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YouTube Movie Reviews: The Duchess (2008)

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I have an indifference when it comes to period movies or TV shows. I don’t generally seek them out, but I don’t have any real problem with them. I feel this same indifference about The Duchess. It is a pretty average movie that didn’t leave much of an impression on me. If you like period movies, I think it is a pretty solid one. The acting is great, the costumes are pretty, but the story leaves a lot to be desired. This movie is based on real events, and my disappointments come with the restrictions that come with it.

I loved the first half of this movie. I love G as a character. She is witty, charismatic, and I loved her outfits. The costumes in this movie are easily my favorite part. The second half is where I lost interest because the movie slows down too much to be enjoyable. It does make sense in context, and I understand why they did it. At the start of the film, G makes the best of her situation. She gets involved in politics, goes to parties, takes on the role she is supposed to take with a smile. In the 2nd act, when the movie slows down, she can no longer live with her unhappiness. It makes sense that there are no more parties. It makes sense that she can no longer smile. It makes sense that everything is so slow. It is done well enough, but it is much too slow for the average audience.

I can only recommend this movie if you like period movies. I can’t speak on how accurate it is to the period, but it’ll be enough for casuals. Other than that, it isn’t really worth it. It isn’t bad; it is just okay. It is still better than The Last Duel. For those interested, it is free on YouTube.

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YouTube Movie Reviews: Legally Blonde (2001)

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Legally Blonde is free on YouTube. What can I say that hasn’t already been said? It is a great movie with a fantastic cast and a great story. Without question, it is easily one of my favorite movies. The sequels are also available on YouTube, but I can’t speak on how good they are. It has been a while since I’ve seen those.

This movie made a huge impact on me when I watched it in my youth. Although I am a strait Mexican-American male, I empathized with a lot of Elle’s struggles. My whole life people do not take me seriously because of how I look and speak. I find that I am constantly being judged for my appearance and interests. I have to constantly prove myself to people because most think I am just some dumb Mexican kid. I was Elle’s strength and perseverance. Although our struggles are completely different and Elle has advantages that I don’t, I know what it feels like to be dismissed because of my appearance. I know what it feels like to constantly have to prove myself. It hurts when people think I am dumb. It hurts when people are shocked that I can speak English or that I study for tests. This movie helped me deal with a lot of that. 

I will be so bold as to say that this movie is a timeless classic. It has a strong and capable female lead who goes on a journey where she experiences growth. The issues she experiences are relatable. The lessons it teaches are important. If you haven’t seen this, add it to your list. For the rest of you, it’s free!

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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: The VelociPastor (2019)

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I loved this movie, but I can’t recommend it. It’s not good. The VelociPastor was made for a certain type of audience, but it wasn’t a mainstream audience. Unless you love watching bad cheesy movies for fun, you are going to have a bad time.

The VelociPastor is about a Catholic priest who has lost his faith. He goes on a pilgrimage to find his faith, but he finds the power to turn into a raptor instead. With the help of a prostitute, he uses his powers to fight an origination of evil ninja. It is insane and I loved almost every minute of it.

Again, this movie isn’t for everyone. The writing is bad, the fight scenes are cheesy, and the costumes and special effects are terrible. This movie looks like it was shot at someone’s house. That said, the acting was surprisingly good, the soundtrack was great, and the sound was amazing. It is often the case with low-budget movies like this for the sound to be awful. I’ve seen movies where dialogue is barely audible or full of reverb. The VelociPastor has its sound on point and I appreciate the filmmakers for it. I can forgive bad acting and terrible special effects, but the sound is hard to overlook. That said, a normal audience will not enjoy this movie.

I am not normal, and I enjoy watching bad movies. I loved this movie for what it is, a goofy attempt at a polymorphing action movie. The one-liners, the costumes, the action scenes, and the big twist at the end were all very much appreciated. It does slow down towards the middle, I think they were running out of ideas, but they were able to bring me back in with a grand finale. This is easily my favorite bad movie. 

If you like making fun of bad movies, check this out. For the rest of you, it’s hard to recommend. The lack of structure and overall goofiness isn’t for everyone. If you are interested in watching The VelociPastor, do not take it seriously. Have fun with it. You can watch it if you have an Amazon Prime membership.  

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: Little Shop of Horrors (1986)

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Little Shop of Horrors is a musical based on a movie of the same name from the 60s. I am not a huge fan of musicals so I can’t comment on how it holds up as one. That said, it still holds up as a film. The singing is fine, the acting is decent, and the special effects are appropriate. It was the actor’s gravitas and charisma that kept my attention. I can see there being an audience for this movie; unfortunately, I am not among them.

This isn’t a bad movie. If you like musicals and 50 eras music, you should check this out. If you are like me and do not like musicals, you should still watch this version for its impact on modern pop culture. I didn’t realize how much this movie is referenced in modern media. I didn’t like it as a musical, but I did enjoy it for its importance in modern American Pop Culture. I appreciate all the risks this movie takes to tell such an odd story. I believe it is important to go back to these older films to see the different forms of storytelling, and how it has changed over the years.

Anyways, if you are looking for a solid musical with a lot of nostalgia, this is a safe bet. You can watch this movie free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free. Trust me.

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YouTube Movie Review: Rollerball (2002)

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Time has not been kind to Rollerball. The acting is bad, everything feels dated, and it is cheesy in the worst way. If you have fond memories of this movie from your youth, do not watch this. Cherish that memory because reality is very disappointing. There is no amount of nostalgia that will save this movie. The acting and story in this movie are terrible, which hurts the movie. I will excuse bad acting and storytelling if the movie is fun, but this movie is boring. Don’t be distracted by the sick stunts and explosions, nothing interesting happens in this movie. You get to sit through terrible line reads and a lead who is constantly throwing tantrums. I was not entertained.

I don’t know how it compares to the original, but this execution was terrible. Don’t waste your time here. There is nothing here for you. But if you don’t believe me, it is free on YouTube.

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Movie Reviews: Free Guy

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I watched Free Guy in theaters, and I enjoyed it. Rewatching it recently, however, I found that it has lost some of its initial intrigue. Although it wasn’t bad, I can feel it not aging well. Free Guy relies heavily on pop culture references. Movies that heavily rely on pop culture references never age well. In a few years, when gaming dialect changes and people have moved on to the next streaming platform, a lot of the jokes and scenes will not work. I don’t think this movie will become obsolete, there will be fans of this movie, but I don’t believe that this movie is timeless.

Now, I didn’t hate this movie this time around. Ryan Reynolds is still charming, the action is still fun, but the story just isn’t there for me. Free Guy is a knock-off to The Lego Movie, and honestly, I would rather watch that instead. The Lego Movie has a better narrative. The plot for Free Guy is fine, but it could be better. I think it takes too long on certain references and sappy romance plots when it should be gaming. It loses a lot of its momentum during the twitch leveling montage. The movie stops halfway through for meaningless commentary that adds little to the movie. I mean references appreciated, but it feels out of place, and the movie never really recovers. The movie just turns into every other Disney movie, a mad dash to save the world against the clock. 

This isn’t a bad movie. This is honestly a great attempt at a video game movie. The action and special effects are showing of what could be, if only the story was good enough to support it. At least it wasn’t the usual cringe-worthy attempt where clueless actors stumble over gaming jargon. Free Guy makes me hopeful that we will one day get the gaming movie we deserve. 

For those interested, This movie is available for streaming on Disney+.

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Dirty 30 (2016)

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I went to this expecting another bad and generic Superbad rip-off, but I was pleasantly surprised by a quirky and delightful movie. Dirty 30 is funny, dumb, and cheesy, but all in a good way. While it will not win any awards, it is a movie that should not be overlooked. This movie is about a group of friends dealing with being 30. It is a midlife crisis movie where the characters work through their dilemmas, and grow from the experience.

My issue with movies of this genre is that the main focus is always the wacky antics. They steal a tiger, fight a gang, they get into very illegal situations because that is the formula that works. These movies tend to fall victim to a lack of structure because the goal isn’t to tell a story but to have characters react to wacky situations. You have long-drawn-out party montages and crazy over-the-top scenarios that aren’t always funny. The narrative is reactive and redundant. Dirty 30 is a more grounded approach to the genre where the narrative is a lot more active. The antics are realistic, and the story is never out of the control of the main characters. 

This movie is about the characters taking control of their lives and maturing. It explores a lot of experiences that come with age. The main character can’t get friends to hang out with for her birthday because everyone is busy with their life and kids. She realizes she isn’t where she thought she would be in life. She has to deal with dating weirdos while she is looking for love. This movie does a great job of dealing with these themes in a fun and quirky way. More importantly, it shows that what was important to us in high school isn’t what is important to us today. The friends, rivalries, and goals of our lives have shifted with our worldview, and that is okay.

This is probably more analysis of a b movie that probably wasn’t intended to be taken as seriously, but I liked it so much that I felt obligated to do so. This movie is a lot of fun for what it is; a dumb movie about getting old. The actors are fine, the characters are unique and memorable, and it has a solid narrative. It is cheesy, but that’s okay because it works. You can watch it for free on YouTube.

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YouTube Movie Review: Clue (1985)

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I had a lot of fun watching Clue. This movie is cheesy and over the top, but it is a tone fitting for the narrative. I mean, who doesn’t love an over-the-top Tim Curry performance? The rest of the cast is fantastic! Each character is unique and memorable, and the way they work together truly sells this movie. The writing is also great! I am a huge fan of humor based on wordplay, and this has more than enough to satisfy my itch. I laughed through almost the entirety of this movie, despite the story being full of murder.

As far as movies based on board games go, this is great. It is better than Real Steel, and it is leagues better than Battleship. This movie gives me hope that maybe one day we can get a good movie that is based on a video game or board game that isn’t generic garbage. As far as murder mystery movies go, I think it is fine. It isn’t meant to be a serious installment of the genre, but it is a fine attempt. I don’t have too many examples to compare it to, but it was better than Murder on the Orient Express.

I don’t think this movie is for everyone. I think the cheesy tone and the jokes might be a bit much for some modern audiences. If you are a fan of murder mysteries, this might not be enough to scratch your itch either. It might not be serious enough. This is more for people who enjoy this era’s humor and enjoys hyperactive narrative. But it is free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.

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Movie Review: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

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The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the best-rebooted horror franchise I’ve seen so far. It isn’t going to win any awards, but it is a lot of fun. This movie knows what it is, and it does it well. Texas Chainsaw Massacre goes back to its slasher roots and capitalizes on what makes the genre great. The Leatherface is blood-thirsty, and it makes for some very cool deaths. If you are a fan of slasher movies, this will be a solid revisit to the genre.

Out of the remakes I have seen so far, Texas Chainsaw Massacre has the best pacing. Everything is concise and self-contained to the town. There is no needless back story or lazy tie-ins. There isn’t a whole lot of self-service for the legacy characters or the original franchise. The movie introduces the main characters and starts killing them almost immediately. I was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t have to wait through a bunch of meaningless reinvented lore to get to what makes this movie fun.

The characters are fine for what they are, although they are a bit insufferable. You spend enough time with them to care, or not care about them. You don’t get long-winded backstories that add nothing to the plot. The acting is good for the type of movie. The plot doesn’t feel long and drawn out. The kills and action are great, and although some are cheesy, it sets this film apart from the other reboots. Overall, I don’t think this is a movie you can keep coming back to, but if you have nothing else to do, at least it’s not Holloween. You can find this movie on Netflix.

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Movie Reviews: Scream (2022)

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It is tricky to recommend the new Scream movie. Unless your movie ticket is $2, I would not bother watching it in theaters. Streaming it at home would be a better option, but this movie isn’t anything special. The meta-ness of this movie is a bit drawn out. I get that you should rush to see. The meta-ness is a bit much, and the story suffers for it. I get that the meta-jokes are part of the charm of the series, but they get abrasive and overstay their welcome. Sometimes they do work, but more often than not, it is unnecessary commentary about itself. Jay and Silent Bob Reboot does the same commentary better.

I will say that this is a better reboot than the newest Holloween. Scream doesn’t feel as drawn-out, nor is it a vanity project for the original cast. But this movie is drawn out, and a lot of this comes from its meta-ness. This movie will stop often to explain elements of horror movies or spoil itself when all I want to do is watch a scary movie. This movie has potential, and there are moments where the meta-ness works, but it never quite gets there.

The best scene in the whole movie is its opening. While it is clearly an homage to the original, it is excellently executed, and it sets a tone that the rest of the movie never lives up to. It builds some great tension, there is the perfect amount of meta-ness to story, and Jenna Ortega’s performance as the first victim is the high bar that the rest of the movie will continue to fail to achieve. This scene alone gave me the hope that now fuels my disappointment in this movie. 

The main issue with this movie is its characters. The legacy characters are fine, but the new cast is forgettable. The main character is boring. Melissa Barrera isn’t a good choice for the lead. But to her credit, the lead is poorly written. If Sam isn’t dealing with her father being the original killer, she is spouting unwarranted one-liners that never fit her character. I think they were trying to redefine the role of the scream queen to be strong and independent, but there isn’t enough evidence in this movie to support that she is strong and independent. There is a scene in this movie where the killer tells Sam that she “You aren’t strong enough for this movie.” This is the best meta moment in this movie because it is true. Her performance isn’t up to par with the rest of the cast, and the rest of the cast barely does any better. 

This movie is just alright. If you are a fan of the series, it is better than some of the sequels and you might appreciate it more than most. If you aren’t a fan, I think it is better to wait for streaming to be available. I have seen a lot worse, but it isn’t worth the ticket price.