Cocaine Bear is one of those dumb movies that you shouldn’t take seriously. While it fared better than I expected, it isn’t worth the trouble to watch it in theaters. If you are curious about this movie, wait for it to come to streaming so that you can skip all the boring bits. It isn’t a bad movie, but it isn’t worth the price of a movie ticket.
Cocaine Bear is a horror comedy about a bear addicted to cocaine that terrorizes a forest in Tennessee. The story focuses on three unsuspecting groups trying to survive the sudden bear attack. This movie is as dumb as you’d expect.
The acting in this movie is solid. The actors have great chemistry, and the bits of the plot that aren’t serious is a lot of fun to watch. The bear looks a bit cartoonish, but fitting of the movie’s tone. I loved the bear, and every scene that involved the cocaine bear was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, when there is no bear, this movie is boring. One moment you are crying from laughter as you watch cocaine-induced carnage, the next you will sit in silent disappointment as you have to watch boring development for characters you won’t care about. There clearly wasn’t enough for a movie, so there is a bit of filler you can skip past. This movie needed more bear.
There isn’t much more to say about this movie. It is a dumb movie that knows it is dumb. While some of the decisions pay off, not enough of them do to be worth watching in theaters. That said, you need to watch Cocaine Bear at least once to appreciate how dumb it is, but I recommend you wait for it to come to streaming.
Movie Review: The Strays (2023)
While The Strays gives off some solid Get Out vibes, it remains an odd movie to recommend. If you are out of content to watch, give this movie a chance, at least for the experience. While it isn’t the perfect psychological thriller it pretends to be, it does enough right that you won’t hate having sat through it.
Neve lives her ideal life in the suburbs with her successful and loving husband, two lovely children, and a great job. All seems perfect until the day the ghosts from her past begin to haunt her, slowly dismantling everything she has. Will these ghosts be what sends her over the edge, or is there something more sinister in the works?
It is difficult to review this movie without spoiling it. I will try my best to be as specific as possible without ruining the mystery.
The movie has a strong start but builds up to its disappointing twist. The actors are great and give some terrifying performances, but the story isn’t good enough to take advantage of their abilities. What killed this movie for me was the sudden tonal shifts.
The first half is this creepy psychological thriller that keeps raising the stakes as Neve doesn’t seem to have as strong of a hold of her life as she pretends to. I loved the increasingly disorienting narrative as Neve’s once-sterile day-to-day becomes increasingly unhinged. Through small details like how she increases the dose of her medication, her nervous ticks, and her increasing paranoia, the movie does a fantastic job of showing Neve’s disorienting mental state. Are the ghosts real? Is Neve’s life real? It is genuinely hard to tell because of how frighteningly disorienting the narrative is presented. But whatever momentum the first half builds is lost.
After the big reveal, the movie turns into a generic thriller. Any interesting characters developed in the buildup are lost in the worst storyline of this movie. I almost turned the movie off because of how jarring and boring the shift became. The final minutes of the movie sort of makeup for the disappointment because of how well the actors do, but it wasn’t enough to save the movie from mediocrity. This movie had potential and even proved itself with a few scenes, but it doesn’t push the story enough.
The Strays is an okay thriller, and something you should check out if you have nothing else to watch. It isn’t a movie I would rush to see, but you won’t hate it if you sit through it. Check it out on Netflix when you are ready.
Movie Review: We Have a Ghost (2023)
I’d also like to take some time to thank Neyra Villegas for buying me coffee! Your support means the world to me. Thank you so much!
I just watched We Have a Ghost, and it is a bad movie. If this movie shows up on your feed, please ignore it. This movie isn’t worth the two hours it is trying to claim from you. There isn’t even enough movie to fill the run time. We Have a Ghost was made to pad Netflix’s already disappointing library. Stay away.
A generic dysfunctional family moves to a decrepit house hoping for a new beginning. But to their surprise, there is a ghost living in their attic. The generic brooding teenager, Kevin, is the only one to discover that Ernest, the ghost, is friendly. Kevin decides to help Ernest find peace in the afterlife. But some forces want to use Ernest for their selfish goals. Will Ernest find peace before it is too late?
We Have a Ghost is a lazy attempt at rebooting Casper. The plot is full of holes and cliches. The characters are so generic that they are forgettable. It is clear who is in this movie for the paycheck because the acting is mediocre. I don’t blame them because the writing is terrible. No talent in the world can make this movie work.
The biggest problem with this movie is the lack of substance. Nothing happens in this movie. It spends two hours setting up different storylines that don’t lead to anything. All the buildup leads to the most predictable and lazy ending. There was no clear direction for this movie, just an idea and some lazy gags to pad the run time. If you cut this movie down to its most impactful story elements, you are left with maybe five minutes of the movie.
Do not watch We Have a Ghost. With how much better content there is out there, you have better ways of spending two hours. But if you don’t believe me, check it out on Netflix.
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Movie Review: Knock at the Cabin (2023)
Knock at the Cabin wasn’t worth the movie ticket price. I don’t recommend you watch this movie in theaters, even if you get the tickets at a discount. If you are considering watching this film, wait for it to come to a streaming service. Even then, I would hold off because the apocalypse couldn’t come fast enough to save me from boredom.
An unsuspecting same-sex couple and their adopted daughter have their vacation abruptly interrupted by four strangers on a mission to save the world. With the apocalypse imminent, the three must choose to sacrifice one of their own, or else unleash the end of the world. Can the family make the ultimate sacrifice to save humanity before it is too late?
Dave Bautista is the only good thing about the movie. I have already forgotten everyone else, even the main characters. This movie isn’t worth sitting through for Bautista’s performance.
My biggest issue with this movie is the pacing. It takes too long for it to get to the point. You sit through a lot of backstories for a relationship you won’t care about and poorly written dialogue that becomes too preachy about humanity. Writing this bad doesn’t deserve a theatrical release.
Do not be tricked by the trailers; this is not a disaster movie. Knock at the Cabin is a pretentious take on the human condition full of lazy takes and little action. You don’t get to see any of the plagues, destruction, or deaths. Instead, you get to watch strangers talk it out. As a result, there is no sense of urgency or time limit. The world might be ending, but it doesn’t feel like it. For this movie to work, it needed higher stakes. I also didn’t care enough about the main characters for the choice to matter. The climax doesn’t feel impactful because I didn’t care about the family, and there was no sense of urgency.
I have been consistently disappointed by M. Knight’s movies for a while now. My expectations were low going into this, but Knock at the Cabin isn’t his worst movie. Dave Bautista is charismatic enough to make this movie less of a chore to sit through, and there were some beautiful moments of cinematography that I genuinely appreciated. That said, don’t watch this movie in theaters. I would wait till it comes out on streaming so that you can skip through the boring bits, but even then, I wouldn’t rush to see it.
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Your Place or Mine
It is no secret that I have been disappointed by the romcoms I’ve had to sit through this year. When Your Place or Mine popped up on my feed, I was justifiably skeptical that this movie would break my streak of sitting through subpar romcoms. Nothing about this movie suggested my experience would be different this time around. I was surprised that this movie wasn’t as bad as I expected. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a genre-defining title by any means, but it is a fun one.
Your Place or Mine is the story of two best friends who love each other but are too afraid to act on their feelings. Opportunity strikes when Debbie needs to fly to New York to finish her degree but doesn’t have a sitter for her son. Peter volunteers because that is what friends do. The switch allows the two to move out of their comfort zone until they can examine their feelings about each other. Will they learn about themselves and each other to act on their feelings? Yes, because it is that kind of movie.
You aren’t watching this movie for the story or writing because it is mediocre at best. The plot is riddled with holes, and they force a lot of threads to make this movie work. If you are a fan of the genre you might have a better appreciation, but I couldn’t get past the overall silliness of this movie. Instead, you will be watching this movie for the acting. The leads have fantastic chemistry and enough charisma to make it work. The best friends are just quirky jokes, but the actresses had a lot of fun playing them. I hope to see them in more movies because they were a delight to watch on screen. The whole cast seemed to be having fun with this movie, and as an audience member, I loved watching it.
Your Place or Mine is a dumb date night movie that is fun to watch, but it won’t have the lasting power as some of the classics. The story isn’t great, and the production can be sloppy in places, but the actors make up for these pitfalls. If you haven’t canceled Netflix yet and need something to throw on for date night, Your Place or Mine is a solid contender for the occasion.
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Movie Review: Somebody I Used to Know (2023)
Somebody I Used To Know isn’t the worst rom-com I’ve sat through this year, but it is hard to recommend. The movie is a modern version of My Best Friend’s Wedding but with less charm. I recommend you watch that movie instead. The acting here is fine, but the story isn’t great. If you like the genre, you might have a deeper appreciation for it, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it.
Allie was an ambitious documentarian who has settled on being a producer for a crappy reality tv show about baking on an island. As hard as she works to make her show successful and captivating, it gets canceled. Now without purpose, Allie flies back to her small hometown to figure out what to do with her life. Her plans are complicated when she meets an old boyfriend. Their spark seems to reignite between the two, making Allie believe that this is her second chance to rekindle a lost love. But there is a problem; he is getting married, and the girl he is getting married to reminds her of how she used to be. Will she find purpose in a wreckage of a relationship she helped create, or will she learn to let things go?
The story isn’t great. You sit through fake artsy talk as Alle struggles with selling out. It will try way too hard to be funny, and none of it is interesting. I like that Allie is put in a situation where she has to let things go to grow, but don’t like that she tried to break up a happy couple. I don’t like when these types of movies muddle ethics so that two people are together. I get that sometimes a couple is destined to be together, but destiny in these types of movies means flat characters exist to create easy conflict rather than a meaningful story. The goal here starts off as trying to get rid of a flat foil so Allie can get the life she thinks she wants.
I was surprised to see this movie attempt to divert from the usual formula, but this shift doesn’t do enough to make this movie better. Allie doesn’t find purpose in the guy she wanted, but she will find it in another man. Although Allie was able to move on and follow her dreams, I find her sudden success as a documentarian hard to believe. I didn’t like Allie as the main character and didn’t care about her growth. Don’t get me wrong, Allison Brie gives a great performance, but the movie isn’t good.
The chemistry between the characters is easily the best part of the film. Unfortunately, some characters are terribly wasted in this film and others are just flat and forgettable. I’ve seen worse romcoms so I was able to power through this film without much issue, but it is hard to recommend because this plot has been done a lot better elsewhere. If you are thinking about watching this movie, watch My Best Friend’s Wedding instead.
You can watch it on Amazon if you have a prime subscription, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it.
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Movie Review: You People (2023)
I wasn’t a fan of You People because it is a lazy movie at its core. It has good actors who give fantastic performances, but this is a movie that sacrifices narrative in order to make its pretentious points about racism. If you are interested in watching this movie, you won’t hate it, but keep in mind that it isn’t the quirky rom-com that you think it is.
The story is about an interatrial couple and the struggles they face as their cultures clash. There is also a subplot about a podcast, but there really isn’t much more to this movie.
The acting is fine, but the leads share no chemistry. It feels as if the only reason the two are together is to create the uncomfortable situations the movie is brimming with. The white family will constantly make tone-deaf statements as they desperately attempt to not appear racist. The African-American family seems to be equally one note as they become the foils to the Jewish family. This back-and-forth gets old almost instantly, but I can’t deny that the performances were excellent.
This movie seems to be shamelessly made to make white people uncomfortable. While I appreciate some of the commentary it makes, the tone is directed toward a particular audience. I find it problematic to exclude a group of people from a conversation about racism. This movie also boils down such a complex issue into something too simple for cheap laughs. I felt like this movie doesn’t do anything other than try to make its audience uncomfortable.
These uncomfortable moments and discussions are tied together by its poorly and barely existent plot. This relationship exists outside of various clashes and unintended racism which would be fine if this wasn’t a rom-com. If you take away these moments, you get a couple of montages and a crappy podcast. I was not a fan of the fact that I had to sit through a fake podcast full of bad takes because there wasn’t enough plot for a movie. I am very upset that this movie forgot it was a rom-com, but remembered the main character’s rise to a successful podcaster.
I can’t recommend this movie because there really isn’t much to it. While there are some great performances and some valid humor, it doesn’t do enough to earn a recommendation. There are older rom-coms that deal with the same subject but do it better, I recommend you watch those instead. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this movie, nor do intend on rewatching it, but you can stream it on Netflix if you have nothing better to do.
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Movie Review: Shotgun Wedding (2022)
If I had to only use one word to describe the comedic cinematic genius that is Shotgun Wedding, it would be cheap. This film is a collection of cheap action sequences, cheap CGI, and cheap jokes bundled in a cheap script to fill up a digital catalog. This movie required more suspense of disbelief and patience than I am capable of. With how hard Amazon is advertising this movie, I expected something that didn’t feel like a bargain bin direct-to-vhs action movie. If you are desperate to watch a JLO comedy, The Wedding Planner is a better movie.
A generic couple plans a destination wedding in the Philippines. Conflict between the couple has slowly been boiling over until they get into a huge fight on the day of the wedding. Luckily for them, pirates have crashed their wedding and taken their guests as hostages. JLO and her husband are now forced to work through their relationship while they attempt to save the day. Can they do so before the pirates start killing hostages? Yes because this is a poorly written movie.
The acting in this movie is lazy, and most actors seem to be there for the paycheck. To be fair to the actors, there is only so much that can be done with this script. The plot is dumb, and there clearly wasn’t enough of an idea for a movie. If you cut out all the filler and the ending karaoke scene no one asked for, there are 30 minutes of “plot” left for your enjoyment. Less than half of that is enjoyable. I would be lying if I said this movie didn’t make me laugh. This movie had its moments, but most of them are in the trailer, so there really isn’t a need to watch it for an additional joke or two.
I am tired of the JLO character at this point. She plays the same character in all her movies, whether she plays a stripper or is playing herself. I understand that a lot of this has to do with the fact that she doesn’t have the range to play any other character. Here it’s problematic when the lead needs to be more charismatic than JLO is capable of being. She didn’t has no chemistry with the husband, her comedic timing is inconsistent, and she was too goofy for the action bits. Maybe one day they will find a role where this character works, but not today.
I can’t recommend this movie because I don’t really count it as a movie. It doesn’t take advantage of its cast, there is no plot, and it’s barely funny. It may not be the worst comedy I have seen, but your time is better spent elsewhere. For those curious, you can check it out on Amazon.
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Movie Review: Sick (2022)
Sick is as good as you’d expect from a thriller horror movie about covid made for a streaming service you probably don’t have. The film certainly has its moments of competence, but it derails and is only worth the trouble if you have nothing else to watch.
The movie takes us back to the time of Covid lockdowns. Toilet paper is out of stock, people sanitize everything, masks are mandatory, and everyone stands six feet apart. A killer is hunting down seemingly random teens, but we won’t know why till the end. The movie will focus on a pair of college girls who quarantine at a secluded cabin. But the killer has followed them to their haven. The two must now run for their lives as they try to survive the night. Can they make it out of quarantine alive?
The acting is fine, but the leads aren’t good enough scream queens to carry the movie. The weakness in their abilities is particularly noticeable towards the end after the climax. I think they did the best they could with what they were given, but I don’t think they would do better in a different movie. The story is dumb, but I appreciate that there was an attempt at creating deeper characters. It was an attempt that ultimately fails, but it was nice to see characters that aren’t the usual archetypes. The movie isn’t terrible. Some very well-done tense and suspenseful moments were pretty scary, but the movie loses its momentum towards the end, making it a flop in my book.
They ran out of ideas after the big reveal. The ending is disappointing. There are a lot of issues with the realism of the movie that I could have forgiven if this movie was more fun. People in this movie tend to teleport and gain almost superhuman survival abilities when the plot asks for it. It isn’t so I suggest you skip it unless you are starving for content.
There isn’t much more to say about this movie. It is a dumb thriller based on a simple concept that doesn’t pan out all the way. You can stream it on Peacock, but I wouldn’t go out of my way for it unless you’re starving for content.
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Movie Review: The Old Way (2023)
The Old Way is a mediocre attempt at a western that is better left forgotten. This movie is boring and a complete waste of time. Even if you are desperate for something to watch, you have better options available.
The movie is about a generic infamous gunman with an impressive reputation but no personality. He has set his violent ways behind him and has settled for a quiet life in a new town where he runs a general store and has started a family. But his past has come to haunt him. A mysterious villain and his crew have moved through town and killed his wife. Now it is up to Nick Cage and his daughter to hunt down his wife’s murder and get his revenge.
This movie is made unremarkable by its terrible acting, lack of interesting story, and dull action sequences. This film lacks everything that makes westerns fun and instead replaces them with a lot of walking and pointless conversations. The script is bad, and the conversations make this movie feel longer than it is. There wasn’t even enough action in this movie to save me from boredom. The available action lacks the excitement to make me interested.
It seems as if I was as disinterested in this movie as the actors. The movie features a very tired and unimpressive performance from Cage and most of the actors supporting him. The child actor is the only one that seemed to show any passion for the project, but I doubt more passion from the rest of the cast would save this movie.
There isn’t much more to say about this movie because it left no impression on me. I was so bored that I needed multiple breaks to power through to the end. This movie is so unremarkable that I have already forgotten that I watched it. It isn’t worth your time or the trouble of looking it up. Even if you like making fun of bad movies, there isn’t anything for you here. Do not watch this movie. It is a waste of time.
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