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Movie Reviews, movies

Youtube Reviews: School for Scoundrels (2006)

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This is an odd one. Some of the jokes have not aged well, but it isn’t a terrible movie. I recommend it just for the performances. The conflict between Billy Bob Thorton and John Hader in this movie, although dumb as it is, is something you should not ignore. John Heder has this gift of portraying truly awkward characters. There are scenes in this movie that are incredibly awkward to watch. Billy Bob Thorton’s performance should not be overlooked either. He is able to be the perfect villain for this type of movie.

My only real issue with this movie is the love interest. Amanda only exists to be the prize and that is problematic. Her whole personality is boiled down to be the girl the rivals fight over. As a result she is inexplicably infatuated by a guy who up to the events of the movie has not left much of an impression. I think Sarah Silverman says it best when she compares continually compares him to a serial killer. But this movie really isn’t about her or her lack of personality and if you treat her like the object the film makes her to be, it shouldn’t be a problem. She doesn’t add anything to the plot except create a central conflict.

Overall, it’s not a waste of time. As cheesy as this movie is, I’d watch it just to see John Heder and Billy Bob Thorton perform.

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Youtube Reviews: So Undercover

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This was one of the better movies I have seen on the plat form. It is a generic undercover movie with a simple plot and simple characters. Honestly, if you have kids, you can do a lot worse. What really makes this movie work, scratch that, the only thing that makes this movie work is Miley Cyrus. Whatever your feelings might be about her, it is undeniable that she is talented. Without her charisma, this movie would fall flat as an forgettable, poorly written undercover movie. While it may in no way be a movie you will hold dearly for the rest of your life, it has a certain charm that makes it bearable.

I would not recommend this for adults. The plot is a little childish. You have this strong, capable and smart female lead that is put in a situation that is far outside her comfort zone. It is through this experience that she learns the value of trying something new, to not judge people by their appearance, and most importantly, the value of friendship. It’s not transcending in what it does, but if you have kids, you won’t hate the experience.

My only issue with the movie is the love interest, there was no real need for him to be in the movie. She establishes herself as the strong independent woman and one of the major factors for changing her attitude is that she falls in love with this dude. I wish they would have focused more on the interpersonal relationships between her and the other girls of sorority so that the ending didn’t feel like it came out of nowhere. But that’s a little too much to ask for a movie of this caliber. It’s definitely not something you will watch again.

Watch it with your kids.

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Youtube Reviews: Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector

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This movie was made at the height of Larry the Cable Guy’s popularity. If you have seen any of his work, you have seen all his work. He plays the same character, encounters the same obstacles, and learns the same lessons. The only difference in his roles are the skin that the movie takes. Whether he is a Tow Truck, a soldier, or a health inspector, Larry the Cable Guy is the good hearted redneck with a lot more to offer than meets the eye. As a result, his movies tend to be repetitive and I would argue boring. There is so much you can do with this character and they clearly ran out of ideas with this movie.

It’s not that this movie is bad, it’s just that it is boring. It is so dumbed down and easy that I would argue that it was created for a younger audience. Nothing really stands out in this movie and I for one was left unimpressed by everyone’s lack luster performance. It’s almost as if the cast knew that no one was going to see this movie. There really isn’t much I can say about this movie. I wouldn’t watch it unless you like his comedy and lots of gross out humor. If you are looking for a funny comedy to watch, go elsewhere.

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YouTube Reviews: Big Mommas 3

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This movie is free on YouTube, but I would stay away from this movie even if I were paid to watch it. The movie is unoriginal, unfunny, and extremely offensive. If you are fan of the series, I would ignore this one because whatever worked in the first two is absent in this one.

My biggest issue with this movie is how offensive it is. It is sexist and racist and there are parts in this movie that are disturbing because it is essentially about this creepy guy living with a bunch of unsuspecting girls. To make mater’s worse, Trent, the main character of this movie, is the most unlikable character I have seen in any movie. He is obnoxious, dumb, and probably the worst generic rapper I have ever heard. Let me break it down, the whole movie is a bunch of skits where they put these crossdressing men in awkward situations strung together by a crappy hip hop sound track and made to look like a hiest movie. Any conflict or danger is generated by the main character who is a complete bafoon and it is exhausting to watch him stumble through this movie.

I would skip this movie even if you like making fun of movies. I had to take multiple breaks because of how bad it was. The pay off isn’t worth it. Your time is too precious to waste it on this. Next.

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D&D

Mad Mage Chronicles:Chapter 8

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This story is based on the wizards of the coast adventure The Dungeon of the mad mage. There are spoilers

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The cave becomes familiar to the party. The dank smell of rot and decay fades away into familiarity, almost like a memory. The cracks on the wall, the deep scrapes from combats past, and the decomposing bodies that litter the ground slowly begin to morph into the landmarks of their adventure. The party continues to move in silence, but this time it feels different. It is a comfortable silence that is shared amongst comrades. The trust might not yet be there, but its threads begin to weave between each member with each step.

Roakala takes the lead with her cursed sword which emits a soft light that washes over the ancient stone. It creates soft shadows against the walls of the caverns, this time they are less menacing. This time they stroll with a more relaxed ease as they finally make it to the forest of pillars. The party stands at a familiar crosswords. To the north, a path already travelled. To the south, a clear warning of certain death. To the East, an unknown variable. The party stands in contemplation.

“Where to now princess?” Roakala asks, unable to resist the smirk that appears on her face.

Diljaris’ tail twitches in playful frustration as she instantly retorts with “I am not a princess!” She doesn’t sound annoyed. There is a certain friendliness in her tone. Diljaris looks around at her options for a moment before continuing “Well if we are looking to make money” she reviews her options one more time “I think the best chance of finding magic items might be due south” she says as she points at her option. Above the door way in freshly painted letters the warning reads “Certain death this way”

“You want us to go towards death?” Gorak chimes in

“Yes, we need money and towards death would more than likely have magic items we can sell”

“You barely made it out of the last bout with monsters, shouldn’t we prepare more before we go running towards our deaths?”

“Well my friend” Diljaris replies as she places her scaled blue hand gently on Gorak’s shounder, giving him a warm and friendly smile, “We can’t know for certain that any of the other paths will yield a less dangerous path. I would argue that we will never be ready for what we don’t know. But I don’t want you to feel pressured, no one is forcing you to go. You can leave when you like. I am here to conquer this dungeon and my gut says that that way” she says as she points south “is the first step in doing so.” She pats him gently on his shoulder and begins to step due south. “Whose with me?”

Roakala is the first to react. Her head swivels between the two members of the group before letting out a frustrated grunt “Dammit! Wait up princess.”. Roakala walks after Diljaris. She drags her feet lazily.

A heavy dwarven hand falls onto Goraks shoulder. The old worn glove smells of fresh oil. “Well boyo?” Drugnar says “You did ask for more adventure.” Drugnar chuckles as he continues after the pair. Gorak stands in place, the room growing dark as the cursed light’s reach no longer engulfs him. He sighs in frustration and begins to take steps towards the party. They pass through the door warning them of certain death.

The doorway empties into a long dark hallway. A hallway that is well travelled. The ground is littered with tracks, both young and old. There are deep overlapping footprints belonging to humanoids of varying sizes. There are animal tracks and long deep wheel imprints. There are bits of ash and burnt out torches. It is clear that despite it being marked for certain death, this path down here is a busy avenue.

The party moves cautiously over the tracks. They look eagerly towards the end of the hall, expecting a dangerous surprise. Perhaps death would be the answer to the strange nature of this corridor. Finally they arrive in a room. There are neat piles of ancient stone, earth, and ruble throughout the room. Around those, digging supplies of varying condition. There is also a small body in the room. It is slumped over against the wall. It’s leathered green skin has begun to rot. There are signs that rats have begun to nibble on it’s body. An ear is missing and the body sits on what is left of a pool of blood that seems to have dried long ago. There is no way of knowing when the body died except that the belly has bloated.

Rakala examines the body carefully.  “Well” she says as she ponders the goblins visage “whatever killed the goblin took anything valuable.” The party searches the room for valuables and clues as to what might be in the next room; but all they find are the discarded tools and deep footprints leading in and out of this room.  There is another exit to this room. One that has been freshly and hastily made. This doesn’t share the workmanship of the caverns they have already travelled. This was made by new hands. Hands that don’t hold the same attention to detail as the original carvers of this earth, but somehow still talented enough to create a new passage way.

Roakala looks into this fresh wound. The cursed light washes over the freshly dug rock. The light reveals the madness of the new architect. It bends and turns with lack of reason, although the function stands up right with the support of new shabbily cut wood. The new path is ugly and it sews distrust in the party. Diljaris steps up and touches the wall. Examines it for a moment.

Gorak comes forth and gets close to the ground, touching one of the deep wheel wells. “Well if there is any treasure, it seems to be moving through here.”

“Agreed” Diljaris replies finally looking away from the stone “Whoever made this is using it to transfer something pretty important.”

Gorak nods “But the question is who’s using this tunnel and what are they carrying?”

“The real question is do we want to deal with whatever made this thing?” Roakala chimes in, pointing at the corpse of the dead goblin.

“I mean” Diljaris answers with her bright warm smile “We did come down here for some adventure”

D&D

D&D Homebrew: Jafar the Boss Fight

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I want to take the time to write about one of the boss fights I just conducted in hopes that it might inspire some of you in your future endeavors. As always, notes and suggestions are always welcome. I want to become better at what I do.

The boss was Jafar, master of illusions and the leader of the Red Scorpions Gang. The party was tasked with taking out this gang by a rival gang. The task was simple enough, and as far as fights went, they were able to get to Jafar rather quickly. Bodies began to pile around the PC’s and when victory seemed eminent, the field changes and they are transported to another realm where they are once again surrounded by members of the Red Scorpions who are hungry for blood.

To understand how I ran this encounter you need to understand a bit about the composition of my group. It breaks down into two parts, those who metagame and min max and those who don’t and play to chill. There is nothing wrong with either playstyles but it does create a few issues. The first has to do with the balancing of the encounter. Often, if I go by the cr guides in the book, the min maxers kill everything before everyone else gets the chance to play. Makes combat kind of boring when everyone is just supporting the person who watched a video on how to break the game.

The other issue that arises is the meta gaming. Players who min max at my table treat the whole thing like a game they need to win. Again nothing wrong with that but it does create a cycle that is quite repetitive. RP always ends with the min maxer being a jerk because he can back it up and boss fights always end anti climatically because everyone empties their clip on the boss.

 To combat this I created an encounter where every enemy on the field was the boss. For this encounter I had a general HP pool that the players could chip away at by attacking any enemy. The enemies all had 1 hp so that they would go down easily. For AC I used 12 for magic casters, 14 for scouts or ranged fighters, and 16 for melee. Other than that, use real stats from the monster manual for attacks, abilities, and saves.

At my table this created a situation where they were busy either fighting the “scraps” or emptying everything they had on the boss with the minions quickly closing in on them. What ended up happening was that they ended up surrounded by the minions and started taking a lot of damage due to the advantage they gained from flanking. The solution here would be taking out the minions because all the damage done to the minions, even if the hp is 1, goes against the general pool. So if a player does 10 damage to a minion, the whole unit takes 10 damage. For my encounter I used 300 because that was reasonable for my party.

This helps with the meta gaming because no one knows what is  going on. The other more positive effect is that everyone gets a chance to feel important. Everyone at my table had an opportunity to describe a kill and have the satisfaction of contributing instead of it revolving around the one or two characters who built more optimally.

Now the other aspect of this encounter was the changing environment. After a certain amount of turns, I did 1d6 turns, the field would change. This also resulted in more minions to fight and everyone was moved to a different location on the map. I chose random maps that I thought would be fun to use but you can stick to a theme. I picked 6 different maps and had the player who goes after the scene change to roll to see what map we got. I like leaving things to chance, but you can do this however you want. It is important to note that the boss is smart enough to place the players in a way that gives the boss advantage. Close combat pc’s get sent to the back for example. This keeps combat fresh and gives you a fresh pool of minions to work with.

Overall I think it went well. My players really enjoyed the map changing. The only thing I would change is maybe describing what happens with the minions to give them a chance to figure out the mechanic on their own. My players really enjoyed this fight although my min maxers were a bit annoyed by the combat until I explained the mechanic. I have no issue with min maxing, I just have players with different goals and experience. It isn’t fun for one person in the party to do all the work while you are trying to learn the game. The idea wasn’t to nerf anyone, but rather to create an encounter where everyone felt they contributed equally and it would still be a more epic fight than the usual encounter.

As for monster stats, you can use whatever you want. I found these to be sufficient:

25 Statblocks ideas | dnd monsters, d d monsters, dungeons and dragons homebrew (pinterest.com)

This worked well enough. My party is level 6 at the moment and they had no problem facing him. The charm spell was underwhelming though, I think full mind control with a chance of saving at the end of the turn would have been a lot better. As for legendary actions I gave him a fireball that did 4d6 damage and two force attacks that do 1d8 force damage. For his main action I tried to charm but the charm was a waste of a turn it felt like.

This part is optional. At the end, when the pool goes to zero, the illusion drops and the party returns to the original room. I did this battle theater of the mind, but you can run it with a map. Jafar then turns into a massive fire genie who is 20 ft tall and has a large range. He has an explosive fire attack that does fireball damage and 2 melee swipe attacks that can knock a player prone on a failed strength save. You can do Hp for this one but I like to make it hits. After a number of hits, Jafar runs out of magic and turns back human. This is completely optional but I did it because it made sense in my story.

Let me know what you think. I would love any suggestions to make this encounter better.

D&D

The Mad Mage Chronicles: Chapter 7

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A new party and a task at hand

This story is part of a larger series based on the published adventure The Dungeon of the Mad Mage. There are spoilers.

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When the party emerges from the dark and dank underbelly, the yawning portal is alive with music and drunken singing. There is an overwhelming air of celebration that seems to teeter around the room, floating along with the clouds of cigar smoke. They inch through the crowd slowly as the clusters of drunkards make movement difficult. Eventually they find a table, at the center of the cackling crowded chaos. A bar maid makes her way to the tired group who order food and a round of drinks. 

Food and drink arrives that the table. Roakala rests her head between her arms. Diljaris has settled in her area with books and journals neatly surrounding her. Drugnar and Gorak polish their weapons. “So what do we do now princess?” Gorak asks Diljaris who scribbles furiously in her journal. Food and drink comes. The barmaid places six large bowls of rice and curry at the center of the table. Next to the plates of food, she places two large pitcher of ale. Foam spills over the side, creating a small ring around the base of the pitcher. The barmaid leaves 5 full flagons of ale. Drugnar tips the waitress a silver. The barmaid surprised by the generosity winks and says “Let me know if y’all need anything else. Im closing out this place.” She places the coin gingerly in her pocket as she almost skips with joy away from the party.

Diljaris without looking up from her work “I am not a princess”. She continues to scribble until finally she looks up and replies “We need to find work”

“I thought you had work?” Gorak replies

“No, I was looking for a party to find work with. Now that I have a party, we need to find work. I think we should start with the barkeep, he might have some leads”

Drugnar stands up “Shall we?” he says as he motions towards the bar

“Of course” Diljaris responds.

“I’m good” Gorak responds as he takes a long swig from the flagon. Roakala is too busy eating to respond. The two move towards the crowd, pushing their way through the crowd.

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The two make it to the bar. Gorak pushes a pair of patrons aside to make room for them. The barkeep moves around them, quickly haning out filled flagons until finally he stops in front of the two. “What are ya havin?”He puts an old dirty towel over his right shoulder. His beard is freshly trimmed. His apron is also clean and neat.

Drugnar clears his throat and starts “First I would like to commend you on running such a fine establishment. I have been to many taverns in my long Drwarven lifetime but this has to be one of the best. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Drugnar Stormhammer and my scaly associate here is Diljaris Eshbis. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Now before we waste any more of your precious time, we would like to inquire on any business opportunities you might have or know about for a group of brave and capable adventurers”

The large burly man sighs “If you want work, go ask Obaya. He’s sitting over there. He’s always looking for adventurers. Now are you gunna buy something or not? I’m kind of busy”

“Yes can I get a flagon of your finest ale?” Drugnar asks smiling widely.

The barkeep pulls out a small barrel from under the bar. He fills a clear glass flagon to the rim with a golden clear ale. He places it on the bar as the foam settles. “Anything else?” the barkeep asks with clear dred in his voice.

“No you have been very helpful. We appreciate the information. Thank you” Drugnar replies as he slides a gold coin towards the bar keep. The barkeep is stunned by the sudden act of generosity. “Come back whenever you need anything you hear”

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Obaya is a black human male whose permanent resident is at the nicest booth in the yawning portal. Today he is surrounded by a group of laughing nicely dressed individuals. Obaya himself is adorned with the finest silk robes that have been hand stitched to specifically fit his frame. His finely ordained hat hides his wavy locks that shine when they manage to escape and touch the light. His golden brown eyes search the bar as he weaves together the tales that seem to always have his company in an uproar.

As the two walk towards Obaya. Obaya takes notice but doesn’t break from conversation. When they get within earshot, Obaya grin with genuine warmth, greets the pair “You look like you have a question for old Obaya. What can I do for you my friends?”

Drugnar steps forward “Good evening Mr. Obaya, we only want a moment of your time. My name is Drugnar Stormhamer and my beautiful scaly friend here is Diljaris Eshbish. We are travelling with a group of very capable adventurers and we hear you have a bit of work for dungeon delving folk like us”

“Well my well spoken friend, I am a travelling merchant and I deal in the strange and the magical. If you can bring me any magic items or spell books, I’ll take it off your hands for a bit of coin”

“Hi” Diljaris finally speaks up “how much do you pay for each magic item?”

“10 platinum per magic item. More if depending on how rare it is. How’s that sound?”

The two are taken aback by Obaya’s words.  They are clearly dazed by the reply. They remain silent as time continues.  “Well?” Obaya asks again, still smiling patiently.

“Well Mr. Obaya, it looks like you have yourself a deal. We look forward to doing business with such a generous patron” Drugnar finally responds as he extends his hand out towards Obaya.

Obaya laughs loudly and his guests join in. “You flatter me Drugnar but no need to be so formal. I am just a regular guy. Please, just Obaya is fine.” He stands up and extends both hands out “I look forward to working with you too as well.” They shake hands. Obaya smiles warmly. “Oh but you have to promise me one thing.”

“And that is?” Diljaris asks

“Don’t go dying on my account please”

The two laugh “We can assure you, you there won’t be any dying from us, I’ve brought together a very capable group” Diljaris replies. The two turn and make their way back to the table. Guidy with excitement at the possible prospects they were just promised.

Back at the table, Roakala and Groroak eat and drink in silence. Roakala continues to scarf down a bowl of food. One lies empty in front of her. Gorak drinks in silence, lost in thought. When Diljaris and Drognar come back, they don’t notice, but instead seem lost in food and drink.

“Good news!” Diljaris addresses the table, breaking their concentration “our wise Drugnar was able to find us work”

“What’s the job?” Gorak asks, putting down his flagon of ale.

“There’s a man in here that buys magic items, 10 platinum a piece. This dungeon has to be loaded with magical items” Drugnar adds.

“Yeah but how often do you think we’ll be finding magic items?” Gorak asks, sounding a bit skeptical.

“Well we did find a magic sword on our first trip down” Diljaris reminds Gorak.

Yeah don’t forget about Janice” Roakala adds, breaking her silence. She places the magic sword in the table. It glows faintly even under the candle light. The two empty bowls resonate from the impact.

“Isn’t it cursed?” Gorak reminds the group.

Roakala shrugs her shoulders “It still counts as magic”

“Maybe we should sell the sword” Gorak says as his hand slowly moves towards the blade.

Roakala snatches the blade off the table, almost knocking over bowls of food and the half empty pitchers of ale. “Janice is not for sale, she’s going with us!” She says sternly, her posture tenses as she gets ready to pounce at whoever dares reach for her sword.

“No need for any of that” Diljaris chimes in “No one is selling your sword Roakala. Settle down.” She puts her hand gingerly on the Orc’s shoulder. Roakala glares at Diljaris. Her eyes still filled with some rage but her breathing seems to slow and her posture relaxes as she finally slinks back down into her seat. “Fine” is all she says as she grabs a third bowl and continues to eat, this time slowly as she continues to eye Gorak.

A woman’s voice interrupts Gorak as he seems to move to continue to tease the Orc.  “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I hear you are looking for work?”

“Yes of course!” Diljaris says as she turns to face the owner of the voice. The woman is a finely dressed in new and clean robes. Around her neck is a golden necklace of a robin diving into a sea made from a blue sapphire. She is a tall and slender woman and her beauty makes it difficult to decern her age. She appears to be in her twenties. Her dirty golden curls seem to be meticulously placed down to her shoulders. She stares back at the party with eyes as blue as the emerald that hangs around her neck.

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“My name is Esvele Rosznar of house Roszar and I am looking for my brother Kressado. He went missing a few weeks ago. I have asked countless adventurers for help but I haven’t heard word of his whereabouts”

“What does your brother look like?”

“He is a slender man. He is 22 years old and has dirty blond curls that go to his shoulders. He wears a platinum ring with our family crest” Esyele pulls her necklace towards the group. “It’s also engraved with our family motto. Fly high and swoop swift”

Diljaris scribbles furiously even leaving and quick but recognizable sketch of the Roszar family crest. “Is he an adventurer too?”

“Well?” Esyele begins. Her face turns red as she looks down at the ground “He isn’t an adventurer. He’s been in some trouble. He is a good guy, he is just a little misguided”

“What does that mean?” Gorak says as he places his flagon on the table.

“He got mixed in with the Xanathar Guild and that has gotten him in a bit of trouble. Last I heard he was going down into the dungeon for some job but he never told me details”

“What’s the Xanathar guild?” Gorak continues to interrogate the woman.
 

Esyele doesn’t raise her eyes. She remains silent for a second before slowly letting out “They are the crime syndicate that runs this town. Larceny, murder, prostitution, drugs, all things illegal run through them. My brother was a thief for them” she pauses for a moment as she studies the reactions of the party and ponders he explanation  “My brother is a thief. Unfortunately he is a great thief and has now been unfortunately bound to the service of the Xanathar guild. I’ve tried my hardest to convince him to leave but he is also a stubborn man who likes to live dangerously. He is a good man non the less. He’s disappeared before, but it’s never been for this long. I just want to know if he is ok. Will you help me?” This time she looks up. Her voice cracks and she is clearly fighting back tears.

“How much?” Roakala asks as she leans forward, picking at her teeth.

“Well?” her voice still cracks and a small tear starts to roll down her cheek. “I will be ever so indebted to you and your group. My family is incredibly influential and having me as an ally will be incredibly beneficial”

Before the party has a chance to react, Diljaris moves towards the woman and places her hand on her shoulder. She looks down at the woman with a wide smile. Her tail wags her golden eyes seem to glow with a spark of excitement. “You can count on us. We’ll find your brother”

D&D

D&D Homebrew: Merchant Bot

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I want to take a moment to write about another homebrew I have added to my game. Because of the time crunch that exists at my table, I have to find way to automate a lot of the processes in the game to optimize the session. This also means there are aspects of the game I need to cut out.

My players hate shopping. They are mean to the shop keeps or don’t talk to them at all and as much as I try to make the shop keep interesting and engaging, my players are only interested in getting to the next leg of combat. There is nothing wrong with that, that is just the truth of my table. As a result, we do shopping outside of our game session. Now the prices are set to what they are unless the player wants to haggle, then they must do the work and haggle and talk with the shop keep. Why? Because I want to play too.

Now for selling items, we’ve come up with a sort of gambling mechanic. Now story wise, this will be an NPC follower of the party. One whose only job in the party will be to carry around the junk the party doesn’t want and sell them when they arrive in town. You can adjust the responsibilities this NPC has to better fit your campaign, but in mine a follower that is a mule is fine enough. I do not do combat with this NPC or make checks with them. In combat, you can ignore him and say he hides or holds his own but I don’t see the point in making roles for him. This should be about the party, not the random bot you made for them. You can however, set him as a target to add complexity to the combat. She can’t sell if they are dead. And if they lose the NPC, make them work to gain another. If they keep killing off their npcs, maybe no one will agree to join them. You can have fun with this.

Now for the mechanic.

The players will give the NPC the items they don’t want. Armor, weapons, and other junk items that are worth gold. You as the DM keep track of the price on all of these items. I use the DND Beyond pricing, but you can use whatever you want as long as it is consistent. You keep the tally until the party makes it to town. Then, the NPC will take a few days to sell the items. I roll a d6 because I want to roll dice. One member of the party will then roll 1d100. The result of that will be how much of the total they will receive.

For example, if they collected 100gp worth of junk and the player rolls a 60, they only get 60g. I suggest rolling on a computer or app so you get more variety but rolling dice is just fine.

If the players want to try to haggle to get the better price, that is always an option. The caveat being that they can either roll the d100 or try to haggle. It wouldn’t be fair if they roll a one and then they haggle for the better price. What they get is what they get.

So far it has worked pretty well. My players always opt out for rolling dice and it is exciting to see the how much of the cut they receive. I charge my character a wage for the NPC. You can choose the rate that goes for. The NPC can quit if they are mistreated or if life gets too dangerous so they should be actively trying to keep him or her happy like some kind of Tamagotchi. You should also think about setting a carrying capacity to try to limit any abuse. My players at least will take advantage of the lack of carrying capacity and try to steal enormous items in the hopes of being imaginary billionaires.

Let me know what you think? Is there any ways that I can improve this system?

D&D

Mad Mage Chronicles – CH6

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The Fight at the End of the Hall

This story is part of a larger series based on the published adventure “Waterdeep: Dungeon of the Mad Mage”. There will be spoilers.

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The party continues through dark desolate passages of ancient dirty stone. Black soot and long deep scratches cover these tunnels. They record the history of the dungeon. The party steps over pools of dried blood and broken decomposing bodies. The further them move in, the mustier and warmer it gets. Drips of water can be heard somewhere in the darkness. Roakala leads the party with the dim glow of her new blade guiding her. She eyes for danger with each cautious step she makes. She steps on a piece of discarded bone, it shatters under her wait but she seems to take little notice. Instead, she moves forward until she enters a small room.

Here is where the tunnel ends. A room etched at the end of the hall. A room full of the remains of failed adventurers. Bodies, both whole or in pieces, are scattered in small piles. Those with flesh intact rot away slowly in the darkness. Those who aren’t have long since become bone and are now lost here forever. Roakala pauses for a moment, her eyes trying to make sense of the scene before her but her eyes begin to water from the foul odor that assaults her nostrils. The party moves in carefully, each scanning the room for dangers or valuables. As the party makes its way around the room, carefully trying to stay close to one another, two piles of discarded flesh begin to move. From them sprout large floating flesh creatures with bodies like brains and beaks for mouths. Attached to each are long tentacles that wave wildly below them. They raise with loud deafening screeches.

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“What the fuck is that?” Roakala lets out as she moves her sword and shield into position.

“They’re Grell. Watch out for their tenticles, they’re poisones” Diljaris replies.

Before she can say anymore, the Grell is on top of her. Its skin slimy and full of discolored ridgels. It swipes at her with its long heavy tentacles. The force of the impact knocks the breath out of her. The tentacles wrap around her tightly and begin to carry her off. She coughs and gasps as she struggles to breath. The monster pulls her to its mouth and takes a nip at her with its sharp beak. She screams in agony as the beak tears into her flesh, ripping through her robe. Warm blood begins to seep down her shoulder. The monster turns and begins to take her away.

Roakala takes a step to help her the young dragonborn, but her path is blocked by the other Grell whose tentacles flare angrily and its beak snarls violently. Tentacles snap towards the Orc like whips, but Roakala’s instincts kick in as she doges and blocks the incoming flurry. She quickly closes the gap between her and the Grell who now faces her. Its eyeless face turns to her and takes a large nip at her side but instead of the soft Orcish flesh it excepted, its mouth bangs against the cold metal face of her shied. The force of the impact shakes Roakala to her core. It forces her to step back as her arm shakes under the weight of the monster’s attack but she stands strong. Sweat begins to form on her brow as she attempts to create an opening for her blade.

Diljaris begins to regain her breath as the shock from the blow begins to wear off. She begins to catch her breath. The grip on her body tightens as the slimy grey tentacles squeeze at her side. With the little breath she is able to mumble in an ancient tongue. Her eyes begin to glow blue. Her fingers spark with a bright blue flame. Where her burning hands she shimmies to touch the beast. Its skin begins to sizzle under the heat of the magical flame. A sudden burst of blue fire leaps from her hands, singing the creature. It screeches in pain and drops her to the ground. Diljaris lands in a loud and painful thug, once again knocking the breath from her lands. With the little strength she is able to muster, she stands up slowly. She takes wobbled labored steps away from the beast as the smoke and scent of burning flesh surrounds her.

Drugnar watches the dragonborn get swooped up and dragged away, he takes a step before the monster is able to make it far. He watches as the dragon born drops to the ground and struggles to make her escape. He moves as his legs can take him. Each step landing with heavy metaled determination. His right hand reaches for the pendant around his neck. Another gold coin hidden under his armor. This one houses the image of a beautiful woman carefully carved on its face. Drugnar moves himself between the monster and Diljaris and reaches out to touch his wounded ally.

“Sune lend me your light. Protect this creature as your own. Give her the strength to move forward. To continue to see the beauty of this world.”

There is a moment of silence as the two continue to move slowly. Suddenly, the coin in his hand begins to glow softly. The light spills through the cracks between his fingers. His left hand begins to glow warmly over Diljaris’s blue scales. Her steps begin to quicken as she appears to have newfound strength to move her forward. She no longer clutches at ther ribs, but moves quickly to make distance between her and the Grell. “Thanks” she expresses the two move away from the assailant.

An arrow flies by them from the darkness. It wisps by Drugnar’s head and connects with the floating monstrosity. Gorak stands at the other end, loading a second arrow onto his bow. He squints into the darkness, takes a breath and fires. The second arrow whiles through the air, piercing into the cold grey flesh. Drops of blood spray out, splashing against the filthy dungeon floor. A small river of blood starts to make its way down the shaft of the arrow. The Grell begins a hastened retreat. Blood drips bellow it, creating a trail in it’s wake.

On the other side, the second Grell is still locked in combat with Roakala. It snarls and flails against the orcs shield. The Grell makes quick swipes against the orc who has no choice but to move back and look for an opening. The Grell continues to make careless attacks, landing in loud cold slaps against the floor of the dungeon. Roakala dodges them, using the momentum of her movement to quickly close the gap between her and the monster. Before the Grell has a chance to react, Roakala is near the beast. She takes a strong confident swipe at the monster. The blade slices through the skin, leaving behind a deep gushing would and pain. In its desperation, the Grell takes swipe at the orc, but Roakala proves too fast. Instincts kick in and the blade comes down against the assailing tentacle. The blade swipes through easily. It’s soft glow momentarily obscured by the blood that slowly drips down its face. A large half of tentacle drops on the floor besides her. It flails uselessly without it’s body until finally, the last bit of life it held fades away into the darkness surrounding it. The Grell turns to run. It begins to float away in fear leaving itself open to Roakala’s third attack. The blade swipes quickly towards the retreating beast, slicing into unsuspecting flesh. It screeches in undeniable agony as it hastens it’s retreat.

Diljaris now stands more confidently, although her hands still shake. She closes her eyes, takes a long calming breath as she begins to recite the ancient words that fill the pages of her book. Her tail wages in a circle, her hands flail above her head. Her eyes glow blue as flames erupt from her hands. She goes silent as her eyes glare down the retreating monsters. ‘With this flame, I purge you from this world”. The flames launch from her hands, landing and creating a large explosion that engulfs the two Grell. The room fills with blinding light. When the fire fades and the room dim, the two Grell are left blackened and still burning. They float away weakly, their tentacles no longer flailing but instead left singed and curled against their scared bodies.

Drugnar takes advantage of the situation. With holy coin in hand he begins to say “Sune, mistress of beauty, show these beasts your light!” A flash of light chases down the farthest Grell. Instinct kicks in and the Grell moves out of the way. The soft glow of the spell reveals the battered beast and its desperation. It crashes against the wall. Small bits of it crumble to the floor as the Grell passes by, still in its attempt to escape. An arrow whiles into its back. This time instinct fails the creature. The arrow digs itself deep into the Grell’s body. Large spouts of blood poor from it. It falls from the air and squirms as it’s last ounce of life escapes it.

Gorak turns his head to the last remaining Grell who continues to burn and move through the darkness. His eyes squint as he takes careful aim. The arrow finds its place in burnt flesh. Agony and terror echo inside the last desperate squeals of the retreating Grell. In its desperation, it never noticed Roakala closing the distance until her cold glowing blade sunk deep into its flesh. Blood pours out of the wound and washes over Roakala’s hands as she uses all her strength to continue to cut the beast. The Grell grows heavy on her blade as blood as entrails begin to spill from the new wound. She takes the blade out, the blood drips over the runes making them illegable. The Grell drops heavily on the ground, lifeless.

The party stands in silence, still weary of danger, still searching for hostiles.

“Good news guys” Diljaris finally says, breaking the tense silence “You passed the test. Congratulations”

D&D

Mad Mage Chronicles – CH5

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This is part of a larger series based on the published Wizard of the Coast Adventure “The Dungeon of the Mad Mage” Spoiler warning.

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They exit into a dark silent cavern. Water slowly drips in the distance. The light from Goraks torch begins to spill out, filling the darkness, stretching out in every direction . Their footsteps echo off the cavern walls. Roakala takes the lead, her hand at the hilt as she scans through the darkness diligently. Behind her, Diljaris and Drugnar follow side by side. Both eyeing into the darkness, searching for unknown danger. Gorak follows behind the party, torch in hand. It’s flames licking at his face. There is an awkward silence that they carry between them as they make their first decent into the dungeon.

The cavern opens up and they enter a large room filled with long standing pillars. The pillars are scattered randomly throughout the large cavern, there seems to be little rhyme or reason to their placement. The light from the torch flickers over the pillars revealing distorted faces. On closer inspection, they appear to be horned demons of sorts. Diljaris moves her fingers over one of the pillars, feeling at its features. She turns to Drugnar who slowly steps towards her and asks “any ideas what these could be?”

Drugnar brushes his beard with his hand. He appears to be in deep thought. Roakala and Gorak don’t share this fascination of the pillars and move around carefully, searching for anything of value. Drugnar finally breaks the silence “they look like demons of sorts.” His voice is full of confidence.

” I could have told you that, but which one is it?”Diljaris says as she takes her notebook out and begins taking notes.

Drugnar shrugs “Who knows? I am only familiar with the Dwarven gods” Diljaris makes an imprint on a sheet of parchment that she stows away carefully in her bag. “Well let’s press on shall we?” she says, her eyes moving between the pillars.

Still within the large room, between the pillars they stand together. The light of the flame stretching in each direction revealing four exits. The one they came from due east and the rest stairways heading in the remaining cardinal directions. Roakala begins to search the room closely, her face almost kissing the floor as she stops and searches certain spots on the floor. She stops before the southern stairs, above it sprawled in dark red paint are the words “Certain death this way”. She continues her search.

“What is she doing?” Gorak whispers as the party watches the orc move around the room. They shrug before Roakala replies “I am looking for clues on where to go”

Gorak raises an eyebrow “Um, what did you find?”

“It’s hard to say, it all looks humanoid. No monsters” She finally stops and looks towards the group “But I vote we don’t go towards the warning.

“I can get behind that” Durgnar agrees as he pats his belly.

“Alright then orc, where does your investigation say we should go?” Gorak asks mokingly.

Roakala shrugs and shakes her head. “I was’t investigating for a way to go, I was looking for danger”

“Ok we aren’t doing this” Diljaris interupts “where should we go?”

Drugnar begins to dig through his pocket and pulls out a large silver coin. On it’s face the silhouette of a bearded dwarf. On it’s back, a hammer and anvil. “I have an idea” he says as he begins to show his coin to the party. “Why don’t we flip a coin. This has never steered me wrong before”

Gorak doesn’t flinch and seems accepting of the Dwarfs suggestion. The two remaining think for a moment before Diljaris finally says “Leaving the first trial to chance? There is something quite poetic about that. Flip away friend!”

“I haven’t read too much poetry, but I guess it’ll do” Roakala adds.

“It’s settled then. Heads we go north, heads we go west” and with that he flips the coin in the air. They watch as the coin floats up in the air, turning quickly to it’s own rhythm before crashing down on the floor with a soft bounce. The silhouette stares back at the party. “North it is!”

The party nods in agreement and they move north. Roakala leads the way, slinking expertly through the darkness. She listens for the sounds danger but hears none.  Suddenly, they hear the faint sounds of a distant incoherent echoes. They approach more carefully. Hands grip tightly around weapons as the breathing slows. These echoes lead to a small room. The room is empty except for a swords buried into an wooden armor statue of a faceless man. The statue has begun to rot but the sword looks freshly forged. Etched into its steel face are neatly written runes from some unknown language. Tat it’s hilt, boney rotting fingers cling onto it.  “Any ideas what’s up with this?” Roakala says, her hands moving towards the blade’s hilt. The echoes begin again but there doesn’t seem to be a source.

As Roakala’s dirty gloved hands wrap around the hilt of the blade. The skeletal hand drops to the floor and shatters into pieces. Before anyone has time to react, she grabs it tightly and pulls it from its resting place. Diljaris is startled by the sight and rushes carefully towards the orc. “Wait, it could be trapped!’ she says with her voice full of worry.

Roakala shrugs as she swings the blade around. “Feels fine to me”

“Well” Diljaris responds, a look of worry on her face “Give it here and allow me to examine it for a moment.”

Roakala thinks for a moment and reaches to hand over the blade before retreating it back “Can you do it without holding it?”

“It’ll only be for a moment, I will give it right back.” Diljaris says still worried.

“Ok but I’ll hold it” Roakala continues insistingly.

Diljaris rolls her eyes and gives in. “Fine, if you must” Her eyes start to glow a soft white. She hovers her hands over the blade as they begin to glow in the same shade. Her tail wags back and forth slowly as she whispers in droconic.  The runes on the blade glow as they respond to the ritual. This goes on for some time as the party watches in awe of what is occurring before them.

Finally, Diljarus goes silent. The light in her  eyes and hands fade. She looks at the party, clearly at a loss for words. She struggles to speak but finally is able to let out “This isn’t great but it’s not terrible”

“What is it?” Roakala asks, beginning to sound concerned.

“Well” Diljaris begins, struggling to find the right words “It looks like you have a cursed sword in your hands. For as long as you are cursed, you aren’t able to part with it”

“That’s not so bad. This is better than my old one, and she speaks Orcish”

“It speaks?” Diljaris asks looking concerned.

“Yes, Orkish”

“What does it say?”

“Oh she just wants to come along for the adventure. She will even shine a light for us. Good news for you ey human” Roakala adds, turning towards Gorak with a sly smirk.

“If you say so” Gorak answers eying the orc suspiciously “Does it tell you to do stuff”

Roakala shakes her head “Except for asking if she could come along, Janice isn’t really making any demands.

“An Orcish speaking sword named Janice? Not bad for a first adventure is it boyo?” Drugnar says as he nudges Gorak.

Gorak with his eyes still fixed on the dimly glowing sword shrugs “Does Janice need to prove herself too?”

“It’s only fair” Diljaris repplies, giggling.