As per the agreement I made with the publisher, I have made a short review and gameplay video for the game.
Video Review: 60 Parsecs!
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Movie Review: Allegoria (2022)
The Harrowing of Hell By Jacob van Swanenburgh. I couldn’t get the rights to the poster, but this painting was referenced in the movie. Source
This movie took a lot of effort to get through because of how unbearably pretentious it is. I had to take multiple breaks just to be able to finish it. That said, I don’t outright hate this movie. I have seen a lot worse, and there are things about this movie I did like, but it is hard to recommend. Unless you like low-budget experimental horror films, I wouldn’t bother.
Allegoria is an anthology of horror stories involving artists encountering evil. Monsters, demons, murders, and the unexplainable are wreaking havoc on the world’s most pretentious artists, and no one knows why. The stories are out of order, but surprisingly, they all connect at the end in a kind of satisfying way. The acting is solid for the most part, but the writing needs a lot of work. There are some clear moments of competence where the filmmaking, acting, and writing come together to create a great narrative, but most of the movie isn’t that.
The problem I have with anthologies is that not all the narratives are good. You get a few good stories, but you have to sit through all the bad ones. Most anthologies have a theme, like Tales From The Crypt. They might exist in the same universe but aren’t always connected aside from the theme and setting. The stories in this anthology are connected by a single event. I would argue that some of the connections between the stories are forced to make them fit the overall narrative. I appreciate the novelty of the storytelling in this movie, but I can’t get over the pretentiousness. Every narrative has a longwinded, eye-roll enduring monologue defining an art form, and there is only so much of that I could take.
I can’t recommend this movie because it is more bad than good. But if you like strange movies that are just okay, you can stream this on Shudder if you have a subscription.
Series Review: This Fool (2022)
As far as sketch comedy shows go, This Fool is just okay. I thought it was funny enough, but it isn’t something you should be rushing to see. If you are looking for something to throw on in the background to watch passively, this is an option.
This Fool is about an ex-con and the cousin who helps him with his rehabilitation. The series is about Mexican-Americans in Los Angeles. The show deals with the problematic penal system, the hardships of adjusting to life after prison, and trying to find ones place in society.
The acting is okay, the story is fine, and the comedy is mostly funny. The show has a narrative it follows loosely, but it mostly moves from skit to skit. The problem with these types of shows is that not all of the jokes and skits are funny. There are some episodes that are really lackluster and skits that are a chore to get through. Although I did laugh and enjoyed the concept, This Fool didn’t leave much of an impression.
What I liked most about this show is how it handles important social issues. This country’s penal system is broken, and life for those who go through it is hard. The show makes some valid criticism of the system while also showing the hardships people face when they are released from prison. While they do keep the subject light, there are some very real moments that I appreciated.
Other shows in this genre tend to lose their novelty after a couple season. Inspiration dies and the shows stop being as funny. I thought the first season of this show was fine, but I doubt it can survive another season. I just don’t think there is enough material.
If you like shows like Broad City or Portlandia, it might be worth checking out. Keep in mind that this was written from the Mexican-American perspective and a lot of the humor relates to the culture. While I thought it was hilarious and appreciated the nuances, others might not understand or catch the jokes. I recommend watching this show when you have other stuff to do, it doesn’t deserve your full attention. You can stream it on Hulu.
TV Series Review: The Summer I Turned Pretty
The Summer I Turned Pretty turned out to be a solid coming-of-age story that I didn’t hate. Usually, I stay away from these types of shows because I am not the target audience, but I am glad I didn’t. If you are the target audience or love sappy reverse harems, this is a decent one you can find on Amazon.
The show focuses on Belly who has just grown out of her awkward teen phase. She takes it upon herself to make the most of her summer and try to find love as well as define who she is. Will she find love, or will she be overwhelmed by the new world she is setting off into?
While the show does follow some of the tropes and the characters are a bit two-dimensional, it stands out against others I’ve seen. It is a lot tamer, the characters are likable, and the story is interesting. I liked that the show doesn’t rely heavily on fan service, current slang, or over-the-top quirky characters to trick people into watching it. You have a solid cast, some heartwarming moments, and some very real situations despite the narrative existing in a bubble.
The whole story takes place in a vacation town, far removed from most problems. It allows Belly to exist in this world where she can be the main character for once and also gives her the opportunity to find herself. The show handles a very complicated period in our lives pretty well. I liked watching Belly grow from her experiences and mistakes, but I was a bit disappointed by the ending. My problem with this story is that this is a very specific experience that plays out like a fantasy. As a result, the story is a bit sappy, but it never got cringy or unwatchable. I think if you are the target audience and enjoy these types of dramas you will enjoy this show a bit better.
You can watch this on Amazon with your prime membership. While I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, you won’t hate it if you do.
I Got My Dad Into X-Wing
I want to talk about X-Wing for a moment, at least my experience with the miniatures tabletop game. I know there is a lot of controversy about the game because of the recent rule changes, but as a new player, I don’t mind the new rules. I understand squad building a lot better with the new rules. I am not here to discuss the new rules, but rather with my experience with the hobby.
I got X-Wing on a whim, as something to do with my dad. My dad and I don’t have much in common. He has never shared an interest in miniature wargaming, but I don’t have anyone to play with either. I also don’t feel comfortable enough to go to my local game shop to play with strangers. I decided this was my best avenue, so I bought a couple of starter sets.
I am happy to say that our first game went well. It was cool to see him slowly get into the game. He would remind me of rules, he would measure his distances, and worst of all, he started moving with purpose. I have yet to beat my dad at X-Wing. My dad doesn’t speak English, so we don’t play with all the rules yet. I’ve been slowly adding a new rule every time as to not overwhelm him, but I don’t think he needs the crutch too much. With each game that we play, I can see him get better. He flies in wings and is getting too good at the positioning. He thinks I take it easy on him, but I am not. I am very competitive and try my hardest to win.
Maybe this post will get lost in the ether; that is fine. I just wanted to put this out there: I am glad I found this hobby I can share with my dad. I look forward to the day that I can finally beat him.
TV Series Reviews: Panic (2021)
Panic is a show on Amazon that promises a deadly fear factor drama about teens in a small town in Texas. It fails to deliver anything entertaining; I urge you to ignore its existence. The show follows a very dull protagonist who joins a game that has been a tradition in this town for a few years now. In this game, participants compete in dangerous challenges for a life-changing amount of money. Life-changing being only 50k. Challenges range from walking across high and narrow platforms to stealing from drug dealers. On paper, this show seems like a fun show full of suspense and danger. In execution, however, you get a generic and safe teen drama.
I never got the sense of any danger in any of the challenges. You know early on that the protagonist will win Panic, thus the sense of danger doesn’t exist. This poorly written show is predictable. From its plot points to its twists, there are no surprises. The worst of this show is the whiny and boring protagonist you are stuck with. Granted, the acting in this show isn’t great, but somehow hers is the worst. She has no emotion or personality. I already forgot everything about her character.
For a show like this to work, you need drama, suspense, and a sense of danger. Instead of any of that, you get shameless fan service at the cost of plot development. Or you get boring teen drama nonsense that I never signed up for. Maybe I am not the target audience, but I gave this show an honest try. It never gets any good. I got halfway through the series, and I was still waiting for any sense of danger or intrigue. I am so mad this show has the gull to sequel bait. I’m sure season two will be even more disappointing.
This show is poorly acted, poorly written, and poorly executed. Not to mention that the plot holes are hard to ignore. Do not watch this; it is a waste of your time. Maybe the book is better.
YouTube Movie Reviews: Superhero Movie (2008)
Superhero Movie is a parody that should not have been made. I remember not liking it when it first came out, but not much else. It has not aged well since. This movie relies heavily on farting. This movie fills its dead air with fart jokes because it doesn’t have enough material to fill the run time. There are more farts in this movie than actual jokes. It is clear early on that this movie was made for 8-year-olds in 2008. It doesn’t hold up.
This movie is boring. It slogs through its run time with very little humor in it. There were a few moments where I wanted to give up on this movie, but I powered through. It isn’t worth it. The few moments that got a chuckle out of me are not worth sitting through the rest of the nonsense. Watching a YouTube video with all the best scenes would be a better use of your time, but not by much.
I would skip this even if you like watching bad movies for fun because it is slow and boring. But it is free for those poor souls who don’t believe me.
Youtube Movie Reviews: Galaxy Quest (1999)
There isn’t much to say about this movie; this is a good one. Watch it! It is a Star Trek parody that ends up being the “Star Trek” movie we’ve always wanted. It is funny, it is suspenseful, it is exciting, and it has real character growth. I honestly believe that it achieves more than other more serious movies of the genre.
Keep in mind that this is a parody. Don’t expect amazing space battles, well-choreographed fight scenes, or genre-defining special effects. The movie is silly and leans heavily into its cheesy and over-the-top tone. It works well! Trust me.
Underneath all the silliness, however, is a serious message. The movie is about a group of actors that are trapped by the success of a show that is no longer running. They end up having to run through a circuit of conventions, desperately holding on to the feeling of what once was. They all share this sense of being trapped by the shadow of the show’s success, and they all desire to be a part of something greater.
And when the call does come, they answer it reluctantly, stumbling and fumbling along because they are just regular people. That’s what gives this movie its charm. No one knows what they are doing but they slowly fall into their role, growing ass they accept their responsibility. You come to this movie for its silliness, but you stay because you love how it plays out. It tells an engaging story for what it is.
You can watch it free on Youtube, PlutoTv and IMDBtv. It is also included with your prime subscription.
Blood Fest (2018) Review
This was an incredibly frustrating movie. Not because it was bad, but because it was lazy. I didn’t expect much from a company that primarily focuses on short videos for the internet and yet I still found myself being let down. I understand that I am not the target audience, but that won’t stop me from criticizing whatever you want to call this. Rooster Teeth makes content for fans of Rooster teeth. This creates clear limitations to the narrative they can tell because the movie will stop multiple times to add poorly placed, pace-stopping fan service. These desperate attempts come in the form of cameos and jokes that add little to the movie. And maybe that is the point but if you are not a fan of Rooster Teeth or are familiar with any of its content creators, it is alienating.
The movie plays like a bad parody. The main characters traverse through this dystopian Disneyland of horror movie tropes without dying. It honestly feels like a series that is connected by terrible dubstep and rooster teeth reference. It might have been better as a web series and it would eliminate all the unnecessary fluff used to pad the movie. Anytime this movie starts to build any tension, it stops to make a dumb joke that never lands.
This movie is very monotone. The meta nature of the movie doesn’t leave any wiggle room for storytelling and instead, you get a lot of bad references to better movies. The over the top acting might be good for a web series, but it overstays its welcome. It is sad because the actors show that they can be charismatic and likable at points, but that charisma is wasted on the terrible writing.
Ultimately, this movie is generic. I knew how the movie was going to end within the first minutes of the movie. I knew where each scene was going to go. My issue isn’t that the movie is bad, I have seen worse, it is that it is boring. You move from parody to parody waiting for the obvious jokes until you get to the obvious twist and it is a huge letdown. There are a few ways this could have been done better but I don’t want to spoil the movie in that regard.
This movie wasn’t made for me. If you aren’t a 13-year-old or a fan of Rooster Teeth fan, this movie is going to be boring. I am disappointed and frustrated that I wasted so much time on an incredibly lazy movie.
Youtube Reviews – The Switch (2010)
This is a charming movie that you should check out if you haven’t done so already. It is heartwarming, light, and the cast is amazing. I recommend this movie for a date night or any other night.
My only real issue with this movie is how they blur the line between learned behaviors and genetic traits that are passed down between parent and child. The movie hinges on the idea that the child in this movie inherits all of these quirks from a father he hasn’t ever met. It goes out of its way to suggest that there is this natural unbreakable attraction between biological family. It is almost a magnetic attraction that is bound by traits that should have been learned through experience and not genetics. That being said, you can learn to overlook this and enjoy it for the story it is. A story about a man who learns how to be a father and family that was always destined to be together. Watch it.
