Neflix’s Fubar is so bad that I couldn’t bring myself to finish it. I finish everything I watch, but this series took a toll on my soul that I don’t think I can ever recover from. I sat this wishing I was watching Citadel, and I hated Citadel. Who is this show even for? You have to sit through two insufferable people bickering about nothing the whole time, and sometimes comedy and action happen. Do yourself a favor and watch anything else.
The world’s greatest spy is about to retire after a lifetime of accolades. He has plans to live a quiet life and try to mend the relationships he’s severed over the years. But America has other plans for our hero. Before he even has a chance to retire, he is placed on one more assignment. A villain from his past returns to wreak havoc. Our hero must extract a compromised agent from the villain’s clutches and save the world once again. The problem is, the agent is his daughter. Now the two must work through their relationship and save the world. Can they do it before it is too late?
This series is worse than you think because nothing it tries to do works. The little action it has is boring, the humor it tries to pull off rarely lands, everyone in this series sucks, and the writing is terrible. Most of the time, the series deals with family drama no one is going to care about, and they fill the rest with forced romances. If you cut out all the pointless filler plot, you have no show. The series has a solid cast, but it wastes them.
Between the sudden tonal changes and the annoying bickering, I just couldn’t convince myself to finish. I tried my hardest to make it to the end to see what stupid plot twist they would throw in to sequel bait, but I don’t have it in me. This series broke me. I am glad people got paid to be in this terrible show, I would have taken the job too, but I just hope it doesn’t kill any careers. You can stream it on Netflix, but your time is too precious to waste on this terrible series. Thanks for reading. I need to reevaluate some of my life choices.
Movie Review: Ghosted (2023)
I just watch Ghosted, but I wish I didn’t. This has to be one of the laziest and most boring action films I have seen, and I have sat through some terrible movies. This movie is so boring that Anna Del Armas slept through her whole performance. This movie is so boring that the best part is when they played My Sharona, even though the action scene it belongs to is terrible. For those few who were thinking of watching this movie, don’t. It is a huge waste of time.
A farmer meets a girl at a farmers market and falls madly in love with her after one date. She ghosts him. Instead of taking the hint and moving on, the farmer tracks her down without her knowledge to attempt a big romantic gesture. Instead of finding romance, the farmer finds himself in the middle of a covert CIA operation. It turns out that the love is life is a secret agent. Will he be able to find love between the rain of bullets and lies?
Ghosted starts off as one of the most awkward romcoms but quickly turns into an incredibly generic action movie. This movie doesn’t work. There is absolutely no chemistry between the leads, which was essential for this movie’s success. I blame the lack of chemistry and mediocre acting on the terrible writing. The writing for this movie is lazy. You can guess down to specific lines what will happen next. At least they had they lacked the nerve to sequel bait because that would have thrown me over a ledge.
As an action movie, it doesn’t work because the action is boring. I preferred the romcom bits of the plot because at least sometimes it would be funny. For this movie to work, it needed a tangible villain and real stakes, anything to make it less goofy.
The worst part of this movie was the couple. They meet after a very awkward and obnoxious fight and somehow still end up going on a date The guy, who everyone agrees is obsessive, uses a tracking device that only he knows about to track the romantic interest. The movie tries to play it like the male lead is quirky, but it is creepy. It doesn’t make sense when in the end they are in love because there is no reason for them to be.
I knew Ghosted was going to be bad when I saw how hard Apple was pushing it up to its release. They even shamelessly collected name-brand actors for seconds of cameos to trick people into watching this garbage. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen all the good parts. It even shows you bits of the climax. I avoided using names in this review because the characters are so generic that the names don’t matter. You can watch this movie on Apple TV, but I wouldn’t waste my time. Go watch Killers instead. That movie does this plot a lot better.
Series Review: Slow Horses (2022)
Slow Horses is a spy thriller that you can stream on Apple TV that is based on the book of the same name. While I cannot speak on how good of an adaptation it is, I had a lot of fun with this show. Slow Horses has everything you want from a spy thriller. It is a show full of deception, double-crosses, gun fights, and a race against the clock. If you like the genre, this is a solid entry
Slow Horses focuses on the disgraced agents of MI5 who are sent to Slow House. Most have come to terms with their punishment and wait out their sentence till they can retire. Some still hold on to the hope that they earn their redemption. Opportunity strikes when a young Asian British man is kidnapped by an extremist and racist group that plans to execute him publicly. The members of the slow house jump to the task as the race is on to find the young man alive. Will they save the day and earn their redemption, or will they remain a disgrace to the organization?
This was a fun and enjoyable spy thriller. The acting is great, the story is interesting, and the pacing is perfect. While it does have some of the familiar spy thriller tropes, it is a unique enough story to keep things interesting. This is a team of imperfect misfits who are trying to prove themselves. They will make mistakes, but they will learn from them. As the series progresses, they slowly regain the spark they lost when they were sent to Slow House. This makes for an excellent redemption story, but also one with sufficient tension.
Sometimes with spy thrillers, you get characters who cannot fail because they are too perfect. This makes the story boring because any adversity they face is easily overcome. It is nice to see a group of people fail and then scramble to overcome their failure as they race against the clock. It is what makes a good thriller, and I can only hope that future entries to the genre continue with this trend.
Anyways, Slow Horses is a different but same kind of spy story, and you should watch it on Apple TV if you have a subscription.
Movie Review: The Gray Man (2022)
Netflix continues its trend of releasing disappointing star-studded films that don’t deserve your time. You are better off not watching Gray Man because even with its amazing cast, it fails to make a tangible impression. This might not be the worst movie on the platform, but I have already forgotten I watched it.
The movie is about a secret agent who magically stumbles onto a McGuffin of a conspiracy. The film is a series of action movie tropes strung together by awkwardly rendered chase scenes, all building up to a very disappointing ending.
The acting is easily the best part. The only exception would be Regé-Jean Page’s terrible American accent, but his accent isn’t what ruins the movie. The quality of the rest of the movie falls flat in comparison. There are a few moments of competence, like the phone conversations written in creative code to hide from surveillance or when Ryan Gosling refuses to throw a gun because it is dangerous that shows promise. There are even attempts at symbolism, but these efforts are wasted because the rest of the movie isn’t good.
Gray Man is a movie without a plot. There is a giant disappointing Mcguffin, an uninspired villain, and too many plot holes. The villain kills for the sake of killing, and the hero chases because it is in the script. There is no tension because Ryan Gosling has the ungodly ability to sense danger before it happens. I wouldn’t mind the lack of plot if the action was better.
The action here is unintelligible. If the fights aren’t poorly rendered, they are stiff and boring. There is a terrible fight scene on a plane that gave me motion sickness. Chase scenes don’t fare any better as they suffer from the same afflictions. Gray Man is an action movie that forgot to add its action.
If Netflix continues this trend, it won’t survive the streaming wars. The service is losing subscribers because it can’t secure content people want to watch, and the original content it has been releasing has been subpar. There are a few exceptions, but there aren’t enough good Netflix originals to give the service the lasting power it is desperately grasping at.
Don’t watch this movie.
Movie Review: The 355 (2022)
As far as spy thrillers go, The 355 is just okay. I didn’t hate this movie, but it also didn’t leave much of an impression. I will forget what this movie is about tomorrow, and so will you. This movie doesn’t do enough to earn a recommendation.
A drug cartel has made a device that allows the user to hack anything. The race is on to get the device before it falls into the wrong hand. This world-ending device brings together a group of unlikely characters who must work together to retrieve the device and save the world. Will they be able to save the world? Of course they do, this isn’t a deep movie.
The movie has a great cast whose talents are wasted. The biggest problem I have with this movie is with its plot, it is slow and dry. If you are going to have good actors in your movie, make sure the story takes advantage of their strengths. As far as action movies go, this movie is limited by its actors’ abilities. There are a few interesting sequences, but a lot of it is awkward. If you aren’t going to have a good story, at least make the action fun and exciting. The movie suffers as it slows down for pointless backstory, and meaningless tech babble, and it tops it all off with obvious twists. If you watch this movie, you will skip a few scenes.
You can watch this movie on Amazon with your prime membership. While it is not the worst movie out there, I wouldn’t rush out to see it.
TV Series Review: Patriot (2015)
Patriot is the most depressing and anxiety-inducing spy thriller you will ever see. Word of caution, I deal with anxiety and depression and this show triggered a lot of that for me. I had to take multiple breaks when watching this show, but the anxiety is well worth it. Patriot does a fantastic job at showing the reality of dealing with anxiety and depression while telling a tightly knit story.
Patriot is about a spy who doesn’t want to be a spy. You follow John as he tries to complete a mission where everything keeps going wrong. The whole series is about John reacting to each and every setback while dealing with his fleeting mental health. John constantly struggles with the morality of his actions. There is a lot of pressure placed on John, and it slowly takes its toll.
Patriot isn’t your typical spy thriller. It isn’t chock full of sex, cool calculated action, or world-ending drama. John is cool and calculated when necessary, but the main focus of this narrative is on John’s struggle with his mental health. This show has a great cast with amazing supporting characters, a fantastic soundtrack, and a well-crafted narrative. This sow does really a lot on fate. Everyone in this show seems to be destined to meet John. I can excuse this because it is a comedy, just be forewarned that there is a lot of silliness in this plot.
If you are interested in this show, be warned, it gets depressing. That said, it is worth the time and the few moments of sadness because it tells a great story. You can watch this show on Amazon Prime if you have a membership.