Tag Archives: streaming

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Lantern’s Lane (2021)

1 Comment

Do not waste your time on this terrible movie. The camera work, the plot, the acting, and the big reveal are irredeemably bad. There is nothing worth watching in this movie.

Lantern’s lane is about a girl who returns to her rural home town where she reunites with friends from high school. Bitter that she hasn’t returned, her friends attempt to play a prank on her by scaring her. Things turn sour when a killer starts hunting them instead. The mom and daughter from the opening scene are the killers. This movie spoils its ending in the first five minutes of play time with its terrible acting and camera work. Lantern’s Lane is a great example of a filmmaker who is trying way too hard to be symbolic. This movie is full of obvious foreshadowing that ruins any tension that this movie could have had. Not that anything of note ever happens. It takes a whole hour before the horror element comes into play, but it doesn’t matter because you already know who the killer is.

Instead, you are forced to sit through terribly read high school drama no one asked for. I don’t know which is worse, the acting or the writing. I don’t think anyone involved with the making of this movie has ever talked to a real person before. The dialogue in this movie is unreal. You can mash your keyboard right now, and the outcome would be better dialogue.

And the editing of this movie? I don’t think there is a single scene in this movie that isn’t a collection of shots lazily pieced together. There are more cuts in a scene of simple dialogue than there are in an MCU fight scene. Disney cuts fight scenes to hide the fact that the actors can’t fight. This movie does it to hide the fact that they can’t act. There are moments of dialogue where there is a 5-second delay before an actor responds to what was just said. I wouldn’t be surprised if the actors weren’t competent enough to remember simple dialogue. 

Don’t waste your time with this movie. Even if you like watching bad movies for fun, there’s nothing here for you. It isn’t worth sitting through because nothing happens. You don’t even get to see anyone die. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on Hulu.

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: The Duchess (2008)

1 Comment
Source

I have an indifference when it comes to period movies or TV shows. I don’t generally seek them out, but I don’t have any real problem with them. I feel this same indifference about The Duchess. It is a pretty average movie that didn’t leave much of an impression on me. If you like period movies, I think it is a pretty solid one. The acting is great, the costumes are pretty, but the story leaves a lot to be desired. This movie is based on real events, and my disappointments come with the restrictions that come with it.

I loved the first half of this movie. I love G as a character. She is witty, charismatic, and I loved her outfits. The costumes in this movie are easily my favorite part. The second half is where I lost interest because the movie slows down too much to be enjoyable. It does make sense in context, and I understand why they did it. At the start of the film, G makes the best of her situation. She gets involved in politics, goes to parties, takes on the role she is supposed to take with a smile. In the 2nd act, when the movie slows down, she can no longer live with her unhappiness. It makes sense that there are no more parties. It makes sense that she can no longer smile. It makes sense that everything is so slow. It is done well enough, but it is much too slow for the average audience.

I can only recommend this movie if you like period movies. I can’t speak on how accurate it is to the period, but it’ll be enough for casuals. Other than that, it isn’t really worth it. It isn’t bad; it is just okay. It is still better than The Last Duel. For those interested, it is free on YouTube.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: Legally Blonde (2001)

6 Comments
Source

Legally Blonde is free on YouTube. What can I say that hasn’t already been said? It is a great movie with a fantastic cast and a great story. Without question, it is easily one of my favorite movies. The sequels are also available on YouTube, but I can’t speak on how good they are. It has been a while since I’ve seen those.

This movie made a huge impact on me when I watched it in my youth. Although I am a strait Mexican-American male, I empathized with a lot of Elle’s struggles. My whole life people do not take me seriously because of how I look and speak. I find that I am constantly being judged for my appearance and interests. I have to constantly prove myself to people because most think I am just some dumb Mexican kid. I was Elle’s strength and perseverance. Although our struggles are completely different and Elle has advantages that I don’t, I know what it feels like to be dismissed because of my appearance. I know what it feels like to constantly have to prove myself. It hurts when people think I am dumb. It hurts when people are shocked that I can speak English or that I study for tests. This movie helped me deal with a lot of that. 

I will be so bold as to say that this movie is a timeless classic. It has a strong and capable female lead who goes on a journey where she experiences growth. The issues she experiences are relatable. The lessons it teaches are important. If you haven’t seen this, add it to your list. For the rest of you, it’s free!

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: The VelociPastor (2019)

Leave a comment
Source

I loved this movie, but I can’t recommend it. It’s not good. The VelociPastor was made for a certain type of audience, but it wasn’t a mainstream audience. Unless you love watching bad cheesy movies for fun, you are going to have a bad time.

The VelociPastor is about a Catholic priest who has lost his faith. He goes on a pilgrimage to find his faith, but he finds the power to turn into a raptor instead. With the help of a prostitute, he uses his powers to fight an origination of evil ninja. It is insane and I loved almost every minute of it.

Again, this movie isn’t for everyone. The writing is bad, the fight scenes are cheesy, and the costumes and special effects are terrible. This movie looks like it was shot at someone’s house. That said, the acting was surprisingly good, the soundtrack was great, and the sound was amazing. It is often the case with low-budget movies like this for the sound to be awful. I’ve seen movies where dialogue is barely audible or full of reverb. The VelociPastor has its sound on point and I appreciate the filmmakers for it. I can forgive bad acting and terrible special effects, but the sound is hard to overlook. That said, a normal audience will not enjoy this movie.

I am not normal, and I enjoy watching bad movies. I loved this movie for what it is, a goofy attempt at a polymorphing action movie. The one-liners, the costumes, the action scenes, and the big twist at the end were all very much appreciated. It does slow down towards the middle, I think they were running out of ideas, but they were able to bring me back in with a grand finale. This is easily my favorite bad movie. 

If you like making fun of bad movies, check this out. For the rest of you, it’s hard to recommend. The lack of structure and overall goofiness isn’t for everyone. If you are interested in watching The VelociPastor, do not take it seriously. Have fun with it. You can watch it if you have an Amazon Prime membership.  

Series Reviews

TV Series Review: Utopia (2020)

5 Comments

Utopia is an appropriate pandemic thriller that I believe everyone should be watching. It has tension, suspense, action, John Cusack; what more can you ask for? I have not seen the original British version, so I don’t know how this compares. Instead, I will be basing this review only on the American version, streaming now on Amazon Prime.

Utopia is about a group of nerdy, regular people who stumble upon a huge conspiracy. Someone has weaponized diseases and is using them against people. Through a series of comics, this group of average Joe’s pieces together clues that will hopefully save humanity. I love that this show isn’t about extraordinary people destined to save the world. These protagonists are flawed. Although they are smart, they are not highly trained and, for the most part, are frightened about the whole situation. I am excited to see how this group grows as they continue to deal with adversity.

I don’t want to get into too many specifics because the mystery that shrouds this show is what makes it fun. Utopia does a great job of keeping the audience guessing. Every new clue or new bit of information adds to this fun and exciting experience. I can’t wait for season 2.

If you love tense and exciting mysteries full of action and conspiracy, check out Utopia! I am confident it has a little something for everyone. Watch it on Amazon Prime!

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: Little Shop of Horrors (1986)

4 Comments
Source

Little Shop of Horrors is a musical based on a movie of the same name from the 60s. I am not a huge fan of musicals so I can’t comment on how it holds up as one. That said, it still holds up as a film. The singing is fine, the acting is decent, and the special effects are appropriate. It was the actor’s gravitas and charisma that kept my attention. I can see there being an audience for this movie; unfortunately, I am not among them.

This isn’t a bad movie. If you like musicals and 50 eras music, you should check this out. If you are like me and do not like musicals, you should still watch this version for its impact on modern pop culture. I didn’t realize how much this movie is referenced in modern media. I didn’t like it as a musical, but I did enjoy it for its importance in modern American Pop Culture. I appreciate all the risks this movie takes to tell such an odd story. I believe it is important to go back to these older films to see the different forms of storytelling, and how it has changed over the years.

Anyways, if you are looking for a solid musical with a lot of nostalgia, this is a safe bet. You can watch this movie free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free. Trust me.

Watch it Here!
Series Reviews

TV Shows Review: Upload

3 Comments
Source

It is hard to recommend Upload because it isn’t for everyone. I would describe this show as a cheesy, sci-fi romance novel about death. It does a good job of going over different philosophies about death. I really like the concept of saving a person’s consciousness so that it lives forever. What I don’t like is that it can be preachy at times. We get it, capitalism is bad, and true love is awesome. That aside, it’s a pretty cool show. The acting is decent, although some actors are better than others. The plot is fun, some of the technology is inconsistent but I think that is the point. The characters are all unique and for the most part, interesting.

This show is about a future where they have the technology to save a person’s consciousness in a simulated world. The “Uploads” live their lives in words run by big corporations. The show focuses on the blossoming romantic relationship of Nathan, an upload, and Andy, Nathan’s customer service representative. She is alive, he isn’t, and the whole series is a will they, won’t they, should they ordeal. There is murder, mystery, suspense, death, and of course, a lot of romance.

For those of you who do not like cheesy romantic movies, this is not for you. Although it isn’t over the top, you get to sit through some rough monologues. But, the pacing is good and the show makes a lot of interesting arguments about death, reality, technology, and economic disparity. If you find yourself looking for something to watch, this isn’t a bad way to spend a couple of hours. You can watch it if you have an Amazon Prime Membership.

Series Reviews

TV Show Review: Doom Patrol (2019)

Leave a comment
Source

Say what you will about DC movies, but DC TV shows are another beast. Usually, they tend to have strong starts with compelling narratives and characters, but eventually, they fall into the pitfall of prioritizing fan service and product placement over story. However, this might be a symptom of being on the CW. Some, like Swamp Thing, show great promise but are canceled before they really take off. I recommend you check it out anyways.

I am not afraid to say that Doom Patrol is in a league of its own. This isn’t your typical superhero mashup show where they fight a new villain every week, where the victory is brought to you by the new Microsoft Surface. Doom Patrol is about people who don’t want to be superheroes, who instead want to live normal lives. You get unique and interesting characters, great actors, and a very engaging story. 

Doom Patrol brings a well-welcomed freshness to a genre that has been growing stale over the years. I love the use of backstory and how it’s woven into the larger narrative. I love learning about each character’s motivation, even the villains. More importantly, I love to see the characters grow as the story unfolds. I am very hopeful for this show, and I am very excited that there will be a season 4. You can watch this show on HBO.

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Rollerball (2002)

3 Comments
Source

Time has not been kind to Rollerball. The acting is bad, everything feels dated, and it is cheesy in the worst way. If you have fond memories of this movie from your youth, do not watch this. Cherish that memory because reality is very disappointing. There is no amount of nostalgia that will save this movie. The acting and story in this movie are terrible, which hurts the movie. I will excuse bad acting and storytelling if the movie is fun, but this movie is boring. Don’t be distracted by the sick stunts and explosions, nothing interesting happens in this movie. You get to sit through terrible line reads and a lead who is constantly throwing tantrums. I was not entertained.

I don’t know how it compares to the original, but this execution was terrible. Don’t waste your time here. There is nothing here for you. But if you don’t believe me, it is free on YouTube.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: Battle Beyond The Stars (1980)

2 Comments
Source

Battle Beyond the Stars is a Sci-Fi movie I didn’t know I needed in my life. YouTube has been recommending this movie for a while now, and today I finally decided to give it a try. I found it delightful. Fans of Sci-Fi or Fantasy, this is the movie for you. There are space battles, an evil warlord, unique characters, and an epic journey. This is a fun film, and I recommend it to everybody. 

I will say that some modern audiences might find the pacing a bit slow. I believe the pacing to be fitting, but it is something to keep in mind. The movie is also very cheesy, but the cheesiness is part of the charm. For those of you who love cheesy 80’s, you should at least consider Battle Beyond the Stars.

My favorite aspect of this movie is the creativity. From the different aliens to the space ships, the filmmakers build a universe that feels diverse and expansive. You can tell this movie was low budget, but that doesn’t matter because the story is worth it. I didn’t care that some of the spacesuits were cardboard and duct tape. I didn’t care that the space battles were toys. I didn’t care because the story was so compelling. I admire how much suspense this movie creates with such a small budget.  Battle Beyond the Stars proves that a good movie doesn’t have to have a million-dollar budget to be good. All it needs is a good story.

For those interested, you can watch it on YouTube for free.

Watch It Here!