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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Once Bitten (1985)

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I was unimpressed by Once Bitten. This comedy has not aged well. A lot of the jokes no longer land, making this movie feel as eternal as the life of the vampires in it. Once Bitten is an absurd and unstructured comedy that relies heavily on the absurdity of the narrative. You have a matron of vampires who are starving for her eternal youth. To achieve this, she must drink virgin blood three times before Halloween, or she will age terribly. As a result, this movie is full of misunderstandings, innuendos, and horny teenagers. 

This movie isn’t terrible, the acting is fine, and the soundtrack is fantastic, but the pacing is a problem. The pacing is already slow, but it feels slower because you will have to sit through a number of unfunny and uncomfortable scenes. This isn’t the hyperactive Jim Carrey you might know him as, but a rather subdued character trying to figure life out. He like this movie is instantly forgettable. 

The only positive worth mentioning is the soundtrack. I love the music in this movie, but it isn’t enough to save this movie. The only scene that I enjoyed was the dance fight that happens towards the end. The music choice, the choreography, and the energy that the actors bring to their performance make me sad that this movie isn’t a musical. If you haven’t seen it, check it out because it is fun! Unfortunately, the rest of this movie lacks this energy and it suffers for it. 

You can watch this movie free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother. It isn’t terrible, but there are better uses for your time.

Movie Reviews, movies, Series Reviews

South Park: The Streaming Wars (2022) Review

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The fellas at South Park have released a few made for streaming specials that are anything but special. While I do appreciate that the comedy is evolving and adapting to a newer audience, it is a style that doesn’t always vibe with me. I am not a purist in any anyway. There are older episodes of the IP that I enjoyed when I was young, but haven’t aged well. There are episodes from the newer seasons that I enjoy, but I do find myself enjoying the series less and less. I did not care much for any of the made for streaming specials, they weren’t terrible but they didn’t leave much of an impression. I am struggling to remember the plot of them as I write this review.

The streaming wars special is a criticism of water rights and a discussion of the problems with streaming services in the form of a Chinatown parody. While I did appreciate the references, I don’t think a lot of the newer audiences will find it as funny. A lot of the humor is very on the nose, pointing out obvious problems with the state of streaming. Characters will poke fun at how many options there are for streaming as well as share the frustration of having to be constantly be switching between each one. It gets a bit tedious when every other scene seems to be dedicated to pointing this out. The same can be said for the special’s valid criticism about water misuse. It feels more like a lecture than an episode of South Park and that was a problem for me.

The special is only available through Paramount+, but it isn’t worth subscribing to another service just to watch a special for a series that isn’t as funny as you remember.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Bob’s Burgers Movie (2022)

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The Bob’s Burgers Movie is a delightful and wholesome experience that I recommend to everyone. It is full of singing, dancing, and laughter, and it is a much-appreciated addition to the series. While I don’t believe the theater experience is necessary, I am glad to have seen it in theaters.

Bob’s Burgers is one of my favorite animated series. I have re-watched this show more times than I would like to admit. I was rightfully excited when I learned about this movie and my excitement has been properly reciprocated. I was skeptical about this movie, fearing that there would be changes made in order to capture a more general audience. I am relieved that the animators worked tirelessly to create a story that is not only true to the spirit of the series but expands on it as well.

This cute little murder mystery is one of the better ones to be released recently. Although you might figure out who the killer is early on, it won’t matter because of how much fun this movie is. The singing, dancing, and pageantry all work in conjunction with a very fun and interesting narrative. While the singing and animation aren’t on par with something you expect from Disney, it is fantastic in its own way. There are a lot of laughs to be had in this movie, and if you are a fan, even more so. I hope that this movie is canonical because there are some important moments of character growth that as a long-time fan left me teary-eyed with joy.

If you are a fan, you probably already watched it. It is full of Easter eggs and nods that will make you appreciate the attention to detail put into this film. Do not be discouraged if you have never seen the show before. Although you will miss out on some of the nuances and jokes, the story works well enough on its own that you will understand what is going on. You will still laugh, you will still cry, and you will even want to start watching a show you should already be watching.

This is a fantastic movie that truly captures what has made the Belcher family a staple in American pop culture. If you are a long-time fan, it will provide some very important insight into the Belcher family. Go watch this in theaters!

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Perfect Guy (2022)

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This was a very forgettable romantic comedy that tries a little too hard to be quirky. I couldn’t find any information about this movie, even on the lead’s (Kate Micucci) IMDb page. This might be an indication that this movie was meant to be buried, but I was the unfortunate soul that unearthed it. If you like quirky and wholesome comedy, this movie might be salvageable, but it is so slow and cringeworthy that I would caution against it.  

The Perfect Guy is about Emma who doesn’t trust men. Her ex-boyfriend left her, stealing her billion dollar idea for an app about stars. Because of this betrayal, the only deep male relationships she can have are with her cat and dog. She wishes that her pets could be men she could trust. Through the power of astrology, her wish comes true. Now her cat and dog must adapt to being human while they try to help Emma through her emotional turmoil. There is also a romantic subplot between Emma and a repair man, but it is brushed to the side to till the end. 

The writing for this movie is awful. A lot of the dialogue is awkward, contributing to a lot of the stiff acting. The story is dull. You sit through some awkward dates, humans doing pet stuff, and more awkward conversations with very little humor or intrigue in-between. There are some moments that made me chuckle, but there aren’t enough to make the experience better. This movie tries too hard to lean into the leads awkwardness, but fails to capture any of her charm.  

I will say that the actors who play the human pets are the best part of this movie. They have a lot of fun with their roles and do the best with what they are given. Unfortunately, Kate Micucci isn’t a strong enough actor to make this movie work. I have no problem with Kate Micucci, I’ve liked some of her work in the past, but she fits a very specific niche and unfortunately this movie isn’t it. That said, it is difficult to decern if the problem lies within the poorly script or the acting ability of the cast.  

The Perfect Guy is the awkward fairy tale you will forget watching. You can find it free on YouTube, but it isn’t really worth the trouble. It isn’t a terrible movie, but there are better things you can be doing with your time.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: Grind (2003)

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Grind is a pleasantly nostalgic movie about skateboarding. The tricks are sick and story is pretty decent. If you grew up skating in the 90’s, you will probably understand more of it than I did. If you didn’t, you will still enjoy this fun underdog story. It is a story that has stood the test of time and will continue to do so.  

The movie follows a group of friends from Chicago who dream of being pro skaters. During their summer before college, they follow the pro skating scene with the hope of being discovered. All they want is a chance to prove themselves, will they be able to make it? 

I can tell that the film makers consulted a lot of skaters for this movie. A lot of skating scenes really highlight the sport. It truly feels like a love letter to skating. I love that this movie takes skate breaks. These breaks feel organic and it is really fun to see all the different places people can skate in. The acting and story are fantastic as well, but this movie does skating right! Go watch this movie if you want to get lost in some nostalgia. Or, go watch this movie anyways because it is a good movie.  

Go watch Grind over on YouTube. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Joe Dirt: A Beautiful Loser (2015)

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Joe Dirt 2 is the sequel no one asked for. It isn’t a direct sequel but rather a painfully unfunny and lazy parody of iconic movies starring Joe Dirt. Someone who I assume was on a lot of drugs thought it would be a fantastic idea to remake iconic movies with a character who wasn’t very funny to begin with. I remember liking the first movie, but I was the target audience at the time. I refuse to watch the movie now because deep down I know that it hasn’t aged well. After seeing this disaster of a sequel, I will let it live in my heart as the experience it was and not soil it with the experience it actually is.
The acting in this movie is terrible. It feels like people just showed up for their paycheck as no one tries remotely to be funny. This might be a symptom of this movie’s terrible script. There aren’t any funny jokes in this movie, just a series of unfunny skits loosely tied together by a framed narrative. This movie is a dream within two framed narratives where Joe learns that he was special the whole time. To illustrate what type of movie this is, there is a five-minute scene where people stand around and fart on Joe Dirt. The rest of the movie is no better as you have to sit through skits that go for way too long hoping the credits will roll to end your misery.
You can find this movie free on YouTube, but don’t bother. It isn’t funny and it isn’t worth your time. This sequel is anything but beautiful.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Bad Guys (2022)

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The Bad Guys didn’t leave much of an impression on me. I wanted to like this movie because I like the art style. The opening sequence is fun, funny, and exciting. It is one of the best introductions to a heist movie I have seen. Unfortunately, this fun and interesting tone is missing from the rest of the movie. Instead, you get the Shrek remake no one asked for with a lot less charm. 

The movie focuses on a group of animals that are vilified because of how they look. They form a crew and commit crimes because that is what is expected of them. They get caught and are given the chance to be the good guys for a change. 

This isn’t a terrible movie. If you have to watch it with your kids, you won’t hate your life, but you will probably lose interest in it. If you are given a choice, Zootopia and Shrek are the better options. What hurts this movie is that it doesn’t do enough to set itself apart from other animated films. A lot of the plot has been done better in other movies. Don’t get me wrong, the voice acting is fine, and the art is interesting, but there isn’t anything special about it. I lost interest almost immediately.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Lost City (2022)

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I wish Hollywood would stop making these uninspired and lazy movies filled with stars. It is a shameless way to get people to see a film that they would not otherwise consider. While The Lost City isn’t a terrible movie, it is still a shameless cash grab at its core. The Lost City is the kind of movie that loses its charm after viewing it once.

I didn’t hate The Lost City, it is better than whatever Red Notice tried to be, but it isn’t good. Its star-studded cast cannot hide how lazy it is. All the jokes are either body humor, jokes relating to the actor, or dick jokes. It feels like a comedy sketch that goes on too long. While it did make me laugh a few times, I doubt that I will laugh as much the next time around.

I did like that they didn’t push the same traditional roles for the actors. I liked Channing Tatum’s awkwardness and Sandra Bullock’s confidence, but the characters weren’t push far enough. I hated Daniel Radcliffe’s character because he can play a better villain. I get that this is supposed to be a comedy, but a little more effort with the villain might have made me care more about the movie. This plot lacks substance, and as a result, I just sat there waiting for the next dick joke. The best way to describe this movie is disappointing.

I am glad I didn’t watch this in theaters because I would have hated spending money on this. You can stream it now on Paramount Plus.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: Legally Blondes (2009)

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I did not hate this movie as much as I thought I would. Usually, when it comes to sequels, a series loses its magic around the third entry. This is especially true when there is a change in the casting, like there is in this movie. By the third movie, a series becomes a shameless and poorly executed cash grab. I’m looking at you Big Momma’s House 3. I didn’t feel that way about this movie however. While this movie isn’t perfect, it is competently made, and not a bad way to spend two hours. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but you won’t hate that you did.  

This movie focuses on Elle’s twin cousins who move from England to attend a prestigious private high school in Malibu. The local mean girl has taken it upon herself to get rid of the twins in order to hold her reign over the school. This movie is very tweeny, so keep that in mind if you are considering this movie. A lot of this plot is a regurgitation of the original, but translated to a modern high school setting. It hits a lot of the important story beats from the original, but with a much less serious tone. It is really well done for what it is, but it makes it also means that this movie isn’t for everyone. If you are in the target demographic, you might have a lot more fun with this movie.   

Obviously this movie won’t win any awards, but that doesn’t mean it is terrible. For the most part, the translation was properly done. The protagonists were fine, the acting was decent, and the villain was cartoonish but fun. The fact that this was set as a high school drama is limiting for the story, but it is entertaining enough. There are some cringey and sappy elements to this movie, but it fits the tone of the movie.  While it doesn’t capture the magic that Legally Blonde had, it is a nice attempt.  

This movie is fine for a third, but it is made for a certain audience. If you have to watch this with your kids, you won’t hate it. You can watch it for free on YouTube. Trust me, you can do a lot worse for free.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Little Big Soldier (2010)

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Little Big Soldier is one of my favorite Jackie Chan movies. This pseudo-historical twist on an unlikely buddy comedy is a journey you really need to consider. It is a hilarious adventure with a powerful and relevant message. I have watched this movie in both the original Cantonese and its English dubbing. While the dubbing is solid, I prefer the original because there is a lot of emotion that is lost in translation. Not that I understand any Cantonese.

Little Big Soldier is about a farmer who doesn’t want to be a soldier. He uses his wit to survive a bloody battle where he was able to capture an enemy general by chance. He is determined to turn in the enemy general to his own empire so that he may never have to fight in another war. The two start off as enemies, but will reluctantly become friends along the way. 

This movie is a reimagining of historical events, but it also aims to show how meaningless war is. While I can’t speak on its historical accuracy, the narrative is fantastic. The movie does a great job of showing the effects war has on some of the different groups of people in China. From the nomadic tribes to the wondering homeless trying to survive, everyone is affected by the decisions of a few greedy men. It is scary to think a single impulse or feud could uproot and destroy the lives of thousands of people. This movie makes some very powerful criticisms about war while at the same time being silly and entertaining.

You can watch this movie in Cantonese for free on YouTube. You can watch the English dubbing on Peacock with a subscription.