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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Karate Kid (2010)

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I remember watching this in theaters when it first came out. I also remember the disappointment I felt after watching it. It’s been a while since then, and I thought that time and the fact that it is free would dull the disappointment, but it hasn’t. I am still as disappointed as I was before, but somehow it stings more.

This movie is a shameless rehashing of the Karate kids franchise, but you are better off watching all the originals. This is beat for beat the first Karate kid, although it does borrow elements from its sequels. The acting is awkward, the story is dumb, and it lacks the charm of the originals. I don’t believe Jaden Smith has the acting ability that his father wishes he had, and as a result, we’ve gotten a series of bad movies that aren’t worth your time. Maybe he’s a better musician, but I don’t see any awards in his future.

I am glad the Karate Kid Franchise got its proper reboot with Kobra Kai. If you haven’t seen that show, I highly recommend it. There is a bit of high school drama that you can skip over, but overall it is a nice continuation of the saga.

You can find this movie on YouTube for free, but I wouldn’t bother.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Exit Strategy (2012)

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Exit Strategy was a difficult sit because of how hard it tries to be quirky and funny. The problem with this movie is that the actors aren’t charismatic enough to make the movie work. The poor script and mediocre acting lead to some very flat performances and a film that is never funny. To make matters worse, the sound in this movie is horrible. I can forgive bad writing and acting but never bad sound.

The movie is about a man who finds himself trapped in a relationship he doesn’t want to be in. The girlfriend is comically insane and the harder he tries to leave, the stronger the hold she has over him becomes. The movie tries to focus on the absurdity of the situation, and a lot of the comedy is intended to come from the wacky antics its quirky characters get into, but none of the characters are quirky enough to pull it off.

This movie was a struggle as I waited for credits that took too long to roll. The jokes never land, the situations are never funny, and the story is terrible. I felt as trapped as the protagonist is supposed to feel watching a movie that got progressively worse with time. I will say that the editing was interesting. Scenes will repeat or skip and the movie would recall previous dialogue in sound bites. It gave the movie the feel like it was a nightmare, too bad this wasn’t a better movie.

You can find it free on YouTube, but it isn’t worth your time.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Heat (1995)

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If you want to see a classic and thrilling heist movie, you can find Heat free on YouTube. This heist movie focuses on a cat and mouse chase as a cop and a crook battle it out in the mean streets of Los Angeles. You have a fantastic cast telling an amazing story, what more can you ask for? Do not be intimidated by the almost three hours run time, this movie is worth every minute.

The acting in this movie is amazing with action to match. What I love about this movie is how good it is at telling the story. It pieces together different narratives in a way that never slows the pacing of the movie. I love how it is able to tell a story with small scenes or moments. You have a cop dealing with his crumbling marriage as his obsession with his job interferes with his life. You have the story of a young girl working with her abandonment issues. You have the crook who is addicted to the game, and the movie becomes more of the chase than the score. These stories blend together and build up to a final satisfying confrontation. It is brilliant, and if you haven’t seen this movie, you should do so now! You can find it free on YouTube.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Burning Kentucky (2019)

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Burning Kentucky is a very unremarkable movie about loss and grief that you haven’t heard of for good reason. It isn’t a bad movie, but it leaves no tangible impression. I struggle to remember what this movie is about and I just watched it. You can find it free on YouTube, but you are better off watching anything else.

The movie focuses on a family dealing with the loss of the matriarch of the family. Some of the members drown their grief with drugs and alcohol, while others begin to move past it. Throughout the movie, you get insight into the death through different perspectives, each revealing a dark secret. It would be well done if the story was interesting and the acting was better, but it’s not.

The acting is mediocre at best, but most people can’t stick to an accent. The story isn’t interesting. I liked that it would focus on people dealing with grief, but the whole movie feels like it is hitting certain emotional beats to create interest. There are some cool shots in this movie, but it isn’t worth the trouble. It isn’t the worst thing I’ve seen on YouTube, but I definitely won’t remember it.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Once Bitten (1985)

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I was unimpressed by Once Bitten. This comedy has not aged well. A lot of the jokes no longer land, making this movie feel as eternal as the life of the vampires in it. Once Bitten is an absurd and unstructured comedy that relies heavily on the absurdity of the narrative. You have a matron of vampires who are starving for her eternal youth. To achieve this, she must drink virgin blood three times before Halloween, or she will age terribly. As a result, this movie is full of misunderstandings, innuendos, and horny teenagers. 

This movie isn’t terrible, the acting is fine, and the soundtrack is fantastic, but the pacing is a problem. The pacing is already slow, but it feels slower because you will have to sit through a number of unfunny and uncomfortable scenes. This isn’t the hyperactive Jim Carrey you might know him as, but a rather subdued character trying to figure life out. He like this movie is instantly forgettable. 

The only positive worth mentioning is the soundtrack. I love the music in this movie, but it isn’t enough to save this movie. The only scene that I enjoyed was the dance fight that happens towards the end. The music choice, the choreography, and the energy that the actors bring to their performance make me sad that this movie isn’t a musical. If you haven’t seen it, check it out because it is fun! Unfortunately, the rest of this movie lacks this energy and it suffers for it. 

You can watch this movie free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother. It isn’t terrible, but there are better uses for your time.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

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I’ve watched this movie a few times already, but even now forget what this movie is about. While I appreciate the attempt of bringing this older IP to a modern audience, it isn’t a very good attempt. This is a Ninja Turtles’ movie from the perspective of April. Instead of an action packed war against the Foot clan, you get a very bland about investigative journalism. 

Megan Fox is not a strong enough lead to make this movie work. With as stronger lead, this might have been a better movie, but it’s not. This movie needed someone who could at the very least act as if they were interested in solving crime or getting a story. Instead, you have an unenthused Megan Fox whose acting is inconsistent, her personality is flat, and she has no chemistry with any of the other characters.  

The other characters don’t fare much better. There isn’t enough time with the turtles to establish their personalities. You get a few pop culture references that will help age this movie terribly, but outside of that, they don’t make the impact they should. They are massive, each step seems to shake the world around them, but the dated CGI makes their movements look awkward and incomplete. The combat is boring to watch because it is so slow and ugly. If you are watching this film on anything larger than a smart phone, it is difficult to ignore how terribly this movie is aging. This movie will not stand the test of time, and it shouldn’t. 

You can find it on YouTube for free, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to look for it.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Gone Tomorrow (2017)

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Gone Tomorrow is the uninteresting thriller you will probably forget watching. While there isn’t anything objectively bad about this movie, it doesn’t have the presence needed to make it work. It feels like a lesser unintended Taken reboot, but I would much rather be watching Taken. This movie is about a group of stoic brothers who are searching for their missing niece. They will stop at almost nothing to get her back from a mysterious and insidious organization. This movie doesn’t deserver more details.  

The acting is fine, the story hits all the mandatory action movie tropes, but the villains don’t exist. There is so much emphasis on showing how cool the heroes are that they forget to spend any time on the villains. The henchmen are reprehensibly sad men who are slaves to a system, but are negligible at best when it comes to actually affecting the narrative. The main villain will make his few stale appearances throughout the movie, but honestly, I forgot he existed. The only indication of the villain’s malice is that he is willing to rape and kill without cause or reason. Movie makers, you can have an interesting villain without him being a rapist.  

I’ll keep saying it, you can’t have a hero without an interesting villain. The hero’s intentions may be pure and his actions just, but without any tangible adversities, his narrative doesn’t matter. A good action movie has tension, adversity, and a capable adversary. There is no point in watching an action movie that has no stakes. The exception to the rule is if the action is fun, but that isn’t the case here either. 

The film makers try to complicate the plot by making the henchmen more human. They regret their actions, but are slaves to the organization they work for. There is also an obvious twist that is thrown in that only slows down the movie.  Most of the time you are just watching a stoic man walk from one scene to the next, waiting for him to inevitably find the baby. 

It isn’t the worst movie I’ve seen. The acting is fine, but we’ve all seen this movie done better elsewhere. If you are going to throw this on and not pay attention, it is decent background noise. Don’t go out of your way to watch this, even if you are starving for new content. You can find it free on YouTube.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Perfect Guy (2022)

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This was a very forgettable romantic comedy that tries a little too hard to be quirky. I couldn’t find any information about this movie, even on the lead’s (Kate Micucci) IMDb page. This might be an indication that this movie was meant to be buried, but I was the unfortunate soul that unearthed it. If you like quirky and wholesome comedy, this movie might be salvageable, but it is so slow and cringeworthy that I would caution against it.  

The Perfect Guy is about Emma who doesn’t trust men. Her ex-boyfriend left her, stealing her billion dollar idea for an app about stars. Because of this betrayal, the only deep male relationships she can have are with her cat and dog. She wishes that her pets could be men she could trust. Through the power of astrology, her wish comes true. Now her cat and dog must adapt to being human while they try to help Emma through her emotional turmoil. There is also a romantic subplot between Emma and a repair man, but it is brushed to the side to till the end. 

The writing for this movie is awful. A lot of the dialogue is awkward, contributing to a lot of the stiff acting. The story is dull. You sit through some awkward dates, humans doing pet stuff, and more awkward conversations with very little humor or intrigue in-between. There are some moments that made me chuckle, but there aren’t enough to make the experience better. This movie tries too hard to lean into the leads awkwardness, but fails to capture any of her charm.  

I will say that the actors who play the human pets are the best part of this movie. They have a lot of fun with their roles and do the best with what they are given. Unfortunately, Kate Micucci isn’t a strong enough actor to make this movie work. I have no problem with Kate Micucci, I’ve liked some of her work in the past, but she fits a very specific niche and unfortunately this movie isn’t it. That said, it is difficult to decern if the problem lies within the poorly script or the acting ability of the cast.  

The Perfect Guy is the awkward fairy tale you will forget watching. You can find it free on YouTube, but it isn’t really worth the trouble. It isn’t a terrible movie, but there are better things you can be doing with your time.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Joe Dirt: A Beautiful Loser (2015)

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Joe Dirt 2 is the sequel no one asked for. It isn’t a direct sequel but rather a painfully unfunny and lazy parody of iconic movies starring Joe Dirt. Someone who I assume was on a lot of drugs thought it would be a fantastic idea to remake iconic movies with a character who wasn’t very funny to begin with. I remember liking the first movie, but I was the target audience at the time. I refuse to watch the movie now because deep down I know that it hasn’t aged well. After seeing this disaster of a sequel, I will let it live in my heart as the experience it was and not soil it with the experience it actually is.
The acting in this movie is terrible. It feels like people just showed up for their paycheck as no one tries remotely to be funny. This might be a symptom of this movie’s terrible script. There aren’t any funny jokes in this movie, just a series of unfunny skits loosely tied together by a framed narrative. This movie is a dream within two framed narratives where Joe learns that he was special the whole time. To illustrate what type of movie this is, there is a five-minute scene where people stand around and fart on Joe Dirt. The rest of the movie is no better as you have to sit through skits that go for way too long hoping the credits will roll to end your misery.
You can find this movie free on YouTube, but don’t bother. It isn’t funny and it isn’t worth your time. This sequel is anything but beautiful.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Dirty Work (1998)

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Dirty Work is a movie about being petty. A man must raise $50000 to pay for life-saving surgery and uses his pettiness to earn it. He and his brother are hired to exact petty revenge. It is a silly movie with a great cast that has aged decently but not without its faults.

While I did enjoy the film, I understand that it isn’t for everyone. The pacing, the jokes, and the tone are an issue. If you offend easy, avoid this movie. While there are some genuinely funny bits in this movie, some of the jokes have not aged well or don’t land. That said, the cast is talented enough to make this movie work. I love the obnoxious and loud tone. I love the petty over-the-top revenge schemes. There is no plot, but there are enough funny moments to keep you entertained. 

I recommend you through this movie on in the background while you work. The plot isn’t engaging enough for your full undivided attention. When the jokes don’t land, it starts to feel like a long movie. While I wouldn’t rush out to go see this, you won’t hate that you watched it. You can watch it free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.