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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Eragon (2006)

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I read the Eragon back in high school, back around the time when the movie was coming out. I loved the book and I remember the excitement I felt about watching the movie. I remember exchanging that excitement for disappointment because the movie didn’t hold the same magic that the book did. I decided that today, I was far enough removed from the book that I would no longer hold that bias. I thought that I would be able to see the movie in a different light. I no longer hold onto that bias, but my opinion about this movie has not changed. I now understand why this movie never got any sequels, and it rightfully shouldn’t.

Eragon is a bad movie. You shouldn’t watch it, even if it is free on YouTube. Eragon is a movie that has gotten worse with age. The acting is mediocre, the CGI is ugly, and the story isn’t interesting. If you are looking for a movie with the same story done better, go watch Star Wars or How to Train Your Dragon. It is a much better use of your time.

What hurts this movie is its pacing and characters. There isn’t enough time spent on world-building or establishing Eragon as a competent hero in training. As a result, Eragon feels arrogant and whiny instead of a kid who is slowly growing to become a hero.

Take Brom’s death for example. Eragon gets a vision about saving Arya. Without discussing it with anyone, he just leaves. Brom dies saving Eragon. Brom’s death is supposed to be emotional and serve as an important moment of growth for Eragon. Instead, it is a frustrating scene because of how incompetent Eragon is as a hero. You might be able to excuse Eragon’s incompetence to the inexperience of youth, but the film doesn’t frame it as such. The whole movie doesn’t frame as anything heroic. He either wins because it’s in the script or people die because he messes up. It is difficult to care about a story where the main character is so unlikable.

I thought watching it for free would make watching this movie easier, but it didn’t. Don’t watch it, especially if you liked the book because you will be disappointed. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on YouTube.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Hackers (1995)

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Hackers has not aged well. The dialect, fashion, and story feel obsolete. Don’t get me wrong, there are some interesting characters but it is hard to get passed how cheesy the movie is. I would rather spend my time watching Wargames. It has a similar story but is done a lot better. If you’ve seen the live play D&D show “Critical Role,” they do an ad for Nord VPN where they parody and summarize this movie perfectly. I would rather watch that to be honest because it gets to the point a lot quicker than this movie. No meaningless dated graphics, no gibberish, and no forced romances.

My main issue with this movie is the gibberish. I don’t know anything about hacking computers, but I know that a lot of what goes on in this movie is made up. I don’t have a problem with movies that make up a language when the story is interesting. Unfortunately, the story takes so long to unfold that it leaves you with the time to process the nonsense, leaving these skilled hackers to seem less believable.

If you liked this movie when it first came out, you might enjoy the nostalgia. Otherwise, it is hard to ignore this movie’s many weaknesses. You can watch this movie for free on YouTube.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Faster (2010)

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There are movies that are neither bad nor good. They exist in this weird limbo where they leave no impression. Faster is such a movie. While not one of Dwayne Johnson’s worst films, it doesn’t have much going for it. It takes its place as another forgettable revenge action movie, but one that is very light on the action.

I don’t expect action movies to have a good story, but I do expect the action to be entertaining. While some of the action is ok, I found myself rather bored by the repetitive narrative. Anytime this movie begins to build any momentum, it will cut to story arcs no one asks for. The hitman gets a back story, the cop gets a back story, some of the minor characters get back story and it becomes tedious. As far as twists go, the cop did it. As soon as the movie cuts to him it becomes obvious that he is behind the whole thing.

I think the main issue with this movie is that there isn’t anything interesting going on. The story is tedious at best. When you aren’t sitting through meaningless context, you are watching the Rock drive to his next target. With how much talking and driving there is in this movie, I’d rather watch the Fast and the Furious movies. You can watch it for free on YouTube, but I don’t think it’s worth it, to be honest.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Grumpy Old Men (1993)

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Grumpy Old Men is a cute story about friendship and growing old. The movie is about two stubborn old men who can’t let go of their petty grievances. They have grown complacent in their routine and waiting to die. All of this changes when Ann-Margret moves in next door. She helps them move out of their comfort zone and start enjoying life again.

I like this movie a lot. It has a great cast and a sweet story. The chemistry between the cast is what sells this movie. I love their grumpy back and forth. It truly feels like I was watching two old friends. They bicker, play pranks on each other, but they also care enough to check on each other. They care for each other in their own weird way, but they will never admit it. It is a rivalry that exists because neither character wants to admit their wrongs, and it takes Ann-Margaret to help make their friendship stronger.

What this movie does very well is how they deal with old age. Grumpy Old Men addresses a lot of issues that come with growing old. Their friends die, their health is failing, they are lonely, and they aren’t financially secure. These are issues that are part of the experience, and it is sad. You can see that it affects them, but their pride won’t let them admit it. It affects the characters to the point where they stop trying. It is only when they stop living in the past do they begin to enjoy life again and become a lot less grumpy. 

This movie has a simple plot with an amazing journey. You can watch this movie free on YouTube. 

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Movie Reviews

YouTube Movie Review: Orange County (2002)

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Orange County is a very disappointing movie. Do not waste your time on it. It isn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s not worth watching. I don’t understand how a movie with such a great cast can be so boring.

Sean is a whiny rich kid from Orange County whose recent dream is to go to Stanford to become a writer. His dream gets complicated by unknown forces that don’t want him to go to Stanford. The whole movie is about Sean trying to get to Stanford to convince the Dean or whoever to reconsider him for admission. Spoilers: he decides not to go after getting in, making the whole adventure pointless.

Orange County isn’t worth your time. The premise and execution are bad. You float from scene to scene not caring about Sean or his problems because Sean doesn’t have the charisma to make this movie work. He doesn’t drive his own story. Instead, the other more interesting characters do so for him. At the end of this movie, Sean is the same person. He doesn’t grow, learn, or do anything except waste your time.

Orange County is a boring adventure about a boring character that ends without any payoff. There are better movies with this exact plot; watch those instead. Don’t waste your time on this movie. You can watch it free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother.

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YouTube Movie Review: Izzy Gets the F Accross Town (2017)

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I loved this movie. It has a great cast, a fun story, and an amazing soundtrack. Izzy Gets the F Across Town is the movie to watch if you liked Scott Pilgrim Vs The World. This movie has a similarly weird and spazzy narrative style. I did find its exploration of fate to be a bit pretentious, but I’ll let it slide because I loved the movie.

Izzy Gets the F Across Town is about a girl who tries to get to her ex-boyfriend’s engagement party to break it up. Izzy swears that she is destined to be with her ex, and is constantly sees signs that confirm this belief. Izzy’s journey is full of trials and tribulations as she makes her way across town. This journey forces Izzy to examine her life and work through her demons. It makes for an interesting and creative narrative.

That said, I don’t think this movie is for everyone. The narrative style is hyperactive, the characters are rude, and the plot is a bit pretentious. Its very punk and I loved it. If you love weird existential narratives about self-discovery, you can watch Izzy gets the F Across Town free on YouTube.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Picture This (2008)

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You should not watch Picture This. I don’t even know where to begin with this film. Picture This is a poorly written fantasy of the boring girl getting with the hot guy. It was a struggle getting through this movie, but somehow I found the strength.

Picture This is about a boring high school girl who likes the hottest guy in school. Her only defining characteristic is that she loves the hot guy. Through the power of shitty writing, the hot guy likes her too. The movie is a quest to meet up with the hot boy at the end of the film without her dad finding out. Oh, and the hot boy likes photography. Does that impact the plot? No, but the movie makes a big deal about that, hence the namesake.

This movie is poorly written, it has a decent cast, but they are doing the best they can with what they are given. The whole movie is a series of reactions to the different generic story beats before the girl gets the guy at the end. There are millions of these movies out there, you will forget you watched this too. I can’t name you a single character or attempt to give you any meaningful moments because of how generic this movie is. This movie tries to distract its audience with complicated vocabulary and awkward Chaucer references, but there is no hiding the fact that this is a bad movie.

I know that this is a kids’ movie, and maybe I should give it some slack, but I can not. Your kid’s time is too valuable to be wasted on this movie. Your time is way too valuable. It is free on YouTube, but that price tag is still too high. Skip it.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: Status Update (2018)

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Status Update is another wish movie. We’ve seen this before; the main character gets the power to make wishes. He wishes for everything he thinks he wants but somehow is still unhappy. It is only after he realizes that he has to be true to himself to be happy. It helps that he wished for a great singing voice and the ability to work a stage.

Status update is generic. You have the chubby comic relief best friend, the misunderstood lead, the jerk jock, and the artsy girl who writes her own music. None of them are memorable. It is full of cheesy eye-rolling moments and fake deep commentary about the fakeness of social media. As far as wish movies go, this one is average. The plot is ok, the music is fine, but the acting is solid. The cast is the only good thing about this movie. This cast deserves a better movie. There are few scenes in this movie that work only because of the actor’s charisma. It’s not a terrible movie, but you can spend your time watching a better movie.

If you’ve exhausted all of your other options, and need something to watch, you won’t hate this movie. It’s okay, but other movies do this plot better. This is a great movie to throw on if you don’t want to pay attention to it, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it. But hey? You can watch it free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: The Sandlot

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I’ve been avoiding this movie for a while now. I loved this movie as a kid, I have very fond memories about it, but I was afraid that time might have been too kind to one of my favorite movies. There are a lot of movies from my childhood that I can’t bring myself to rewatch because I don’t want to ruin my memories of them. I know they were always bad movies, but I cherish the experience. I am happy to write that The Sandlot still holds up.

The Sandlot is told by an adult reflecting on events of his childhood. He is unreliable. Details might be misremembered, others might be embellished for the story, but it works perfectly for this narrative. Some of us look back on our childhood with a fondness that distorts our retelling. What might and might not have happened ultimately doesn’t matter because it is the emotions that exist within those memories that cherish. The games we played, the friends we made, and the adventures we had are all pieced together into an epic we carry with us. The actual events might not have been anything special, but the memories are. That is what this movie captures very well. 

The Sandlot does a great job of showing the grandeur of childhood. Before the big reveal at the end, the beast is portrayed as a giant blood-thirsty monster. A lot of the interactions between the kids and the best are these epic missions to retrieve the ball. It is only at the end, when they get the full story that the beast is no longer a monster but a sweet giant dog. This is what childhood is. A period full of wonder, urban legends, and adventures with your friends. I remember playing with my friends until the street lamps came on. I remember sharing a cigarette behind my middle school because we all wanted to look cool. This is why this movie still holds up. 

You can watch this movie for free on YouTube.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: A Good Woman (2004)

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I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. It has a solid cast who give great performances, and the writing is excellent. If you like romance movies, this is a complicated one full of wit, drama, and misunderstandings that’s easy to enjoy. If you are a fan of the 20’s era aesthetic, there is enough in it to satisfy most audiences. If you are only looking for something to watch, I can promise you that you won’t be disappointed.

A Good Woman is about a newlyweds trip to Italy. All seems fine until gossip and desire place a strain on their relationship. The movie focuses on a group of social elites who have too much time on their hands. The overall message isn’t wholly universal, but it does address some important topics. The film is an exploration of the relationship between man and woman. What is acceptable differs based on gender. Men can cheat and have mistresses, while women must accept this fact and hate the mistress. A man can’t be friends with a woman, things of that nature. It doesn’t go deep enough, but at least there is an attempt. This movie is framed as a fantasy, so expect a lot of the lessons learned to be superficial. You can only do so much with out-of-touch characters.

That said, it is a good movie full of lots of witty banter. I recommend it, and you can watch it for free on YouTube.

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