I was excited about the new Hellraiser because I loved the original, but I have since exchanged my excitement for disappointment. It is time to let this series die since it has run its course.
The movie focuses on a recovering drug addict who is struggling to get her life back together. Desperate for money, she breaks into an old warehouse where she finds the sinister puzzle box. After a relapse, she solves the puzzle and sets into motion the gruesome events that will change her life forever. The Cenobites are back and are looking to collect souls. Will she be able to make the sacrifices required to wish for her brother back, or will she be another claimed soul?
This movie is slow and dull, but at least the monster designs were interesting. I recommend skipping through any part without the Cenobites because the rest of this story doesn’t deserve your attention. What kills this movie for me is the pacing; it is unbearably slow. The original also has a pacing problem, but it is more interesting.
This movie is gore porn, designed to gross out its audience with gruesome death scenes and disgusting monsters. It doesn’t go as far as it can, and a bit of the gore is held back by its technology. Most of the kills are fine, and some are even creative, but there are some that are rendered poorly. Don’t watch this movie if you are looking for proper gore.
I take issue with this movie’s narrative style. Most of the time I was waiting around for the next death scene. The last fifteen minutes or so fair a bit better than the rest of the movie because that is when the most action happens. The ending has a few lazy twists, some poorly designed tension, and some interesting lore dumps, but nothing really goes out of your way to watch. I just wished the rest of the movie had the same energy as the last bit, it might have fared a little better.
If this movie existed in a vacuum, it would be fine. The acting is decent, and the deaths are solid. But it doesn’t, and there are better options out there. If you need horror movies to fill your Halloween marathon, watch the original instead. Otherwise, be prepared to skip around. You can stream it on Hulu, but I wouldn’t bother.
Movie Review: Prey (2022)
I love Predator. It is one of my favorite movies. I will watch everything that features the Yautja, no matter how bad they are. I have known disappointment so many times that my hope for the series is fleeting. When I heard about Prey, there was the bittersweet sensation of cautious excitement because the trailer looked cool, but I wasn’t ready to be hurt again. This movie has restored my faith in the series and has become one of my favorites. If you are thinking about watching this film, watch it now!
This prequel focuses on Naru, a young female Comanche warrior who is constantly trying to prove herself to the men of the tribe. The Yautja has landed on earth, searching for worthy prey to hunt. The Yautja begins to hunt the Comanche warriors. Now Naru must protect her tribe against this strange and powerful hunter.
This movie is fantastic. The action is fun, the story is great, and the acting is fantastic. Watching the Yautja hunt is tense and exciting. The film does a great job of making the fights balanced and exciting. The only complaint I have about this movie is that some of the special effects are bad. Some deaths and fights are cartoonishly bad, but not bad enough to ruin the movie. This is one of the better stories set in the predator universe. It has well-built tension that builds to one of the most satisfying conclusions. The acting is phenomenal. It goes without saying, this movie has one of the best female leads in the genre. She is cool and smart, and I believed she was capable of hunting the Yautja. I can only hope there are more movies of this caliber for the genre and the predator universe.
It cannot be understated, you need to watch Prey. It is available in English and a Numunuu dubbing. I wish the whole movie was done in Numunuu, and we got an English dubbing after; but we might not be there as a society yet
Movie Review: Lantern’s Lane (2021)
Do not waste your time on this terrible movie. The camera work, the plot, the acting, and the big reveal are irredeemably bad. There is nothing worth watching in this movie.
Lantern’s lane is about a girl who returns to her rural home town where she reunites with friends from high school. Bitter that she hasn’t returned, her friends attempt to play a prank on her by scaring her. Things turn sour when a killer starts hunting them instead. The mom and daughter from the opening scene are the killers. This movie spoils its ending in the first five minutes of play time with its terrible acting and camera work. Lantern’s Lane is a great example of a filmmaker who is trying way too hard to be symbolic. This movie is full of obvious foreshadowing that ruins any tension that this movie could have had. Not that anything of note ever happens. It takes a whole hour before the horror element comes into play, but it doesn’t matter because you already know who the killer is.
Instead, you are forced to sit through terribly read high school drama no one asked for. I don’t know which is worse, the acting or the writing. I don’t think anyone involved with the making of this movie has ever talked to a real person before. The dialogue in this movie is unreal. You can mash your keyboard right now, and the outcome would be better dialogue.
And the editing of this movie? I don’t think there is a single scene in this movie that isn’t a collection of shots lazily pieced together. There are more cuts in a scene of simple dialogue than there are in an MCU fight scene. Disney cuts fight scenes to hide the fact that the actors can’t fight. This movie does it to hide the fact that they can’t act. There are moments of dialogue where there is a 5-second delay before an actor responds to what was just said. I wouldn’t be surprised if the actors weren’t competent enough to remember simple dialogue.
Don’t waste your time with this movie. Even if you like watching bad movies for fun, there’s nothing here for you. It isn’t worth sitting through because nothing happens. You don’t even get to see anyone die. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on Hulu.
Movie Review: Pig (2021)
You need to watch this movie! On paper, it doesn’t seem interesting, but in execution it is magnificent. Nicholas Cage shows the world his talent as an actor as he searches Portland for his missing pig. The plot of this movie is a lot more tame version of John Wick. Do not let the tame and subdued tone this movie takes dissuade you; it tells a very thrilling story. It is an exciting and engaging story, and Nick Cage doesn’t even throw a single punch.
The acting in this movie is great, resulting in some very moving and emotional scenes. A bit of warning, this movie is quiet. There is a lot of silence, but it is used effectively to create tension and suspense. If you are not at the edge of your seat through this whole ordeal, we didn’t watch the same movie.
If you have Hulu, watch it now! You won’t regret it.
