a cool, colorful, and fun action thriller turns into a boring cartoon. It is a shame because there are a few moments that work well. This movie had potential, and it was wasted. Maybe they shouldn’t have spent so much money on cameos and instead focused on making a better movie.
If you want something to watch that isn’t a huge commitment, this is a solid choice. You can throw this on, do your chores or work and pay attention only to the cool bits. If you are looking for a cool action movie, there are better options for you. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this, but you won’t hate it if you do.
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Movie Review: Wendell & Wild (2022)
Before I start, I would like to send a special shoutout to @JiMiG2pt0 for buying me coffee. I live on coffee, and this is a huge help to my productivity. It means the world to have your support. Thank you, and I hope I can continue to help you with my reviews. Stay blessed my friend!
I’ve been wanting to watch Wendal & Wild since I first heard about it. I put it on my calendar and even set up notifications so I could watch it on release. The art is gorgeous, and I was curious to see what Jordan Peele could do with stop motion. Unfortunately, this film ended up being a beautiful disappointment.
After her parents’ deaths, Kat finds herself stuck in the system. She is constantly moving around in group homes and detention centers because she finds it difficult to cope with the loss of her parents. Kat is given a second chance at a normal life when she is sent to a private school. Kat finds the school to be troublesome. People want to be her friends, and as hard as she pushes, they keep coming back. The guilt she feels for the loss of her parents makes Kat feel as if she doesn’t deserve anything good in her life. To make matters worse, Kat discovers she is able to see the future and summon demons. Demons promise to bring her parents back to life, but there is always a catch. Now Kat finds herself in a fight to save the town from an evil couple who wants to tear it all down to make a for-profit prison. Will she and her new friends be able to save the town?
This movie had so much promise. The first half is great! The soundtrack is phenomenal, and the art is beautiful, but it all slowly fizzles out to a generic and disappointing ending. I lost interest around the time this became every other movie. What should have been a fantastical narrative full of magic and demons is just another generic save the town movie. They could have pushed boundaries and created something new, but instead, they decided to play it safe. Whatever they achieved through their art, they lose in their narrative. It isn’t a bad movie, but it is a disappointing one.
I appreciate a lot of the work that went into this film. I loved the character design, the art of the sets, and how they handle magic. I just wish it were a better movie. You can watch it on Netflix if you have nothing else to watch, but don’t go out of your way for it.
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Movie Review: Beast (2022)
Beast is so bad that not even Idris Elba can save it from mediocrity. If you get a chance to watch this for free, don’t. You have been warned.
Beast is a movie about a single father who takes his two daughters to Africa in an effort to bond with them and help them connect with their roots. But what they find isn’t the exotic adventure they were hoping for. A lion now hunts them relentlessly across the Sahara. Will they be able to make it out alive?
The best part of this movie is their attention to detail in first aid practices. Every time Idris Elba had to sew a wound or treat someone, he would make it a point to wash his hand and sterilize his equipment. I appreciated this attention to detail, but this small detail doesn’t make for an exciting thriller. This movie is so boring, that it makes basic hygiene exciting.
Pacing is a huge issue with this movie. The first 30 minutes are dedicated to family drama that doesn’t add anything to the story. I get that they are trying to establish pathos for the characters, but it is lazy. You learn that the mother died from cancer and the family hasn’t fully recovered and the dad struggles to forge a strong bond with his daughters. It’s been done before, and all it did is make me wish I was watching a better movie.
The lion is problematic because he has an ungodly omnipotence that should have been enough to make this a shorter movie. When the lion isn’t fighting the main characters, it is beyond calculated, trapping and killing relentlessly. With the family, however, there is restraint because the script is poorly written. The lion will always show up and the family will always escape, not based on instinct or luck, but because that is how it is written. As a result, the movie becomes insanely predictable.
This movie isn’t worth your time. The acting is mediocre at best, the writing is bad, and the action is poorly rendered. But for those who don’t believe me, you can stream it on Peacock.
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Movie Review: Pearl (2022)
Pearl is the unnecessary prequel to the horror movie X. While I did enjoy it more than the original, it doesn’t add anything new to the narrative. Both of these movies seem to exist as separate stories in the same universe, so it doesn’t matter in which order you watch them. The only tangible connection between these movies is a few scattered references that aren’t very important to your understanding of the plot. These connections seemed more like Easter eggs than actual plot points.
Pearl is the story of a young and troubled farm girl with big dreams. Pearl wants to be a movie star so that others will love her, but she is bound by her duty to her family and farm and is incapable of pursuing her dreams. Trapped on this farm, Pearl becomes frustrated and angry that she can’t have the life she dreams about. The movie focuses on how Pearl deals with her frustrations and mounting anger.
Overall, this movie was okay. The acting is fantastic, the tone is fun, and the story is fine. Pearl is an interesting character, and Mia Goth carries this movie. There are some very intense scenes that are only possible because Goth is amazing. I love the quirky tone of the narrative. It creates a nice contrast to the dark themes this movie plays with, and it gives the film its unique flavor.
Pearl isn’t a bad origin story, there have been far worse attempts this year, but it wasn’t necessary. It doesn’t add anything to the universe. Watching them back to back made me appreciate Pearl a bit more because the story was better, but I don’t feel like I have more complete experience having watched both.
If you are looking for a horror movie to watch, Pearl is a solid choice. Pearl is a unique entry into the genre that you should at least watch for the experience. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, it isn’t that special, but you won’t hate it if you do. I am glad I watched this movie, but I wouldn’t watch it again.
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Movie Review: The Curse of Bridge Hollow (2022)
The Curse of Bridge Hollow might be one of the most unfunny and stiff horror comedies I have seen this year. It is very forgettable. If this movie comes up as a recommendation, ignore it.
Another generic family moves to a new city to start a new life, but the house they move into is shrouded with mystery and ominous energy. Their lives change when the generic daughter character unleashes a curse on the city that brings all the Halloween decorations to life. She and her daughter must free the town of this curse before it unleashes a great evil into the world. But before they can deal with the curse, they must first fix their relationship. Can they do so before midnight on Halloween?
The Curse on Bridge Hollow is poorly written and acted waste of time. There is no chemistry between the leads, and it makes all the banter and dialogue painful to get through. A movie like this that focuses so much on intrapersonal conflicts needs better leads with better chemistry. Everything about this movie is stiff, and as a result, none of the jokes, one-liners, or emotional moments work. There is no reason to watch this movie, even if you like making fun of bad movies.
The plot of this story is basic at best. You’ve seen this story play out better anywhere else, but this story is beyond redundant as it follows a tiring formula. The daughter and father would go to the next scene, they would have an argument about how controlling the father is only to be interrupted by the animated decorations. The father begins to see that his daughter is competent, they have a small emotional moment and move to the next scene to do it all again. The only difference between the scenes is the terrible jokes and the poorly delivered one-liners for each situation.
I don’t think they had enough ideas for this movie because there is a bit of filler. There is a painfully unfunny recurring bit about the mom’s terrible baking. The mom would push her vegan goods on people only to have them reject them out of disgust. This plot point came back so often that I thought it was going to be the ex-Machina that would save the world from the curse, thankfully, it wasn’t. Although now thinking about it, it would make for a much better conclusion. Unfortunately, this joke was the best attempt at storytelling this movie has. This unfunny baking bit is the only plot point that gets a proper conclusion.
It took several sittings to get through this movie because it was so boring. This season hasn’t been good for Halloween movies, and I can only hope there is some hidden gem on the horizon. Until then, I will keep sifting the genre in hopes of finding anything worth watching. Until then, skip this movie. But if you don’t believe me, you can stream this on Netflix.
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Image by HANSUAN FABREGAS from Pixabay
Movie Review: Jeepers Creepers:Reborn (2022)
They should let the Jeepers Creepers series die already. We haven’t gotten a good one in years, and Jeepers Creepers Reborn isn’t the rebirth the series was hoping for. This cheap and uninspired sequel is better left forgotten and ignored. If you are searching for a movie to add to your Halloween marathon, please look elsewhere.
The film focuses on a couple that is on the verge of a life-changing moment. While the boyfriend plans a proposal, the girlfriend plans a pregnancy announcement. The plan is to make a big reveal at possibly the worst rave/Halloween festival put on screen. But before the couple can start the next phase of their lives, they must survive Jeepers Creepers. Will they survive? You will never know because you aren’t watching this garbage.
There is so much wrong with this movie that I am not sure where to start. The acting is bad, the writing is worse, and the plot doesn’t matter. I am convinced that whoever wrote this script has never held a real conversation or knows how real people speak. The dialogue is unreal, and a lot of it is used as lazy exposition because the filmmakers aren’t competent enough to show and not tell. The actors seem to be trying their hardest to make it work, but it’s hard to tell because the script doesn’t do them any favors.
The biggest issue with the plot is that it doesn’t exist. You get to sit through a boring rave before anything starts to happen. There is a changing montage in this movie to distract the audience from the fact that there isn’t enough plot for a movie. All this does is make me wish I was watching anything else. When Jeepers Creepers finally decides to come out, you are already halfway done with the movie. There was a convoluted cult subplot that was somehow integral to the film that I completely forgot about because this movie sucks at storytelling. What makes me the maddest about this whole experience is that this movie has the gal to sequel bait. They should just let this series die because they have clearly run out of ideas.
I assume this movie was a tax write-off. I refuse to believe that a group of people’s vision was to make something this terrible on purpose. If you see this movie in the wild, avoid it at all costs.
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Movie Review: My Best Friend’s Exorcism (2022)
My Best Friend’s Exorcism is a horror comedy that has enough problems with it to make it impossible to recommend. While I am sure a much younger audience will have a better time with this movie, I sure didn’t.
Abby and Gretchen are best friends in their last few months together. Gretchen moves in the summer, and they are willing to make the most of it. They and a group of friends spend a weekend at a cabin where an acid trip ends up being the nightmare that puts this friendship to the test. A demon possesses Gretchen and makes her plot against her friends, alienating her from anyone who can help her exorcise the demon. Will Abby be able to save her friend group from this evil in time, or will the demon claim his victim?
My problem with this movie is that it isn’t good at either of the genres it is trying to fit into. As a comedy, it isn’t funny enough to be worth your time. As a horror movie, it isn’t scary. It tries hard to work within the poorly written teen drama it ends up being, but it never does. The acting is fine but clearly held back by the writing. The plot is dumb, but it does have its moments. The best part of this movie is its soundtrack, but it’s defiantly trying to cash in on the ’80s nostalgia that Stranger Things brought back into pop culture.
What I did like about this movie is how it treats its demon possession. The demon preys on the friend group through sabotage and mind games instead of resorting to gore and gross-out scenes. For example, the demon tricks one of the girls into coming out as a lesbian, then uses her sorrow to almost killing her by nut allergy. It was pretty clever and uncomfortable, but this only makes up a small portion of the film. The rest of the movie lacks this creativity.
My Best Friend’s Exorcism isn’t the worst horror comedy I have seen. It definitely is too quirky for its own good, but it is watchable. I can’t recommend it, however, because it is boring. But to the curious and unbelievers, you can stream it on Amazon Video if you have a Prime Membership.
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