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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: Valentine: The Dark Avenger (2017)

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Here we have a low-budget action movie that isn’t worth your time, even for free. The acting is terrible, the action scenes are boring, and the plot doesn’t make sense. I can excuse the lack of plot and poor acting in action movies when the action is fun to watch, but it’s impossible here. The main character doesn’t know how to fight. The fight scenes are shot with multiple cuts and a shacky camera to hide this fact. There is an unfunny scene in this movie where they are looking through possible candidates for the role of Violet. They make a big deal about throwing out all the ugly ones even though they know how to fight. I take issue with this because why does it matter if they are ugly if the goal is to fight crime? I wish they would hire action stars based on ability rather than looks because the action would be fun to watch. But then it wouldn’t be marketable.

The movie takes place in a city plagued with crime. A man with a tragic past recruits a woman to be the hero the city needs. The movie would have ended a lot sooner if anyone had a gun. Instead, you get overacted long chase scenes, boring fight scenes, and useless exposition dumps. And when the twist comes, because there has to be a twist, it was obvious and unimpressive. I can’t recommend this movie, even if it is free. Spend your time and energy on better things.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

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Set in Depression-Era America, it weaves in different iconic moments throughout the adventure. I can not speak for its historical accuracy, but it does seem to align with other narratives from the era. History aside, there is a lot to love about the movie. The characters in this movie are fun and memorable, but my favorite has to be George Clooney’s pseudointellectual adaptation of Ulysses. The story itself, although it is an odd one, is engaging. Watching Ullyses and company travel through the American landscape is a fun and beautiful journey.

This movie also has one of my favorite soundtracks. My love for folk music began with this movie. Folk music has played an important role in American culture. It is only fitting that it accompanies our narrative.

I could keep going about this movie because it is one of my favorites, but I will end it here. You need to watch this movie!

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: Last Knights (2015)

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Here is a fantasy movie that doesn’t require much commitment. Last Knights is a last-stand movie like “Rogue One” where the heroes go on this suicide mission to restore Morgan Freeman’s honor. It is set in a fantasy setting, but do not let the fact that it is fantasy scare you. You do not need to learn a new language or memorize the different conflicting factions. It is a self-contained and simple movie that is easy to follow and even easier to get into.

I have to emphasize the simplicity of this movie. There is no expansive world-building; the story takes place in such a small space that it doesn’t matter if you remember the names of the kingdom or houses involved. There is no character development because everyone is a stoic and heroic martyr that follows the knight’s code. The knight’s code is a fancy way of saying undying loyalty to the house they serve. They do separate the characters into categories which is nice. You have the big ones, the small ones, and the main one. You also know how this movie will end because it is pretty generic.

That said, it is not a bad movie. The acting is solid. The sets and costumes are pretty enough. I had fun watching it, but I understand that it is not for everyone. The movie focuses a lot more on political affairs; there is a lot of talking. The action that does occur is heavily edited, but not terrible. The film does tell a story, as simple as it is, and it builds enough suspense to be engaging. If you are looking for an action-packed fantasy movie, this might have too much dialogue in it to be worth your time. If you are looking for a movie you can throw on while you cook or fold laundry, this is a fine choice. It doesn’t require too much commitment to watch and it is free on YouTube.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: IP Man (2008)

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There is so much I like about this movie. It has very well-choreographed fight scenes accompanied by some fine camera work. This movie does a great job balancing its engaging story and its tense, nail-biting action. To top it all off, the overall message of this narrative isn’t overbearing nor preachy.

I recommend this movie to anyone. There is violence, but the story woven around it should satisfy most audiences. I suggest watching it n the original Cantonese with subtitles because I feel that a lot of the emotion and tension is lost in the dubbing.

You can watch this movie and the two that follow on YouTube for free!

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YouTube Movie Reviews: The Ex (2006)

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I take issue with this genre of movies because, at its core, it is about objectifying women. Two men will fight over the desired woman as if she were a prize until the “good” one proves victorious. There is a lot of deception, betrayal, and shenanigans along the way. If you can look past the objectification, they can be fun movies you will forget about soon after. This movie isn’t fun’ I do not recommend it.

My biggest issue with this movie is with the main character. He is rude, selfish, and self-serving. He is only the better option because the rival is irredeemably and cartoonishly evil. The main character is equally unlikable and it makes this movie difficult to get through. This whole ordeal becomes a drawn-out fight between two characters that you won’t care about.

This whole movie could have been avoided if there was a clear and honest discussion between the couple. But there isn’t, because the woman’s opinion doesn’t matter. I forgot the woman existed until she would randomly pop up to move the plot forward. The fact that she forgives the main character after the fact proves how one-dimensional of a character she is. She only exists to have the baby and be fought over. It is disgusting.

It is a shame that there is so much wasted talent in this movie. On paper, a cast like this should result in a funny movie but the funny moments are too far in between to be worth watching. The movie is slow the rest of the time. I say don’t waste your time with this. Watch “School for Scoundrels” instead. But if you insist on ignoring my caution, you can find this movie free on YouTube.

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YouTube Movie Reviews: 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)

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I found myself enjoying this movie up until the end. The acting is what makes this movie work so well. John Goodman’s character is amazing! His character is what gives the movie most of its suspense. I will commend the film’s ability to effectively tell a solid narrative through the interactions between three people. They create a whole world within a small bunker and I am here for it. I recommend this movie to see John Goodman.

My issue with this movie is with the ending. This movie is a part of a larger Cloverfield Cinematic Universe (CCU), but I don’t think it works here. The connection to the CCU seems to be an afterthought and thus lazily executed. If you ignore this connection, it is a much more compelling story about prisoners trapped in some stranger’s basement. That’s the movie you need to see, not this poorly executed alien invasion movie. Ignoring this connection is ideal, but it also creates a new issue. If you do not know anything about the CCU, the ending to this movie is disorienting and disappointing. But if you don’t ignore it, you will still be disappointing.

But don’t let the promise of disappointment dull your intrigue about this movie. If you ignore its connection to the CCU and look past the ending, you have a solid and entertaining movie you can watch for free on YouTube.

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YouTube Movie Reviews: Superhero Movie (2008)

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Superhero Movie is a parody that should not have been made. I remember not liking it when it first came out, but not much else. It has not aged well since. This movie relies heavily on farting. This movie fills its dead air with fart jokes because it doesn’t have enough material to fill the run time. There are more farts in this movie than actual jokes. It is clear early on that this movie was made for 8-year-olds in 2008. It doesn’t hold up.

This movie is boring. It slogs through its run time with very little humor in it. There were a few moments where I wanted to give up on this movie, but I powered through. It isn’t worth it. The few moments that got a chuckle out of me are not worth sitting through the rest of the nonsense. Watching a YouTube video with all the best scenes would be a better use of your time, but not by much.

I would skip this even if you like watching bad movies for fun because it is slow and boring. But it is free for those poor souls who don’t believe me.

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