Category Archives: Movie Reviews

Movie reviews

Radioactive (2019) – Review

This pretty unremarkable biopic leaves too much to be desired. This film focuses on the re-imagining of the life of the renowned Marie Curie. It follows her as she must navigate through both her personal and professional life. Unfortunately, the film takes the life of such an interesting person and makes it rather boring.

This is a film without much focus, and unfortunately it does hurt the narrative. It jumps from scene from topic to topic as if it were a college presentation on her biography. As a result, the experience becomes a dull one because the scenes little depth to any of parts of her life. Scenes will either mention adversity as a lazy exposition, like her sister mentions that they don’t like her because she is polish. Instead of showing a hatred and unfair treatment she receives, you get scenes like this where she doesn’t seem phased. A lot of what this movie tries to get across were the amounts of hurtles that she was forced to jump over because of her sex and race. These scenes should be frustrating, tense, seemingly impossible so that when she finally is able to succeed, it is satisfying. But this film isn’t able to create any of that and so when she finally does succeed, you are so bored it doesn’t matter.

The tension in this movie is incredibly lacking. I never for once feel like there is any real urgency or threat to her success. When she gets denied repeatedly and even when she is getting sick from the radon, the scenes play out a little too hopeful. This wouldn’t be a problem if the scenes were meant to be hopeful. What is worse, any scene that is able to achieve some semblance of tension are ruined with scenes of future inventions that were only possible because of her work. The movie often times will shift from serious scene, like when she is dealing with the loss of her husband, to a more hopeful scene of the future of her research. This break of tension becomes tedious and annoying as it interrupts the narrative. I do applaud them for trying something different, but this is just filler. I would have liked it better it were left as text at the end of the movie and instead these scenes were replaced with actual content.

It is a shame that this isn’t a better movie because Rosamund Pike is truly wasted in her role. Most sense in this movie don’t allow for her to show her true potential. When there is so much lazy uninspired conversation, needless sex scenes, and a lack of tension, it can be easy to dismiss her performance as Marie Curie. But this shouldn’t be the case. There is a scene that comes to mind when she is looking down at the open casket of her late husband and she breaks down, you can see the frustration and the pain of losing someone so important to her in just this short scene. Even though it was lazily established throughout the movie that she loves her husband absolutely, it is in this scene where she makes you believe it. This scene alone is why I don’t dismiss this movie completely. But it is only a small part of the movie and in the end, not really worth the watch unless you want a quick summary of her life without having to look it up on Wikipedia.

In the end, maybe watch this movie if you want some background noise while you work. It isn’t engaging or interesting enough to maintain your attention but maybe you will learn something. If that isn’t your interest, this isn’t a very good movie and you can skip it.

The Wretched (2020) – Review

The Wretched is the generic monster movie that you probably never heard about because it is so disappointing.

The movie starts off the same as all these movies tend to, a dark and stormy night 30 years ago. Pop music thunders over a yard littered with children toys suggesting shit is about to go down. One of my biggest issues with this film is the amount of filler it has, and this is opening is shameless filler. Clearly, they didn’t have enough of a story to make a movie, so now you get pointless scenes that add little to the plot. There is no context to the monster’s motivation. The people lured and killed in this movie are not related to the present-day victims. In fact, this event is never mentioned again in the movie, suggesting it’s role as padding. It wouldn’t have been a problem if it was used as a way to introduce the monster, it’s powers, where it came from, why it was killing, how it infiltrated the house. Simple clues to help build the world and the monster instead of going for a scene you have come all too familiar with at this point.

The real story takes place in modern day in a lake town where a troubled teen, Ben, spends his day working at the local marina for his dad and spying on his neighbors. A huge part of his character is spying on people. All seems normal until one night he hears something walking on his roof. He instantly knows that there is something amiss. It is here when he makes it his life’s mission to hunt down this witch because the plot asks for it. He goes straight into witch hunter mode without having any definitive proof. The rest of the movie is bits of Ben hunting down the witch and filler.

I will say it again, this movie is mostly filler. There is a pointless forced romance, a bully plot that gets forgotten, something about mind control, and the most boring party you will ever go to. They try so hard to make Ben a real person that they forget that it is a monster movie. At the marina he works with the love interest of the movie whose only character trait is that she is smitten by Ben because of reasons. I don’t know why horror feel the need to force a relationship in these movies. I for one came to this movie expecting monsters, not lazy awkward flirting between two teens. The writing in this movie isn’t great so a lot of the dialogue is awkward, as if written by aliens so when these teens flirt, it is boring and uncomfortable. They could have taken this plot out of the movie and it wouldn’t matter, that is how little value it has on the movie.

Of course a horror movie of this genre wouldn’t be complete without a party, and this party is incredibly boring. They should have had more energetic people, or people who have actually been to a party. People stand around and play drinking games as they try to push forth to the next plot point, the bully plot everyone forgot about. I don’t know why there is a bully plot in this movie. I don’t know why they added a lot of this movie, maybe it was a way to connect with teens. This is what teens do right? Sit around, drink, and be assholes for no reason. This movie tries to do too much, and a as a result it achieves little what it does.

It is a real shame because what it does well, it does really well. The few scenes that have the witch in it are terrifying. Not because of jump scares, there are a few of those, but because of how gross it is. The sounds she makes, the vile dripping from her body, and how she moves all show the truly wasted potential of this movie. Had they focused on developing the witch, having her chase the protagonist and the other teens with her vile decomposing body, this would have been a better movie. Unfortunately, they abandon this early on and give the witch the most inconsistent rule set I have ever seen.

The issue with magic in movies is the balance that is forced on its user. Usually this is when magic works for some people and not for others. This witch has a whole lot of useless powers that only make her less threatening. She can control minds, but only of those adult men that are legal age who she has whispered to. She can take over other people’s bodies, communicate fluently in English, but only women that she has killed. And these bodies have varying time limits to them as they rot over her real body. This is where the movie loses traction because it isn’t scary to watch a human woman chase hunting children when you have seen her true more terrifying form. I wish they had made it a monster movie. It would have made more sense to have a blood thirsty monster hunting its way through the community instead of a witch who has evolved to have the most inconvenient hunting abilities you will ever see in a movie. They are successful in making the most terrifying driving force of this movie and make it boring.

This is definitely a movie you skip because it does too much wrong. It doesn’t follow up on plot points it works hard to suggest are important. What it does well is left forgotten equally forgotten. If you like making fun of bad movies, you might be able to pull some material out of this one. But if you are looking for a thrilling scary movie,  look elsewhere. Sorry this was a long one, but there was so much to say about this movie.

 

The Lodge (2019) – Review

This review was a little difficult to complete. Not because of quality of the movie, but it is hard to talk about without spoiling the experience. So, this will be the most careful treading I will do in hopes of convincing you dear reader to watch this movie.

This suspenseful, tense, drama filled story will have you gripping at the edge of your seat as you experience one of the oddest weekends at the lodge upstate. Now, I must warn you, this movie is a slow start, and some scenes are a little long but this works in conjunction with the tone of the movie.

The movie starts off in the middle of a divorce. An awkward, almost silent car ride to the father’s house suggest that no one is happy with the situation. The silence only interrupted by slides towards the father’s new wife. A few awkward conversations, more silence, and a failed attempt to make peace between the kids and Grace (the new stepmother), it is decided that the weekend will be spent at the lodge. I do not name the father because he is barely in the movie save to give the kids and grace the reason to be at the same location. Father goes to work, leaving the kids and grace alone with something darker.

This movie does an excellent job at creating tension. The sterile silence that slinks around the cabin, only to be interrupted by sounds of daily activity echo that the kids do not like the Grace. And this movie is incredibly quite. You hear them fidget with papers. You hear the sound of the drawers when while they are talking to each other because conversations are forced and quiet. Add this to the fact that the lodge is on an isolated part of the lake and you have a creepy thriller that is creepy because of the elements that go into and not cheap jump scares. It proves that movie doesn’t need to really on a scary monster, tons of blood, or a creepy cult to elicit fear.

If you have seen Hereditary and enjoyed it, watch this movie. Although I wouldn’t consider this movie as horror, the suspense it builds is more than enough to have your heart pumping a little faster than it’s used to. Despite it’s slow start and some of the scenes taking forever, it does so much right. I definitely recommend this movie.

Earth Girls are Easy (1988) Review

What can I say about this movie except that if you haven’t seen it, you definitely should. It isn’t the gripping story arch, in depth character development, nor its attention to detail world building that makes this a great movie. This movie has very little, if any, of these elements. Instead, it is the explosion of 80’s nostalgic madness that you have the pleasure to experience. And this movie is 80’as fuck! From the music to the set and costume design, you will get your nostalgia fix.

Aliens on a search for women find themselves at Earth’s doorstep. Specifically, in the pool of the main character Valerie Gale. Valerie has had her world turned upside down after discovering that her fiancé, the man who she was to marry in two weeks, is a cheater. Distraught and alone, she throws herself a pity party when the aliens come and interrupt it. Quickly realizing they are aliens’ shenanigans happen until they can communicate with Valerie that they are friendly. A quick changing montage musical number later and boom they are transformed into human men. The idea that these furry creatures can be turned into good looking men with the help of pounds of make-up is comical and is akin to the tone of the movie, but I digress. Now, the newly human aliens must wait for the pool to be drained so that they can leave earth and continue their search. In the meantime, they get to experience Californian culture as tourists. And this of course is the cause of a lot of shenanigans.

Sure, it is a bit slap sticky, and the bits drag on longer than they should in some points, but the ride is well worth the trouble. If it isn’t enough to ogle at a shirtless young Jeff Goldblum, you will get a lot of silly musical numbers as well as a reminder of aspects form the 80’s you probably haven’t thought about since the 90’s. The music in this movie is pretty great and echo the film’s lack of seriousness. Everything is bouncy, upbeat and erratic as if the film itself is fueled by the same mountains of cocaine that were used to write and direct it. And all of this madness and chaos just works!

Be forewarned however, this movie might be offensive for modern audience. I can see where it can be problematic and sexist, but this isn’t a movie that should be taken seriously. And it shouldn’t. This spastic journey into Southern California culture through the lens of aliens is just something fun you put on when you don’t want to follow a complicated plot or travel through back to the wackiest parts of the 90’s.

I definitely recommend this movie not for its groundbreaking impact it has on cinema, it has non, but for the fun ride you will get to experience. It is incredibly cheesy and over the top though, so if that isn’t your scene, then this isn’t the movie for you. In conclusion, Valley girls are easy.

Shazam! (2019) Review

I am not a huge fan of live action superhero movies, but I love them in comics and animation. That said, I really wanted to like this movie. Who doesn’t want to see Captain Marvel in action! Unfortunately, this movie leaves a lot to be desired. This movie follows a foster kid Billy Batson who receives powers from an old order of wizards to protect the world form antient evil. If it already sounds generic, that is because it is incredibly so. It is a troubled hero who is searching for his mother so that he can feel complete, only to have this search complicated by this new condition.

What I thought the movie did well was how Billy initially reacts to his newfound powers. Suddenly, he has the powers to be an adult and he takes full advantage, engaging in adult activities teenage boys fantasize on. He buys beer for he and his friend, he goes to a strip club, and he excuses himself from school. It neat to see that he isn’t a completely good hero because his main interests aren’t to be traditional hero, but to use this power for personal gain. But this novelty quickly dissolves under the same tired formula we see in all origin stories. I for one am tired of watching training montages. It was good in Rocky and it worked in Spiderman but at this point, it just feels like padding for a movie that barely has a story. This montage isn’t anything new, it is the same jokes you see in every other movie where you see Billy fail over and over until he has some small form of mastery. If you are still watching the movie at this point, it doesn’t get any better.

What you get after is an uninspired forgettable villain that he must defeat. And he is forgettable. When he shows up for the big fight, I had honestly forgotten he was part of the movie because there is nothing interesting. You get a bit of backstory, but not enough to set him aside as this menace. There is no pressure for him to become stronger like there is in other movies of the genre because the villain is mostly absent from the movie, save for the times he is sprinkled in to remind the audience. Early on you get the feeling that there aren’t any real consequences, even though people do die in this movie it doesn’t matter because you can probably guess that Captain Marvel will win through the power of friendship. It literally tells you minutes into the movie, and as generic as this movie is, you should not be surprised. It is apparent that this movie was just a cheap attempt to cash in on the super hero craze and it is a shame because I have seen DC movies where they are able to tell a compelling story without reverting to the same old tropes.

Because there is no story, this movie lacks the character development to make even Captain marvel forgettable. The movie will flat out tell you important character traits, it’s an incredibly lazy way to fake a story. For example, there is a scene after the training montage where Billy sneaks back into the foster home his foster parents are disappointed that he ran away after the first night. He conveniently walks in at the end of this conversation and somehow understands the trouble he is causing. This is shown through a zoom cut to a remorseful Billy. There are no scenes where they spend time together, breaking down the metaphoric walls he’s built to protect his heart. There are no heart-warming scenes that suggest that maybe this collection of misfits could be his family. Instead you get a kid playing with his superpowers for a day and the movie telling you that Billy is experience character growth because it is written in the script. I wouldn’t have an issue with this if the movie hadn’t put so much emphasis on it’s importance. In the end when things seem the darkest, it is the love for his newfound family that gives him the power to persevere. See, it’s the same thing you’ve seen over and over again but not very well done.

I wouldn’t pay for this movie. If you were unfortunate to pay for it, I am sorry you got ripped off. I wouldn’t even recommend this film if it were free because there is nothing really worth watching. It is a shame because I do prefer the DC universe, but it seems that they aren’t able to get their formula correct. Oh well, skip it.

1BR Review

It is another creepy cult movie. A decently done yet still generic film that you shouldn’t spend too much time looking for.

The film starts off with Sarah trying to create a new start in LA. Unfortunately, this new start is brought to her by the creepy cult that owns the 1-bedroom apartment that is about to be the cause of the drama in this movie. Let me say that this movie does a poor job at creating the suspense needed to set the tone that it wishes to achieve. Most plot points are loudly telegraphed through random long shots. When she spends her first night in the complex, the camera pans away from Sara and stops on the units blinking fire alarm. This is obviously a hidden camera set up to watch her and it will most definitely come up later. I do not have a problem with symbolism, but it is ridiculous how much symbolism this film will try to throw at the audience. It is as if the director doesn’t have faith that the audience can come to their own conclusions so the film will constantly hand hold, taking away any creepy tone it was asking for.

Movies of a similar genre are successful because of the suspicion. Take the original Stepford Wives film, although flawed, it presents the audience with this suburban utopia, but it also gives the audience bits and pieces of flaws in society that suggest something nefarious is afoot. You have the women malfunctioning, you have strong independent women suddenly becoming subservient, and you along with the character feel that there is something wrong with the town. In 1BR, you never really get that feeling because you know from the start what is wrong so there is no point in watching the rest.

This movie is incredibly generic. It doesn’t take long for the tenants to take Sarah to try to reprogram her to see the truth. A truth written by some dead guy about the importance of community. It is through these generic tenants that the cult is created and then you just watch her do a whole lot of nothing. The torture is simple and as hard as it tries to emulate other movies that do it, they do it very poorly. Brain washing consists of her stating in an uncomfortable position for hours only being fed once a day with a nasty looking milkshake. The film suggests that hours of standing in this isolated room in the apartment that she rented, hunger, and finally the nails that go through her hands (possibly Christ-like) are enough to brain washing her into joining this society.

The brainwashing obviously doesn’t work and at this point you are halfway through the movie with little hope of it getting better. It zooms past all the tropes presented in far better movies in order to stay within the genre, for example the idea that man is corrupt and selfish and through this new cult, all of man’s problems will be solved. They also do a whole scene where they kill their oldest member because she is no longer of use. Even the big escape and the twist are anti-climactic. There isn’t really any saving grace to this film. I wouldn’t waste my time watching this movie unless it was free. Even then, there are far better movies in this genre you could be watching. This was a pretty meh attempt at brining the genre to an urban setting.

 

Stuber (2019) Review

It’s another buddy cop movie, and not a very good one at that. Even worse, it’s an update to the movie Taxi. Same general idea but surprisingly not as good. If you can get this one for free, go for it. It isn’t a terrible sit, but I wouldn’t pay for this movie because It’s not really worth it. It is incredibly generic save for the forced politically correct jokes that it will interrupt the flow of the movie with. There are scenes where they will play these jokes as an odd nod to millennials and it does not work. Is this a new trend? I saw a lot of this in the newest Men in Black movie and it was honestly distracting. I do not have an issue with these types of jokes mind you, but I do have an issue with how they are delivered in these movies. Often times it will be in the middle of a random scene where the politically correct token character will stop the scene in order to correct something insensitive that was said. Once in a while, sure this might be a funny jest and get a decent chuckle but when it happens every time it loses it’s effectiveness. And in this movie, it becomes a little preachy. I don’t want to be preached at when I am watching a comedy.

Kamail Nanjiani is a token in this movie. His role could have been casted by anyone with a similar build. He is wasted in this film. The acting is not terrible, and you will get some chuckles out of it, but you will not remember watching this movie. The movie does very little to stand out, save for constantly mentioning uber. Batista plays a big dude and they will take every opportunity they get to point that out. Nanjiani is a skinny loser and they will take every opportunity to make sure you know that he is. Like every other movie, they will not get along but because of their journey together they will ultimately forge a lasting meaningful friendship. That is to say, they will become friends because the script says they should.

There isn’t anything deeper to this film and I know that I shouldn’t have gone into this film expecting such but I at least expected some kind of story. Instead what you get is just these caricatures being moved from joke to joke as they are forced to grow closer to one another as is tradition with this genre of film. All this is loosely inter-weaved into some drug case that I honestly forgot was a thing until the very end. The driving force behind this whole adventure merely comes forth in small segments in between all the jokes about uber and bickering between the lead. In the end, several plot points are breezed by and some of them are forgotten if not hastily tied together because they have to remind you what UBER is again.

All in all let’s call this film what it really is, a giant commercial for UBER. The films will stop multiple times to explain different aspects of the app on both the rider and driver side. Take these out and the PC jokes and the movie sadly becomes hollow because there is nothing more to this movie. Who wants to pay money to watch an UBER ride? All in all it is not the hardest sit, there are worse out there, but don’t pay money for this. This is a movie you throw in the background while you do chores or Netflix and chill if that is still a thing.

Huslers (2019) Review

I didn’t expect much from this movie going into it, and I was not wrong. I will say it now, skip this movie because there is nothing that saves it, not even the fan service.

My biggest problem with this film is the narration. I hate narration in any form because of how lazy it is. Narration, in my opinion, is an easy cop out to sound deep. It is a device used by filmmakers when they do not have faith in their audience to come up with their own conclusions. Therefore, narration is used as a way to railroad the audience into having a certain opinion of the film. In this movie’s case, it was to hammer in some form of sympathy for the strippers. The narration itself is boring, it lacks any emotion and it feels as if Constance Wu is reading outload. Why should I care if the person telling the story doesn’t. Wu is also an unreliable narrator. What she says, how she says it, and the actual events suggest that her story isn’t the whole story. You will be stuck listening to a story that doesn’t matter.

There isn’t enough story in this plot to flesh out a full movie. As a result, this movie has a lot of unnecessary padding. These include pointless cameos, comic relief characters serving their purpose, there is even a scene where they open Christmas presents. They try incredibly hard to make you empathize with the strippers, but it is hard to do when they are screwing over innocent people. Take out these scenes, and you have a far shorter yet equally uninteresting movie.

There is too much to say about this terrible movie. Do not watch this as there is no saving grace. Even the fan service that this movie provides, and it provides a small amount, doesn’t save this movie. It’s a movie with a bunch of poorly acted scenes stringed together with terrible narration. Spend your time elsewhere. If you are thinking about watching it for the fan service, don’t bother, just watch the scenes on youtube.

Lucy (2014) Review

If you are looking for an action movie to scratch your need for suspense and thrills, go elsewhere because you won’t get any from this movie. Nothing happens in this movie.

This movie’s biggest weakness is that the main character is too powerful. The movie is about Lucy unlocking the next level of evolution but in the first 10 mins of the movie she is already overpowered. The issue with having such a powerful character is that it removes any danger her actions might bring. The fights are boring because Lucy can end the fights instantly. It doesn’t help that Scarlet Johansson is a robot in this movie. While this may fit with the narrative of the film, it isn’t interesting to watch. Lucy realizes that the reason that humanity is unable to evolve is because they are too hung up on aspects of life that aren’t important. This would be the aspects of humanity that give people personality. This apathetic performance makes the movie even harder to watch because there is no danger and there is no emotion. The performance isn’t bad, it was just a weird choice for this already boring movie.

This movie takes a cool concept and isn’t able to deliver on it. This story works in Futurama because you have a lot more context and you get to experience the growth and change of Bender as he comes to similar realizations. This movie, there is no growth or even character establishment because it drops off all of these points and expects you to fill in the blanks. There is no character growth because you do not know anything about the character except for snippets of forcefully placed exposition that suggest that Lucy isn’t the most put together person in this universe. You also get very little context of who the bad guys are or the magic that is bringing on the transformation. The most jarring problem is the fact that whoever is responsible for this movie keeps trying to validate this movie through disproven science. They make it a huge plot point that man only uses 15% of their brain and lucy is unlocking the rest of it with the help of magic. The problem with this is that the story isn’t very sound. There are a lot of holes in this plot and that will become obvious because this movie is boring.

This film also includes random clips of nature. Partly to pad a movie they couldn’t make any longer, and partly to make it seem deep. The problem again is that it highlights the weakness of this movie. The main weakness is that there isn’t enough story for this to be a full movie. Another weakness, it isn’t that deep. The movie isn’t the worst thing you’ll ever see, but it isn’t anything impressive. It is clearly an overzealous project that doesn’t deliver what it promises.

I would skip this movie because it doesn’t really count as a movie. This story has been done a lot better in futurama, go watch that instead.

John Wick 3: Now with 200% More Dog

If you haven’t seen any of the John Wick movies, why are you reading this? Start watching them now. This series doesn’t fail to entertain and will have you on the edge of your seat as you watch John Wick wreck mayhem across New York. Although the series doesn’t necessarily get better with each instalment, it doesn’t get worse like Taken. This movie starts off fun and will stay fun.

What I particularly like about the series is how each film builds off the other. Each film starts off with John Wick dealing with the consequences brought on by his actions in the previous movie. And this movie does have consequences. John Wick isn’t the typical inhuman badass that is ever present in movies of the same genre. John Wick progressively gets tired. You get to see him get hurt and react accordingly. He will limp and the action will slow down showing his mortality. I particularly like this aspect because it is something different. It was nice to see action scenes that weren’t cut to shit to give the illusion of fighting.

Although this film gets a bit repetitive at times, it is worth the watch. The beautifully choreographed fight scenes make up for the lack of story. Don’t get me wrong, this film has more story than other’s in the genre but the story isn’t terribly complex. Someone shoots his dog and he goes on a full rampage. The way it this was executed however is something you need to experience for yourself. And if at this point you haven’t seen the previous instalments; you don’t really need to see them to enjoy the third movie. I didn’t remember the events of the other movies when I watched it and felt like it does a good job catching you up. Although it wouldn’t be a terrible idea to binge all three in one of the most bad ass sitting you will experience.

And of course the best part, this movie comes with way more dog. I can say, you are not ready for the amount and quality of dog you will get from this movie. That alone should be reason for you to strop reading this and watch what is easily one of the best action flicks I’ve seen this year. Forget your superhero bullshit, forget your repetitive money making action trash and go see this.

In closing, love yourself and watch this!