Sick is as good as you’d expect from a thriller horror movie about covid made for a streaming service you probably don’t have. The film certainly has its moments of competence, but it derails and is only worth the trouble if you have nothing else to watch.
The movie takes us back to the time of Covid lockdowns. Toilet paper is out of stock, people sanitize everything, masks are mandatory, and everyone stands six feet apart. A killer is hunting down seemingly random teens, but we won’t know why till the end. The movie will focus on a pair of college girls who quarantine at a secluded cabin. But the killer has followed them to their haven. The two must now run for their lives as they try to survive the night. Can they make it out of quarantine alive?
The acting is fine, but the leads aren’t good enough scream queens to carry the movie. The weakness in their abilities is particularly noticeable towards the end after the climax. I think they did the best they could with what they were given, but I don’t think they would do better in a different movie. The story is dumb, but I appreciate that there was an attempt at creating deeper characters. It was an attempt that ultimately fails, but it was nice to see characters that aren’t the usual archetypes. The movie isn’t terrible. Some very well-done tense and suspenseful moments were pretty scary, but the movie loses its momentum towards the end, making it a flop in my book.
They ran out of ideas after the big reveal. The ending is disappointing. There are a lot of issues with the realism of the movie that I could have forgiven if this movie was more fun. People in this movie tend to teleport and gain almost superhuman survival abilities when the plot asks for it. It isn’t so I suggest you skip it unless you are starving for content.
There isn’t much more to say about this movie. It is a dumb thriller based on a simple concept that doesn’t pan out all the way. You can stream it on Peacock, but I wouldn’t go out of my way for it unless you’re starving for content.
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Movie Review: M3gan (2022)
I became interested in M3gan when I first watched the trailer a while ago, but haven’t looked at it since. I was drawn in by the creepy doll and expected at least a cheesy thriller with a neat little gimmick. What I got was a pleasant little slasher that I can recommend to those interested.
M3gan is a lifelike doll powered by AI designed to be the last toy kids will ever need. Gemma, the inventor, dreams of a world where M3gan will be the perfect aid for parents. Gemma gets her chance to test the first M3gan on her grieving niece. At first, M3gan works as intended. She quickly becomes Katies greatest friend, but there is something off about the doll. Something in the code seems to be boiling up something sinister. Can they figure out what before it is too late?
I enjoyed this movie. The acting was great, the story was fine, and the pacing was perfect. For the first time in a while, I found myself invested in the plot of a slasher movie. I loved how the film dealt with grief, and the actors did a fantastic job of emoting it. I loved M3gan’s descent into evil. It was organic and well-executed. I even liked the criticism it makes about parents letting technology parent their kids. If you are a fan of the thriller and slasher genre, M3gan is a great place to start.
The only complaint is that the ending is predictable. This might be a symptom of watching too many movies, but I figured out the twist as soon as it floated into the scene. The ending is very cheesy, but one that I didn’t mind because it was fun. If you are thinking of watching this movie and don’t mind the creepy doll aesthetics, go check it out. As of writing this review, you can still watch M3gan in theaters.
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Movie Review: X (2022)
X is a solid slasher film, but it didn’t leave much of an impression. It is a beautifully shot movie with a solid foundation, but it is a slow burn with little payoff. It certainly stands out amongst all the other horror I’ve watched this season. It’s a much better story than Halloween Ends. If you are looking for something to watch and don’t mind the nudity, X is a solid choice. I don’t regret watching this movie, but it isn’t something I will ever be revisiting.
X is about an overly ambitious porn producer and his dream to make the next big porno. He and his cast and crew head to a remote farm in Texas where they will film his first and greatest movie. Filming goes better than expected, but there is something sinister on the farm. Before they can finish their film, the crew begins to get hunted. Will they be able to make it out alive?
This movie is okay. There is enough good with it that you won’t hate it if you watch it. The acting is great, the visuals are fantastic, and the story is fine. The problem most viewers will have with this movie is you have to sit through an hour of people making a porno. It goes without saying, if you don’t like sex and nudity, do not watch this movie.
The movie is a solid addition to the horror genre. There is proper suspense, some creepy scenes, and some fun kills. The problem is that it takes too long to get to the horror. I get that they are trying to create deeper characters and a more meaningful narrative, but it takes away from the horror. Don’t get me wrong, I like that there is an attempt to give slasher movies a stronger narrative, but they haven’t figured out the perfect balance between murder and story. It is a great attempt, but it falls flat.
If you don’t mind the softcore porn and you are patient, sure, it’s something to watch. It clears a very low bar to be better than average. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but it’s fine if you want to kill some time.
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Movie Review: Halloween Ends (2022)
This series should have ended with the last movie. There is no reason for this movie to exist except to make money, but you shouldn’t give it any of yours. If you want to indulge in someone else’s self-serving terrible vision, this is the movie for you. But if you are trying to watch some good horror for Halloween, watch anything else.
Halloween Ends is the conclusion to the Michael Meyers saga that no one asked for. This is possibly the dullest and most uninspired slasher movie I have seen this year, and I just watched Jeepers Creepers: Rebirth. There are many issues with this movie, but the biggest one is that nothing happens. I like that there has been a trend to give horror movies proper plots, but please make it interesting. There is nothing interesting about this sequel. The first half of this movie is wasted on a relationship no one cares about. There are maybe 15 minutes where the slasher movie exists, but the rest is just pointless filler. The slasher bits aren’t even fun, most of the kills happen off-camera or too quickly to matter.
The biggest issue I have with this movie is with overbearing narration that refuses to go away. I am sorry, but I came here expecting to watch a slasher film, not to listen to a terrible audiobook. All the narration in this movie comes in the form of a fake book Jamie Lee Curtis is writing that only seems to be repeating her big speech from the last movie. You even get to watch her write the book in real-time. How exciting is that? I am very upset that this movie is desperate to convince its audience that the Halloween series is some deep allegory for the human condition when it has never been about that. It is completely self-serving and takes away from the only reason people would go watch this dumb movie.
The other issue I have with this movie is how inhuman they make Meyers be. This film feathers an immortal, omniscient, and teleporting Michael who terrorizes the town until he gets to Jamie Lee Curtis. They make it a point to show that he is unstoppable, but then he is easily and anti-climactically stopped by an injured woman and her granddaughter. I don’t even have the words to express my disappointment.
I can only hope that this is truly the end of this series, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they reincarnate him for another terrible reboot. I am not surprised that this disappointing reboot got such a disappointing ending, but it does hurt that I wasted my time on it. Don’t watch this movie in theaters when you can stream it on Peacock. Don’t stream it on Peacock because it is a complete waste of time.
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Image Source: By Universal Pictures – https://www.universalpictures.com/movies/halloween-ends, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=71346881
Movie Review: Candyman 2021
If you haven’t seen the new Candyman, what are you doing? Go watch this movie now and thank me after. This is a beautiful horror movie that is well worth your time. This film not only expands the lore of the original but gives it new life. Watching the original is not a requirement, this film does a fantastic job at providing enough context to make the narrative make sense. I remember watching the original when I was younger and remember liking it although admittedly, it did scare me. I vaguely remember the plot but I never felt lost by what was happening.
The movie follows the artist Anthony McCoy who is in search of inspiration for his next show. His search brings him to the urban legend of the Candyman. Candyman is the soul of a wronged man who can be summoned by saying his name five times to a mirror. Once summoned, Candyman kills those who summon him, becoming the monster he was made to be. Antony’s fascination becomes an obsession as now all he can do or think about is related to the urban legend. Anthony has unknowingly unleashed Candyman back onto the streets of gentrified Chicago. Will this obsession be his downfall, or Anthony be the one to lay the legend of Candyman to rest?
Movie Review: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the best-rebooted horror franchise I’ve seen so far. It isn’t going to win any awards, but it is a lot of fun. This movie knows what it is, and it does it well. Texas Chainsaw Massacre goes back to its slasher roots and capitalizes on what makes the genre great. The Leatherface is blood-thirsty, and it makes for some very cool deaths. If you are a fan of slasher movies, this will be a solid revisit to the genre.
Out of the remakes I have seen so far, Texas Chainsaw Massacre has the best pacing. Everything is concise and self-contained to the town. There is no needless back story or lazy tie-ins. There isn’t a whole lot of self-service for the legacy characters or the original franchise. The movie introduces the main characters and starts killing them almost immediately. I was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t have to wait through a bunch of meaningless reinvented lore to get to what makes this movie fun.
The characters are fine for what they are, although they are a bit insufferable. You spend enough time with them to care, or not care about them. You don’t get long-winded backstories that add nothing to the plot. The acting is good for the type of movie. The plot doesn’t feel long and drawn out. The kills and action are great, and although some are cheesy, it sets this film apart from the other reboots. Overall, I don’t think this is a movie you can keep coming back to, but if you have nothing else to do, at least it’s not Holloween. You can find this movie on Netflix.
Movie Reviews: Scream (2022)
It is tricky to recommend the new Scream movie. Unless your movie ticket is $2, I would not bother watching it in theaters. Streaming it at home would be a better option, but this movie isn’t anything special. The meta-ness of this movie is a bit drawn out. I get that you should rush to see. The meta-ness is a bit much, and the story suffers for it. I get that the meta-jokes are part of the charm of the series, but they get abrasive and overstay their welcome. Sometimes they do work, but more often than not, it is unnecessary commentary about itself. Jay and Silent Bob Reboot does the same commentary better.
I will say that this is a better reboot than the newest Holloween. Scream doesn’t feel as drawn-out, nor is it a vanity project for the original cast. But this movie is drawn out, and a lot of this comes from its meta-ness. This movie will stop often to explain elements of horror movies or spoil itself when all I want to do is watch a scary movie. This movie has potential, and there are moments where the meta-ness works, but it never quite gets there.
The best scene in the whole movie is its opening. While it is clearly an homage to the original, it is excellently executed, and it sets a tone that the rest of the movie never lives up to. It builds some great tension, there is the perfect amount of meta-ness to story, and Jenna Ortega’s performance as the first victim is the high bar that the rest of the movie will continue to fail to achieve. This scene alone gave me the hope that now fuels my disappointment in this movie.
The main issue with this movie is its characters. The legacy characters are fine, but the new cast is forgettable. The main character is boring. Melissa Barrera isn’t a good choice for the lead. But to her credit, the lead is poorly written. If Sam isn’t dealing with her father being the original killer, she is spouting unwarranted one-liners that never fit her character. I think they were trying to redefine the role of the scream queen to be strong and independent, but there isn’t enough evidence in this movie to support that she is strong and independent. There is a scene in this movie where the killer tells Sam that she “You aren’t strong enough for this movie.” This is the best meta moment in this movie because it is true. Her performance isn’t up to par with the rest of the cast, and the rest of the cast barely does any better.
This movie is just alright. If you are a fan of the series, it is better than some of the sequels and you might appreciate it more than most. If you aren’t a fan, I think it is better to wait for streaming to be available. I have seen a lot worse, but it isn’t worth the ticket price.
