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Movie Reviews

Movie Review: The Bubble (2022)

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The Bubble proves that you can have a movie full of funny and talented people and still be painfully unfunny. If you haven’t heard of this movie, consider yourself lucky because this movie is a huge waste of time.

The Bubble is a meta-comedy about the making of a bad movie. The movie pokes fun at how the pandemic affected filmmaking. The film spends too much time making pandemic-era jokes that you have seen done better on TikTok. This movie actually becomes a Tiktok commercial halfway through. In the movie, the actors find themselves imprisoned by the production company and are forced to finish filming. I don’t know if this movie is a documentary or a comedy because I felt the same desperation the characters did to leave this film. This is a discount Tropic Thunder you shouldn’t bother watching.

What a shame that so much talent was wasted on a skit that never ends. I hope the paychecks were nice because this movie was torture. The jokes rarely landed, the meta nature of it doesn’t work, and there is no structure to this comedy. I couldn’t tell if the jokes were meta or if they were critiquing the movie in real-time. I can’t tell you how many scenes start with them talking about how badly this movie is. There are parts of this movie that feel like it was all improvised, and none of it was good. This is a movie that gets worse the longer it runs because the jokes get more and more desperate. The only good thing about this movie is the CGI. It is really good, but I don’t understand why they even bothered to make it so.

I understand that movie was supposed to be satire and poke fun at the film industry, but it doesn’t do it properly. There is nothing more I can say about this movie because it is so bland. Nothing happens. You can watch this on Netflix, but you should skip it.

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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Siege of Robin Hood (2022)

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The Siege of Robin Hood is a cheesy, low-budget fantasy movie you have not heard of for good reason. This film feels like a very well-funded LARP, unfortunately, it makes for a terrible movie. 

The Sheriff Of Nottingham is a tyrant who rules the land cruelly. The citizens have had enough but are unable to break away from his rule. It is up to Robin Hood and his band of misfits to storm the castle and give the land its peace and freedom. Do they have what it takes, or will they be another failed rebellion? 

This was exceptionally boring to watch. The costumes and the setting are the best things about this movie. They spent a lot of money on cool pieces of armor and weapons, but they ran out of money for the actors and sound. There are a couple of fun fights, but they are too few for this movie to be worth the trouble. Overall, this film’s greatest weakness lies in its actors. There are no actors in this movie, and a lot of this movie consists of a poorly written script performed terribly. Getting through this movie was hard work, work I hope you never have to do. 

The biggest issue with this movie is its lack of urgency. Nothing in this movie matters because there isn’t a threat or challenge for Robin Hood and his gang. The henchmen will die at the mere sight of the group, and Robin Hood will ex Machina his way out of everything. The villain in this movie is horribly written. The Sheriff Of Nottingham is evil for the sake of being evil. He rapes and pillages because he has to be the bad guy and that’s boring. A good villain needs clear motivation with competent henchmen so that the hero’s struggle is exciting and fun to watch. There is no weight to this villain and I was left waiting for Robin Hood to awkwardly stroll to the final disappointing battle. It is a shame because there are a couple of well-choreographed fights that leave me more disappointed in this movie. Why couldn’t the movie be full of well-choreographed and fun fights if they were going to skimp on actors and narrative? 

This movie is a complete waste of time. I like cheesy movies, but this takes it to an unwatchable level. If you like to watch bad movies to make fun of them, don’t bother with this one because it isn’t as fun as you might think. I don’t know who funded this LARP, but it wasn’t worth it. You aren’t the target audience. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Lantern’s Lane (2021)

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Do not waste your time on this terrible movie. The camera work, the plot, the acting, and the big reveal are irredeemably bad. There is nothing worth watching in this movie.

Lantern’s lane is about a girl who returns to her rural home town where she reunites with friends from high school. Bitter that she hasn’t returned, her friends attempt to play a prank on her by scaring her. Things turn sour when a killer starts hunting them instead. The mom and daughter from the opening scene are the killers. This movie spoils its ending in the first five minutes of play time with its terrible acting and camera work. Lantern’s Lane is a great example of a filmmaker who is trying way too hard to be symbolic. This movie is full of obvious foreshadowing that ruins any tension that this movie could have had. Not that anything of note ever happens. It takes a whole hour before the horror element comes into play, but it doesn’t matter because you already know who the killer is.

Instead, you are forced to sit through terribly read high school drama no one asked for. I don’t know which is worse, the acting or the writing. I don’t think anyone involved with the making of this movie has ever talked to a real person before. The dialogue in this movie is unreal. You can mash your keyboard right now, and the outcome would be better dialogue.

And the editing of this movie? I don’t think there is a single scene in this movie that isn’t a collection of shots lazily pieced together. There are more cuts in a scene of simple dialogue than there are in an MCU fight scene. Disney cuts fight scenes to hide the fact that the actors can’t fight. This movie does it to hide the fact that they can’t act. There are moments of dialogue where there is a 5-second delay before an actor responds to what was just said. I wouldn’t be surprised if the actors weren’t competent enough to remember simple dialogue. 

Don’t waste your time with this movie. Even if you like watching bad movies for fun, there’s nothing here for you. It isn’t worth sitting through because nothing happens. You don’t even get to see anyone die. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on Hulu.