Tag Archives: entertainment

Youtube Reviews: Bait Shop (2008)

This movie wasn’t bad, it was just boring. It is generic, lazy, and not really worth your time. This movie suffers a lot from its writing. The acting is fine and they try hard with the little they are given, but the jokes don’t really land and they try so hard to be funny that it leaves the movie feeling cartoonish.

This movie is a copy of these save the dying business comedies like Barbershop or Dodgeball, but it doesn’t have the charm that those movies have. Honestly, if you have seen one of these movies, you have seen them all.

Here is the plot: Man owns a failing business. Bills have been piling up for so long that they bank rightfully comes to take the failing business. There is a big evil corporation that comes to town who comes to take the business. There is a time limit and price tag to save the business. When hope seems lost, there is a contest with a prize that is conveniently the amount needed to save the business. For some reason, the leader of the successful business takes too much interest in this small failing business and also enters the contest to attempt to block the save. There is an embarrassing first encounter where the main character loses badly. He rallies and begins to win but there’s a fight between he and his friends. Some sabotage later the friends come back and work together on some rule bending technicality that wins them the contest, the town, and the girl. The Villain loses everything.

Honestly this movie, and movies like this wouldn’t work if the villain did nothing and waited for the failing business to fail a again. Despite the bait shop being the social hub for the community, the community is 4 people who don’t spend any money on bait.

If you like movies in this genre, I would suggest watching one of the better ones in the series. This one is incredibly generic and forgettable. It isn’t funny, entertaining, or worth your time.

Youtube Reviews: School for Scoundrels (2006)

This is an odd one. Some of the jokes have not aged well, but it isn’t a terrible movie. I recommend it just for the performances. The conflict between Billy Bob Thorton and John Hader in this movie, although dumb as it is, is something you should not ignore. John Heder has this gift of portraying truly awkward characters. There are scenes in this movie that are incredibly awkward to watch. Billy Bob Thorton’s performance should not be overlooked either. He is able to be the perfect villain for this type of movie.

My only real issue with this movie is the love interest. Amanda only exists to be the prize and that is problematic. Her whole personality is boiled down to be the girl the rivals fight over. As a result she is inexplicably infatuated by a guy who up to the events of the movie has not left much of an impression. I think Sarah Silverman says it best when she compares continually compares him to a serial killer. But this movie really isn’t about her or her lack of personality and if you treat her like the object the film makes her to be, it shouldn’t be a problem. She doesn’t add anything to the plot except create a central conflict.

Overall, it’s not a waste of time. As cheesy as this movie is, I’d watch it just to see John Heder and Billy Bob Thorton perform.

Youtube Reviews: So Undercover

This was one of the better movies I have seen on the plat form. It is a generic undercover movie with a simple plot and simple characters. Honestly, if you have kids, you can do a lot worse. What really makes this movie work, scratch that, the only thing that makes this movie work is Miley Cyrus. Whatever your feelings might be about her, it is undeniable that she is talented. Without her charisma, this movie would fall flat as an forgettable, poorly written undercover movie. While it may in no way be a movie you will hold dearly for the rest of your life, it has a certain charm that makes it bearable.

I would not recommend this for adults. The plot is a little childish. You have this strong, capable and smart female lead that is put in a situation that is far outside her comfort zone. It is through this experience that she learns the value of trying something new, to not judge people by their appearance, and most importantly, the value of friendship. It’s not transcending in what it does, but if you have kids, you won’t hate the experience.

My only issue with the movie is the love interest, there was no real need for him to be in the movie. She establishes herself as the strong independent woman and one of the major factors for changing her attitude is that she falls in love with this dude. I wish they would have focused more on the interpersonal relationships between her and the other girls of sorority so that the ending didn’t feel like it came out of nowhere. But that’s a little too much to ask for a movie of this caliber. It’s definitely not something you will watch again.

Watch it with your kids.

Youtube Reviews: Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector

This movie was made at the height of Larry the Cable Guy’s popularity. If you have seen any of his work, you have seen all his work. He plays the same character, encounters the same obstacles, and learns the same lessons. The only difference in his roles are the skin that the movie takes. Whether he is a Tow Truck, a soldier, or a health inspector, Larry the Cable Guy is the good hearted redneck with a lot more to offer than meets the eye. As a result, his movies tend to be repetitive and I would argue boring. There is so much you can do with this character and they clearly ran out of ideas with this movie.

It’s not that this movie is bad, it’s just that it is boring. It is so dumbed down and easy that I would argue that it was created for a younger audience. Nothing really stands out in this movie and I for one was left unimpressed by everyone’s lack luster performance. It’s almost as if the cast knew that no one was going to see this movie. There really isn’t much I can say about this movie. I wouldn’t watch it unless you like his comedy and lots of gross out humor. If you are looking for a funny comedy to watch, go elsewhere.

YouTube Reviews: Big Mommas 3

This movie is free on YouTube, but I would stay away from this movie even if I were paid to watch it. The movie is unoriginal, unfunny, and extremely offensive. If you are fan of the series, I would ignore this one because whatever worked in the first two is absent in this one.

My biggest issue with this movie is how offensive it is. It is sexist and racist and there are parts in this movie that are disturbing because it is essentially about this creepy guy living with a bunch of unsuspecting girls. To make mater’s worse, Trent, the main character of this movie, is the most unlikable character I have seen in any movie. He is obnoxious, dumb, and probably the worst generic rapper I have ever heard. Let me break it down, the whole movie is a bunch of skits where they put these crossdressing men in awkward situations strung together by a crappy hip hop sound track and made to look like a hiest movie. Any conflict or danger is generated by the main character who is a complete bafoon and it is exhausting to watch him stumble through this movie.

I would skip this movie even if you like making fun of movies. I had to take multiple breaks because of how bad it was. The pay off isn’t worth it. Your time is too precious to waste it on this. Next.

Mad Mage Chronicles:Chapter 8

This story is based on the wizards of the coast adventure The Dungeon of the mad mage. There are spoilers

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The cave becomes familiar to the party. The dank smell of rot and decay fades away into familiarity, almost like a memory. The cracks on the wall, the deep scrapes from combats past, and the decomposing bodies that litter the ground slowly begin to morph into the landmarks of their adventure. The party continues to move in silence, but this time it feels different. It is a comfortable silence that is shared amongst comrades. The trust might not yet be there, but its threads begin to weave between each member with each step.

Roakala takes the lead with her cursed sword which emits a soft light that washes over the ancient stone. It creates soft shadows against the walls of the caverns, this time they are less menacing. This time they stroll with a more relaxed ease as they finally make it to the forest of pillars. The party stands at a familiar crosswords. To the north, a path already travelled. To the south, a clear warning of certain death. To the East, an unknown variable. The party stands in contemplation.

“Where to now princess?” Roakala asks, unable to resist the smirk that appears on her face.

Diljaris’ tail twitches in playful frustration as she instantly retorts with “I am not a princess!” She doesn’t sound annoyed. There is a certain friendliness in her tone. Diljaris looks around at her options for a moment before continuing “Well if we are looking to make money” she reviews her options one more time “I think the best chance of finding magic items might be due south” she says as she points at her option. Above the door way in freshly painted letters the warning reads “Certain death this way”

“You want us to go towards death?” Gorak chimes in

“Yes, we need money and towards death would more than likely have magic items we can sell”

“You barely made it out of the last bout with monsters, shouldn’t we prepare more before we go running towards our deaths?”

“Well my friend” Diljaris replies as she places her scaled blue hand gently on Gorak’s shounder, giving him a warm and friendly smile, “We can’t know for certain that any of the other paths will yield a less dangerous path. I would argue that we will never be ready for what we don’t know. But I don’t want you to feel pressured, no one is forcing you to go. You can leave when you like. I am here to conquer this dungeon and my gut says that that way” she says as she points south “is the first step in doing so.” She pats him gently on his shoulder and begins to step due south. “Whose with me?”

Roakala is the first to react. Her head swivels between the two members of the group before letting out a frustrated grunt “Dammit! Wait up princess.”. Roakala walks after Diljaris. She drags her feet lazily.

A heavy dwarven hand falls onto Goraks shoulder. The old worn glove smells of fresh oil. “Well boyo?” Drugnar says “You did ask for more adventure.” Drugnar chuckles as he continues after the pair. Gorak stands in place, the room growing dark as the cursed light’s reach no longer engulfs him. He sighs in frustration and begins to take steps towards the party. They pass through the door warning them of certain death.

The doorway empties into a long dark hallway. A hallway that is well travelled. The ground is littered with tracks, both young and old. There are deep overlapping footprints belonging to humanoids of varying sizes. There are animal tracks and long deep wheel imprints. There are bits of ash and burnt out torches. It is clear that despite it being marked for certain death, this path down here is a busy avenue.

The party moves cautiously over the tracks. They look eagerly towards the end of the hall, expecting a dangerous surprise. Perhaps death would be the answer to the strange nature of this corridor. Finally they arrive in a room. There are neat piles of ancient stone, earth, and ruble throughout the room. Around those, digging supplies of varying condition. There is also a small body in the room. It is slumped over against the wall. It’s leathered green skin has begun to rot. There are signs that rats have begun to nibble on it’s body. An ear is missing and the body sits on what is left of a pool of blood that seems to have dried long ago. There is no way of knowing when the body died except that the belly has bloated.

Rakala examines the body carefully.  “Well” she says as she ponders the goblins visage “whatever killed the goblin took anything valuable.” The party searches the room for valuables and clues as to what might be in the next room; but all they find are the discarded tools and deep footprints leading in and out of this room.  There is another exit to this room. One that has been freshly and hastily made. This doesn’t share the workmanship of the caverns they have already travelled. This was made by new hands. Hands that don’t hold the same attention to detail as the original carvers of this earth, but somehow still talented enough to create a new passage way.

Roakala looks into this fresh wound. The cursed light washes over the freshly dug rock. The light reveals the madness of the new architect. It bends and turns with lack of reason, although the function stands up right with the support of new shabbily cut wood. The new path is ugly and it sews distrust in the party. Diljaris steps up and touches the wall. Examines it for a moment.

Gorak comes forth and gets close to the ground, touching one of the deep wheel wells. “Well if there is any treasure, it seems to be moving through here.”

“Agreed” Diljaris replies finally looking away from the stone “Whoever made this is using it to transfer something pretty important.”

Gorak nods “But the question is who’s using this tunnel and what are they carrying?”

“The real question is do we want to deal with whatever made this thing?” Roakala chimes in, pointing at the corpse of the dead goblin.

“I mean” Diljaris answers with her bright warm smile “We did come down here for some adventure”

Mad Mage Chronicles – CH6

The Fight at the End of the Hall

This story is part of a larger series based on the published adventure “Waterdeep: Dungeon of the Mad Mage”. There will be spoilers.

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The party continues through dark desolate passages of ancient dirty stone. Black soot and long deep scratches cover these tunnels. They record the history of the dungeon. The party steps over pools of dried blood and broken decomposing bodies. The further them move in, the mustier and warmer it gets. Drips of water can be heard somewhere in the darkness. Roakala leads the party with the dim glow of her new blade guiding her. She eyes for danger with each cautious step she makes. She steps on a piece of discarded bone, it shatters under her wait but she seems to take little notice. Instead, she moves forward until she enters a small room.

Here is where the tunnel ends. A room etched at the end of the hall. A room full of the remains of failed adventurers. Bodies, both whole or in pieces, are scattered in small piles. Those with flesh intact rot away slowly in the darkness. Those who aren’t have long since become bone and are now lost here forever. Roakala pauses for a moment, her eyes trying to make sense of the scene before her but her eyes begin to water from the foul odor that assaults her nostrils. The party moves in carefully, each scanning the room for dangers or valuables. As the party makes its way around the room, carefully trying to stay close to one another, two piles of discarded flesh begin to move. From them sprout large floating flesh creatures with bodies like brains and beaks for mouths. Attached to each are long tentacles that wave wildly below them. They raise with loud deafening screeches.

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“What the fuck is that?” Roakala lets out as she moves her sword and shield into position.

“They’re Grell. Watch out for their tenticles, they’re poisones” Diljaris replies.

Before she can say anymore, the Grell is on top of her. Its skin slimy and full of discolored ridgels. It swipes at her with its long heavy tentacles. The force of the impact knocks the breath out of her. The tentacles wrap around her tightly and begin to carry her off. She coughs and gasps as she struggles to breath. The monster pulls her to its mouth and takes a nip at her with its sharp beak. She screams in agony as the beak tears into her flesh, ripping through her robe. Warm blood begins to seep down her shoulder. The monster turns and begins to take her away.

Roakala takes a step to help her the young dragonborn, but her path is blocked by the other Grell whose tentacles flare angrily and its beak snarls violently. Tentacles snap towards the Orc like whips, but Roakala’s instincts kick in as she doges and blocks the incoming flurry. She quickly closes the gap between her and the Grell who now faces her. Its eyeless face turns to her and takes a large nip at her side but instead of the soft Orcish flesh it excepted, its mouth bangs against the cold metal face of her shied. The force of the impact shakes Roakala to her core. It forces her to step back as her arm shakes under the weight of the monster’s attack but she stands strong. Sweat begins to form on her brow as she attempts to create an opening for her blade.

Diljaris begins to regain her breath as the shock from the blow begins to wear off. She begins to catch her breath. The grip on her body tightens as the slimy grey tentacles squeeze at her side. With the little breath she is able to mumble in an ancient tongue. Her eyes begin to glow blue. Her fingers spark with a bright blue flame. Where her burning hands she shimmies to touch the beast. Its skin begins to sizzle under the heat of the magical flame. A sudden burst of blue fire leaps from her hands, singing the creature. It screeches in pain and drops her to the ground. Diljaris lands in a loud and painful thug, once again knocking the breath from her lands. With the little strength she is able to muster, she stands up slowly. She takes wobbled labored steps away from the beast as the smoke and scent of burning flesh surrounds her.

Drugnar watches the dragonborn get swooped up and dragged away, he takes a step before the monster is able to make it far. He watches as the dragon born drops to the ground and struggles to make her escape. He moves as his legs can take him. Each step landing with heavy metaled determination. His right hand reaches for the pendant around his neck. Another gold coin hidden under his armor. This one houses the image of a beautiful woman carefully carved on its face. Drugnar moves himself between the monster and Diljaris and reaches out to touch his wounded ally.

“Sune lend me your light. Protect this creature as your own. Give her the strength to move forward. To continue to see the beauty of this world.”

There is a moment of silence as the two continue to move slowly. Suddenly, the coin in his hand begins to glow softly. The light spills through the cracks between his fingers. His left hand begins to glow warmly over Diljaris’s blue scales. Her steps begin to quicken as she appears to have newfound strength to move her forward. She no longer clutches at ther ribs, but moves quickly to make distance between her and the Grell. “Thanks” she expresses the two move away from the assailant.

An arrow flies by them from the darkness. It wisps by Drugnar’s head and connects with the floating monstrosity. Gorak stands at the other end, loading a second arrow onto his bow. He squints into the darkness, takes a breath and fires. The second arrow whiles through the air, piercing into the cold grey flesh. Drops of blood spray out, splashing against the filthy dungeon floor. A small river of blood starts to make its way down the shaft of the arrow. The Grell begins a hastened retreat. Blood drips bellow it, creating a trail in it’s wake.

On the other side, the second Grell is still locked in combat with Roakala. It snarls and flails against the orcs shield. The Grell makes quick swipes against the orc who has no choice but to move back and look for an opening. The Grell continues to make careless attacks, landing in loud cold slaps against the floor of the dungeon. Roakala dodges them, using the momentum of her movement to quickly close the gap between her and the monster. Before the Grell has a chance to react, Roakala is near the beast. She takes a strong confident swipe at the monster. The blade slices through the skin, leaving behind a deep gushing would and pain. In its desperation, the Grell takes swipe at the orc, but Roakala proves too fast. Instincts kick in and the blade comes down against the assailing tentacle. The blade swipes through easily. It’s soft glow momentarily obscured by the blood that slowly drips down its face. A large half of tentacle drops on the floor besides her. It flails uselessly without it’s body until finally, the last bit of life it held fades away into the darkness surrounding it. The Grell turns to run. It begins to float away in fear leaving itself open to Roakala’s third attack. The blade swipes quickly towards the retreating beast, slicing into unsuspecting flesh. It screeches in undeniable agony as it hastens it’s retreat.

Diljaris now stands more confidently, although her hands still shake. She closes her eyes, takes a long calming breath as she begins to recite the ancient words that fill the pages of her book. Her tail wages in a circle, her hands flail above her head. Her eyes glow blue as flames erupt from her hands. She goes silent as her eyes glare down the retreating monsters. ‘With this flame, I purge you from this world”. The flames launch from her hands, landing and creating a large explosion that engulfs the two Grell. The room fills with blinding light. When the fire fades and the room dim, the two Grell are left blackened and still burning. They float away weakly, their tentacles no longer flailing but instead left singed and curled against their scared bodies.

Drugnar takes advantage of the situation. With holy coin in hand he begins to say “Sune, mistress of beauty, show these beasts your light!” A flash of light chases down the farthest Grell. Instinct kicks in and the Grell moves out of the way. The soft glow of the spell reveals the battered beast and its desperation. It crashes against the wall. Small bits of it crumble to the floor as the Grell passes by, still in its attempt to escape. An arrow whiles into its back. This time instinct fails the creature. The arrow digs itself deep into the Grell’s body. Large spouts of blood poor from it. It falls from the air and squirms as it’s last ounce of life escapes it.

Gorak turns his head to the last remaining Grell who continues to burn and move through the darkness. His eyes squint as he takes careful aim. The arrow finds its place in burnt flesh. Agony and terror echo inside the last desperate squeals of the retreating Grell. In its desperation, it never noticed Roakala closing the distance until her cold glowing blade sunk deep into its flesh. Blood pours out of the wound and washes over Roakala’s hands as she uses all her strength to continue to cut the beast. The Grell grows heavy on her blade as blood as entrails begin to spill from the new wound. She takes the blade out, the blood drips over the runes making them illegable. The Grell drops heavily on the ground, lifeless.

The party stands in silence, still weary of danger, still searching for hostiles.

“Good news guys” Diljaris finally says, breaking the tense silence “You passed the test. Congratulations”

In the Box My Grandfather Made

I’m going to tell you the story of how I caught lightning in a wooden box my grandfather made

It is a simple wooden box,

Carefully stained in pretty cherry and on the front cover,

He carved his initials.

My grandfather is a meticulous man and each day he would spend hours completing his first incision until little by little, the box was made. Some day’s he would only carve at it once and leave it on his workbench to sit idle underneath the hot Mexican sun. Sometimes it would sit there idle and untouched for days while he worked, drank, and lived his life away. There are a lot of untold stories sewn into the streets of that little Mexican Village.

My grandfather spent years working on that box,

Slicing at it piece by piece until slowly it took the shape that I now hold in my hands.

You see, this box is magical.

But its not due to some ancient Aztec spell infused into its wooden fibers,

We aren’t Aztec. Nor is it magical because it can hold lightning.

It’s magical because mixed into the lacquer and the glue is mix are our history and traditions. It’s magical because within these tiny wooden walls house more love than I could put into words. It is magical because he gave it to me to hold.

He probably doesn’t think it’s magical. He probably doesn’t even remember giving me the box. To him it was a gift for me when we had nothing. To me, it was everything thing.

To me, it is everything.

It is just a wooden box with small fading initials in the front. Along it, the scars of a life well lived.

Oh right. I was telling you the story of how I caught lighting in the wooden box my grandfather made.

The other day, emboldened by its magic,

I climbed to the peak of Mount Olympus. With the box in hand, I looked up at Zeus and with my clearest voice I yelled

I am here too. I dare you to forget me.

Zeus looked down from his thrown and with a look that I thought was anger he thrown down one of his bolts of lightning.

In self-defense I raised the wooden box in self defense and waited under its cover. It landed with a loud explosion that shook the world and crumbled the mountain into nothing.

When the smoke cleared and the dust settled,

I stood there with a wooden box full of lightning and a cool story to tell.

D&D Sessions – Toula the Combat Teacher

This is part of a series. Click here for the whole story!

The next morning, the room was still and quiet. Zamir wakes up before the sunrise to train. The rest sit in their room. Varus takes out a symbol of the Raven Queen that he kept hidden under his shirt, kneels and begins to pray. B.U.D stands in his corner in silence, watching out the window as the world begins to grow brighter. Tal pulls out his loot and begins strumming some notes softly, half distracted by thoughts on the upcoming exam. He spent the night trying to prepare, but there was only so much he can do. Jalila sits in her room polishing her armor. She had a great nights sleep on the incredibly luxurious bed that was provided for her. She has spent most of her life sleeping on the floor, the mattress is a welcomed change.

Image by Quang Nguyen vinh from Pixabay

As the sound of the morning alarm finally rings, Zarmir finally returns from his training. B.U.D watches as Zamir makes his way to his room. He listens as he can hear the rustling of people finally getting ready. Tal sings a muffled song in his room. B.U.D becomes fascinated in this planet’s morning rituals. This is the first time he has lived in such an intimate environment. B.U.D is excited by all the data he collects as everyone finishes getting ready.

When our heroes step outside, the morning dew has long since evaporated. The sun has not yet reached its highest point and the cloudless sky offer no relief to what is sure to be an unusually hot day. There are some people out and about. Some lounging about having idle conversations while others rush to their next appointment. Aside from that, the school is silent. Each footprint echoes off the walls of the dormitories with only the songs of birds to give the world variance. The group makes small talk. With their minds preoccupied by the exam, the talk consistently ends awkwardly.

Image by Manuel Reina from Pixabay

Our heroes arrive at the coliseum. It is a large, impressive stone building, visible from any where in the school. Massive pillars hold up its side. There are large statues, almost as tall as the building itself, of heroes in mid combat. The large gates of the coliseum are open. A small party stand outside, their bodies drenched in sweat. They talk about their class schedule.

The group moves past them, into the large lobby of the coliseum. A few banners hang with the school’s insignia neatly etched into the fabric. Around the edges of the lobby are more statues of heroes, these with name plates and dates decorating their basses. A few tables set up, but only one was occupied. Behind it, a young man who at the moment is slumped over the table, sound asleep in a pool of his own drool. His heaving breathing echoes off the walls of the chamber. The group makes their way towards him.

“Excuse me” Tal says as he gently taps the shoulder of the sleeping figure.

The young man stirs from his slumber. He takes a long blink as he wipes away the drool from the rim of his mouth. “I apologize, I must have dozed off. How may I help you?”. His voice is groggy. He wipes the sleep from his eyes.

“We are here for the exam. We have room 5a. Can you tell us where that is?”

“Oh? So you’re the group” He begins but he catches himself as he seems to remember some terrible truth.  “Um just go down this hall, you can’t miss it”

“The group?” Varus adds suspiciously “What do you mean by that?”

“Yeah, can you tell us about the test” Jalila adds.

The young man lets out a nervous laugh” Oh uh. I’ve said too much. I’m sorry I’m not allowed to say more. I wish you all luck!”

“What can you tell us?” Varus continues to pry, growing more suspicious by the second.

The young man looks around for help but none can be found. A bead of sweat starts to take form on his forehead. He sighs “All I will say is that it will be tough. I wish you luck and good fortune, now I really must take my leave. I have too much work to do.” With that, he stands up and walks away from the group, leaving them alone in the lobby.

Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay

They make their way down the hall. Room 5A stands before them. A small moment of still quiet falls over the group. Tal knocks softly. No answer. Another soft knock, still no answer. The door is unlocked.

The door opens and the smell of stale ale fills the hallway. The room is plain, except for the piles of glass bottles that seem to be everywhere. Underneath one of these piles is a desk, one that feels sticky from this distance. There is no other furniture in the room except for a chair that now holds a sleeping dwarven woman. Her long-matted hair comes down in thick dirty dreadlocks. Her large muscular arms crossed over her chest. She is slumped back against the wall. She snores and the bottles shake as they react to the reverberation of her voice. She doesn’t seem to notice the intruders.

Zarmir uses his glaive to knock at the door frame “Hello?”

Still no response. Zarmir knocks louder. She doesn’t even flinch. With a loud sigh he walks walks up to the dwarf. The smell of stale ale grows thicker.

“Good morning!” he adds Impatiently.

The sleeping dwarf wakes in a jolt. She stares at the intruders, her face not hiding her confusion. There is more silence before she finally says “You’re late!” Her eyes already searching for more liquor.

“Actually, we were early. Waking you up made us late” Zarmir retorts. He doesn’t like this new teacher. She is incredibly unprofessional.

“Oh right” she responds as she continues her search for another drop of liquor. “Well I am Toula, you can call me Toula. No Miss, Mrs, just Toula.” Her voice is rough and gravely. She continues to sift through a pile of bottles on her desk as she talks.

“You, my unlucky friends, have the pleasure of doing the only kind of test that really counts for anything Yours will be a trial by combat. I only have three rules” she continues. She raises a bottle to her eye, shaking for the sound of liquid.

 “One, don’t die. I am not responsible for any deaths. If death is going to be a problem, drop out now.”

All but Varus raise an eyebrow. No one mentioned anything about death. It isn’t even the first day and now death is on the table.

“Two” She raises two fingers up “go all out. Show me what you’re really made of. I need to be entertained. If you aren’t going to do your best” she pauses as she brings a bottle to her nose and sniffs. Satisfied by the scent, she continues “drop out now.

She takes a long gulp. “and three” She pauses, looking as if she is searching for the next answer “play it smart, I will not go in to help you. If you need me to save you, drop out now.”

“What are we fighting?” Varus asks. Aside from B.U.D. He seems the least phased by the new information.

Toula smiles “Now it wouldn’t be any fun if I gave you that”

“Yes there would” Tal responds “it be so much fun” The others nod in agreement.

“In war, you don’t always know what you are fighting before hand. This will test that. Now through those doors is your destiny, go forge a good one” She takes another gulp of alcohol. The group tries to protest but she is already walking to the door. Before leaving she adds “prove to me you deserve my attention”

The Whole Story

D&D Sessions – Character Introductions

This is part of a series. Click here for the whole story!

Tal and his brother Zarmir stand in the middle of the crowded field. Zarmir nonchalantly musing about while, fiddling at his cape. Tal makes a quick scans the signs until he finds the grouping that includes their last names. Tal takes the lead and guides his brother through the crowds of students and parents to the table with the letters “Ne-0” printed in front of it.

The two make an unusual pair. Those who look at them would never guess they were brother. Tal is a slender red skin Tiefling, with his hair raven black hair falling to his shoulders. His eyes are a bright yellow. He has two large ram’s horns that come out the front of his forehead and loop around his ears.  There is a freshly polished and painted lute that is strapped to his back. He is dressed in fine linens and would almost resemble a noble if his pants and boots were not sullied with mud and dirt from his travels.

Zarmir the other hand is a stout and tall human male. His broad shoulders and large arms prove to the world that he tirelessly spends his time training. His blue eyes scanning for trouble as he follows his brother. His short black hair is neatly kept. In fact, he keeps himself neatly. His suit is freshly pressed and his boots and pants don’t have a spec of dirt on them. His clothes are all brightly adorned with gold trimmings and his Northman family crest perfectly embroidered on the chest of his jacket. He uses the cape to slightly hide this small detail. Zarmir gows impatient with the whole ordeal. He just wants to get back to training and get stronger.

Tal gets them registered.  They receive a sheet with the words “Sylvan Towers 304” written under room assignment.

“Cool we got the same room” Zarmir says, unable to hide his excitement “we aren’t going to be separated after all!” Tal nods, sharing in the excitement.

Tal thinks for a second. He has seen this name before. He remembers passing the dorm room on their way to sports fields. He remembers how to get back to it.  

“Come brother, I remember the way” Tal says confidently. Zarmir shrugs and follows him without question. Tal was always better at these kinds of things.

Image by Zandria Ross from Pixabay

The brothers are the first to arrive. The door reads 304 and it is decorated with five small pieces of parchment, each with a different name. They recognize their own names, but not the other three.

“I guess we have roommates” Tal says as he reaches out to open the door. The door opens to a large living space, cluttered with neat stacks of boxes, chest, bags and other miscellaneous items. There are 3 reading chairs scattered about the room. There is a small empty fireplace at its center for the winter months. There are two bare shelves on opposite sides of the room.  There is a large window at the end of the room that looks out to the snow-capped mountains behind the school. Under it, a small table with two chairs neatly tucked under it. The large room empties into 4 separate rooms. Each room comes with a bed and a desk, but there is one with a bunk bed. That room is slightly bigger meaning that one of the singles is slightly smaller.

Tal takes a seat on one of the reading chairs and starts to play with his lute. He tunes it for a bit before fiddling with a scale he enjoys. Zarmir finds an empty space on the ground that fits his frame and drops to the floor to do pushups.

Image by Grae Dickason from Pixabay

Jalila makes her way through the crowd effortlessly. Crowds don’t bother her. She is used to moving through the busy city streets of Rexxentrum, and this was a lot more spacious. She looks down at the piece of parchment she was given at orientation. The words “Sylvan Towers 304” neatly written under room assignment. It doesn’t take her long to find the building. Jalila walks down the busy hall. She passes open doors with people talking loudly inside. She passes others carrying large boxes. She reads the numbers, each one getting closer to 304.

Jalila is an unusual creature. Her soft brown completion seems to glow even in the shadow. Her eyes are a pretty golden amber color and one might argue that she is unnaturally beautiful. She doesn’t quite look human, although she mostly is. A symbol of Bast hangs around her neck. In her plain navy blue soldier’s uniform, she stomps through the halls confidently. Some people will stop and stare but she doesn’t take notice, she has a mission.

The door opens and Jalila barges in. Tal stops playing his loot and stares at the curious new figure who now stands at the front of the room. Zarmir continues doing push ups.

Looking at the two guys in her room she says “Oh, so the dorms are coed. Cool. Nothing I haven’t done before.” She takes in the layout of the room. It’s nicer than any place she’s ever stayed at. My name is Jalila. What’s your’s?” her voice assertively filling the room.

“My name is Tal and this” pointing at Zarmir who continues to do push-ups “is my brother Zarmir.”

“ The r is silent” he adds from the floor.

Overcome by obvious bewilderment, she stares at the odd pair and asks “How are you brothers?”

“Adopted” Zarmir adds as he finishes the last of his set. He stands up, towering over Jalila and adds “He’s my adopted brother” Zarmir flexes slightly and inspects his biceps for progress. Satisfied, he puts his hand on Tal’s soldier “We grew up together so as far as I’m concerned, he is my real brother”

“That’s sweet” she replied. She understands the bond between an adopted family all too well. Her guard drops a bit, but the room fills with an awkward silence. Zarmir, looking into the rooms, is the first to break the silence. “I want my own room” he says as he continues with his inspection. He chooses the room he believes is the biggest and begins to fill it with his belongings.

“I don’t mind getting the small room” Tal says as he begins to gather his things. Jalila shrugs and walks towards the last single. She tries to hide the excitement of finally having her own room.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

The door opens a third time. Varus, another tall human, barges in without saying a word or acknowledging the inhabitants. He’s dressed in dark brown leather. A hunter’s cap with the rim bent up slightly. His face is scared and an eyepatch covers his right eye. A small crossbow hangs limply at his side.  He passes the group wordlessly and walks up to a bare wall. He clears his throat and without looking away lets out “My name is Varus Silbarian. What’s your name? Why are you here?”

Tal confused by the new stranger’s mannerism replies “Um. I am Tal and I go to school here. This…”

“I wasn’t talking to you!” Varus interrupts sounding completely annoyed. He turns back to the wall and says “yeah I’m doing pretty good, how are you?”

Tal blinks, unsure on how to react. Finally he gathers himself and a bit annoyed asks “Im sorry…Who are you speaking with?”

Without turning away from the wall Varus says “I’m just talking to Dorthy.” The other two watch, confused by the whole situation.

“Ah Dorthy the door” Tal says, attempting to keep the conversation civil. They would be sharing a room after all.

“Dorthy is not a door” Varus turns looking offended.

“Ah Dorthy the wall, makes sense” Tal says as he rolls his eyes. He does not like this guy.

In an effort to break the awkward tension in the room, Jalila changes the subject. “Does anyone know what the test is on?”

“I hope it’s not a written test” Zarmir shrugs “I don’t know shit”

“Yeah” Tal laughs in agreement. “No one told us there would be a test, I didn’t see it on any of the introductory materials.”

“I don’t think anyone knew. Its kind of weird that they give us a test so early in the year.” Jalila continues trying to keep the conversation going but the conversation fizzles out naturally and they continue to unpack in silence. Tal takes it upon himself to break the silence once again by playing his lute. He plays relaxing melodies for his roommates to unpack to. No one objects.

Image by Computerizer from Pixabay

Across campus, the robot continues to try to get registered, but he is distracted. Ha has never been around this many people, nor has he been to a school before. At this point, people have started avoiding him, creating a clear perimeter around him.  They can’t help but to gawk at B.U.D. and they have good reason to. His body is entirely metallic. The platting that covers his body shines like in the sun. It isn’t flesh that connects the large pieces of armor together, but wires and cables visible through exposed patches. He towers over the crowd, peering over the heads of all the other students and their families. He moves slowly through the crow, distracted by all the new around him. He continues to grab at loose accessories and items until people no longer walk near him.

Eventually B.U.D makes it to the front of the correct table after trying all the other ones. He is intrigued by the concept. A tiny human woman hands him a  piece of parchment. It reads “Sylvan Towers 304” written under room assignment. Without looking at the sheet, he grabs it and sticks it in his mouth.

“Wait no! you need that” a panicked hand reaches up to grab at the sheet of parchment. B.U.D. spits it out, not fully understanding why he couldn’t eat the paper. “It tells you where you need to go” the small woman adds, shaking her head at the strange creature.

“Can I have one of those then?” B.U.D points at the stack of papers on a table behind them.

“No. You need to go find your room” she says slowly, “ You’re in Sylvan Towers 304. Just follow that path and you will see the scenes. I’m sorry I don’t mean to be mean but I have more people I need to help. Good luck and welcome!” She tries desperately to sound enthused. B.U.D nods and walks away from the table down the suggested path. He continues to get distracted by everything.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

The door opens a fourth time. B.U.D. Stands on the other side with his arms full of pieces of parchments, like the ones posted on the room doors. “Can you believe they just leave these for anyone to take?” he adds as he walks through the door. He takes a step inside and pops one of the pieces into his mouth, this time swallowing before anyone could react.

He looks around, the 4 who were already in the room stare back blankly.  astonished and confused by this odd specimen, no one knows quite what to say.

“Hi” he finally says, breaking the minutes of silence. “My designation is Biomechanical Universal Diplomat, but you can call me B.U.D. It is very nice to meet you all” he adds with a slight respectful bow of the head. Taken aback by the tall new creature in the room they all introduce themselves. B.U.D towers over his new friends.

“Oh man. Check this place out you guys, and girl. Its so big!” He says as he walks to a corner, inspects it for moment and says “This is a pretty cool corner. Did you guys see this corner? I claim this corner if no one has claimed it yet!”

“No…that’s fine” Tal says, not quite understanding the situation. “Do you not need to sleep”

“I do a bit, but that’s why I picked this awesome corner.” Bud pops another piece of parchment into his mouth. The others look at him curiously. “Oh do you guys want some? They have these everywhere.” He begins to offer a sheet to Zarmir”

“No I’m good” he answers “I’m just going to be in my room. I will see you tomorrow.” And with that, he closes the door behind him. No one else takes his offer, and he gleefully continues to snack on parchment.

“Why are you eating parchment?” Jalila asks finally.

“I’m collecting data” B.U.D replies.

“Data? Data for what?” Tal joins in.

“Data for the Mother Ship”

“What’s the Mother Ship?”

“It’s the mother ship. I was sent here to collect data for the mother ship.”

“Sent? Sent from where?” Tal continues to ask. It seems the more he talked to B.U.D, the more confused he seemed to become.

“I was sent from the mother ship” Clearly this conversation wasn’t going anywhere. Tal gives up on his interrogation.

They spend the rest of the night unpacking and exchanging more awkward conversation. They talk about what they think the test, but no one does anything to prepare for it. They all go to bed, all sharing different levels of anxiety. A new chapter to their adventure has just begun.

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