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Movie Reviews

The Lodge (2019) – Review

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This review was a little difficult to complete. Not because of quality of the movie, but it is hard to talk about without spoiling the experience. So, this will be the most careful treading I will do in hopes of convincing you dear reader to watch this movie.

This suspenseful, tense, drama filled story will have you gripping at the edge of your seat as you experience one of the oddest weekends at the lodge upstate. Now, I must warn you, this movie is a slow start, and some scenes are a little long but this works in conjunction with the tone of the movie.

The movie starts off in the middle of a divorce. An awkward, almost silent car ride to the father’s house suggest that no one is happy with the situation. The silence only interrupted by slides towards the father’s new wife. A few awkward conversations, more silence, and a failed attempt to make peace between the kids and Grace (the new stepmother), it is decided that the weekend will be spent at the lodge. I do not name the father because he is barely in the movie save to give the kids and grace the reason to be at the same location. Father goes to work, leaving the kids and grace alone with something darker.

This movie does an excellent job at creating tension. The sterile silence that slinks around the cabin, only to be interrupted by sounds of daily activity echo that the kids do not like the Grace. And this movie is incredibly quite. You hear them fidget with papers. You hear the sound of the drawers when while they are talking to each other because conversations are forced and quiet. Add this to the fact that the lodge is on an isolated part of the lake and you have a creepy thriller that is creepy because of the elements that go into and not cheap jump scares. It proves that movie doesn’t need to really on a scary monster, tons of blood, or a creepy cult to elicit fear.

If you have seen Hereditary and enjoyed it, watch this movie. Although I wouldn’t consider this movie as horror, the suspense it builds is more than enough to have your heart pumping a little faster than it’s used to. Despite it’s slow start and some of the scenes taking forever, it does so much right. I definitely recommend this movie.

Movie Reviews

Earth Girls are Easy (1988) Review

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What can I say about this movie except that if you haven’t seen it, you definitely should. It isn’t the gripping story arch, in depth character development, nor its attention to detail world building that makes this a great movie. This movie has very little, if any, of these elements. Instead, it is the explosion of 80’s nostalgic madness that you have the pleasure to experience. And this movie is 80’as fuck! From the music to the set and costume design, you will get your nostalgia fix.

Aliens on a search for women find themselves at Earth’s doorstep. Specifically, in the pool of the main character Valerie Gale. Valerie has had her world turned upside down after discovering that her fiancé, the man who she was to marry in two weeks, is a cheater. Distraught and alone, she throws herself a pity party when the aliens come and interrupt it. Quickly realizing they are aliens’ shenanigans happen until they can communicate with Valerie that they are friendly. A quick changing montage musical number later and boom they are transformed into human men. The idea that these furry creatures can be turned into good looking men with the help of pounds of make-up is comical and is akin to the tone of the movie, but I digress. Now, the newly human aliens must wait for the pool to be drained so that they can leave earth and continue their search. In the meantime, they get to experience Californian culture as tourists. And this of course is the cause of a lot of shenanigans.

Sure, it is a bit slap sticky, and the bits drag on longer than they should in some points, but the ride is well worth the trouble. If it isn’t enough to ogle at a shirtless young Jeff Goldblum, you will get a lot of silly musical numbers as well as a reminder of aspects form the 80’s you probably haven’t thought about since the 90’s. The music in this movie is pretty great and echo the film’s lack of seriousness. Everything is bouncy, upbeat and erratic as if the film itself is fueled by the same mountains of cocaine that were used to write and direct it. And all of this madness and chaos just works!

Be forewarned however, this movie might be offensive for modern audience. I can see where it can be problematic and sexist, but this isn’t a movie that should be taken seriously. And it shouldn’t. This spastic journey into Southern California culture through the lens of aliens is just something fun you put on when you don’t want to follow a complicated plot or travel through back to the wackiest parts of the 90’s.

I definitely recommend this movie not for its groundbreaking impact it has on cinema, it has non, but for the fun ride you will get to experience. It is incredibly cheesy and over the top though, so if that isn’t your scene, then this isn’t the movie for you. In conclusion, Valley girls are easy.

Movie Reviews

Shazam! (2019) Review

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I am not a huge fan of live action superhero movies, but I love them in comics and animation. That said, I really wanted to like this movie. Who doesn’t want to see Captain Marvel in action! Unfortunately, this movie leaves a lot to be desired. This movie follows a foster kid Billy Batson who receives powers from an old order of wizards to protect the world form antient evil. If it already sounds generic, that is because it is incredibly so. It is a troubled hero who is searching for his mother so that he can feel complete, only to have this search complicated by this new condition.

What I thought the movie did well was how Billy initially reacts to his newfound powers. Suddenly, he has the powers to be an adult and he takes full advantage, engaging in adult activities teenage boys fantasize on. He buys beer for he and his friend, he goes to a strip club, and he excuses himself from school. It neat to see that he isn’t a completely good hero because his main interests aren’t to be traditional hero, but to use this power for personal gain. But this novelty quickly dissolves under the same tired formula we see in all origin stories. I for one am tired of watching training montages. It was good in Rocky and it worked in Spiderman but at this point, it just feels like padding for a movie that barely has a story. This montage isn’t anything new, it is the same jokes you see in every other movie where you see Billy fail over and over until he has some small form of mastery. If you are still watching the movie at this point, it doesn’t get any better.

What you get after is an uninspired forgettable villain that he must defeat. And he is forgettable. When he shows up for the big fight, I had honestly forgotten he was part of the movie because there is nothing interesting. You get a bit of backstory, but not enough to set him aside as this menace. There is no pressure for him to become stronger like there is in other movies of the genre because the villain is mostly absent from the movie, save for the times he is sprinkled in to remind the audience. Early on you get the feeling that there aren’t any real consequences, even though people do die in this movie it doesn’t matter because you can probably guess that Captain Marvel will win through the power of friendship. It literally tells you minutes into the movie, and as generic as this movie is, you should not be surprised. It is apparent that this movie was just a cheap attempt to cash in on the super hero craze and it is a shame because I have seen DC movies where they are able to tell a compelling story without reverting to the same old tropes.

Because there is no story, this movie lacks the character development to make even Captain marvel forgettable. The movie will flat out tell you important character traits, it’s an incredibly lazy way to fake a story. For example, there is a scene after the training montage where Billy sneaks back into the foster home his foster parents are disappointed that he ran away after the first night. He conveniently walks in at the end of this conversation and somehow understands the trouble he is causing. This is shown through a zoom cut to a remorseful Billy. There are no scenes where they spend time together, breaking down the metaphoric walls he’s built to protect his heart. There are no heart-warming scenes that suggest that maybe this collection of misfits could be his family. Instead you get a kid playing with his superpowers for a day and the movie telling you that Billy is experience character growth because it is written in the script. I wouldn’t have an issue with this if the movie hadn’t put so much emphasis on it’s importance. In the end when things seem the darkest, it is the love for his newfound family that gives him the power to persevere. See, it’s the same thing you’ve seen over and over again but not very well done.

I wouldn’t pay for this movie. If you were unfortunate to pay for it, I am sorry you got ripped off. I wouldn’t even recommend this film if it were free because there is nothing really worth watching. It is a shame because I do prefer the DC universe, but it seems that they aren’t able to get their formula correct. Oh well, skip it.

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Good Time (2017) Review

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If you want to know what it means to be anxious, watch this movie. The tension, the acting, the suspense and the pacing will have you at the edge of your seat as you watch bad decision after bad decision being made. To put it simply, you get to feel what it is like to be truly cornered by an inescapable fate and it is an amazing ride.

The movie follows Connie Nikas who is on the run from the law after a bank robbery goes wrong. Now he must avoid getting caught as he tries his hardest to get his brother out of custody. His brother gets caught after they robbed the bank. Now it is a race against time.  What makes this movie amazing is how it creates tension through small details that constantly present themselves as he tries to stay hidden. It is clear early on that this isn’t going to be easy for Connie, and it shouldn’t be. While on the run, Connie will pass multiple cops who are currently hunting him down. You learn that Connie is kind of a piece of shit, and you learn through his failed attempts to find asylum that he has no where to go. What do you do when you have no where to hide? You run! And there is a lot of running in this movie. This is a high octane; high tension movie and you will have no choice but to echo the small sighs of relief and respite that Connie finds through out his journey. And these moments are few and become more far in between as he digs himself deeper and deeper into trouble.

As a character, Connie is brilliant. He only cares about two things, himself and his brother and it is echoed throughout the movie as he does whatever it takes to get his brother back. He does so even if it means hurting and using both the people he knows and strangers. Connie is smart, despite his continually making bad decisions. When faced with a problem, he is quick to make decisions. The lies he forms, the quick change in appearance, how easily he seems to move from one problem to the next suggest that he is a veteran at his craft. But he is not the traditional cool headed, or even hot-headed action hero thief as seen in similar films. As he gets more and more cornered, you see him start to break. You can see the toll the chase is taking on him. He is tired, he is thirsty, he is desperate and that makes him human. Being human is important because it adds to the tension in the film. You feel that at any moment, his journey will end with one mistake. And as his journey progresses, you can see that he is learning from it. The key is that through all this chaos, he does experience personal growth and he ends up at the end of the movie changed by the outcome, even if it isn’t the traditional bad ass that we have become accustomed to. Robert Pattinson’s performance alone should be reason to watch the film.

If you haven’t seen this movie, I would definitely recommend it. If you saw Uncut Gems and liked it, then you should watch the far better older brother. It’s a great movie for those who love thrillers but are tired of the same tired formula.

Movie Reviews

1BR Review

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It is another creepy cult movie. A decently done yet still generic film that you shouldn’t spend too much time looking for.

The film starts off with Sarah trying to create a new start in LA. Unfortunately, this new start is brought to her by the creepy cult that owns the 1-bedroom apartment that is about to be the cause of the drama in this movie. Let me say that this movie does a poor job at creating the suspense needed to set the tone that it wishes to achieve. Most plot points are loudly telegraphed through random long shots. When she spends her first night in the complex, the camera pans away from Sara and stops on the units blinking fire alarm. This is obviously a hidden camera set up to watch her and it will most definitely come up later. I do not have a problem with symbolism, but it is ridiculous how much symbolism this film will try to throw at the audience. It is as if the director doesn’t have faith that the audience can come to their own conclusions so the film will constantly hand hold, taking away any creepy tone it was asking for.

Movies of a similar genre are successful because of the suspicion. Take the original Stepford Wives film, although flawed, it presents the audience with this suburban utopia, but it also gives the audience bits and pieces of flaws in society that suggest something nefarious is afoot. You have the women malfunctioning, you have strong independent women suddenly becoming subservient, and you along with the character feel that there is something wrong with the town. In 1BR, you never really get that feeling because you know from the start what is wrong so there is no point in watching the rest.

This movie is incredibly generic. It doesn’t take long for the tenants to take Sarah to try to reprogram her to see the truth. A truth written by some dead guy about the importance of community. It is through these generic tenants that the cult is created and then you just watch her do a whole lot of nothing. The torture is simple and as hard as it tries to emulate other movies that do it, they do it very poorly. Brain washing consists of her stating in an uncomfortable position for hours only being fed once a day with a nasty looking milkshake. The film suggests that hours of standing in this isolated room in the apartment that she rented, hunger, and finally the nails that go through her hands (possibly Christ-like) are enough to brain washing her into joining this society.

The brainwashing obviously doesn’t work and at this point you are halfway through the movie with little hope of it getting better. It zooms past all the tropes presented in far better movies in order to stay within the genre, for example the idea that man is corrupt and selfish and through this new cult, all of man’s problems will be solved. They also do a whole scene where they kill their oldest member because she is no longer of use. Even the big escape and the twist are anti-climactic. There isn’t really any saving grace to this film. I wouldn’t waste my time watching this movie unless it was free. Even then, there are far better movies in this genre you could be watching. This was a pretty meh attempt at brining the genre to an urban setting.

 

Movie Reviews

Stuber (2019) Review

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It’s another buddy cop movie, and not a very good one at that. Even worse, it’s an update to the movie Taxi. Same general idea but surprisingly not as good. If you can get this one for free, go for it. It isn’t a terrible sit, but I wouldn’t pay for this movie because It’s not really worth it. It is incredibly generic save for the forced politically correct jokes that it will interrupt the flow of the movie with. There are scenes where they will play these jokes as an odd nod to millennials and it does not work. Is this a new trend? I saw a lot of this in the newest Men in Black movie and it was honestly distracting. I do not have an issue with these types of jokes mind you, but I do have an issue with how they are delivered in these movies. Often times it will be in the middle of a random scene where the politically correct token character will stop the scene in order to correct something insensitive that was said. Once in a while, sure this might be a funny jest and get a decent chuckle but when it happens every time it loses it’s effectiveness. And in this movie, it becomes a little preachy. I don’t want to be preached at when I am watching a comedy.

Kamail Nanjiani is a token in this movie. His role could have been casted by anyone with a similar build. He is wasted in this film. The acting is not terrible, and you will get some chuckles out of it, but you will not remember watching this movie. The movie does very little to stand out, save for constantly mentioning uber. Batista plays a big dude and they will take every opportunity they get to point that out. Nanjiani is a skinny loser and they will take every opportunity to make sure you know that he is. Like every other movie, they will not get along but because of their journey together they will ultimately forge a lasting meaningful friendship. That is to say, they will become friends because the script says they should.

There isn’t anything deeper to this film and I know that I shouldn’t have gone into this film expecting such but I at least expected some kind of story. Instead what you get is just these caricatures being moved from joke to joke as they are forced to grow closer to one another as is tradition with this genre of film. All this is loosely inter-weaved into some drug case that I honestly forgot was a thing until the very end. The driving force behind this whole adventure merely comes forth in small segments in between all the jokes about uber and bickering between the lead. In the end, several plot points are breezed by and some of them are forgotten if not hastily tied together because they have to remind you what UBER is again.

All in all let’s call this film what it really is, a giant commercial for UBER. The films will stop multiple times to explain different aspects of the app on both the rider and driver side. Take these out and the PC jokes and the movie sadly becomes hollow because there is nothing more to this movie. Who wants to pay money to watch an UBER ride? All in all it is not the hardest sit, there are worse out there, but don’t pay money for this. This is a movie you throw in the background while you do chores or Netflix and chill if that is still a thing.

Movie Reviews

Lucy (2014) Review

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If you are looking for an action movie to scratch your need for suspense and thrills, go elsewhere because you won’t get any from this movie. Nothing happens in this movie.

This movie’s biggest weakness is that the main character is too powerful. The movie is about Lucy unlocking the next level of evolution but in the first 10 mins of the movie she is already overpowered. The issue with having such a powerful character is that it removes any danger her actions might bring. The fights are boring because Lucy can end the fights instantly. It doesn’t help that Scarlet Johansson is a robot in this movie. While this may fit with the narrative of the film, it isn’t interesting to watch. Lucy realizes that the reason that humanity is unable to evolve is because they are too hung up on aspects of life that aren’t important. This would be the aspects of humanity that give people personality. This apathetic performance makes the movie even harder to watch because there is no danger and there is no emotion. The performance isn’t bad, it was just a weird choice for this already boring movie.

This movie takes a cool concept and isn’t able to deliver on it. This story works in Futurama because you have a lot more context and you get to experience the growth and change of Bender as he comes to similar realizations. This movie, there is no growth or even character establishment because it drops off all of these points and expects you to fill in the blanks. There is no character growth because you do not know anything about the character except for snippets of forcefully placed exposition that suggest that Lucy isn’t the most put together person in this universe. You also get very little context of who the bad guys are or the magic that is bringing on the transformation. The most jarring problem is the fact that whoever is responsible for this movie keeps trying to validate this movie through disproven science. They make it a huge plot point that man only uses 15% of their brain and lucy is unlocking the rest of it with the help of magic. The problem with this is that the story isn’t very sound. There are a lot of holes in this plot and that will become obvious because this movie is boring.

This film also includes random clips of nature. Partly to pad a movie they couldn’t make any longer, and partly to make it seem deep. The problem again is that it highlights the weakness of this movie. The main weakness is that there isn’t enough story for this to be a full movie. Another weakness, it isn’t that deep. The movie isn’t the worst thing you’ll ever see, but it isn’t anything impressive. It is clearly an overzealous project that doesn’t deliver what it promises.

I would skip this movie because it doesn’t really count as a movie. This story has been done a lot better in futurama, go watch that instead.

Movie Reviews

Hellboy (2019) Review

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              I am not too familiar with the source material for this film unfortunately, so my review will focus on the movie and its story and not the comic book it is based on.

              This film was an interesting ride. It didn’t do anything extraordinarily bad, but it did little to make the film remarkable. The film is a super hero movie and thus it will follow a lot of the already established tropes. It also follows a familiar story that you have seen so many times so the fact that it doesn’t add anything to make this story feel fresh and new is a bit disappointing. Hellboy will constantly recite cheesy one liners, and most don’t really land. You will have a lot of scenes that try desperately to establish Hell Boy as a bad ass but it becomes a bit distracting. How many times can we watch a hero pretend like he doesn’t care only to find out that he does at the end? I take it not much longer and this movie will probably one that will become obscure over time because it’s the same story.

              What hurts this film is the CGI. This story might have been better if it were animated. The cgi in this film isn’t the best and the fights look ugly on the big screen. There were multiple times where I didn’t know what I was looking at because of how cartoonishly bad action scenes would play out. This comes as a huge disappointment because there are a lot of cool designs of demons and monsters that would have looked a lot better if it were all animated. If you want to watch this for the action, wait till you can watch it on a smaller screen, it might look better.

              Another issue with this movie is the acting. Maybe it is the scripts fault, but it seems like most people sleep walk through this film. Some of the acting is out right wooden and it kills a scene because if the actors don’t care, I don’t either. You can tell that this was another paycheck for most of the people here. If you are looking for a good story, go elsewhere because this one will feel generic. I honestly don’t know how this film got a theatric review when it feels like a Netflix original. It is a shame because I have seen how cool of a story can be, and I wanted to like this movie so bad but it just doesn’t do the series justice.

              I say skip this one. Don’t pay theather price because it isn’t worth it. Wait for it to come on Netflix but even then it would be for background noise as you will probably lose interest in the story. It’s not terrible, but it’s not good. 

Movie Reviews

Little (2019) Review

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              Where can I start off with this movie, if you can even call it that. Little is one of those comedies that you just have to sit through. This movie will name drop better movies of its genre, making you regret not being home watching those instead. If you’ve seen the movie “Big”, you’ve seen the better version of this movie. Hell, if you have seen the trailers for this, you’ve seen the better version of this movie as it does not add any new jokes. You aren’t missing much.

              First of all, this movie is incredibly shameless about its product placement. You can’t miss it because every scene stops in order to plug in its product placement. Lyft should seriously have a bigger acting credit than Regina Hall as it has more screen time than she does. It is a shame that movies, at least the shameless popular ones, seem to be giant advertisements and are losing their ability to tell a story effectively. I understand that a movie like this probably wouldn’t get enough funding with out such shameless product placement, but when it is this bad, just don’t make the movie.

              The jokes don’t always land, and yes you will have to sit there through entire scenes that are not funny because they had to pad out the run time somehow. And the few moments that do make you laugh are not enough to merit a viewing at the theater. How this movie got a theatric release astounds me. This should have been a Netflix original.

              Don’t waste your time or money and skip this movie. This isn’t even a fun bad movie to make fun of. It is just a bad long commercial with few barely funny jokes sprinkled throughout. Just watch the trailers or watch big as it will be a better sit. If you are curious and want to watch this movie, wait till you can stream it. Cheers.

Movie Reviews

Captain Marvel (2019) Review

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It is no secret that I am not fond of Super Hero movies. At least I do little to hide my indifference towards them. For the most part, these films aren’t able to create a captivating narrative. Most of these movies rely too much on gimmicks instead of using an actual story to tell narrative. These gimmicks are what carry over from the old tired tropes that we’ve experienced in action movies too many times. There is too much lore in super heroes for there to be an effective narrative. Because these movies need to have action, often story needs to be sacrificed and replaced by heavily edited and disorienting fights. The issue with origin story movies, like Captain Marvel, is that her character needs to be introduced and the action needs to be sacrificed. I don’t think that film is the best medium for this because you end up with a rushed narrative and a sloppy outcome.

This is where captain Marvel suffers. A brand-new character needs to be created. I’ll admit, I am not familiar with the source material. And not having the entire series committed to memory, I was lost a few times. The story itself is easy enough to follow, it just isn’t interesting enough to sit through. If you are here because you want to see some action, look elsewhere. You will have to sit through multiple layers of flashbacks that unravel too slowly to be worth the price of the ticket. By the time you do make it to the action, it is heavily edited, and it looks bad. The worst part of super hero movies is the action because of how disoriented it is to watch. The camera constantly shakes the poorly choregraphed fights to give off the illusion of action.

The story itself is rather bland. Captain Marvel doesn’t do enough to stand out and be unique, instead she falls into a generic action movie star in a movie that has very little action. There isn’t anything terribly unique or engaging about this movie and you can tell it was just another cash grab.

This movie is shameless about its product placement. Product placement has been a part of cinema for a while, but it seems lately that product placement has become a huge part of the narrative. This movie will stop it’s narrative to plug its product placement. It’s already a slow movie, it doesn’t need any more stops and the product placement in this movie becomes distracting.

All in all, I would say to hold off on this one. It is in not way the worst super hero movie, but it isn’t worth the movie theater price. It doesn’t look good on the big screen and the story isn’t compelling enough to add to any must watch list you might already have. HOLD OFF