Tag Archives: SCARY MOVIES

Movie Review: Halloween Ends (2022)

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This series should have ended with the last movie. There is no reason for this movie to exist except to make money, but you shouldn’t give it any of yours. If you want to indulge in someone else’s self-serving terrible vision, this is the movie for you. But if you are trying to watch some good horror for Halloween, watch anything else.

Halloween Ends is the conclusion to the Michael Meyers saga that no one asked for. This is possibly the dullest and most uninspired slasher movie I have seen this year, and I just watched Jeepers Creepers: Rebirth. There are many issues with this movie, but the biggest one is that nothing happens. I like that there has been a trend to give horror movies proper plots, but please make it interesting. There is nothing interesting about this sequel. The first half of this movie is wasted on a relationship no one cares about. There are maybe 15 minutes where the slasher movie exists, but the rest is just pointless filler. The slasher bits aren’t even fun, most of the kills happen off-camera or too quickly to matter.

The biggest issue I have with this movie is with overbearing narration that refuses to go away. I am sorry, but I came here expecting to watch a slasher film, not to listen to a terrible audiobook. All the narration in this movie comes in the form of a fake book Jamie Lee Curtis is writing that only seems to be repeating her big speech from the last movie. You even get to watch her write the book in real-time. How exciting is that? I am very upset that this movie is desperate to convince its audience that the Halloween series is some deep allegory for the human condition when it has never been about that. It is completely self-serving and takes away from the only reason people would go watch this dumb movie.

The other issue I have with this movie is how inhuman they make Meyers be. This film feathers an immortal, omniscient, and teleporting Michael who terrorizes the town until he gets to Jamie Lee Curtis. They make it a point to show that he is unstoppable, but then he is easily and anti-climactically stopped by an injured woman and her granddaughter. I don’t even have the words to express my disappointment.

I can only hope that this is truly the end of this series, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they reincarnate him for another terrible reboot. I am not surprised that this disappointing reboot got such a disappointing ending, but it does hurt that I wasted my time on it. Don’t watch this movie in theaters when you can stream it on Peacock. Don’t stream it on Peacock because it is a complete waste of time.

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Image Source: By Universal Pictures – https://www.universalpictures.com/movies/halloween-ends, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=71346881

Movie Review: Significant Other (2022)

Image by Bingo Naranjo from Pixabay

Don’t waste your time on Significant Other. It is a garbage movie that should have never been made. I don’t know what it is about Paramount, but they don’t seem to understand how to make a proper horror movie.

The movie focuses on a generic couple who go on a camping trip. Alone in the woods, they begin to notice that there is something off. They find strange animal corpses, they see shadows, and it feels like something is watching them. Tensions grow high as the couple’s relationship begins to strain. There are aliens in the woods, and they seem to be after one of them. Will they be able to make it out alive?

It’s a shame that these actors are wasted on such a bad movie. The acting is fine, but everything else is terrible. There is no tension in this film, the buildup makes no sense, the twist is confusing, and the ending is disappointing. I had to rewatch this movie because I thought I missed some important details. I was very confused when the twist came, and I wanted to make sure I gave this film its fair trial. I didn’t miss anything. This movie is just that bad at telling its story.

I feel like a broken record at this point, but nothing happens in this movie. The first thirty minutes of this movie is relationship problems the movie. The boyfriend proposes, but the girl has issues with commitment. The film becomes a lot of awkward conversations in reaction to not accepting the proposal. The movie then tries desperately to be symbolically and suspenseful like Hereditary, but it only slows down the plot. There are a lot of scenes where the camera pans over nature to suggest something sinister is going on when nothing is. 

I am going to spoil this movie because I need you to understand my frustration with it. If you are planning to watch this, don’t, but if you insist, stop reading here.

The movie suggests that the drama between the couple stems from unresolved trauma the girl is holding on to. I refuse to use the character names because they are generic and flat. The only defining characteristic for this girl is that she has crippling anxiety. This anxiety creates the strain on their relationship that takes up the first half of the movie. Something happens in the woods that makes the girl become distant. The movie suggests that maybe she was possessed by the aliens, and she pushes her boyfriend off a cliff.

The big twist is that the alien can steal the form of other life forms. With each transformation, the alien also gets the instincts and emotions of the form he takes. This will become important later. The boyfriend had been dead the whole time. The girl had somehow stumbled on the body early on and was acting suspicious because she knew. After the big reveal, the alien stands over the girl ready to claim another victim, but he finds himself frozen, unable to act. He can’t bring himself to kill the girl because he is overwhelmed by his love for her. Instead, he decides to save her from the impending alien invasion. The girl freaks out, and a convenient shark helps her escape again. 

The alien can’t die, and he traps her again. The alien takes her form, and as he is about to kill her, the girl overcomes her anxiety and stands up for herself. The alien, on the other hand, is overwhelmed by crippling anxiety and has a panic attack. The girl takes this opportunity to kill the alien. As the girl rides off into the sunset, the movie sequel baits. The alien isn’t dead, and there is an invasion on the way.

I am still struggling to make sense of what I just watched. I am so mad that love saved her the first time and even madder that her anxiety saved her the final time. It’s not a good movie. This is time I will never get back. Don’t waste your time when there are better, more competent horror movies out there. But if you don’t believe me, you can stream it on Paramount+.

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Movie Review: Hellraiser (2022)

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I was excited about the new Hellraiser because I loved the original, but I have since exchanged my excitement for disappointment. It is time to let this series die since it has run its course.

The movie focuses on a recovering drug addict who is struggling to get her life back together. Desperate for money, she breaks into an old warehouse where she finds the sinister puzzle box. After a relapse, she solves the puzzle and sets into motion the gruesome events that will change her life forever. The Cenobites are back and are looking to collect souls. Will she be able to make the sacrifices required to wish for her brother back, or will she be another claimed soul?

This movie is slow and dull, but at least the monster designs were interesting. I recommend skipping through any part without the Cenobites because the rest of this story doesn’t deserve your attention. What kills this movie for me is the pacing; it is unbearably slow. The original also has a pacing problem, but it is more interesting.

This movie is gore porn, designed to gross out its audience with gruesome death scenes and disgusting monsters. It doesn’t go as far as it can, and a bit of the gore is held back by its technology. Most of the kills are fine, and some are even creative, but there are some that are rendered poorly. Don’t watch this movie if you are looking for proper gore.

I take issue with this movie’s narrative style. Most of the time I was waiting around for the next death scene. The last fifteen minutes or so fair a bit better than the rest of the movie because that is when the most action happens. The ending has a few lazy twists, some poorly designed tension, and some interesting lore dumps, but nothing really goes out of your way to watch. I just wished the rest of the movie had the same energy as the last bit, it might have fared a little better.

If this movie existed in a vacuum, it would be fine. The acting is decent, and the deaths are solid. But it doesn’t, and there are better options out there. If you need horror movies to fill your Halloween marathon, watch the original instead. Otherwise, be prepared to skip around. You can stream it on Hulu, but I wouldn’t bother.

Movie Review: Orphan First Kill (2022)

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The Orphan First Kill is the prequel that did not need to be made. It is a negligible addition to the universe that adds little to the lore. The prequel focuses on the events before the first movie, but nothing interesting happens. The acting was great, but it is wasted on a boring story with questionable writing. Do yourself a favor and skip this movie.

I went back and re-watched the first movie to see how it compared. It has been a while, and I wanted to make sure that my opinion of the movie wasn’t a memory made better because I was so bored with First Kill. The original is a far better movie. It isn’t perfect, but at least it was entertaining. First Kill doesn’t have any real direction. It pads the run time with sappy family moments then teases you with an interesting and unexpected twist, only to become another generic horror movie that isn’t worth your time.

This movie has a few good moments, but not enough to save it. I am going to spoil this movie to make my point. It doesn’t matter because you shouldn’t watch yourself, but a warning is still in order. 

Ester goes to kill the detective that has been asking too many questions. In his final breaths, as Ester stands over him asking how he knew she was lying, a bullet pierces his head and leaves him lifeless. As he bleeds onto the carpet, Ester turns to see Julia Styles holding a gun. Styles confronts Ester about her lie, but instead of killing Ester and ending the movie, she blackmails Ester into keeping up the charade. Styles had been covering up the murder of the original Ester, and the new Ester was the piece she needed to make her husband happy again. 

This was a great moment that easily stands out against the blandness carried throughout the rest of this film, but it is a moment wasted because the rest of the movie doesn’t have any of this energy. I liked that Ester was made a victim because it puts the audience in an uncomfortable position. Do they root for Ester who is conning the family and has a murderous past, or do you root for the family the dark secret she is conning that also wants her dead? It makes me mad that such an interesting idea sits so comfortably within such a disappointing movie. 

You can stream this on Paramount+, but I wouldn’t bother.

Movie Review: The Long Night (2022)

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The Long Night didn’t make much of an impression on me. It doesn’t do anything I would go rushing to see, but it had enough interesting visuals to keep my attention. The acting is solid, the story is okay, and the lore is pretty tame. I honestly don’t have much to say because it doesn’t stand out much from any other demon cult movies I’ve seen.

The Long Night is a story of a woman who is searching for her biological parents. This search brings her to a mysterious house in the middle of nowhere. She begins to hear voices and sees visions of cults and demons. The situation grows bleak when they are trapped in the house by a group of cultists. Now she and her boyfriend must survive the night. Will they be able to escape, or will they become a sacrifice to some unknown demon?

This movie is better than the average cult movie, but it isn’t something I would go rushing to see. The writing is a bit awkward, and the characters aren’t great. It is always harder to write about these movies because they don’t really inspire much. There are definitely things about this movie I appreciated, but it isn’t something I’ll be watching again. If you like the genre and are starving for a new horror movie, then this movie is fine. If not, you can live your life without it. You can stream it on Shudder.

Movie Review: The Cellar (2022)

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If you like demon possession movies, The Cellar is fine, but it is not without issues. The acting is mostly okay, but there are definitely some outliers trending towards bad. The story is fine, but I don’t know how I feel about math being the evil force that powers the whole narrative.

The Cellar is the story of a family that moves into a house that is possessed by an ancient demon. The family isn’t even allowed a night of peace in the new house as their daughter goes missing instantly. Strange things continue to happen to the family. They hear voices, see figures, and some even lose their free will through possession. The matriarch takes it upon herself to solve the mystery of what is happening to her family. Will she be able to free her family from the clutches of the Leviathan, or will she and her family be more souls added to his collection?

This movie is fine. If you like horror and don’t mind the acting, there are some cool things it does visually that are worth checking out. It plays around with some interesting lore and mythology, but it isn’t something you should be racing to see. It is a nice addition to a horror movie marathon if you are running out of choices.

I will say that after watching a few of these Shudder originals, I am impressed with the direction in which they are taking the genre. They might still be rough, but I can see some solid attempts and exploration that I can see paying off when they truly find their voice. I am curious to see them grow and hopeful that they will become a household name for horror one day. They still have some growth to do, but it is only a matter of time. 

Movie Review: Alone With You (2022)

Image by María Prieto from Pixabay

I don’t know where to start with this movie, but it is hard to talk about because it didn’t leave much of an impression. This is a well-intentioned film that tried something unique, but it has too many issues holding it back that make it impossible to recommend. Even if you like experimental horror movies, there isn’t anything noteworthy to this film. I suggest you skip it.

Alone With You is a psychological horror movie about a woman trapped in her apartment. Her night starts out normal as she waits for her girlfriend to come home from a trip. Strange things start to happen to her as time passes. Charlie finds herself trapped in a sinister loop of memories and thoughts as she becomes more desperate to escape this nightmare. She hears voices, sees visions, and keeps reliving bad memories about her relationship. Will she ever be able to leave, or will the insanity that binds her to the apartment keep her trapped there forever?

Nothing really happens in this movie despite it frantically jumping between memory, reality, and delusion. The main problem with the movie is that the lead isn’t good enough to carry the film. Sure there are some neat visuals, but there isn’t anything to hold the audience’s attention. A movie like this needs a lead that can create the tension required to make this movie work. This movie needed disorienting tension that builds to the big reveal at the end, but there isn’t much here. The big reveal is incredibly obvious, I figured it out before the horror even started. I wouldn’t mind this knowledge if the movie were entertaining, but it is not. It goes without say, but the acting is bad, and the story suffers for it.

Just skip this movie, I am sure you have better things to do with your time. But for those who don’t believe me, you stream it on Shudder.

Movie Review: Allegoria (2022)

The Harrowing of Hell By Jacob van Swanenburgh. I couldn’t get the rights to the poster, but this painting was referenced in the movie. Source

This movie took a lot of effort to get through because of how unbearably pretentious it is. I had to take multiple breaks just to be able to finish it. That said, I don’t outright hate this movie. I have seen a lot worse, and there are things about this movie I did like, but it is hard to recommend. Unless you like low-budget experimental horror films, I wouldn’t bother.

Allegoria is an anthology of horror stories involving artists encountering evil. Monsters, demons, murders, and the unexplainable are wreaking havoc on the world’s most pretentious artists, and no one knows why. The stories are out of order, but surprisingly, they all connect at the end in a kind of satisfying way. The acting is solid for the most part, but the writing needs a lot of work. There are some clear moments of competence where the filmmaking, acting, and writing come together to create a great narrative, but most of the movie isn’t that.

The problem I have with anthologies is that not all the narratives are good. You get a few good stories, but you have to sit through all the bad ones. Most anthologies have a theme, like Tales From The Crypt. They might exist in the same universe but aren’t always connected aside from the theme and setting. The stories in this anthology are connected by a single event. I would argue that some of the connections between the stories are forced to make them fit the overall narrative. I appreciate the novelty of the storytelling in this movie, but I can’t get over the pretentiousness. Every narrative has a longwinded, eye-roll enduring monologue defining an art form, and there is only so much of that I could take.

I can’t recommend this movie because it is more bad than good. But if you like strange movies that are just okay, you can stream this on Shudder if you have a subscription.

Movie Review: What Josiah Saw (2022)

What Josiah Saw is a fantastic horror movie made by our friends over at Shudder. If you don’t have a Shudder subscription, this movie alone is worth the free trial. Shudder also offers a wide selection of horror movies so you can fuel a nice little Summerween marathon. This is not an endorsement of the platform, I just happened to pick up the trial on a whim and had the good fortune of stumbling upon this movie.

What Josiah Saw is the story of three siblings dealing with an unspoken trauma from their childhood. The film is broken up into segments, each focusing on a different sibling until it all comes together nicely at the end. The movie does a great job of showing how their trauma still haunts and affects their adulthood. I don’t want to say any more about this movie because I don’t want to ruin anything.

I loved this movie so much that I have already watched it multiple times. There was a good amount of effort put into this movie, and it all pays off. Every narrative, scene, and even dialogue has been calculated to create this chilling mystery. I still keep finding small details and clues that I missed the first time around. As a note, there are certain actions the characters take, things they say, and even small items that come to focus that won’t make initially, but they will at the end if you’ve been paying attention.

The acting is amazing, the story is uncomfortably chilling, and the cinematography is phenomenal. You have great tension to keep you at the edge of your seat, uncomfortable scenes that will make you squirm, and a twist that will shock you to your core. This is a movie where the filmmakers truly understand what makes good horror. You need to watch this movie, especially if you are a fan of horror. Even if you aren’t, this is a fantastic movie that you need to force yourself to sit through eventually. Stream it on Shudder!

Movie Review: Master (2022)

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Master is psychological that is in an interesting spot in the genre. Where some might make their monster more symbolic, Master is clear that the monster is racism. This movie is uncomfortable, and it is not because it is a ghost story. It is uncomfortable because it is an experience that people have had and continue to have despite years of progress. It is very well done and well worth your time.

Master is the story of two African-American women at a prestigious New England university. Gail is the newly appointed Dorm mother and a tenured professor at the school, while Jasmine begins her freshman year there. The film shows how both have trouble fitting into the school’s culture, and it makes important criticisms about race and society.

This movie made me very uncomfortable because it reminded me of a lot of what I went through growing up as a person of color. Being different in a school where most people are white is draining. There is a lot of pressure that is unfairly put on people of color, especially when they try to join a culture that was historically created for white males. The depression, paranoia, and sense of not belonging are real issues that come from the inevitable culture clash. Although my experience wasn’t as bad as what is in the movie, a lot of the emotions and pressures are ones I am familiar with. 

Jasmine and Gail are used as mirrors to show that no matter how much one has accomplished, or the amount of progress society has made, racial discrimination continues to be an issue. As much as they try to fit in by changing how they look or talk, they will always be outsiders. Nothing changes. The movie does a fantastic job recreating this sense of isolation and pressure. It perfectly creates monsters out of something so mundane. This film is frightening because the experience and feelings depicted are real. 

This is a fantastic and important narrative told by some great actors. Some of the parts do get preachy, and the film slows a bit, but it is an important narrative told properly. Go watch this on Amazon with your Prime Membership. 

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