Movie Reviews: The VelociPastor (2019)

I loved this movie, but I can’t recommend it. It’s not good. The VelociPastor was made for a certain type of audience, but it wasn’t a mainstream audience. Unless you love watching bad cheesy movies for fun, you are going to have a bad time.

The VelociPastor is about a Catholic priest who has lost his faith. He goes on a pilgrimage to find his faith, but he finds the power to turn into a raptor instead. With the help of a prostitute, he uses his powers to fight an origination of evil ninja. It is insane and I loved almost every minute of it.

Again, this movie isn’t for everyone. The writing is bad, the fight scenes are cheesy, and the costumes and special effects are terrible. This movie looks like it was shot at someone’s house. That said, the acting was surprisingly good, the soundtrack was great, and the sound was amazing. It is often the case with low-budget movies like this for the sound to be awful. I’ve seen movies where dialogue is barely audible or full of reverb. The VelociPastor has its sound on point and I appreciate the filmmakers for it. I can forgive bad acting and terrible special effects, but the sound is hard to overlook. That said, a normal audience will not enjoy this movie.

I am not normal, and I enjoy watching bad movies. I loved this movie for what it is, a goofy attempt at a polymorphing action movie. The one-liners, the costumes, the action scenes, and the big twist at the end were all very much appreciated. It does slow down towards the middle, I think they were running out of ideas, but they were able to bring me back in with a grand finale. This is easily my favorite bad movie. 

If you like making fun of bad movies, check this out. For the rest of you, it’s hard to recommend. The lack of structure and overall goofiness isn’t for everyone. If you are interested in watching The VelociPastor, do not take it seriously. Have fun with it. You can watch it if you have an Amazon Prime membership.  

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