Tag Archives: romance

Citadel (2023): The most boring action series you shouldn’t be watching

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I finally found the time to sit back and watch Citadel on Amazon Prime, and I am upset at how much time I wasted on this series. It was a struggle to finish Citadel and an even bigger struggle to find the strength to not skip around when this series got boring. Don’t watch this series. There is nothing for you here.

Citadel is about two spies forced into hiding by an evil organization hunting them down. One spy has lost his memories and is struggling with his identity. Is he a father and husband from Iowa, or is he the deadly spy everyone else knows he is? But he must decide quickly. The world is about to end, and only he and his generic female spy ex-lover are the only ones who can save the world. Can they do it?

I don’t know where to start with this series because it is so bad. The plot is terrible, but I would argue that the writing is worse. There are lines in this series that are so bad that I had to pause the series so that I could reevaluate my decisions. I took a lot of breaks trying to get through this series, and it almost broke me. The writing is so bad that I can’t tell you how bad the acting is. There are actors in this series that aren’t trying, but others, like the lead, are trying their hardest to make this terrible series work. Gods bless them. I hope they can find something better after Citadel. 

This series tries to have this overarching mystery as you are trying to figure out who the mole is. It doesn’t work because it becomes obvious the moment they walk into the series. This was only a few minutes in, and For the rest of the series, I had to sit through terrible attempts at misdirection as the series built up to the dumbest big reveal you can’t possibly fathom. This series is so boring that I could only sit there and over-analyze every terrible plot point, overthink every plot hole, and scrutinize all of the science. I can suspend my disbelief in action thrillers, but they have to be good at distracting me with big explosions and fun action. Citadel had nothing to distract me from how terrible it is. 

Citadel is the most boring to come out this year. There were a few decent fights, but not enough to be worth your time. Most of the run time is spent on relationships no one cares about and pointless filler. Had this been a movie packed with more action, it would have been better. 

I don’t want to spend any more time on this series. You can stream it on Amazon, but I wouldn’t waste my time. 

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Movie Review: A Tourist’s Guide to Love

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I just watched A Tourist’s Guide to Love, and it is as cheesy as you’d expect. While I prefer it to Ghosted, it is a hard movie to recommend because the writing is terrible. This movie is another lazy generic romance movie, but one with decent actors who give solid performances.

Amanda finds herself trapped in her boring routined life. When her boyfriend of five years breaks up with her, she goes on a work trip to Vietnam. Amanda intended to do research for her job, but she discovers something more meaningful. She finds love. Her charming handsome tour guide shows her more than just the sights; he shows her how to be her truest self. But will this adventure give Amanda the courage to follow her heart, or will her business get in the way of love?

A Tourist’s Guide to Love is a bad movie, but the actors save it from being terrible. I commend the actors for doing their best with what they were given, but they deserve a better script. The plot is generic, lazy, and forgettable. There isn’t much to say about this movie because it doesn’t do anything you haven’t seen in other generic romance movies. If you enjoy the genre, you might appreciate it a bit better, but I am not sure anyone can stomach how cheesy this movie gets. The best bits of this movie is when it occasionally flashes bits of the beautiful Vietnamese scenery. 

This movie has me in a weird place because it is bad, but I’ve seen a lot worse. That said, I already forgot I watched it. Don’t watch this movie unless you enjoy watching cheesy romantic movies. Even then, I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it. For those still curious, you can stream it on Netflix. 

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Movie Review: Somebody I Used to Know (2023)

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Somebody I Used To Know isn’t the worst rom-com I’ve sat through this year, but it is hard to recommend. The movie is a modern version of My Best Friend’s Wedding but with less charm. I recommend you watch that movie instead. The acting here is fine, but the story isn’t great. If you like the genre, you might have a deeper appreciation for it, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it.

Allie was an ambitious documentarian who has settled on being a producer for a crappy reality tv show about baking on an island. As hard as she works to make her show successful and captivating, it gets canceled. Now without purpose, Allie flies back to her small hometown to figure out what to do with her life. Her plans are complicated when she meets an old boyfriend. Their spark seems to reignite between the two, making Allie believe that this is her second chance to rekindle a lost love. But there is a problem; he is getting married, and the girl he is getting married to reminds her of how she used to be. Will she find purpose in a wreckage of a relationship she helped create, or will she learn to let things go?

The story isn’t great. You sit through fake artsy talk as Alle struggles with selling out. It will try way too hard to be funny, and none of it is interesting. I like that Allie is put in a situation where she has to let things go to grow, but don’t like that she tried to break up a happy couple. I don’t like when these types of movies muddle ethics so that two people are together. I get that sometimes a couple is destined to be together, but destiny in these types of movies means flat characters exist to create easy conflict rather than a meaningful story. The goal here starts off as trying to get rid of a flat foil so Allie can get the life she thinks she wants. 

I was surprised to see this movie attempt to divert from the usual formula, but this shift doesn’t do enough to make this movie better. Allie doesn’t find purpose in the guy she wanted, but she will find it in another man. Although Allie was able to move on and follow her dreams, I find her sudden success as a documentarian hard to believe. I didn’t like Allie as the main character and didn’t care about her growth. Don’t get me wrong, Allison Brie gives a great performance, but the movie isn’t good.

The chemistry between the characters is easily the best part of the film. Unfortunately, some characters are terribly wasted in this film and others are just flat and forgettable. I’ve seen worse romcoms so I was able to power through this film without much issue, but it is hard to recommend because this plot has been done a lot better elsewhere. If you are thinking about watching this movie, watch My Best Friend’s Wedding instead.

You can watch it on Amazon if you have a prime subscription, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it. 

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Movie Review: At Midnight (2023)

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At Midnight is the cheesiest movie the cheesiest romcom that I have seen this year. The writing is bad, and the story is predictable, but it isn’t the worst movie I’ve seen all year. If you enjoy cheesy bad movies, this one is fun.

The movie is about a generic couple that can’t be together because of their social status. Sophie is a famous movie star stuck in a role she doesn’t want. Her life changes when she finds her boyfriend cheating on her, but because of her fame, Sophie must stay in this relationship. Alejandro is a hotel assistant manager who until he meets Sophie, doesn’t believe in love. A secret fling in paradise quickly turns into something more. It soon becomes impossible to keep their love a secret. But can their love survive the pressures that come with fame and status? Of course, it can! This is a cheesy rom-com.

At Midnight takes every chance it gets to namedrop the title, and it isn’t subtle. This obsession leads to my absolute favorite line of dialogue in this whole movie, and it goes like this:

After a few secret dates, the relationship between Sophie and Alejandro becomes more serious. They sneak away at midnight every chance they get just to share a few moments together. As they sit for a romantic movie date, the Paramount Pictures logo shines brightly against the camera so that the couple appears as simple silhouettes. Sophie turns to Alejandro, the logo still visible, and says “Midnight with you is my favorite hour.” Alejandro looks down at her and responds “Midnight isn’t a time. It is a place we can be together.” This is the best example of what kind of movie it is. It’s not a good one, but it is fun if you like to make fun of bad cheesy movies. 

The acting is the best part of this movie. Don’t get me wrong, no one is getting an award here, but I appreciate the energy put into the performances. The leads had decent chemistry, and it certainly has its moments. It doesn’t do enough to earn a recommendation, but I had enough fun with this movie that I didn’t mind watching it.

The movie is bilingual, and I have to say I preferred the Spanish bits. It felt like the cheesy telenovelas I used to watch with my grandma, but this movie required a lot less commitment. They aren’t a great example of Mexican cinema, but I found the plot threads a bit more interesting than the English bits. All the English plot lines involved the life of a fake actress and her struggle with identity, but none of that struggle was interesting. At least in Spanish, I got to hear people argue. 

This movie is lazy. The plot is very predictable as it follows the same generic plot common in the genre. They even dare to rip off the speech from Say Anything because they probably ran out of ideas. This is a movie riddled with holes and terrible lines, and it will try to distract you with shameless fan service. As much fun as I had with this film, it isn’t good. 

I have a soft spot for cheesy movies like this, so I enjoyed it more than I should have. You aren’t watching this movie unless you love this genre or love making fun of the bad ones. It is a lazy generic romcom with a pretty terrific cast. I didn’t mind that I watched it, but can’t recommend it. If you don’t believe me, check it out on Paramount+.

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Movie Review: You People (2023)

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I wasn’t a fan of You People because it is a lazy movie at its core. It has good actors who give fantastic performances, but this is a movie that sacrifices narrative in order to make its pretentious points about racism. If you are interested in watching this movie, you won’t hate it, but keep in mind that it isn’t the quirky rom-com that you think it is.

The story is about an interatrial couple and the struggles they face as their cultures clash. There is also a subplot about a podcast, but there really isn’t much more to this movie.

The acting is fine, but the leads share no chemistry. It feels as if the only reason the two are together is to create the uncomfortable situations the movie is brimming with. The white family will constantly make tone-deaf statements as they desperately attempt to not appear racist. The African-American family seems to be equally one note as they become the foils to the Jewish family. This back-and-forth gets old almost instantly, but I can’t deny that the performances were excellent.

This movie seems to be shamelessly made to make white people uncomfortable. While I appreciate some of the commentary it makes, the tone is directed toward a particular audience. I find it problematic to exclude a group of people from a conversation about racism. This movie also boils down such a complex issue into something too simple for cheap laughs. I felt like this movie doesn’t do anything other than try to make its audience uncomfortable. 

These uncomfortable moments and discussions are tied together by its poorly and barely existent plot. This relationship exists outside of various clashes and unintended racism which would be fine if this wasn’t a rom-com. If you take away these moments, you get a couple of montages and a crappy podcast. I was not a fan of the fact that I had to sit through a fake podcast full of bad takes because there wasn’t enough plot for a movie. I am very upset that this movie forgot it was a rom-com, but remembered the main character’s rise to a successful podcaster.

I can’t recommend this movie because there really isn’t much to it. While there are some great performances and some valid humor, it doesn’t do enough to earn a recommendation. There are older rom-coms that deal with the same subject but do it better, I recommend you watch those instead. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this movie, nor do intend on rewatching it, but you can stream it on Netflix if you have nothing better to do. 

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Movie Review: I Believe in Santa (2022)

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I am officially done with Christmas movies. I can’t sit through any more of these; I don’t have it in me. While this movie isn’t bad, it isn’t good either, and it isn’t going to be any better. I will try again next year, but I am not making any promises. I Believe in Santa may have its own charm, but I am tired and need to move on.

I believe in Santa is about a woman who doesn’t like Christmas and falls in love with the man who loves the holiday the most. I am not using any names because their only personality trait is whether or not they like Christmas. Aside from this difference, they are the perfect couple and will quickly fall in love during the course of the movie. The guy includes her in all his Christmas activities. She slowly learns to love Christmas, not because of Christmas magic, but because she loves him. It’s beyond cheesy. You have been warned.

I will no longer be doing Christmas movies because there is only so much that can be said about them. They are either cheesy in a way that is fun, so it doesn’t matter, or they are cheesy in a way that makes me hate Christmas. This one is fine, but I already forgot I watched it. The problem with these movies is that they are made to cash in on a holiday and often aren’t meant to leave a lasting impression. This one doesn’t, and I doubt any others will. I fear any further reviews on this genre will become echoes of my criticisms.

You can stream I Believe in Santa on Netflix if you need more Christmas movies to sit through. This is a great movie to throw on in the background because it doesn’t require any commitment. This movie makes good background noise, but you won’t hate the bits you accidentally sit through. This movie is dumb, predictable, and cheap, but I have sat through worse. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but it is there if you need it. Anyways, Happy Holidays, I am off for a much-needed pallet cleanser.

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Movie Review: Your Christmas or Mine? (2022)

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On the third day of my Christmas marathon, I finally found a good one. I started this venture assuming everything I watched till Christmas was going to be a disappointment, but then Your Christmas or Mine? came around and surprised me. While it is still your typical Christmas story, it is able to charm and entertain its audience. If you are searching for another movie to watch this holiday, consider this one.

Your Christmas or Mine? is the quirky story of a couple who end up attending the wrong Christmas. Hayley and James are heading home to spend Christmas apart. But right before the trains depart, they decide to board the opposite train. They plan to surprise one another at their final destination. But things don’t go as planned, and the couple is each stranded in a strange city with no way to get back. The two will spend time with each other’s family. James gets to spend his night with Hayley’s quirky family, while Haley is stuck with a grinch of a man. By the time Christmas comes around, the couple will grow more in love and full of Christmas spirit.

This is a cute movie because the actors have the charisma to make this movie work. At its core, this is still a cheesy Christmas movie, but one with enough charm where it doesn’t matter. Your Christmas or Mine? is quirky in a way that isn’t annoying, funny in a way that doesn’t try too hard, and better than the other movies in the genre I have had to sit through this year. It may not win awards or become engrained into the Christmas culture, but it will entertain.

Christmas is around the corner and if you need a movie to get you in the Christmas spirit, give this a chance. You can stream it on Amazon video if you have a prime membership.

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Movie Review: Something From Tiffany’s (2022)

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I have been avidly avoiding Christmas movies this season, not because I am a Grinch, but because I couldn’t muster the strength to sit through them. Let’s face it, this genre is the recycling of the same movie every year, and it is getting harder to sit through them. I decided that today I would start getting into the Christmas spirit, but unfortunately, the movie is Something From Tiffany’s. 

Something From Tiffany’s is the story of two lost souls who are stuck in their respective relationships. Fate brings these two unknowing souls together by way of New York City taxi. Ethan is at Tiffany’s buying his engagement ring when Rachel’s boyfriend comes in that same night to buy his girlfriend a cheap gift. In a brief moment, the boyfriend gets hit by the taxi, causing the events that will bring Ethan and Rachel together for Christmas. Ethen, being the generic and caring man that he is, rushes to check up on the generic boyfriend, but he ends up switching the ring with the cheap gift. Ethen and Rachel will meet in the hospital, and it is love at first sight. Fate keeps bringing them together, and in a matter of days, they fall madly in love with each other. You can guess what happens from here. 

This movie is bad even by the genre’s standards. The acting was surprisingly good, but its narrative is terrible. I always feel bad for the significant others in these movies who have the cruel fate of being love’s cruelest obstacle. Ethan’s girlfriend seemed like a nice girl whose only fault seemed to be that she wasn’t quirky enough. Ethan was ready to propose, but one brief encounter at the hospital was enough to change his mind. Rachel’s boyfriend was a loser, but at least he wasn’t evil which is refreshing.

The idea was to show how the leads were stagnating, stuck in their routines. It was only through finding true love that they can move forward and live their best lives. But is it love that they share? Is it fate bringing these two together? Is it Christmas magic? They are only together for a day before they decide that they are meant to be together. I see this as a relationship fueled more by desire than love. Rachel and Ethan lust for something different and fresh, and this accident gives them that. It is less romantic to think about how this race to fall in love for Christmas is less about fate and more about a change in scenery. Even if they were meant to be together and were previously in bad relationships, they were ready to be engaged, and that is where I have my problem.

I am overthinking a movie that had no effort put into it, but I was bored. Let me have this. There are better movies in this genre. Go watch something like The Princess Switch or Falling for Christmas instead. They are bad too, but somehow they are a little better.

You can stream this on Amazon, but I wouldn’t.

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Series Review: The English (2022)

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The English is an Amazon original that left me feeling disappointed and a little bit offended. At its core, this is a white savior narrative disguised as something empowering.

Cornelia Locke has made it to America in search of the man responsible for her son’s death. Now she, with the help of a Pawnee Indian she meets along the way, scours the western frontier seeking her revenge. Can she survive the unforgiving landscape of the new world and find the man she’s looking for, or will the unforgiving plains claim another victim?

The show is an average western at best and very preachy. The acting is great, but the story and its pacing aren’t. The series jumps between different stories ineffectively, making this a disorienting experience. While I appreciate the attempt at a more complicated narrative, there is a lot of filler. This is a series that takes too long to get to the point.

The biggest issue I have with this series is how it tries to whitewash history. I was a bit disgusted by the lengths to which this series goes to prove that not all white people during this period were terrible. I don’t believe all white people are bad, I just don’t like how hard they try to prove this.

There is clearly a white savior complex and some virtue signaling at play in this series. You can see this with Cornelia and how she carries herself. Every episode has a moment where she has to talk about how brown people aren’t bad and that we should respect them as people. She has a whole speech about how white people are stealing from the Native Americans. It gets a little much, and I had trouble caring.

I get that Cornelia has a reason to be so kind, but this series goes above and beyond to prove that she isn’t racist. Other white characters in this series suffer from this same complex. Lately, I have been noticing many examples of modern media capitalizing on white guilt and virtue signaling. We don’t need this kind of whitewashing and hand-holding, especially when we are dealing with the terrible aspects of our history. Tell the stories how they are. They are meant to make us uncomfortable because they were uncomfortable stories.

I did not appreciate how this series presents the atrocities of this time as reactions from the good white characters. There is a problematic scene in this series where an entire Native village of Native Americans is slaughtered. You hear the slaughter in the distance, but the focus is on an English man and his overly dramatic anger. I am not saying they should have shown the slaughter, but this type of commentary is insulting. It was as if the series was saying, “we know this was bad, but there were good white people trying to stop this from happening too.” This shifts the focus from a terrible event and puts it on a white man. 

I might be taking things a bit too personally, but this theme was too present to ignore. The English isn’t a good redemption story because it is sloppy and lazy. It isn’t a good romance because there isn’t any chemistry, and the romance wasn’t set up properly. It isn’t even a good western because of how cartoonish it becomes. They have great actors who are wasted on such a mediocre story. I am sure there is an audience for this, but it wasn’t for me. I would recommend you skip it, but you can stream it on Amazon Video if you have a Prime membership.  

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Movie Review: Falling for Christmas (2022)

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You know what you are going to get with this movie. Falling for Christmas is as generic as its title. While it does nothing to differentiate itself from the clones released yearly, at least the acting is solid. If you like these cheesy Christmas movies, Falling for Christmas is a solid choice.

The movie is about a spoiled rich girl who has everything but finds herself lost and without purpose. This all changes when a freak accident causes her to fall down a mountain and forget who she is. Luckily, she falls into the hands of a struggling business owner with the kindest heart. Together they try to save the lodge, but they find something more meaningful than Sierra’s lost memories. They find love. This movie is as cheesy and predictable as you can imagine.

There isn’t much I can say about this movie because this movie comes out every year. This story doesn’t try to be original as it will hit every trope. You have the spoiled rich girl who can’t do anything for herself, a struggling kind man who is a dreamer trying to hold his family and his career together, dead moms, and a Christmas miracle.

There is an audience for this movie, but it isn’t me. I didn’t hate this movie, but it is not good. That said, Falling for Christmas is better than your average Hallmark. The acting is of a much higher caliber, but be mindful of the inconsistencies. Not everyone in this movie can act. It might not be the acting comeback for Lohan that we have been waiting for, but it is a nice taste of what hopefully is to come. The actors do their best with what they are given.

As far as love stories go, this one is very forced. The leads share little chemistry, but at least the acting is fine. Despite how lazy this movie might seem, it does try to tell a story. I liked that Sierra got her own arc, although it isn’t the most inventive.

Sierra starts out as someone who has everything handed to her. By the end of the story, she takes control of her own life. She makes her own choices and sets her own goals. I liked that she doesn’t accept the life she was given, or waits for a grand romantic gesture to realize who she wants to be. Her experience shows her who she wants to be and she starts working towards that. It is cheesy, but I appreciate the attempt. 

Falling for Christmas isn’t great, but it is better than some of its competition. I had a lot of fun laughing at how cringy it got, but never felt the need to quit it. It isn’t something I would go out of my way to watch, but it is there for when I need it. If you are a fan of the genre and love these cheesy Christmas movies, go stream them on Netflix. If not, then don’t bother.

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