If you have seen movies like The Ring or It Follows, you have seen Smile. Smile does nothing to stand out against the other clones, and I can’t help but feel disappointed by the experience. If you are curious about this movie, I urge you to wait till you can stream it. Smile is not worth the ticket price.
Smile is just another curse movie where the main character is marked by evil and now has seven days to find a way to free herself or die. This generic character is now plagued by terrible visions that follow her relentlessly. Her time is running out, and so is her grip on reality. Will she be able to figure out a way to free herself from the curse, or will she be doomed to be another of its victims?
There is no denying the fact that Smile is a mediocre horror movie with very little substance. While it may not have been the worst horror released this year, it sits in a very forgettable place. While the acting may be fine, the story and its pacing are not. The narrative unravels much too slowly to be entertaining. The film might have some decent jump scares and a few creepy moments, but it takes too long to get to them. This plot becomes very predictable and I found myself just waiting for the next jump scare.This is a movie you throw on in the background when you can afford to ignore all the boring bits.
Smile is a better-acted and produced version of It Follows but with fewer teens and sex. If you have been curious about this movie, I suggest you wait for it to come out on a more comfortable medium. The theater experience will add nothing to your enjoyment of this film. Smile may not have been bad enough to make me angry, but it isn’t good enough to recommend either.
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Movie Review: Amsterdam (2022)
When I watched the trailer for Amsterdam, I believed it would be an okay movie. I figured it would be something you could throw on when you don’t really want to pay attention while being entertaining enough to pass the time. It has a solid cast, and it is based on a true story. I was wrong in my initial prediction because Amsterdam is a dull movie that you shouldn’t watch.
The movie is about three strangers who are brought together by war. They make a pact to always be there for each other. For a time, they live a happy fantasy in Amsterdam. Circumstance pulls them apart until the day fate reunites them in America. Burt and Harold are accused of a murder they didn’t commit. They must now come together and solve this crime or face false prosecution. Can they do it in time and save the country? Yes, they do. This movie is based on a true story. Read the wiki instead.
The movie didn’t leave an impression. I have already forgotten what this movie is about, and I sit here struggling to write a proper review. This film is a poorly told reimagining of a better story. Essentially, this film is a collection of people being quirky when they are supposed to be solving a murder. As a result, this movie lacks all urgency. The characters have a clear deadline, but they spend a lot of time fooling around.
This isn’t a difficult mystery to solve. You will know who the bad guy is as soon as he walks into the scene. They don’t do a great job setting him up as a bad guy, leaving the big reveal at the end to be a huge disappointment. Without the urgency or suspense, there is nothing driving this movie. I couldn’t get invested because I knew everything would be okay in the end.
My biggest issue with this movie is how it whitewashes the hardships African-Americans faced during this period. Any hardship that black characters face in this movie is always easily quelled by a convenient white savior. I don’t even want to get into the terrible and shameful virtue signaling that was a constant throughout this movie. This lack of real adversity leaves the audience with a weak story and an even weaker ending. The big moment when Harold and Valerie choose to be together knowing the dangers involved isn’t the powerful moment it should have been because there isn’t any tangible danger. I know they will be okay because everyone seems to be supportive and they will get the help they need to live together in peace. I didn’t care for this relationship because it was forced and pandering
Don’t waste your time on this movie, even if you can watch it for free. It isn’t worth it.
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Movie Review: The Policeman (2022)
The Policeman is a terrible movie. Do not watch it because it isn’t worth your time.
The Policeman is the story of a homosexual couple who must hide their love from the oppressive homophobic climate of Britain’s 1950s. At first, Tom and Patrick have a private affair, keeping their love a secret. Tom grows ambitious and realizes that the only way to get ahead in life is to have a wife. He marries Marion, but this façade quickly crumbles when Marion finds out the truth about Tom’s relationship with Patrick. Tom breaks up with Patrick and lives the rest of his life pretending to be heterosexual. The movie is about characters reflecting on their youth.
I had a lot of trouble writing up the synopsis for this movie because I lost interest several times. I had to rewind a lot because I kept getting lost, not because the plot was complicated, but because I was zoning out. This movie is boring, and nothing in this world can save it.
The acting in this movie is uninspired, and the characters lack the chemistry needed to make this love story work. They might be doing their best, but the script isn’t doing them any favors. It is no secret that Harry Styles isn’t an actor in any sense of the word, but he is not at fault for the quality of the narrative. None of the actors are. Harry Styles is merely the tool used to trick people into watching a movie they otherwise wouldn’t bother with.
The pacing is possibly the worst part of this movie. The plot moves slowly, and I suspect it is because there isn’t enough story for a full movie. As a result, we get a lot of filler in the form of slow takes, shameless fan service, and pointless shots of characters looking longingly out windows. If you cut out the sex scenes and condense the meaningful plot, this is maybe thirty minutes of content.
The Policeman is a poor representation of the struggles of the LGBTQ community. A lot of the hardships are glossed over quickly. The scenes of hardship and oppression seem to have been added almost as an afterthought. They don’t add anything of value to the plot except to briefly say how hard it was back then. It never feels like the characters are under any real pressure to keep their secret except for the fabricated kind designed to force the plot forward. And because the acting is so bad, none of the emotional moments hold the power needed to work.
You can stream this movie on Amazon Prime with your membership, but I wouldn’t bother. I am tempted to cancel my subscription because of this experience.
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Movie Review: Nope (2022)
I finally got around to watching the movie Nope. I tried watching it multiple times when it was in theaters, but it never worked out. After watching it today, however, I am glad it never worked out. This movie is not worth the ticket price.
Nope is a horror movie about aliens who terrorize a small horse ranch. The struggling rancher’s life is turned upside down when an alien makes a nest for itself on his property. Horses go missing, objects fall from the sky, and electricity goes out from time to time. Now OJ, his sister, and a small team gather on this ranch to obtain proof of life beyond the stars. Will they be able to do it, or will they be another unexplained disappearance?
This movie is painfully slow as it builds up to a disappointing ending. The acting is great, and there are some pretty visuals, but there isn’t enough to this movie to have you rushing to watch it. I have seen most of Peele’s movies, and it seems to be a common thread that his movies are just okay at best and complete disappointments at their worst. Looking at you Wendell & Wild. Peel is good at creating beautiful and scary moments, but he isn’t good at creating whole narratives. I can point to specific scenes in all his movies that show promise, but he isn’t able to achieve this level of promise in a whole movie. Peele either doesn’t know how to end his stories, or they are just boring. He might find better success in a shorter format.
The worst part about Nope is its pacing. The first hour or so is a build-up to an alien reveal that is both ugly and disappointing. The first half of the movie deals heavily with a lot of family and personal drama that gets thrown out the window as soon as it remembers it is an alien movie. It doesn’t help that it will reference better movies along the way. I get that he might be trying to show how small problems are in the grand scheme of things, but it is boring to watch.
This isn’t a terrible movie. The acting is fantastic, and the chemistry between the stars is amazing, but they deserve better. There are some really cool visuals and a couple of terrifying scenes that may complicate my disappointment, but it doesn’t cure it. I look forward to the day when Peele can find the perfect balance between visual, narrative, and horror.
If you haven’t watched the movie and are on the fence, don’t bother. If you are a fan of his work, you might have a better time than I did, but I feel that Nope is one of his weaker films. I wouldn’t pay money to watch it. You can find it on Peacock November 18. For those who can’t wait, you can rent it on Amazon with through my affiliate link.
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Movie Review: Barbarian (2022)
In a surprising and satisfying conclusion to the Halloween season, I watched Barbarian and loved it. This fantastic and thrilling film is perfect for the next time you are in the mood for some solid horror. While I am glad I didn’t watch it in theaters, this is a great movie to stream from the comfort of your own home.
Tess books an Airbnb only to find that the property has been double booked. She finds a strange man named Keith who has already made himself at home. With no other option available, Tess decides to spend the night and deal with the management in the morning. The situation is uncomfortable at first, but Tess eventually begins to find comfort in the situation. But there is something ominous lurking in the shadows that slowly begins to eat away at this newfound confidence. What is this presence that haunts Tess? Is it Keith? Is it Ghosts? You will need to watch to find out.
This movie is fine. It is a lot better than a lot of the horror I saw this season. The acting is great, the story is decent, and it had a generally creepy tone that had me properly on edge. It might not be the best story, but it is a solid experience.
I liked the structure of the movie. The movie jumps between a few different stories that all neatly come together at the end. There are some parts that feel fragmented and rushed, but it stands as a solid example of how complex narrative can be. I also liked that the backstories didn’t drag on for too long. It is always frustrating to watch a horror movie that is mostly backstory or set up, with only the last thirty minutes or so dedicated to any meaningful horror. Barbarian is able to create an interesting story while holding onto a general creepy tone. My only issue is with the ending. The events unfold a bit too quickly and cartoonishly. It wasn’t enough to ruin the experience, but it is a fact that holds the movie back.
All in all, Barbarian is a solid horror movie. It doesn’t set out to redefine the genre, but it sits comfortably within it. You can stream it now on HBO.
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Movie Review: Bullet Train (2022)
Before I start, I’d like to give a special shoutout to Impromtdude for buying me coffee. I really appreciate you my dude. It means a lot to have your support. I’ll do my best to keep making better content, and I will be sure to review the Fallout series when it’s out! Now without any further ado, my review:
I am glad I did not see Bullet Train in theaters. I really wanted to watch this movie when it came out, but thankfully I never got around to it. Bullet Train isn’t a bad movie, but it isn’t worth the theater ticket. If you can stream it or rent it, those are the ideal circumstances in which to watch this movie. Bullet Train is a beautiful and interesting concept that ultimately falls flat because the story isn’t good.
Fate has gathered Ladybug and a group of hungry assassins on a bullet train to Kioto. Bad luck seems to follow Ladybug, and now he finds himself in the middle of a logistical nightmare. The assassins are on this train to carry out conflicting missions, turning the train into a colorful battleground. Who will make it to the end of the line? Who is behind this mixup? You have to watch to find out!
There is no question that the acting in this movie is great for the most part. There are some fun and memorable characters that do their best with what they are given. I love the aesthetics of this movie. The costumes, the colors, and the sets are fantastic. Bullet Train is such a pretty movie, but it loses me with its story. The movie is set up like a mystery of sorts, although you can probably solve it in the first few minutes. It will constantly jump between groups, and it becomes tedious quickly. Each group gets a back story, each blander than the last, and you get a bit more of the mystery to piece together. It’s this formula throughout, and I honestly stopped caring because I just wanted more action. Bullet Train has some solid action scenes, and it makes me sad that there weren’t more.
A big issue with the plot is how heavily it relies on fate to work. The constantly regurgitates the idea that fate has heavily handily brought all these events to unfold on this train. This movie literally derails itself to make every narrative fit together as destiny. They make some ridiculous rationalizations in this movie that ruin the overall tone. What could have been a cool, colorful, and fun action thriller turns into a boring cartoon. It is a shame because there are a few moments that work well. This movie had potential, and it was wasted. Maybe they shouldn’t have spent so much money on cameos and instead focused on making a better movie.
If you want something to watch that isn’t a huge commitment, this is a solid choice. You can throw this on, do your chores or work and pay attention only to the cool bits. If you are looking for a cool action movie, there are better options for you. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this, but you won’t hate it if you do.
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Movie Review: Wendell & Wild (2022)
Before I start, I would like to send a special shoutout to @JiMiG2pt0 for buying me coffee. I live on coffee, and this is a huge help to my productivity. It means the world to have your support. Thank you, and I hope I can continue to help you with my reviews. Stay blessed my friend!
I’ve been wanting to watch Wendal & Wild since I first heard about it. I put it on my calendar and even set up notifications so I could watch it on release. The art is gorgeous, and I was curious to see what Jordan Peele could do with stop motion. Unfortunately, this film ended up being a beautiful disappointment.
After her parents’ deaths, Kat finds herself stuck in the system. She is constantly moving around in group homes and detention centers because she finds it difficult to cope with the loss of her parents. Kat is given a second chance at a normal life when she is sent to a private school. Kat finds the school to be troublesome. People want to be her friends, and as hard as she pushes, they keep coming back. The guilt she feels for the loss of her parents makes Kat feel as if she doesn’t deserve anything good in her life. To make matters worse, Kat discovers she is able to see the future and summon demons. Demons promise to bring her parents back to life, but there is always a catch. Now Kat finds herself in a fight to save the town from an evil couple who wants to tear it all down to make a for-profit prison. Will she and her new friends be able to save the town?
This movie had so much promise. The first half is great! The soundtrack is phenomenal, and the art is beautiful, but it all slowly fizzles out to a generic and disappointing ending. I lost interest around the time this became every other movie. What should have been a fantastical narrative full of magic and demons is just another generic save the town movie. They could have pushed boundaries and created something new, but instead, they decided to play it safe. Whatever they achieved through their art, they lose in their narrative. It isn’t a bad movie, but it is a disappointing one.
I appreciate a lot of the work that went into this film. I loved the character design, the art of the sets, and how they handle magic. I just wish it were a better movie. You can watch it on Netflix if you have nothing else to watch, but don’t go out of your way for it.
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Movie Review: Beast (2022)
Beast is so bad that not even Idris Elba can save it from mediocrity. If you get a chance to watch this for free, don’t. You have been warned.
Beast is a movie about a single father who takes his two daughters to Africa in an effort to bond with them and help them connect with their roots. But what they find isn’t the exotic adventure they were hoping for. A lion now hunts them relentlessly across the Sahara. Will they be able to make it out alive?
The best part of this movie is their attention to detail in first aid practices. Every time Idris Elba had to sew a wound or treat someone, he would make it a point to wash his hand and sterilize his equipment. I appreciated this attention to detail, but this small detail doesn’t make for an exciting thriller. This movie is so boring, that it makes basic hygiene exciting.
Pacing is a huge issue with this movie. The first 30 minutes are dedicated to family drama that doesn’t add anything to the story. I get that they are trying to establish pathos for the characters, but it is lazy. You learn that the mother died from cancer and the family hasn’t fully recovered and the dad struggles to forge a strong bond with his daughters. It’s been done before, and all it did is make me wish I was watching a better movie.
The lion is problematic because he has an ungodly omnipotence that should have been enough to make this a shorter movie. When the lion isn’t fighting the main characters, it is beyond calculated, trapping and killing relentlessly. With the family, however, there is restraint because the script is poorly written. The lion will always show up and the family will always escape, not based on instinct or luck, but because that is how it is written. As a result, the movie becomes insanely predictable.
This movie isn’t worth your time. The acting is mediocre at best, the writing is bad, and the action is poorly rendered. But for those who don’t believe me, you can stream it on Peacock.
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Movie Review: Pearl (2022)
Pearl is the unnecessary prequel to the horror movie X. While I did enjoy it more than the original, it doesn’t add anything new to the narrative. Both of these movies seem to exist as separate stories in the same universe, so it doesn’t matter in which order you watch them. The only tangible connection between these movies is a few scattered references that aren’t very important to your understanding of the plot. These connections seemed more like Easter eggs than actual plot points.
Pearl is the story of a young and troubled farm girl with big dreams. Pearl wants to be a movie star so that others will love her, but she is bound by her duty to her family and farm and is incapable of pursuing her dreams. Trapped on this farm, Pearl becomes frustrated and angry that she can’t have the life she dreams about. The movie focuses on how Pearl deals with her frustrations and mounting anger.
Overall, this movie was okay. The acting is fantastic, the tone is fun, and the story is fine. Pearl is an interesting character, and Mia Goth carries this movie. There are some very intense scenes that are only possible because Goth is amazing. I love the quirky tone of the narrative. It creates a nice contrast to the dark themes this movie plays with, and it gives the film its unique flavor.
Pearl isn’t a bad origin story, there have been far worse attempts this year, but it wasn’t necessary. It doesn’t add anything to the universe. Watching them back to back made me appreciate Pearl a bit more because the story was better, but I don’t feel like I have more complete experience having watched both.
If you are looking for a horror movie to watch, Pearl is a solid choice. Pearl is a unique entry into the genre that you should at least watch for the experience. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, it isn’t that special, but you won’t hate it if you do. I am glad I watched this movie, but I wouldn’t watch it again.
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Movie Review: X (2022)
X is a solid slasher film, but it didn’t leave much of an impression. It is a beautifully shot movie with a solid foundation, but it is a slow burn with little payoff. It certainly stands out amongst all the other horror I’ve watched this season. It’s a much better story than Halloween Ends. If you are looking for something to watch and don’t mind the nudity, X is a solid choice. I don’t regret watching this movie, but it isn’t something I will ever be revisiting.
X is about an overly ambitious porn producer and his dream to make the next big porno. He and his cast and crew head to a remote farm in Texas where they will film his first and greatest movie. Filming goes better than expected, but there is something sinister on the farm. Before they can finish their film, the crew begins to get hunted. Will they be able to make it out alive?
This movie is okay. There is enough good with it that you won’t hate it if you watch it. The acting is great, the visuals are fantastic, and the story is fine. The problem most viewers will have with this movie is you have to sit through an hour of people making a porno. It goes without saying, if you don’t like sex and nudity, do not watch this movie.
The movie is a solid addition to the horror genre. There is proper suspense, some creepy scenes, and some fun kills. The problem is that it takes too long to get to the horror. I get that they are trying to create deeper characters and a more meaningful narrative, but it takes away from the horror. Don’t get me wrong, I like that there is an attempt to give slasher movies a stronger narrative, but they haven’t figured out the perfect balance between murder and story. It is a great attempt, but it falls flat.
If you don’t mind the softcore porn and you are patient, sure, it’s something to watch. It clears a very low bar to be better than average. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but it’s fine if you want to kill some time.
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