Carpool (1996) is a comedy written by Don Rhymer and directed by Arthur Hiller. The movie introduces to a businessman, Daniel, who is late for a meeting. The movie tells us that Daniel works a lot and is very punctual. Today is his families turn to drive the carpool, but his wife cannot do it because she has fallen extremely ill. Daniel now has to take all the kids to school. We are introduced to Daniels two sons whose names don’t matter. We also get introduced to the rest of the kids whose names also don’t matter. Because Daniel is running late, he has to get breakfast for the kids. This is where I’d argue the movie starts, 15 minutes in. In the store, the shop gets robbed. Due to a mistaken identity, Franklin, who happened to be on his way to rob a bank accidently robs the store because the actual robbers are incompetent. Remember that because it is a theme. Franklin ends up taking Daniel and the kids as hostage. The rest of the movie involves all of the hijinks that they must pass as they evade the police and try to get Franklin to his destination.

You should watch this movie if you want to know what it is like to have kids, but not actually have them. The movie even starts off with sound bites of kids being annoying as they are being driven around. The first five minutes are unbearable. Then you meet the kids, who are incredibly forgettable, and you wish you didn’t. They each have a quirk that defines them, but you forget the quirk because for the rest of the movie they just become incredibly annoying. If you’ve made it past the first 15 minutes of the movie, you are ready to be a parent. The first 15 minutes of this movie work to show how annoying kids are as Daniel tries to drive the kids to school and all they do is get on your nerves.

Now I’ll address the incompetence in this movie. Everyone is incompetent in this movie. In fact, this movie would be so much shorter if at least one person was intelligent, but no one in this city is. Literally this movie would have been over at the grocery store but they have to drag it out. The worst part, the movie never gets funny. There is a lot of slap stick that doesn’t land. Everyone in this movie fumbles their way through the scenes and it gets annoying.

If you’ve stuck with this movie to the half way mark you get to watch the kids and the robber franklin because….The movie even becomes self-aware and the father, Daniel, is constantly asking why the kids are helping out the criminal, and no one ever an answer. In fact, through the power of charisma alone, Franklin is able to win the hearts of everyone and is even avoid prison. Sorry, spoilers, but you should really avoid this movie.

This movie doesn’t know what it wants to be. It doesn’t even try to be funny. It’s like baby sitting extremely annoying kids that aren’t yours and you have sit there and watch this mess for an hour. There is absolutely no reason this movie should be this long. There are so many times he should have just been shot. Despite that, even if Franklin makes it to his destination, his face is all over the news. There is no possible outcome that he will walk out of this scenario a free man, even if it is a case of mistaken identity because he goes on to rob the store, kidnap all these people, and his hijinks destroy half the city.

Please skip this one, it’s not a good time even if you like watching bad movies for fun like I do. The characters will annoy you. There is no redeeming factor in this. I grade it 0 out 19. Thanks.