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Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Orphan First Kill (2022)

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The Orphan First Kill is the prequel that did not need to be made. It is a negligible addition to the universe that adds little to the lore. The prequel focuses on the events before the first movie, but nothing interesting happens. The acting was great, but it is wasted on a boring story with questionable writing. Do yourself a favor and skip this movie.

I went back and re-watched the first movie to see how it compared. It has been a while, and I wanted to make sure that my opinion of the movie wasn’t a memory made better because I was so bored with First Kill. The original is a far better movie. It isn’t perfect, but at least it was entertaining. First Kill doesn’t have any real direction. It pads the run time with sappy family moments then teases you with an interesting and unexpected twist, only to become another generic horror movie that isn’t worth your time.

This movie has a few good moments, but not enough to save it. I am going to spoil this movie to make my point. It doesn’t matter because you shouldn’t watch yourself, but a warning is still in order. 

Ester goes to kill the detective that has been asking too many questions. In his final breaths, as Ester stands over him asking how he knew she was lying, a bullet pierces his head and leaves him lifeless. As he bleeds onto the carpet, Ester turns to see Julia Styles holding a gun. Styles confronts Ester about her lie, but instead of killing Ester and ending the movie, she blackmails Ester into keeping up the charade. Styles had been covering up the murder of the original Ester, and the new Ester was the piece she needed to make her husband happy again. 

This was a great moment that easily stands out against the blandness carried throughout the rest of this film, but it is a moment wasted because the rest of the movie doesn’t have any of this energy. I liked that Ester was made a victim because it puts the audience in an uncomfortable position. Do they root for Ester who is conning the family and has a murderous past, or do you root for the family the dark secret she is conning that also wants her dead? It makes me mad that such an interesting idea sits so comfortably within such a disappointing movie. 

You can stream this on Paramount+, but I wouldn’t bother.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Secret Headquarters (2022)

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I was pleasantly surprised by Secret Headquarters. I was expecting a completely generic superhero kids action movie, but I got a decent action comedy. It may not be perfect, but it has an undeniable charm to it. It is a solid kids’ movie, but one that you should only watch with your kids. It isn’t good enough to recommend to anyone outside of the target demographic. 

The movie focuses on Charlie and his friend’s attempt to survive a villain’s assault on the world’s only superhero. Charlie is a normal kid trying to survive middle school while dealing with his parent’s separation and his absent father. Charlie’s life changes when he and his friends discover that his dad is the superhero The Guardian. Unfortunately, this discovery throws the kids into an ongoing conflict between The Guardian and an organization that is after The Guardian’s power. With the help of his friends and the Guardian, Charlie must now stop the villains from taking over the world.

This movie is okay. It isn’t going to win awards or redefine the genre or the medium, but it isn’t the worst way to spend two hours. The plot is simple, the humor is easy, but the special effects are pretty good. You will lose interest because the pacing is a little slow. A lot of the humor in this movie is designed for kids. Not all of the jokes land, but there are some solid references and double entendres that will offer you a good chuckle. The best part of the movie is its editing. The editing is hilarious. I love how it would cut away perfectly to sensor the cuss words. Your kids (if applicable) will have more fun with this movie than you will. 

What helps make this movie palatable is the acting. The kids are fun and share some great chemistry, and Owen Wilson and Micheal Pena are a delight. The characters are given enough development to be distinguishable but don’t expect anything complex. Most characters fill an archetype; but they do well enough within those restrictions. The villains in this movie are exactly what you can expect from a kids’ movie. They are dumbed down and generic; Micheal Pena does his best.

This movie isn’t perfect. If you don’t have kids, I wouldn’t go out of my way to seek it out. If you have kids, it is a decent action comedy. Check it out on Paramount+.

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Series Reviews

South Park: The Streaming Wars Part 2 (2022) Review

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I am not a fan of the direction South Park is heading in. Maybe I am getting old, but the newer content doesn’t have the spark it used to. Granted, a lot of that spark was generated by me being ten watching South Park, but that shouldn’t matter. I have gone back and rewatched the series from the beginning multiple times. While some of the episodes haven’t aged well, there are still a few I can always rely on to make me laugh. This isn’t a bad show, its impact on pop culture is important, but maybe it is time for the series to end.

I didn’t care for any of the new specials released on Paramount+. The shenanigans are a lot tamer, and the jokes are forced and obvious. This whole special is a series of jokes you have already seen as memes. Even if you like the series, I don’t think it does anything special enough to be worth watching.

Streaming Wars 2 is the conclusion to a special that no one asked for. You get an insufferable villain and the kids trying to stop him, a collection of viral videos that have been redone with South Park characters, and a story that isn’t fun to watch. Sure the show makes important social criticism, but it is criticism that has been made better elsewhere. Maybe they are using their platform to speak to the new fans of the show, but I thought it was a waste.

South Park has had a good run, but it is about time it is retired. But those who are interested can watch it on Paramount+.