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Youtube Reviews: Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector

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This movie was made at the height of Larry the Cable Guy’s popularity. If you have seen any of his work, you have seen all his work. He plays the same character, encounters the same obstacles, and learns the same lessons. The only difference in his roles are the skin that the movie takes. Whether he is a Tow Truck, a soldier, or a health inspector, Larry the Cable Guy is the good hearted redneck with a lot more to offer than meets the eye. As a result, his movies tend to be repetitive and I would argue boring. There is so much you can do with this character and they clearly ran out of ideas with this movie.

It’s not that this movie is bad, it’s just that it is boring. It is so dumbed down and easy that I would argue that it was created for a younger audience. Nothing really stands out in this movie and I for one was left unimpressed by everyone’s lack luster performance. It’s almost as if the cast knew that no one was going to see this movie. There really isn’t much I can say about this movie. I wouldn’t watch it unless you like his comedy and lots of gross out humor. If you are looking for a funny comedy to watch, go elsewhere.

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Announcement

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I will not be going a normal post this week, I am not quite happy with the story that I am working on yet so that will be postponed for next week. Stay tuned for that.

Instead, I will use this time to announce a project that I am starting up. Moving forward, I will no longer be doing movie reviews and will instead be focusing on my creative writing, specifically working on D&D content but there is always a chance I might move from that later down the road. I am having a lot more fun writing stories than criticizing movies so this seems like a very logical move.

As for my announcement, I will be starting up a new ongoing series based on my running of the published adventure “Waterdeep: Dungeon of the Mad Mage” by Wizards of the Coast. I will be taking some creative liberties and changing parts of the adventure to better suit my narrative, but there will be spoilers and you have been warned. Thank you and have a wonderful day!

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New to Town (2009) Review – A love story they should have told better

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I will not sit here and try to sell you on a movie that is mediocre at best. The plot is generic and contrived and there is no chemistry between the main characters. It is hard to watch a love story about two people who only seem to only tolerate each other. The movie does try to address some deep issues like how corporate America can ruin small rural towns, but it does not go deep enough. It shouldn’t, it is a rom com, but these scenes are more thought out and impressive than the romantic plot that seems to be thrown in there out of necessity.

The biggest problem with this movie is the pacing. They mix so many plots that they leave very little time to flesh any of them out fully. When she shifts from hating the town to wanting to save it seems to come almost out of nowhere because it is so sudden. I wish they would have abandoned the romance plot, that being the weakest in the movie. I wish movies like this would stop defining woman’s happiness by their relationship with me and instead focus on the deeper non-romantic connections they could make. If you take out the romance plot from this movie, it could turn into a heartwarming film about a woman who wants to save a town because of the friendships she has made in the process.

I would argue that it is the relationship that Blanche forges with Lucy that ultimately saves the town. The character Blanche is the only reason why I enjoyed this movie as much as I did. I Stopped following Lucy’s narrative early on because she is a generic character. Instead, I chose to follow Blanche closely. Blanche starts out the movie as this almost overbearing presence. She doesn’t stop talking and she is always inserting herself into Lucy’s life. But as the movie progresses it’s clear that Blanche is going out of her way to make sure Lucy feels welcomed in her town. I believe that her motives are altruistic and Blanche’s kindness is indeed genuine. This overbearing presence she has slowly becomes normal and scenes without her seem lifeless. I think the film does a great job at showing this progression of from annoying to friendly not only for Lucy, but for the audience as well. I think this friendship was the most important aspect of this films plot and I wish they developed it a lot more.  

My main issue with this movie is the love interest. They could have dropped him from the movie and it would not have changed the plot. He has such little impact in this movie that I forget his name. Instead, they should have taken more time to develop Lucy’s relationship with the town. They could have shown her slowly building a rapport with the townspeople and maybe even start developing a routine. They could have shown her going into a shop and the owner knows her by name and what she likes to order. I would have rather seen a heartwarming scene between Blanche and Lucy instead of the messy fight she has in the factory with the workers. This movie should have been more about her relationship with the town and factory.

If you are looking for a good romantic comedy, you have already seen better. Go watch those instead. If you are looking for a dumb movie to put in the background while you do chores, this is a valid choice. It could make a fun date night movie, the plot is simple and you do not need to pay attention to the movie to get the gist. There are worse ways to spend an hour and some change, but you probably won’t remember watching this movie.

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Good Time (2017) Review

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If you want to know what it means to be anxious, watch this movie. The tension, the acting, the suspense and the pacing will have you at the edge of your seat as you watch bad decision after bad decision being made. To put it simply, you get to feel what it is like to be truly cornered by an inescapable fate and it is an amazing ride.

The movie follows Connie Nikas who is on the run from the law after a bank robbery goes wrong. Now he must avoid getting caught as he tries his hardest to get his brother out of custody. His brother gets caught after they robbed the bank. Now it is a race against time.  What makes this movie amazing is how it creates tension through small details that constantly present themselves as he tries to stay hidden. It is clear early on that this isn’t going to be easy for Connie, and it shouldn’t be. While on the run, Connie will pass multiple cops who are currently hunting him down. You learn that Connie is kind of a piece of shit, and you learn through his failed attempts to find asylum that he has no where to go. What do you do when you have no where to hide? You run! And there is a lot of running in this movie. This is a high octane; high tension movie and you will have no choice but to echo the small sighs of relief and respite that Connie finds through out his journey. And these moments are few and become more far in between as he digs himself deeper and deeper into trouble.

As a character, Connie is brilliant. He only cares about two things, himself and his brother and it is echoed throughout the movie as he does whatever it takes to get his brother back. He does so even if it means hurting and using both the people he knows and strangers. Connie is smart, despite his continually making bad decisions. When faced with a problem, he is quick to make decisions. The lies he forms, the quick change in appearance, how easily he seems to move from one problem to the next suggest that he is a veteran at his craft. But he is not the traditional cool headed, or even hot-headed action hero thief as seen in similar films. As he gets more and more cornered, you see him start to break. You can see the toll the chase is taking on him. He is tired, he is thirsty, he is desperate and that makes him human. Being human is important because it adds to the tension in the film. You feel that at any moment, his journey will end with one mistake. And as his journey progresses, you can see that he is learning from it. The key is that through all this chaos, he does experience personal growth and he ends up at the end of the movie changed by the outcome, even if it isn’t the traditional bad ass that we have become accustomed to. Robert Pattinson’s performance alone should be reason to watch the film.

If you haven’t seen this movie, I would definitely recommend it. If you saw Uncut Gems and liked it, then you should watch the far better older brother. It’s a great movie for those who love thrillers but are tired of the same tired formula.

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The Intern (2015) Review

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The intern is the buddy comedy starring Robert De Niro and Anne Hathaway that no one asked for. The plot is simple enough. You start out the movie with De Niro narrating how his life has become boring routine since his Retirement. We learn that this narration is part of his interview for a job as an intern at a successful online retail company. This is immediately contrasted against Anne Hathaway’s character who is a fast-paced business woman in charge of an extremely successful business. The movie wants you to know that they are opposites and will be the focus of the movie. Naturally De Niro gets the job and is paired up with Hathaway’s character because she must be the example for the company. As the movie progresses, we get to see their relationship grow as Hathaway learns to slow down and soften up thanks to the persistence and good nature of Robert De Niro. It’s a basic plot so there isn’t too much to say on it.

The film starts off quirky. The character interactions, the music, the scenes. Unfortunately, it loses this quirk 20 minutes in after all the introductions are settled. It gets dull. A lot of the plot is contrived and forced just for the sake of having plot points. De Niro’s love interests, his friendships, the whole reason that he end’s up at the company in the first place is a reach. After you get past the quirky intro, it turns into a generic story that you will forget instantly. Granted, I might not be the target audience so that might contribute why this story wasn’t compelling, but it’s just too simple for my taste.

The acting in this movie is good. The chemistry between the two characters, and even the rest of the cast was great. I believed De Niro and Hathaway’s relationship. I thought it was cute, but the acting and the chemistry can’t save the boring narrative you have to sit through. I don’t have too much to say about this movie because it was just generic. I don’t see this movie lasting too long because it will be dated soon. A lot of the quirks get old fast and they will repeat the same joke too many times. I lost interest early on because it becomes a gimmick almost. It is jokes about De Niro adjusting to the tech world and jokes about Hathaway learning to slow down and enjoy her life. It is too easy.

It’s not a terrible film, it has good moments. The acting is great. The production is good. It just wasn’t made for me. It is story no one asked for and we really don’t need but it was done well enough. I rate a 4 out of 10, while I didn’t like the film personally, it’s not a harmful flick and it isn’t a terrible time. For the right audience, it’ll be a great sit.

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Escape Plan 2: Hades

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Hey guys, its been a while. I’ve been busy with work and such and will be rolling out the reviews slower than usual until I get settled.

Escape Plan 2: Hades is the sequel no one knows exists. Probably because the entire budget was spent on the special effects. Plot wise, it follows the same formula as the first, except with a lot less Stallone, which was incredibly disappointing for me. If you look at the poster for this film, you’d assume this would be a movie that stares Stallone and Bautista, but it doesn’t. Instead we follow Shen who gets captured because his cousin has this super secret high tech skeleton key that some secret evil force wants to steal. The movie then works in a similar fashion where Shen must figure out a way to escape the prison.

This was a much more poorly executed movie than the first one. The budget is noticeably smaller than the previous as most of it is filmed in front of a green screen with horrible CGI. Most of the actors sleep walk through this, possibly because they assume no one is going to watch it. Sadly, I got to watch it and we paid to rent it. I have never felt so cheated in my life. The plot doesn’t make any sense and if you haven’t seen the first one, don’t bother watching this one because you will be confused. For some reason this movie makes a lot of references to the first one assuming that the first film was incredibly memorable. Having seen the first one myself, I struggled to follow the plot and I honestly forgot the plot of the first one. Writing this review, I am struggling to remember what the hell I just watched.

The best part of the movie is how the try to sequel bate a third movie, as if they believed this would be the beginning of a long lasting series, but I cant see a movie with a lower production value than this one. This movie is so bad and boring, skip this one. It doesn’t have any redeeming qualities. If you are a fan of the first one, watch the first one again.

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Viral (2016) Review

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Viral (2016) Comes to use from directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman and writers Barbara Marhall and Christopher Landon. The film is an outbreak horror film that takes place in the idle of god knows where. An outbreak has happened off screen and we know this because it’s on the news. We learn about the symptoms of what the news is now calling the worm flue. We cut to a girl creepily staring at a couple making out in a hallway of a random high school. This is our main girl, Emma, and the movie being self-aware, calls her out on being a creeper. We are introduced to her best friend? Her only friend? It doesn’t matter because this is the last we hear from her because she is clearly infected. We meet Emma’s love interest Evan, who is the love interest due to his sex appeal? Emma’s desire to have sex with him? From the initial dialogue, that is the depth of her attraction to the love interest.

We meet the sister, Stacey, who is of course the rebellious one and the complete opposite of Emma. We learn more about the virus and that there has been a quarantine. Oh and the best friend has become fully infected at this point. The virus starts to spread through out the city and we learn this because the movie tells us. Instead we get to watch go to a party, get to see the sisters bond, and of course watch the Machine Gun Kelly cameos. After the one-party scene, and it is a terrible party, Stacey gets infected. The rest of the movie drags on where nothing really happens and Stacey struggles to keep her infection a secret.

I don’t know where to begin with this movie. This is the type of horror movie where everyone dies off camera. We get to learn about death through exposition or implication. The biggest issue is that you are stuck with these two sisters throughout the whole movie. It’s like they ran out of money after renting the house where most of the movie takes place that they couldn’t afford anything else. I say the virus doesn’t matter because it barely ever shows up and when it does, it is a shitty jump scare.

Fucking Evan. There is no reason for Evan to be in this movie. He is actually kind of awkward and creepy which I guess works for being Emma’s love interest, but I don’t understand why they are together. Mostly because they are the only ones left in this town for the duration of the movie. This guy can’t act to save his life so scenes where he is supposed to be emotional, or where he is supposed to be scared don’t work because he stands there blankly. They also work really hard to give him a sad story so that maybe you will feel bad for him and ignore his terrible acting. All done through exposition of course.

If you are looking for a good epidemic movie, look somewhere else because most of the time you are stuck dealing with these two girls and their problems. The virus is glossed over so vaguely that I still can’t tell you what it does. Are they zombies? Are they aliens? Who fucking knows.

Although the first half wasn’t terrible, the last half falls off quick and I was sitting here wishing it would just end. This movie would have been over a lot sooner if Stacey hadn’t gone to the party. Or, instead of hiding, they had left like the rest of the teens. But nope, of course everyone in this movie lacks rationality and we have to pay for it with our time. While it isn’t the worst horror movie, or even the worst pandemic movie I have seen, it is bad. Check it out if you like watching bad movies for fun and like to make fun of it. I caution you though, you will run of things to say. I give this film a 3 out of 10.

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Carpool (1996) Review

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Carpool (1996) is a comedy written by Don Rhymer and directed by Arthur Hiller. The movie introduces to a businessman, Daniel, who is late for a meeting. The movie tells us that Daniel works a lot and is very punctual. Today is his families turn to drive the carpool, but his wife cannot do it because she has fallen extremely ill. Daniel now has to take all the kids to school. We are introduced to Daniels two sons whose names don’t matter. We also get introduced to the rest of the kids whose names also don’t matter. Because Daniel is running late, he has to get breakfast for the kids. This is where I’d argue the movie starts, 15 minutes in. In the store, the shop gets robbed. Due to a mistaken identity, Franklin, who happened to be on his way to rob a bank accidently robs the store because the actual robbers are incompetent. Remember that because it is a theme. Franklin ends up taking Daniel and the kids as hostage. The rest of the movie involves all of the hijinks that they must pass as they evade the police and try to get Franklin to his destination.

You should watch this movie if you want to know what it is like to have kids, but not actually have them. The movie even starts off with sound bites of kids being annoying as they are being driven around. The first five minutes are unbearable. Then you meet the kids, who are incredibly forgettable, and you wish you didn’t. They each have a quirk that defines them, but you forget the quirk because for the rest of the movie they just become incredibly annoying. If you’ve made it past the first 15 minutes of the movie, you are ready to be a parent. The first 15 minutes of this movie work to show how annoying kids are as Daniel tries to drive the kids to school and all they do is get on your nerves.

Now I’ll address the incompetence in this movie. Everyone is incompetent in this movie. In fact, this movie would be so much shorter if at least one person was intelligent, but no one in this city is. Literally this movie would have been over at the grocery store but they have to drag it out. The worst part, the movie never gets funny. There is a lot of slap stick that doesn’t land. Everyone in this movie fumbles their way through the scenes and it gets annoying.

If you’ve stuck with this movie to the half way mark you get to watch the kids and the robber franklin because….The movie even becomes self-aware and the father, Daniel, is constantly asking why the kids are helping out the criminal, and no one ever an answer. In fact, through the power of charisma alone, Franklin is able to win the hearts of everyone and is even avoid prison. Sorry, spoilers, but you should really avoid this movie.

This movie doesn’t know what it wants to be. It doesn’t even try to be funny. It’s like baby sitting extremely annoying kids that aren’t yours and you have sit there and watch this mess for an hour. There is absolutely no reason this movie should be this long. There are so many times he should have just been shot. Despite that, even if Franklin makes it to his destination, his face is all over the news. There is no possible outcome that he will walk out of this scenario a free man, even if it is a case of mistaken identity because he goes on to rob the store, kidnap all these people, and his hijinks destroy half the city.

Please skip this one, it’s not a good time even if you like watching bad movies for fun like I do. The characters will annoy you. There is no redeeming factor in this. I grade it 0 out 19. Thanks.