Tag Archives: writing

YouTube Movie Review: Izzy Gets the F Accross Town (2017)

I loved this movie. It has a great cast, a fun story, and an amazing soundtrack. Izzy Gets the F Across Town is the movie to watch if you liked Scott Pilgrim Vs The World. This movie has a similarly weird and spazzy narrative style. I did find its exploration of fate to be a bit pretentious, but I’ll let it slide because I loved the movie.

Izzy Gets the F Across Town is about a girl who tries to get to her ex-boyfriend’s engagement party to break it up. Izzy swears that she is destined to be with her ex, and is constantly sees signs that confirm this belief. Izzy’s journey is full of trials and tribulations as she makes her way across town. This journey forces Izzy to examine her life and work through her demons. It makes for an interesting and creative narrative.

That said, I don’t think this movie is for everyone. The narrative style is hyperactive, the characters are rude, and the plot is a bit pretentious. Its very punk and I loved it. If you love weird existential narratives about self-discovery, you can watch Izzy gets the F Across Town free on YouTube.

Movie Review: School Spirits (2017)

School Spirits is a kids/young adult movie about ghost hunting. The plot and acting are pretty good for a kids’ movie. This movie is a little slow at points, but I didn’t hate it. There is some cartoonish over-acting, and some awkward line reads, but it is a kids’ movie. There is also a bit of ex machina, but that is expected.

As far as kids’ movies go, this one isn’t annoying. The characters are a bit on the quirky side, but I never felt like they were trying too hard. I was never annoyed, even by the more cartoonish characters. School Spirits is about a group of teen girls who hunt ghosts to help them cross over. You have the tough one, the smart one, and the spiritual one. The movie does a decent job at making the main characters complex enough that they aren’t boring archetypes. Some tropes are still present. The girls work well together and were overall a positive representation. I like that this movie doesn’t fall into the overbearing girl power trap some of these movies tend to do. Every other line isn’t devoted to reminding the audience that these are girls and they are capable. Instead, the movie spends time developing plot points and character arcs well enough. I liked this ghost hunting group, and I was invested in their adventure.

I can’t recommend this movie unless you are a kid or looking for a kids’ movie. As far as kids’ movies go, this one is solid. The plot is simple, the acting is fine, but unless you are the target audience, it isn’t going to make much of an impression. Don’t get me wrong, if you are forced to sit through this, you won’t hate it, but I wouldn’t seek it out. 

You can watch this on Amazon Video if you have a Prime Membership. 

YouTube Movie Review: Picture This (2008)

You should not watch Picture This. I don’t even know where to begin with this film. Picture This is a poorly written fantasy of the boring girl getting with the hot guy. It was a struggle getting through this movie, but somehow I found the strength.

Picture This is about a boring high school girl who likes the hottest guy in school. Her only defining characteristic is that she loves the hot guy. Through the power of shitty writing, the hot guy likes her too. The movie is a quest to meet up with the hot boy at the end of the film without her dad finding out. Oh, and the hot boy likes photography. Does that impact the plot? No, but the movie makes a big deal about that, hence the namesake.

This movie is poorly written, it has a decent cast, but they are doing the best they can with what they are given. The whole movie is a series of reactions to the different generic story beats before the girl gets the guy at the end. There are millions of these movies out there, you will forget you watched this too. I can’t name you a single character or attempt to give you any meaningful moments because of how generic this movie is. This movie tries to distract its audience with complicated vocabulary and awkward Chaucer references, but there is no hiding the fact that this is a bad movie.

I know that this is a kids’ movie, and maybe I should give it some slack, but I can not. Your kid’s time is too valuable to be wasted on this movie. Your time is way too valuable. It is free on YouTube, but that price tag is still too high. Skip it.

YouTube Movie Review: Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)

Confessions of a Shopaholic is a very middle-of-the-road movie that doesn’t have much going for it. Sure the cast is great, but the story lacks anything worthwhile. If I am being honest, it is very bland despite it having a colorful obsession. The movie plays like a bad fantasy, and your time is better spent elsewhere.

My biggest issue with this movie is its main character. Isla Fisher does the best she can with what she is given, but her character lacks depth. Rebecca is this Mary Sue character who happens to be addicted to shopping. The way they depict shopping addiction was fun and creative, but that creativity is missing from the rest of the movie. Instead, you have this character that is destined to have a happy ending. The whole world is there to support Rebecca, but they never get the reason as to why. As a result, none of the meaningful moments are earned. It is hard to care about a character who doesn’t face any adversities. Instead, Rebecca faces inconveniences. She doesn’t get the job she wants, but she becomes a world-renowned author with just one article. She finds the love of her life because the script says so. She is even able to settle her crippling debt by selling her junk. This movie ends with Rebecca not learning anything but getting everything she didn’t know she wanted. 

There is a lot more I want to say about this movie, but I don’t want to waste your time with a movie that isn’t worth your time. There are better movies of this genre you can watch instead. But for those of you who are still interested, you can watch it for free on YouTube.

TV Series Review: Upload Season 2

I need to revisit my initial review of this show because of how disappointing the second season is. The second season of Upload is full of plot holes, filler, and bad acting. There seems to be a trend with shows that go to streaming where they are made too long to be watchable. You see this a lot with those true crime docuseries. Instead of a meaningful story, you get filler. Filler served its purpose when shows were released weekly, but filler has no place in streaming. Filler is the death of good storytelling. The second season of Upload is more filler than story. 

I enjoyed the first season of Upload. It is a cheesy love story that explores philosophies about life, death, and personality. It isn’t revolutionary, but it has its charm. All of this charm is gone. The second season turns into a generic and boring spy thriller with a plot riddled with plot holes and obvious twists. There is maybe an hour of meaningful content within the second season; the rest is boring filler. Any growth or interesting plot points made in the first season are forgotten and replaced with a story that isn’t worth your time. The characters are unlikable, the holes are too many to ignore, and there isn’t anything to care about. I don’t care about Nathan and Nora’s relationship. I don’t care about this weird rebellion that is brewing. I don’t care about who killed Nathan, and that is a huge plot point in the first season. I don’t care because everything takes so long to happen that I lost interest. The only reason I stuck with this show was that I loved Ingrid’s character arc.

Ingrid had the best character development until it is ruined by mediocrity. In the first season, Ingrid is presented as this shallow, entitled, and vain character, but there are meaningful moments where she allows herself to be vulnerable and be compassionate. You learn that her attitude results from her complicated relationship with her family. In the second season, Ingrid begins to do a lot of self-reflection. She begins to work through the guilt she has about Nathan’s death. Ingrid realizes that she is alone, and her personality is to blame. There are powerful moments in this season where she begins to grow as a character as she learns from her experience. She even expresses a desire to become more compassionate, loving, and motherly. The tragedy of Ingrid is that she wants someone to love her as much as she loves Nathan. 

I really thought this show would have her become a more complex character as she works through her flaws. I wanted her to realize that she doesn’t need the approval of her family or Nathan to be happy. She could have had interesting character growth, but she doesn’t. Instead, they make her the crazy obsessive ex-girlfriend. There is also a clone of Nathan now because the writers want to lazily set up an ending where everyone ends up with their true love. Gag. There is no risk, no tension, so why does it matter?

Don’t waste your time on this show. It isn’t worth your time or your data.

The Legend of Vox Machina (2022) – Revisited

The second set of episodes have just been released for The Legend of Vox Machina; I would like to take this time to revise my initial review. I was correct in assuming that it was too early to tell whether or not this show was any good, but I was right in saying that it was heading in the right direction. With this new set of episodes, the writers show important moments of character growth, and I for one am here for it!

This show is casual fantasy. It has enough fantasy elements to satisfy any hardcore fantasy enthusiast, but it doesn’t isolate those who just want something else to watch. As of now, you do not need to know and follow different tribes or houses. You do not need to keep track of different races or their languages. You do need to know who the main characters are and track the subtle nuances of their character development: their backstory, goals, and how they change over the adventure. This show does a great job at creating these moments of character growth without making members of Vox Machina overpowered and boring.

The strongest aspect of this show is its main cast. Vox Machina is crude, imperfect, and they struggle a lot. This struggle is important this early because it is in their failures and what they learn from them that the story happens. Despite Vox Machina’s poor reputation, the show does a great job establishing that they are still above average. There are moments in the show where an enemy easily overpowers guards or heroes, yet somehow Vox Machina holds its own. This helps establish Vox Machina as heroes without making them overpowered. They still struggle to win against these enemies, but just barely. They still have much to learn, which is perfect because it means more story for us!

I still believe that some knowledge of the Critical Role and D&D would help with the experience, although it isn’t necessary. There are a few inside jokes only accessible to fans of the show, and I as a fan enjoyed them thoroughly.

Lastly, this show also does a great job at translating tabletop to animated series. I like the way they handle skill checks and magic., but I can see it going over people’s heads. It helps to understand why a spell doesn’t go off or why a scene ends the way it does.

The Party That Saved Christmas – Part 3

Snow drifts down slowly. Endless white canvas in every direction. Small banks of snow and a few mountains break its monotony. Peace falls against this lifeless tundra. Peace and silence. A bright flass at the center leaves the party at the center of it all. A cold air brushes up against the party, creating involuntary shivers.

The party is awestruck by the sudden change in scenery. Hox drops to his knees and starts handling the snow. His tail wags excitedly. “I never seen so much!” His ears twitch as the snow crunches between his fingers.

Euphemia giggles as she packs a snowball to throw at Hox. It explodes against his hood. He shakes it off, but a bit lingers at the end of his snout. “So cold” he exclaims”

The faintest giggle escapes Belyis’ lips. Hearing this, Euphemia smiles and throws a snowball at the Tiefling. “Heads up Bel!”

Belyis lets out a squeal as her reflexes kick in and her hands move to catch the projectile. The snowball explodes in her hands. She begins to blush from the attention.

Aus is busy searching the horizon. “Focus,” he says as his gaze fixes into the distance. “We have a job to do.”

“Lighten up” Euphemia replies as she packs another snowball “We’re just having a bit of fun. It’s not every day we get to see snow”

“That’s fine. You’ve had your fun, but we need to focus now. Mr. Duke said that Santa’s villiage is due north,” Aus says as he raises his hand and points straight ahead “North is that way.”

“How do you know that?” Euphemia asks as she walks over and looks in the direction he is pointing.

“It’s a weird thing I can do. I can also tell you what time it is”

“Nah” replies Euphemia as she plops to the ground and begins to put on her shoes. “North is fine”

The party moves across the snow. Their boots land with a crunch as Aus takes the lead. Peaceful tranquility falls with the steady snowfall.

Twenty minutes pass. Aus searches for enemies. Euphemia hums quietly to herself. Hox sticks his tongue out as he attempts to catch falling snowflakes. Belyis treks behind the party. Her head is down, but her eyes scan the tundra for enemies.

A loud rumbling nearby stops the party. Weapons are drawn as they each search for its source. The rumbling stops. An even more menacing silence follows suit. Hands clench nervously at hilts and staves. A small bead of sweat starts to form on Euphemia’s brow.

The ground before Belyis explodes. Large chunks of snow fly through the air as the small bits of aftermath begin to settle. A large, almost invisible creature rises from the snow. Ten feet tall and almost just as wide, with fur as white as the snow that falls around it. There are places where the fur is matted and tangled. Other spots are bald, exposing scars from battles past. Its massive hands are hairless, with long black claws at the tip of each finger. On its head, there are two twisting grey horns. Wide nostrils sniff angrily at the air. It roars. Chunks of frozen saliva flies from its mouth. Its ice blues yes are full of blood thirst as it studies the party. It is a yeti.

The yeti’s claws come down on Belyis, ripping into her shoulder. Hot blood runs down her arm. Belyis’ expression changes as her meekness is replaced with anger. The second claw comes down with the same ferocity, but this time Belyis has time to react. Her hands blur through the air, blocking the beast’s attack. Her muscles are tense as she holds back the beast. The yeti grows angry.

Belyis pushes the hand to the side and ducks under the frustrated yeti’s desperate retaliation. She moves in close with her fist clenched tightly. A soft glow comes off her hands as she swings with all her might. The punch digs into the beast’s stomach. The yeti stumbles back as the air gets knocked out of his lunges. It takes a moment for it to regain its balance. It takes a step towards the Tiefling before a soft yellow glow glosses over the beast’s eyes. It stops advancing as his eyes go white. It remains paralyzed, its gaze lost in the distance.

Euphemia begins to charge at the Yeti, rapier in hand. Her stride is broken by another explosion of snow. A small, young yeti lunges at her back. Euphemia doesn’t get a chance to react as the creature’s fangs sink her shoulder. Strong hairy arms wrap around her. The young yeti stands at a similar height.

The pain from the bite is new to her. She screams in agony as a stream of blood falls down her back.

Hox, hearing her yell, grips his staff tightly. His eyes begin to glow purple as he waves his staff above his head. His raspy voice shouts “jennu ir! tluog ve dout vers. nomenoi souls re douta”

Above him, a glowing purple light begins to form. The snow around him glows as it reflects the purple light. He raises his free hand and points at the young yeti. “Loreat!” he shouts as the purple orb of eldritch energy flies towards the young beast. It crashes against its back. The Creature releases his bite and turns to the Kobold who begins reciting his next spell. Frozen foam and blood spill from the corners of the young yeti’s mouth.

Four more identical baby yetis jump from below. They make their way towards the Kobold whose eyes remain fixed on the yeti attacking Euphemia.

Euphemia free from the jaws of her attacker turns. Her free hand moves to cover her fresh wound. Blood pours from the lane of small holes that wrap around her shoulder. “By the light of the stars and the guidance of the moon, cure these wounds and grant me strength”. The wound begins to seal under her touch.

Hox begins to cast another spell. Before he can tap into any of his magic, he finds himself surrounded. Four young yeti circle the kobold. They snarl and growl as they lunge at him. Hox raises his staff in an attempt to fend off his assailants, but the claws rip into his scales. Drops of his blood and shreds of his cloak fall onto the snow around him. The Kobold lets out agonizing yells as he pushes against one of his attackers, keeping him away. An arrow sinks into its head. The body grows heavy against Hox’s staff. With a slight push, the yeti falls lifeless to the ground.

Aus has taken to the air. His wings flap confidently against the frigid air. They almost vanish against the white backdrop. He notches another arrow and takes aim. The arrow whistles through the air as it strikes another yeti. Its last helpless yelp escapes his lungs as it falls to the ground.

One of the young yeti turns to run. Hox tries to strike the fleeing beast but the remaining yeti blocks his line of sight. The yeti stares at Hox. Its eyes are full of bloodthirst. Hox readies grips his staff tightly as the yeti lunges at him. Fangs and claws dig into the Kobold as he tries to push the yeti away.

Belyis stares down the large beast before her. The yeti is dazed; its white eyes lost in the void. Belyis moves in close and unleashes a flurry of punches. The muffled thuds echo over the snow. The faint sound of bones slowly breaking follow suit. The beast coughs up blood as rage begins to gloss over its eyes.

It stares down at the Tiefling. Belyis readies herself as she hops against the snow. Hot steam rises from the yetis flaring nostrils. It roars as red frozen foam falls to the ground. The air around Belyis grows colder. Ice begins to gather against her coat and hair. The cold cuts through her skin. She stands there, frozen in place. Its black claws dig into Belyis’ coat, tearing at the fabric. Blow after blow comes down on the defenseless Tiefling. The yeti’s fur turns red with her blood. Belyis falls to the ground. The yeti stands over her lifeless body, its eyes searches for its next victim.

Euphemia’s yeti rushes towards the kobold. She swipes at it with her rapier, but she misses. She drops the sword to the ground. She pulls a small pan flute to her lips and begins to play a sweet melody. The young yeti stops in its tracks. Its eyes are no longer bloodshot. Its mouth no longer foaming. It sits on the ground and it stares onto the snow, peacefully.

Hox looks around and smiles. “feed sia thurirl. nomenoi souls re douta ekess clax!” Behind him, a spark of light flashes. A portal begins to grow. Dark purple lightning spews in every direction as the portal begins grows behind him. A loud wailing spills from the other side. Hox stands proudly as he holds his staff tightly. The portal grows to about 10 feet. Lightning continues to fly from its edges as purple energy swirls around, obscuring the landscape. From it, two large tentacles reach for the young yetis. One tries to run, but it is too slow. The tentacles wrap tightly around the creature. It struggles in vain as it is pulled into the portal. The portal vanishes. Hox stands alone in the middle of the blood-stained snow. His smile is unwavering and his tail waves behind him.

The large yeti finds his target in Hox. He begins to charge at the Kobold. Each step shakes the frozen landscape. The kobold braces himself. His knees shake as his grip on his staff tightens.

On the other side, Belyis lays in the snow motionless. The pool of blood continues to grow around her. The front of her coat is completely torn off. Deep gashes run down her chest as her breathing slows. A teary-eyed Euphemia runs towards her. Her little feet struggle to move her through the snow. “Don’t die.”

The yeti continues its charge. Large chunks of snow fly behind it. It closes in on Hox. Seeing the large creature up close, Hox takes an involuntary step back. An arrow rains from the sky and digs into the yeti’s back. The impact breaks the yeti’s stride. In this moment of confusion, Hox finds his words. A blast of purple eldritch energy strikes at the yeti’s face. It stumbles back as it tries to recover from the shock. A second arrow whistles through the cold air. This one digs into the creature’s skull. The yet stumbles about as the last bit of life bleeds from its wounds. It falls over lifeless.

Hox and Aus stare at the creature for a moment. When it doesn’t move they rush over to Belyis. Euphemia falls to her knees beside the dying Tiefling. Tears fall down her cheeks. She places her hands on Belyis’ chest “Please wake up!”

The Party that Saved Christmas – Part 2

Mr. Duke laughs loudly. This sudden outburst catches the party off guard. He quickly gathers his suitcase and addresses the party “Splendid! We don’t have time to waste. Follow me. I’ll explain more on the way.”

The party follows Mr. Duke into the busy corridor. Phones ring over frantic voices. People seem to run up and down the hall in a hurry. People don’t take notice of the party as they walk by, most busy with their own tasks.

“As you can see, things here are a bit hectic. We have been asking other nations for aid in the matter, but most leaders are more concerned with the safety within their own borders. I don’t blame them. It’s not a threat most take seriously, that is why you have to be enough. This is a very big ask, but you are the only hope we have” He continues to walk as the party walks behind him quickly.

“What happens if we don’t stop this threat? Why is the north pole so important”

Mr. Duke stops and turns to the party. He has a serious look on his face. “There are magical items, artifacts, secrets hidden from the rest of the world for our protection. If they were to get in the wrong hands, it would mean the end of modern civilization. Wars would break out. Millions will die. Empires will burn and from their ashes, evil and chaos will bloom. I hope I don’t have to keep convincing you on the importance of your mission”

Mr. Duke pauses and assesses the party’s reaction. Euphemia scribbles away as quick as her little hand can carry the pen. Hox and Aus look onto him with a mixture of interest and concern. Belyis has raised her hood and stares at the ground nervously.

“There is a bigger plan in motion here but we haven’t been able to figure this out” Mr. Duke continues “All I know…all we know is that you need to save Christmas. Am I being clear?”

“Yes,” the party responds. Hox’s tail twitches behind him. Aus scratches behind his head nervously.

“Good” Mr. Duke continues as he turns and resumes his pace. ” You will be teleported about an hour out of the south of Santa’s Village. That’s the closest we can get. You will be given clothes for the weather and a few items that might help you with the journey. You are going in blind. We can show you the layout of the village but unfortunately, we don’t know who is leading this attack or how they are defending the city”

They stop inside a small elevator. Mr. Duke presses a code into the keypad and the elevator begins its descent. He turns to the party with a serious look on his face. “There is something out there blocking out communications and our mages haven’t been able to scry. You will be alone out there”

“This is getting harder and harder to get motivated for” Aus replies

“It isn’t an ideal situation. You will need to find whatever is jamming our magic and report to us. But your priority is saving Santa”

An awkward silence fills the elevator. The party looks at each other, but no words are exchanged. The elevator comes to a stop after a moment of silence. The doors open revealing a large open space filled with metal tables, shelves, and racks full of different tools and weapons. People move franticly, working diligently making weapons or mixing chemicals. Mr. Duke walks out of the elevator at a hurried pace. The party follows suit, fascinated by the myriad of items scattered throughout the room. There are oddly shaped swords that hang lazily on beaten racks. There are staffs with intricate carvings of animals or runes engraved with shinning gemstones. There are bows made from rare woods strung with a material that shines in the room’s dim light. There are tables where the rolled-up scrolls spill over, almost falling to the floor. There are heavy hammers, menacing maces, and dangerous daggers. The small forge at one end of the room blazes away hammer bang against hot steal.

The party passes sections where beakers are full of odd-colored liquids. Burners push hot flame against rounded glass containers, slowly bringing its contents to a boil. A small woman swirls a mixture between her fingers, it changes from red to purple. The smell of sulfur and something bitter fills the air. There are shelves lined with jars full of odd objects. A troll’s hand floats against one while the jar next to it is filled with dried bat wings.

Passed all these tables, at the far side of the room, there is a large magic circle. It’s made of red paint. There are strange symbols that seem to be randomly integrated into their pattern. There are candles that break up the pain, evenly spaced. Mr. Duke stops in front of the circle. “Before you step into the circle, there are a few items I would like to give you.” An elf man walks up to Mr. Duke carrying with him a basket with vials filled with different color liquids.

“We didn’t have much time so you will have to make due. Each of you will get a healing potion. You only get one, use them wisely. This” he says as he pulls up a green potion “is a potion of haste. It will give you a bit more energy but when it wears off you will feel the worst you have ever felt. And this” he says as he pulls out a vial with light blue liquid with silver specks that move slowly through the liquid “is a potion of invisibility. We are not sure about the side-effects. Use at your own discrection. Thank you Calvin.” The elf nods and walks away.

A dirty female dwarf walks up next. She drags behind her a wagon full of different weapons and winter clothes. “We weren’t sure of your measurements but our tailor is pretty good at guessing. This should keep you warm. There are snow shoes to help with the travel. We also took the liberty of crafting a few items to update your arsenal. We have finely crafter armor you can change into” The party starts grabbing the clothes and armor, searching for their sizes.

“For your Aus, we made a bow made from the a very strong wood. Take this quiver of arrows. Each has a magic ability but unfortunately we don’t quite know what they do. You only get 10. And for the rest of you…”

“Let me stop you right there mister” Euphemia interrupts. She taps at the hilt of her bejeweled rapier “This sword has been in my family for generations. If it was good enough for my grandma during the great Silverfoot clan wars, it is good enough for me”

Hox nods as he squeezes his staff. “Yes Hox don’t need new staff. This staff is best staff!”

“Well, I suppose that is fine.” He turns to Belyis who stands behind the party and stares at her feet “And my shy Teifling there only uses her hands to fight from what I understand” Belyis turns red and nods shyly. She says something inaudible. Mr. Duke clasps his hands together. “Well when you are ready, step into the circle. The quicker the better”

The party takes the time to change into warm clothes. Each with a thick cloak with a hood lined with fur. They wear heavy black boots and thick padded pants. They make their way to the center of the circle. They are silent as they get to the center.

“Thank you. This is a lot I am asking you. Be safe, strike true, come back come alive” Mr. Duke presses his hands on the ground. The circle begins to glow until it is a solid white glowing circle. The party begins to sink down into the light. Slowly until the last one disappears into the light. The light fades. People have stopped working and stare at the empty circle. “May the gods protect you”

The Party That Saved Christmas – Part 1

It is snowing in the town of Drecshire. It creates a thin layer over freshly shoveled paths. The Conroy Taffy company building sits at the center of this busy town. Today, however, the streets are empty except for the few people who must run out to finish some errands. It is Christmas eve and the town is quiet, except of course for Conroy Taffy Company.

Inside the Conroy Taffy building, people through the halls. The phones are ringing none stop and everything is abuzz with the cacophony of frantic conversations.

On the top floor, inside a small windowless conference room sleeps a young white-feathered Aarakocra. His chair leans against the wall. His bow sits to his left and a small quiver lies to his right. He snores softly as his wings twitch occasionally but they remain snuggling his body. His worn leather armor looks dull against his plumage.

The room has bare walls except for a small black clock on the north side of the room. It ticks away quietly. Aside from the clock, there is a small rounded wooden table with the seven remaining chairs arranged neatly around it.

A small hooded figure walks into the room. A small crimsoned scaled hand carries a simple staff that reaches above the creature’s head. A red pierced tale follows suit. The Aarakocra jolts from his sleep, grabbing at his bow. The hooded figure raises his hands out in defense. “Sorry sorry, I mean no threat,” Says the hooded figure as he removes the cloak revealing a Kobold.” My name is Hox. I am here for mission. You give mission?” The Aarakrocra is stunned by the Kobold’s presence.

The Kobold is a bright crimson color. His eyes are a bright yellow. His ears are pierced and they twitch nervously as they wait for the Aarakocra to answer. On his face, odd symbols run down his cheeks almost like tears. Hox’s chest rises and falls quickly.

The Aarakocra relaxes. He puts his bow on the ground and retakes his seat. “Sorry, bud. It’s a reflex. They call me Aus. I’m here for the quest too”

“Do you know what quest is?” Hox asks, also relaxing as he takes his seat next to Aus.

Aus shakes his head as he closes his eyes and leans back against the wall. His yellow beak shines under the lights. “Not a clue”

Hox calms as he walks towards Aus. “This is strange no? We no have no information”

Aus nods “yeah but” he is cut off midsentence as the door opens once again. The two turn to the small figure at the door. A brown-skinned halfling walks in. Her raven black hair comes to just past her shoulders. She wears clothes made with the finest fabrics. Her ears are pierced with diamond earrings. A small gold necklace hangs from her neck with a tiny pendant at the end. Gold bangles hang from her arms and they jingle as they walk. She walks in with the grandeur and elegance of a noble. On her right, a rapier with a jewel-encrusted hilt bounces against her hip. On her left, nestled in her belt is a small pan flute.

She looks at the two characters who watch her curiously before saying “Good, I am not the smallest one here. My name is Euphemia Hogscallar. It is a pleasure!” She smiles as she makes her way to the two. They shake hands and introduce themselves.

“Do you have quest for us?” Hox asks. His nostrils catch a whiff of her sweet perfume. His tail wags slowly. His mouth begins to water.

“Me?” Euphemia asks curiously “I am here for the quest. I don’t know anything else. I was only told a time and place.”

“That’s odd” Aus adds. Looking at the clock on the wall. “Well I guess we keep waiting”

Not much later, the door opens one more time. This time a purple Tiefling walks in with a bewildered and startled look on her face. She has slightly darker purple ram horns that wrap around on either side of her head. She has a few piercings. Four on each ear. A small stud on the bridge of her nose. Four 4 studs go across her forehead. Her eyes are pitch black. She quickly averts her gaze away from the party.

She wears simple cotton clothes. Her shirt is sleeveless. Tribal tattoos run down both her shoulders into cloth wrappings that go from her knuckles to almost her elbow. Her shoes are worn, thin, and dirty. The number four is tattooed on the right side of her neck. “I’m” she begins softly, barely audible. “I’m he-here for the um quest.” Her voice shakes. Her eyes stare at her shoes. She rubs her right forearm nervously.

Euphemia walks up to the Tiefling. “Well, you are in the right place!” Euphemia’s voice is booming in comparison. She reaches up and grabs the Tiefling’s hand. Her hand is much smaller as it wraps around two of the fingers. She pulls the Tiefling deeper into the conference room. The Tiefling follows reluctantly.

“Well this is Aus and Hox and I,” she says letting go of the hand and turning to the Tiefling “am Euphemia. It is a pleasure to meet you! What’s your name?”

The Tiefling glows red. She averts her gaze and stares at the floor. “My…um..my name is Bel…Belyis. Nice to meet you.” Her voice is a whisper, almost inaudible.

“You’re a shy one aren’t you. Can’t say I’ve ever met a shy Tiefling before” Euphemia replies.

“Well aren’t we a strange collection of heroes. A kobold, an Aarakroca, a halfing and Tiefling. Sounds like there might be a joke in there somewhere. I can’t say I want to find out the punchline.” says Aus as he scratches his head, examining his partners.

“Trust me, as someone who tells jokes for a living. If this is a joke, it’s probably a really good one!” Euphemia says as she turns to Aus.

Before anyone could answer, the door opens. A man with dark glasses and a neatly ironed grey suit walks in. His brown skin is covered in old faded scars. He carries with him a suitcase. He pulls out a gold plane pocket watch from his pocket and checks the time. He sets down the briefcase and opens it.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice. I am sure you have a lot of questions, please save them till the end. I have a lot to go over and we don’t have a lot of time. Please take a seat” The party arranges themselves around the strange man.

“You can call me Mr. Duke. I am what you might call a middle man. I contract people with special skills, such as yourselves, to fix problems and clean up messes. You have been hand-selected because you have a particular set of skills that will prove useful to us.” He pulls out a stack of folders from the briefcase. Folders thick with documents and pictures. He throws them on the table between the party. On the front of the folders is a sticker with a phoenix and the words “The Ministry for Magical Defense”

“At 0600 we received an emergency transmission from the North Pole.” Mr. Duke pulls out a crystal ball from the case and sets it gently on the table in front of the party. He taps it twice. A dim light shines around where his finger taps the glass. The ball begins to fill with thick purple smoke.

When the ball is full, an image of a bloodied dirty halfling appears. “My name is Finmin Goldwood. My team and I were sent here on a rescue mission. Santa is in trouble. Our transport was shot down at the edge of Santa’s Village. We…” Loud banging from away stops him mid-sentence. “My team is dead. The toys are alive. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s as if..”

More banging stops him mid-sentence. There is the sound of wood cracking slightly. “We tried to make our way through the city, but it’s overrun with living toys. They hunted us down” The banging gets more violent. “There might still be people held up in the workshop. Whatever this is, whoever unleashed this evil must be stopped.” More banging. The sound of wood breaking is clear. “If you get this, I am already dead. Please hurry. Save Santa.” The ball goes black and the smoke fades to nothing.

“Communications have gone dark since. Your mission is to infiltrate Santa’s village and figure out what the hell is going on. Now, this isn’t going to be easy. You are going in blind and alone. If anything goes wrong, you are on your own.”

“Um,” Aus asks as he raises his hand “what exactly are we doing?”

“It’s a rescue mission. You are there to save Santa”

The party looks at each other in confusion.

Seeing the confusion on everyone’s faces, Mr. Duke adds “Yes. Santa is rea. Set whatever you beliefs aside and focus. This is your mission. Everything you need to know… Everything we know is in those folders.” He leans up against the table and looks at the party. “So what do you say? Will you help us?”

Hox grins as his tale wages wildly behind him. “Think of all new things out there. I’ll help. Hox will help!”

Euphemia and Aus flip through the documents. Studying them carefully. Euphemia is the first to speak. “Can I have the book rights to this little venture?”

“You’ll have to change a few things and submit it for approval but as long as you don’t mention me or the Ministry of Magical Defense, there shouldn’t be an issue.” Mr. Duke replies.

Aus puts down the stacks of papers. “I don’t like this. What is the Ministry of Magical Defense? Why don’t we have more back up?”

“The Ministry of Magical Defense is a secret organization that was created to deal with world-ending threats” Mr. Duke explains.

“You’re sending us to deal with a world-ending threat?” Aus asks.

“Yes”

Aus leans back on his chair and takes a deep breath. “You’re asking for a lot. We just met you. You expect us to just drop everything and go on some suicide mission?”

Mr. Duke clears his throat. “Look, I know this is a lot to take in. I wish we had more time. I wish we could ease you in better. I wish we could send a bigger team but this is the best we can do with the time we have. It’s not going to be easy, but it needs to be done. If you want to leave, there’s the door. Just know this. This isn’t just some isolated incident. If those toys finish their business, they will spread to the rest of the world. We need to get a handle on this before it gets out of control. We did the math, you guys are the best shot we have at nipping this in the bud”

Aus’s Talons scratch at the floor. He shakes his head. “I don’t like it.” He goes silent as he thumbs through the pages “If there’s no other way. I guess you can count me in.”

“There isn’t” Mr. Duke replies. He turns to Belyis who is watching from her corner of the table. “That just leaves you”

The party turns to her too. Belyis who had returned to her natural purple color turns red again. She averts her eyes. “Um,” she says, her voice a squeak. “I don’t know. I don’t um…”

Euphemia walks up to Belyis. She looks up at her with a sweet smile. “What do you say Bel? Do you want to be part of the team?”

Belyis’s face burns with embarrassment. “Sure,” says her whisper.

Euphemia claps and giggles with glee. “Yay! We’re going to be such good friends!” She wraps her arms as much around Belyis as she can and squeezes her. Belyis’s face is frozen with fear and confusion. Her face glows red from the embarrassment.

“A strange Kobold, a loud Halfling, a shy Tiefling, and an Aarakroca walk into Santa’s Village. You’re right. This is a pretty good joke”

Mad Mage Chronicles:Chapter 8

This story is based on the wizards of the coast adventure The Dungeon of the mad mage. There are spoilers

Source

The cave becomes familiar to the party. The dank smell of rot and decay fades away into familiarity, almost like a memory. The cracks on the wall, the deep scrapes from combats past, and the decomposing bodies that litter the ground slowly begin to morph into the landmarks of their adventure. The party continues to move in silence, but this time it feels different. It is a comfortable silence that is shared amongst comrades. The trust might not yet be there, but its threads begin to weave between each member with each step.

Roakala takes the lead with her cursed sword which emits a soft light that washes over the ancient stone. It creates soft shadows against the walls of the caverns, this time they are less menacing. This time they stroll with a more relaxed ease as they finally make it to the forest of pillars. The party stands at a familiar crosswords. To the north, a path already travelled. To the south, a clear warning of certain death. To the East, an unknown variable. The party stands in contemplation.

“Where to now princess?” Roakala asks, unable to resist the smirk that appears on her face.

Diljaris’ tail twitches in playful frustration as she instantly retorts with “I am not a princess!” She doesn’t sound annoyed. There is a certain friendliness in her tone. Diljaris looks around at her options for a moment before continuing “Well if we are looking to make money” she reviews her options one more time “I think the best chance of finding magic items might be due south” she says as she points at her option. Above the door way in freshly painted letters the warning reads “Certain death this way”

“You want us to go towards death?” Gorak chimes in

“Yes, we need money and towards death would more than likely have magic items we can sell”

“You barely made it out of the last bout with monsters, shouldn’t we prepare more before we go running towards our deaths?”

“Well my friend” Diljaris replies as she places her scaled blue hand gently on Gorak’s shounder, giving him a warm and friendly smile, “We can’t know for certain that any of the other paths will yield a less dangerous path. I would argue that we will never be ready for what we don’t know. But I don’t want you to feel pressured, no one is forcing you to go. You can leave when you like. I am here to conquer this dungeon and my gut says that that way” she says as she points south “is the first step in doing so.” She pats him gently on his shoulder and begins to step due south. “Whose with me?”

Roakala is the first to react. Her head swivels between the two members of the group before letting out a frustrated grunt “Dammit! Wait up princess.”. Roakala walks after Diljaris. She drags her feet lazily.

A heavy dwarven hand falls onto Goraks shoulder. The old worn glove smells of fresh oil. “Well boyo?” Drugnar says “You did ask for more adventure.” Drugnar chuckles as he continues after the pair. Gorak stands in place, the room growing dark as the cursed light’s reach no longer engulfs him. He sighs in frustration and begins to take steps towards the party. They pass through the door warning them of certain death.

The doorway empties into a long dark hallway. A hallway that is well travelled. The ground is littered with tracks, both young and old. There are deep overlapping footprints belonging to humanoids of varying sizes. There are animal tracks and long deep wheel imprints. There are bits of ash and burnt out torches. It is clear that despite it being marked for certain death, this path down here is a busy avenue.

The party moves cautiously over the tracks. They look eagerly towards the end of the hall, expecting a dangerous surprise. Perhaps death would be the answer to the strange nature of this corridor. Finally they arrive in a room. There are neat piles of ancient stone, earth, and ruble throughout the room. Around those, digging supplies of varying condition. There is also a small body in the room. It is slumped over against the wall. It’s leathered green skin has begun to rot. There are signs that rats have begun to nibble on it’s body. An ear is missing and the body sits on what is left of a pool of blood that seems to have dried long ago. There is no way of knowing when the body died except that the belly has bloated.

Rakala examines the body carefully.  “Well” she says as she ponders the goblins visage “whatever killed the goblin took anything valuable.” The party searches the room for valuables and clues as to what might be in the next room; but all they find are the discarded tools and deep footprints leading in and out of this room.  There is another exit to this room. One that has been freshly and hastily made. This doesn’t share the workmanship of the caverns they have already travelled. This was made by new hands. Hands that don’t hold the same attention to detail as the original carvers of this earth, but somehow still talented enough to create a new passage way.

Roakala looks into this fresh wound. The cursed light washes over the freshly dug rock. The light reveals the madness of the new architect. It bends and turns with lack of reason, although the function stands up right with the support of new shabbily cut wood. The new path is ugly and it sews distrust in the party. Diljaris steps up and touches the wall. Examines it for a moment.

Gorak comes forth and gets close to the ground, touching one of the deep wheel wells. “Well if there is any treasure, it seems to be moving through here.”

“Agreed” Diljaris replies finally looking away from the stone “Whoever made this is using it to transfer something pretty important.”

Gorak nods “But the question is who’s using this tunnel and what are they carrying?”

“The real question is do we want to deal with whatever made this thing?” Roakala chimes in, pointing at the corpse of the dead goblin.

“I mean” Diljaris answers with her bright warm smile “We did come down here for some adventure”