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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

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I’ve watched this movie a few times already, but even now forget what this movie is about. While I appreciate the attempt of bringing this older IP to a modern audience, it isn’t a very good attempt. This is a Ninja Turtles’ movie from the perspective of April. Instead of an action packed war against the Foot clan, you get a very bland about investigative journalism. 

Megan Fox is not a strong enough lead to make this movie work. With as stronger lead, this might have been a better movie, but it’s not. This movie needed someone who could at the very least act as if they were interested in solving crime or getting a story. Instead, you have an unenthused Megan Fox whose acting is inconsistent, her personality is flat, and she has no chemistry with any of the other characters.  

The other characters don’t fare much better. There isn’t enough time with the turtles to establish their personalities. You get a few pop culture references that will help age this movie terribly, but outside of that, they don’t make the impact they should. They are massive, each step seems to shake the world around them, but the dated CGI makes their movements look awkward and incomplete. The combat is boring to watch because it is so slow and ugly. If you are watching this film on anything larger than a smart phone, it is difficult to ignore how terribly this movie is aging. This movie will not stand the test of time, and it shouldn’t. 

You can find it on YouTube for free, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to look for it.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Dirty Work (1998)

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Dirty Work is a movie about being petty. A man must raise $50000 to pay for life-saving surgery and uses his pettiness to earn it. He and his brother are hired to exact petty revenge. It is a silly movie with a great cast that has aged decently but not without its faults.

While I did enjoy the film, I understand that it isn’t for everyone. The pacing, the jokes, and the tone are an issue. If you offend easy, avoid this movie. While there are some genuinely funny bits in this movie, some of the jokes have not aged well or don’t land. That said, the cast is talented enough to make this movie work. I love the obnoxious and loud tone. I love the petty over-the-top revenge schemes. There is no plot, but there are enough funny moments to keep you entertained. 

I recommend you through this movie on in the background while you work. The plot isn’t engaging enough for your full undivided attention. When the jokes don’t land, it starts to feel like a long movie. While I wouldn’t rush out to go see this, you won’t hate that you watched it. You can watch it free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: All We Had (2016)

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All We Had is a neat little film you can watch for free on YouTube. It details the struggles of a mother and daughter dealing with their homelessness. The film focuses on their desperation as they search for a normal life. This movie deals with hard topics such as homelessness, transphobia, and substance and sexual abuse. This isn’t a gruesome movie, but I felt a trigger warning was appropriate. A lot of the dark elements of this movie are implied rather than performed.

Overall, I thought this movie was fine. Although it does little to stand out from all the other emotional movies of the genre, I enjoyed it. The acting was fantastic, and the story is fine. If you like emotional and inspiring movies about overcoming adversity, this is a solid choice. Even if you don’t like the genre, you can appreciate the performance.

You can watch this for free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.

Movie Reviews, movies

TV Movie Review: Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008)

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Journey to the Center of the Earth is a delightful explorer movie that should be a part of your never-ending backlog of movies you still need to watch. To clarify, this review is about the made-for-TV version, not the theatrical one starring Brendan Frasier.

As expected of any made-for-TV adaptation, this movie is a cheesy and low-budget retelling of a book of the same name. While I do not know how true this adaptation is to the book, it is an adaptation I very much enjoyed. Full disclosure, I have not seen the theatrical version, and I can’t make the comparison. That said, this film is proof that a movie doesn’t require a huge budget, fancy computer graphics, or big named actors to have a compelling story. While it may not be Indiana Jones, it nuzzles itself neatly into its charming place in the genre.

Professor Jonathan Brook has been hired by an heiress to find her lost husband Edward. With the help of a local Russian settler, his nephew, and the heiress, Jonathan must comb the Alaskan wilderness for Edward. What they find in Alaska is greater than the mere fate of a long-lost Edward.

I loved this movie, but this movie isn’t perfect. You can tell the actors are trying their hardest to do period-appropriate accents, some of the action is stiff and awkward, and the graphics are terrible, but that is part of the charm. All things considered, it can tell a compelling and interesting narrative. 

The only real issue I had with this movie was how they treated the natives. It is unavoidable for movies, especially older ones, to have problematic representations of minorities. It isn’t bad enough that I would discourage people from watching this movie, but it is an issue nonetheless. 

This is a pretty great way to spend two hours, especially if you love cheesy movies. You can watch this movie for free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free. 

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Apartment 143 (2012)

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I am not a fan of found footage movies. I don’t like the lack of structure. There are some exceptions to this, but unfortunately, Apartment 143 isn’t one of them. Maybe I would have liked this movie if I could understand any of the conversations. In an odd artistic decision, the sound is recorded from a camera microphone too far away to pick up a lot of the dialogue. The idea was probably to make the found footage seem more authentic, but it is hard to care about a movie you can’t understand.

The movie is about a group of paranormal investigators on a job. Strange things have been happening to the family living in Apartment 143, and this team of experts is here to figure out what it is. The movie entertains the possibility of ghosts, demons, psychic powers, and even mental illness for the strange activity. There is a lot of pointless misdirection because the movie ends without a clear answer. The worst part of this movie is that it ends in sequel bait. Whatever is going on in the house isn’t done yet.

There are better found footage movies out there. Ones that don’t involve people waiting around having irrelevant conversations. This shamelessly relies on cheap jump scares to hide the fact that there is nothing valuable in the rest of the movie. As of writing this, you can watch this free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Eragon (2006)

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I read the Eragon back in high school, back around the time when the movie was coming out. I loved the book and I remember the excitement I felt about watching the movie. I remember exchanging that excitement for disappointment because the movie didn’t hold the same magic that the book did. I decided that today, I was far enough removed from the book that I would no longer hold that bias. I thought that I would be able to see the movie in a different light. I no longer hold onto that bias, but my opinion about this movie has not changed. I now understand why this movie never got any sequels, and it rightfully shouldn’t.

Eragon is a bad movie. You shouldn’t watch it, even if it is free on YouTube. Eragon is a movie that has gotten worse with age. The acting is mediocre, the CGI is ugly, and the story isn’t interesting. If you are looking for a movie with the same story done better, go watch Star Wars or How to Train Your Dragon. It is a much better use of your time.

What hurts this movie is its pacing and characters. There isn’t enough time spent on world-building or establishing Eragon as a competent hero in training. As a result, Eragon feels arrogant and whiny instead of a kid who is slowly growing to become a hero.

Take Brom’s death for example. Eragon gets a vision about saving Arya. Without discussing it with anyone, he just leaves. Brom dies saving Eragon. Brom’s death is supposed to be emotional and serve as an important moment of growth for Eragon. Instead, it is a frustrating scene because of how incompetent Eragon is as a hero. You might be able to excuse Eragon’s incompetence to the inexperience of youth, but the film doesn’t frame it as such. The whole movie doesn’t frame as anything heroic. He either wins because it’s in the script or people die because he messes up. It is difficult to care about a story where the main character is so unlikable.

I thought watching it for free would make watching this movie easier, but it didn’t. Don’t watch it, especially if you liked the book because you will be disappointed. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on YouTube.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: Never Been Kissed (1999)

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This movie is free on YouTube. The quality is a bit questionable, I am not sure if it is an official copy, but it it isn’t terrible.

I want to say that I love this movie. Drew Barrymore is amazing and she proves why in this movie. A bit of warning, this movie can be hard to watch because of its cringy and awkward moments but I believe that is the charm.

My favorite part about this movie is the main character, Josie. She is awkward and quirky in a way that isn’t annoying. I love how she is constantly correcting people’s grammar. I also love that the focus isn’t on her finding true love but her journey of personal growth. The movie does a great job at telling her story effectively through a series of flashbacks interwoven with her re-experience of high school.

The awkward tone is a huge part of this movie. It is part of the charm this movie holds for me but I understand that it isn’t for everyone. Some parts are difficult to watch because of how cringy she plays it. If you don’t like Barrymore’s awkward and bumbling characters, then you won’t like this movie.

That said, it is free on YouTube. Check it out if you haven’t. Check it out if you have. Let me know what you think!

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: My Boss’s Daughter (2007)

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There isn’t much to say about this movie, I was very unimpressed. Maybe the movie was funny when it came out, but it isn’t funny today. A lot of the humor in this movie relies on gross-out or body humor. There is no plot to this movie. At least not one that makes sense. The characters are running jokes and therefore forgotten. Each character might have a funny moment, but mostly they are just bland characters that exist to force the plot along.

Saying that this movie has a plot is a bit of a reach. Instead, this movie moves from gag to gag hoping that one of the jokes lands. Some of them do, but not enough to make this film a worthwhile experience. The unfunny jokes, the cringe-worthy scenes, and the shameless fan service make this movie feel longer than it is.

Don’t waste your time with this movie; it is boring. For those of you who don’t believe me, it’s free on YouTube.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: Chronicle (2012)

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If you are a fan of found footage movies, you will probably like Chronicle. The pacing is decent, and the idea is unique enough to keep things interesting. The biggest problem with this movie is the format. The camera work is shaky, but it won’t make you sick. There are random clips woven in that only pad the film but do little for the overall narrative. That is expected with movies of this genre.

Chronicle is a collection of video clips by a troubled teen and his friends who one day become telekinetic. It is a story about a troubled kid who wants to fit in as he deals with bullying and an abusive home. I believe it tells the story well. It does a good job of showing Andrew’s slow descent from humanity as he is consumed with rage.

This movie isn’t for everyone. The format is hard to overlook. If you do not like found footage movies, this movie won’t change your mind. There are clips in this film where the kids are obnoxious and annoying. Other clips slow down the pacing of this movie, but that is the norm for the genre. If you have nothing else to watch, this is a decent movie. You can do a lot worse for free. It’s not going to go on any lists, but it’s not a complete waste of 2 hours. Check it out on YouTube.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: Tank Girl (1995)

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This movie is based on a comic, but I haven’t read the comic. Instead, I will focus my review on just the movie.

I really wanted to like this movie. The movie is weird, quirky, and it has a lot of energy. But, this hyperactive and weird movie gets old very fast. Unless you love this adaptation of the character, you won’t find much worth in this movie. The plot is lazy, the world-building is almost non-existent, and there is a lot of filler.

There are parts of this movie that I liked. Some of the costumes are neat. Some of the jokes made me laugh, but there isn’t enough here to make it recommendable.

My biggest issue with this movie was the main character, at least the unwavering focus the film has on her. Tank girl is loud, quirky, and full of energy. Whatever charm she establishes in the first few minutes wears off soon after. She gets a little annoying. The main focus of this movie is to show off how quirky Tank Girl is at the cost of valuable plot development and world-building. There are a lot of scenes where she is just posing off her wacky outfit and even a changing montage when she should be doing anything to move the plot forward. At its bones, this movie is very bare.

This movie is loud and flashy but very boring. I wanted a narrative, I wanted memorable characters, and I wanted substance; but I didn’t get any of that. Instead, I got the promise of a good time. It is free on YouTube, but don’t waste your time. Maybe read the comic instead.

Watch it Here!