I just watched A Tourist’s Guide to Love, and it is as cheesy as you’d expect. While I prefer it to Ghosted, it is a hard movie to recommend because the writing is terrible. This movie is another lazy generic romance movie, but one with decent actors who give solid performances.
Amanda finds herself trapped in her boring routined life. When her boyfriend of five years breaks up with her, she goes on a work trip to Vietnam. Amanda intended to do research for her job, but she discovers something more meaningful. She finds love. Her charming handsome tour guide shows her more than just the sights; he shows her how to be her truest self. But will this adventure give Amanda the courage to follow her heart, or will her business get in the way of love?
A Tourist’s Guide to Love is a bad movie, but the actors save it from being terrible. I commend the actors for doing their best with what they were given, but they deserve a better script. The plot is generic, lazy, and forgettable. There isn’t much to say about this movie because it doesn’t do anything you haven’t seen in other generic romance movies. If you enjoy the genre, you might appreciate it a bit better, but I am not sure anyone can stomach how cheesy this movie gets. The best bits of this movie is when it occasionally flashes bits of the beautiful Vietnamese scenery.
This movie has me in a weird place because it is bad, but I’ve seen a lot worse. That said, I already forgot I watched it. Don’t watch this movie unless you enjoy watching cheesy romantic movies. Even then, I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it. For those still curious, you can stream it on Netflix.
Movie Review: Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)
Knives Out shouldn’t have had a sequel. While Glass Onion isn’t bad, it lacks the charm of the first one. I didn’t hate this movie, but it does feel lazy and uninspired. While the first movie pokes fun at the genre, this one pokes fun at the fact that it isn’t a real mystery. Glass Onion is a murder mystery board game live play with fantastic actors and little direction. It is fun to watch at least once, but it loses what little charm it has soon after.
An eccentric millionaire has invited a group of his influential friends to his island where they will solve his murder. The game is supposed to take the whole weekend. Blanc has mysteriously been asked to join the weekend games and activities. But what starts as a game quickly turns real. There is a killer among them. Can Blanc find out who before it is too late?
The acting in this movie is great but expected from this cast. Honestly, the acting is the only reason this movie works. This movie is essentially characters reacting to a situation with a weak plot to move them through the mystery. The movie does a great job of placing clues throughout, but the mystery can be solved without them. If you are looking for a fun mystery to solve, Glass Onion won’t provide one. It even goes on a long unneeded rant about how it doesn’t.
The narrative and concept are weak, but the characters that interact within this game are where this movie’s charm lie. Whenever the movie veers away from the main cast to develop a backstory, I found it to be slow and boring. This movie is more about how characters react to a situation than the actual mystery. Unfortunately, anything that doesn’t involve these characters is boring, only serving to pad the movie’s run time. The backstory bits drag and aren’t well-acted. It was made apparent that this movie was made with characters and actors in mind but
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Movie Review: I Believe in Santa (2022)
I am officially done with Christmas movies. I can’t sit through any more of these; I don’t have it in me. While this movie isn’t bad, it isn’t good either, and it isn’t going to be any better. I will try again next year, but I am not making any promises. I Believe in Santa may have its own charm, but I am tired and need to move on.
I believe in Santa is about a woman who doesn’t like Christmas and falls in love with the man who loves the holiday the most. I am not using any names because their only personality trait is whether or not they like Christmas. Aside from this difference, they are the perfect couple and will quickly fall in love during the course of the movie. The guy includes her in all his Christmas activities. She slowly learns to love Christmas, not because of Christmas magic, but because she loves him. It’s beyond cheesy. You have been warned.
I will no longer be doing Christmas movies because there is only so much that can be said about them. They are either cheesy in a way that is fun, so it doesn’t matter, or they are cheesy in a way that makes me hate Christmas. This one is fine, but I already forgot I watched it. The problem with these movies is that they are made to cash in on a holiday and often aren’t meant to leave a lasting impression. This one doesn’t, and I doubt any others will. I fear any further reviews on this genre will become echoes of my criticisms.
You can stream I Believe in Santa on Netflix if you need more Christmas movies to sit through. This is a great movie to throw on in the background because it doesn’t require any commitment. This movie makes good background noise, but you won’t hate the bits you accidentally sit through. This movie is dumb, predictable, and cheap, but I have sat through worse. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but it is there if you need it. Anyways, Happy Holidays, I am off for a much-needed pallet cleanser.
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Movie Review: Scrooge: A Christmas Carol (2022)
It has been a rough season for musicals; at least the ones I have sat through have been bad. I had the lowest expectation for Scrooge: A Christmas Carol. I believed this would be another of Netflix’s shameless cash grabs at a timeless IP, but I was mistaken. This adaptation does justice to the classic Dickens story and is one that I recommend you watch this holiday season.
There is a lot to love about this movie. The music is catchy, the voice acting is solid, the animation is beautiful, and the dog is so cute. I was initially captured by how pretty this movie is, but I stayed for the music that followed. I have mentioned before that I am not a fan of musicals, but this has to be the exception. A few of the songs still rattle around in my head as I write this review. If you are hesitant at all to watch this movie, give it a chance. It will be better than any hallmark movie you’ll have to sit through. For those wondering, this is better than Spirited.
There isn’t much I can say about the story because it is based on the classic by Charles Dickens. What sets it apart is the art direction. The animation is fantastic. The haunts take advantage of the dream world and create some truly breathtaking moments. I recommend it just for the art style, but trust me, the songs are pretty good as well. I particularly loved how they chose to handle Scrooge. Scrooge isn’t an evil man. Instead, he is a tragic character who has closed his heart because he doesn’t want to be hurt. His redemption arc may be rushed, but gosh is it pretty?
Unfortunately, the writer, songwriter, and director, and the reason we are blessed with this movie this season has passed away. I am truly grateful for the gift she left us for the season. May she rest in peace.
If you need a movie to add to your Christmas marathon, this should be somewhere on your list. It is colorful and wonderful, and the songs are great. Go stream it on Netflix.
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Movie Review: Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio
I was very excited about Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio. I believed that Del Toro’s artistic vision would bring new life to this ancient fairy tale, but sadly I was mistaken. This movie ended up being a huge disappointment that I struggled to finish.
There is no real need for a synopsis. This movie is the story of Pinocchio set against the backdrop of WWI-era Italy voiced by British actors.
I wish this movie was voiced in Italian because I was not a fan of any of the voices. The singing would have been more tolerable in Italian. If the voices don’t turn you off this movie, the singing sure will. Admittedly, I am not a fan of musicals, but I at least expect the singing to be good and the songs to be catchy. This version of the fairy tale chooses to be a musical without any talented singers or catchy songs to alleviate you from the boring narrative.
The story may have been well-intentioned as it touches on an important moment in history, but it unravels much too slowly. With the added musical numbers, this movie feels longer than it is. This felt like someone was trying to tell in Guillermo Del Toro’s style, but it was an attempt that fails miserably.
This adaptation may look pretty, but it lacks any real substance. I was not impressed. Once again I am disappointed by another of Guillermo Del Toro’s projects, and it is becoming difficult to remain supportive.
You can stream Pinocchio on Netflix, but I wouldn’t bother. I understand that this movie is in select theaters, but that would be a waste of your money.
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Movie Review: Fantasy Football (2022)
Fantasy Football is another kid’s wish sports movie you’ve seen before. The gimmicks, slang, and magic used in this movie have been updated to fit into modern pop culture, but it follows the same tired formula. While it may not be the worst movie you will watch with your kids, it isn’t a great one either. Fantasy Football is fine for what it is, but it won’t be winning any awards.
Callie’s dad is a professional football player that is constantly being traded. As a result, her family moves around a lot, and playing Madden is Callie’s only constant. All she wants is to have a place she can call her home, but moving makes this impossible. When they move to Atlanta, Callie and her family have hope that this will be their final move. Callie joins a club and is starting to make friends. But hope starts to fade as her father’s career isn’t going well. Her father is getting older and is no longer as skilled as he used to be. He is overshadowed by the up-and-coming talent that surrounds him. At their lowest, a wish is made that will change everything. Callie finds that she can control her dad through her game. Together they start winning games and creating headlines. Can Callie balance her new life and her father’s career? Will the Falcons make it to the Super Bowl?
This movie is as cookie-cutter as it gets; there is no getting around it. One thing to note, there is a lot of shameless product placement in this movie. This is essentially a giant commercial for Madden and the NFL. It is still one of the better commercials I’ve seen, but it is something to keep in mind.
Fantasy Football is fine for a kids’ movie. The writing is sloppy and problematic at points, but it is good enough. The acting is inconstant, but there is only so much that can be done with this script. There is also no chemistry between the actors. Callie is a solid lead, although her story is a bit of a fumble. The emotional moments don’t hit as hard because there isn’t any proper development for any of them. This movie focuses mainly on Football and Madden, so Callie never gets a chance to develop her character or create the meaningful relationships the movie tells you she does. There’s enough story to make it a kids’ movie, but I found it a little lazy. You have to suspend all your disbelief for this movie to work, but you are probably not the target audience.
Although I found some of the dialogue problematic, I appreciate this story being about people of color. As a person of color, it’s nice to see that kids are starting to get movies with a more diverse representation. It meant a lot to me as a kid when I finally got to see people that looked like me on TV, and I can only imagine it is true for kids today. Fantasy Football is a step in the right direction toward more positive and diverse stories, but we still have ways to go.
What I liked most about this movie is that it doesn’t have a tangible villain. I found it interesting that the villain in this movie is pride. The dad may have a rival, but the rival isn’t a terrible person that needs to be defeated. Instead, it is pride that complicates the narrative and creates the adversities the characters need to overcome. The dad consumed with pride fails to see how his actions make him selfish. Callie, consumed by her father’s pride, is forced to make a difficult decision. It is refreshing to see characters not have to overcome some cartoonishly evil villain, but something more personal. It isn’t done well, but I appreciate that there was an attempt.
I have sat through worse movies than Fantasy Football. Don’t go out of your way to watch this movie because it isn’t worth it, but you won’t hate it if you have to watch it with your kids. You will get bored, but trust me, it could be worse. You can stream it on Paramount+.
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Movie Review: Wendell & Wild (2022)
Before I start, I would like to send a special shoutout to @JiMiG2pt0 for buying me coffee. I live on coffee, and this is a huge help to my productivity. It means the world to have your support. Thank you, and I hope I can continue to help you with my reviews. Stay blessed my friend!
I’ve been wanting to watch Wendal & Wild since I first heard about it. I put it on my calendar and even set up notifications so I could watch it on release. The art is gorgeous, and I was curious to see what Jordan Peele could do with stop motion. Unfortunately, this film ended up being a beautiful disappointment.
After her parents’ deaths, Kat finds herself stuck in the system. She is constantly moving around in group homes and detention centers because she finds it difficult to cope with the loss of her parents. Kat is given a second chance at a normal life when she is sent to a private school. Kat finds the school to be troublesome. People want to be her friends, and as hard as she pushes, they keep coming back. The guilt she feels for the loss of her parents makes Kat feel as if she doesn’t deserve anything good in her life. To make matters worse, Kat discovers she is able to see the future and summon demons. Demons promise to bring her parents back to life, but there is always a catch. Now Kat finds herself in a fight to save the town from an evil couple who wants to tear it all down to make a for-profit prison. Will she and her new friends be able to save the town?
This movie had so much promise. The first half is great! The soundtrack is phenomenal, and the art is beautiful, but it all slowly fizzles out to a generic and disappointing ending. I lost interest around the time this became every other movie. What should have been a fantastical narrative full of magic and demons is just another generic save the town movie. They could have pushed boundaries and created something new, but instead, they decided to play it safe. Whatever they achieved through their art, they lose in their narrative. It isn’t a bad movie, but it is a disappointing one.
I appreciate a lot of the work that went into this film. I loved the character design, the art of the sets, and how they handle magic. I just wish it were a better movie. You can watch it on Netflix if you have nothing else to watch, but don’t go out of your way for it.
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Movie Review: The School of Good and Evil (2022)
The School of Good and Evil is a fun little fantasy that I am sure you will enjoy. While not without its flaws, it is a solid narrative. It is made for a younger audience, so expect a general cheesiness to its tone. This movie also leans heavily on its fairy tale tropes, so expect a sappy ending. That said, if you’re looking for something to watch, especially with your kids, try The School of Good and Evil.
The School of Good and Evil was established to create a balance between the two opposing forces. This school was designed to create the actors that would frame the many fairy tales we have come to know. The story is about two girls who are brought to this school from another world. As they struggle to adapt to the new roles they are given, evil lurks in the shadows. It is their destiny to change the world of good and evil presently, but will this change be their happily ever after?
I had a lot of fun with this movie. The acting is great, the action is fun, and it has a solid narrative. The movie attempts to challenge the traditional roles in fairy tales by having two headstrong and competent female leads challenging the system. It is nice that they aren’t perfect at first, but they do suddenly become perfect when the plot needs them to be. I also liked that the story focuses on their friendship, rather than having a prince give them meaning. It is a solid attempt at redefining the genre, but they could have pushed the boundaries further.
This movie is long, but it never felt like it. Every actor in this brought tremendous energy making this movie a fantastic experience. The villain is a bit one-dimensional, but there are enough characters to hate to keep the plot moving nicely. The movie gets a little preachy about the ideas of good and evil, but I kind of expected it from the general tone. Regardless of its flaws, it’s a solid fantasy movie.
This movie is what I believe the Descendants movies tried to be but failed to do so. If you are looking for a fun movie to watch with your family, this is a solid choice. It has action, adventure, and some pretty solid leads. Go stream it on Netflix.
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Movie Review: Halloween Ends (2022)
This series should have ended with the last movie. There is no reason for this movie to exist except to make money, but you shouldn’t give it any of yours. If you want to indulge in someone else’s self-serving terrible vision, this is the movie for you. But if you are trying to watch some good horror for Halloween, watch anything else.
Halloween Ends is the conclusion to the Michael Meyers saga that no one asked for. This is possibly the dullest and most uninspired slasher movie I have seen this year, and I just watched Jeepers Creepers: Rebirth. There are many issues with this movie, but the biggest one is that nothing happens. I like that there has been a trend to give horror movies proper plots, but please make it interesting. There is nothing interesting about this sequel. The first half of this movie is wasted on a relationship no one cares about. There are maybe 15 minutes where the slasher movie exists, but the rest is just pointless filler. The slasher bits aren’t even fun, most of the kills happen off-camera or too quickly to matter.
The biggest issue I have with this movie is with overbearing narration that refuses to go away. I am sorry, but I came here expecting to watch a slasher film, not to listen to a terrible audiobook. All the narration in this movie comes in the form of a fake book Jamie Lee Curtis is writing that only seems to be repeating her big speech from the last movie. You even get to watch her write the book in real-time. How exciting is that? I am very upset that this movie is desperate to convince its audience that the Halloween series is some deep allegory for the human condition when it has never been about that. It is completely self-serving and takes away from the only reason people would go watch this dumb movie.
The other issue I have with this movie is how inhuman they make Meyers be. This film feathers an immortal, omniscient, and teleporting Michael who terrorizes the town until he gets to Jamie Lee Curtis. They make it a point to show that he is unstoppable, but then he is easily and anti-climactically stopped by an injured woman and her granddaughter. I don’t even have the words to express my disappointment.
I can only hope that this is truly the end of this series, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they reincarnate him for another terrible reboot. I am not surprised that this disappointing reboot got such a disappointing ending, but it does hurt that I wasted my time on it. Don’t watch this movie in theaters when you can stream it on Peacock. Don’t stream it on Peacock because it is a complete waste of time.
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Movie Review: Hellraiser (2022)
I was excited about the new Hellraiser because I loved the original, but I have since exchanged my excitement for disappointment. It is time to let this series die since it has run its course.
The movie focuses on a recovering drug addict who is struggling to get her life back together. Desperate for money, she breaks into an old warehouse where she finds the sinister puzzle box. After a relapse, she solves the puzzle and sets into motion the gruesome events that will change her life forever. The Cenobites are back and are looking to collect souls. Will she be able to make the sacrifices required to wish for her brother back, or will she be another claimed soul?
This movie is slow and dull, but at least the monster designs were interesting. I recommend skipping through any part without the Cenobites because the rest of this story doesn’t deserve your attention. What kills this movie for me is the pacing; it is unbearably slow. The original also has a pacing problem, but it is more interesting.
This movie is gore porn, designed to gross out its audience with gruesome death scenes and disgusting monsters. It doesn’t go as far as it can, and a bit of the gore is held back by its technology. Most of the kills are fine, and some are even creative, but there are some that are rendered poorly. Don’t watch this movie if you are looking for proper gore.
I take issue with this movie’s narrative style. Most of the time I was waiting around for the next death scene. The last fifteen minutes or so fair a bit better than the rest of the movie because that is when the most action happens. The ending has a few lazy twists, some poorly designed tension, and some interesting lore dumps, but nothing really goes out of your way to watch. I just wished the rest of the movie had the same energy as the last bit, it might have fared a little better.
If this movie existed in a vacuum, it would be fine. The acting is decent, and the deaths are solid. But it doesn’t, and there are better options out there. If you need horror movies to fill your Halloween marathon, watch the original instead. Otherwise, be prepared to skip around. You can stream it on Hulu, but I wouldn’t bother.