Movie Review: Marry Me

Marry Me is a shamelessly lazy vanity project about a down-to-earth pop star trying to find true love. Don’t waste your time with this movie, it is bad. There is a big unignorable hole in this already shaky plot; there is no way a teacher can afford tickets that close to the stage.

In the movie, JLO and Maluma are world-renowned music sensations who make history with their lazily composed music. They are about to get married on stage at the world’s most anticipated concert until the script complicates things. I looked up BTS tickets because that seemed the most comparable comparison and tickets that close to the stage run around $3000 on ticket master before the fees. That means the tickets to have Owen Wilson that close to the stage would have cost more than $10,000. This being a once-in-a-lifetime event would have made the tickets more expensive. Adele tickets once sold for $78,000. It is fair to assume that these tickets would be unattainable on a teacher’s salary. If there are no tickets, Owen Wilson can’t marry JLO and there is no movie.

But unfortunately, there is a movie and it is bad. I don’t know what is worse, Maluma’s acting or the writing. Whenever the writing hits the wall, they use social media footage as a transition. It is awkward and it slows down an already slow movie.

Let’s be honest, this is JLO’s vanity project. She plays an idealized version of herself. Every bit of JLO’s dialogue is a terribly cheesy speech about love. Acting aside, her fake-deep speeches get insufferable. Every scene exists to show how nice and positive JLO always is despite her hectic lifestyle. JLO might be nice in real life, but this was exaggerated to a fantastical degree. 

 I have seen enough JLO movies to know that she plays the same character in each one. A down-to-earth kind whatever trying to find love, and each time it somehow gets worse. At least in this movie, she is proactive. You add the lazily composed music throughout and this movie becomes even harder to sit through.

This is a lazy and shameless cash grab, do not watch it.

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