Tag Archives: Movie

Movie Review: Me Time (2022)

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Me Time is another lazy and generic buddy comedy where Kevin Hart plays himself. While this might be one of his better ones, it isn’t saying much considering how low the bar is. I wouldn’t bother with this movie unless you really enjoy Kevin Hart’s comedy.

Kevin Hart is a stay-at-home dad with a very successful wife. He takes pride and joy in his role, but there are factors that leave him insecure about his manhood. In an effort to prove his worth to the world, he links up with an old childhood friend for a night of partying. Things quickly get out of hand, and now Hart must salvage the night and save his marriage and friend.

You’ve seen this movie before. You will probably forget you watched this movie. This lazy addition to Hart’s filmography only proves that he is destined to be typecasted as himself for the remainder of his career. While these movies might be good for his bank statements, I am tired of having to sit through the same movie and listen to the same jokes, all to learn the same morals. All I want is a unique plot, and not this copy and pasted nonsense.

Don’t watch this movie and give it ratings. With how much content there is out right now, your time is better spent elsewhere. The acting is okay, the jokes are barely funny, and the plot is clearly recycled. Why waste your time on something that clearly had little effort put into it? You can stream it on Netflix, but I wouldn’t bother.

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Movie Review: Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank (2022)

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Paws of Fury is just as average as animated movies go. While there are a few jokes in this movie that made me laugh, this isn’t something I would watch unless I was putting it on for a younger kid. Paws of Fury is the unmistakable remake of the movie Blazing Saddles, but the characters have been reskinned to samurai cats, and the jokes are designed for kids. It isn’t bad, but if you have seen Blazing Saddles, you would much rather. This is a beat-for-beat remake with an added underdog narrative that honestly hurts the overall experience.

I don’t like the underdog story that this turns into because it is generic and bland. It reminds me of Kung Fu Panda, and I would rather be watching that. I wish they would have taken out the underdog story and kept it as a remake but with better voice acting. The voice acting is fine for the most part, but there are some bad line reads that are hard to overlook. I would have preferred real voice actors instead of name-brand actors, but the better voice acting isn’t saving this movie. This movie is very bland, and I am having trouble with this review. It didn’t leave much of an impression, and I don’t want to spend my time unfairly comparing this movie to its much better predecessor. 

As a kids’ movie, it is fine. I have seen a lot worse. You won’t hate this movie if you have to sit through it. You will at least appreciate all the references. I do like that they address a lot of the important themes from Blazing Saddles, such as racism and government corruption. I also appreciate how they modernized the source material, but this only proves how timeless Blazing Saddles is. You should be watching Blazing Saddles instead. 

The unavoidable truth is that this movie was made for kids that is held back by its genre. If you are looking for something to through on for family movie night, this movie is fine; otherwise, there are better animated movies out there. You can stream it now on Paramount+.

Movie Review: Samaritan (2022)

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Samaritan is Silvester Stallone’s attempt at the superhero genre, and I have to say, it is pretty good. Sure the pacing was a little slow, but his unorthodox take on the genre was both refreshing and entertaining. I doubt it will win any awards, but if you have been curious about the movie, go ahead and watch it.

Samaritan follows a young troubled youth Sam who is obsessed with the superhero Samaritan. Samaritan once protected the city from crime and against the supervillain Nemesis, but an epic encounter between the two leads to their disappearance. Most people believe the superhumans to be dead, but Sam holds out hope that Samaritan is alive and will one day make his return. His beliefs seem to hold some truth when he encounters a mysterious man who he believes to be Samaritan. At the same time, an ambitious and delusional crime boss attempts to fill the hole Nemesis left behind. Using the supervillain’s magic hammer, he plans to take over the city and bring forth a new world order. With the city spun into chaos, will Samaritan once again rise and bring the city new hope? You will have to watch the movie to find out.

This movie certainly gave me some Unbreakable vibes because of how it treats superheroes. It certainly challenges their traditional role in society by asking whether or not their existence is necessary. Samaritan makes some interesting points and raises some interesting questions about the genre, but unfortunately, I can’t address them without spoiling the movie. Just know that this isn’t your traditional superhero narrative, and it is going to feel a little slow. It does have a pretty satisfying conclusion if you stick with it.

This is a solid movie with fantastic actors, an entertaining narrative, and some pretty cool action. I always enjoy watching superhero movies that aren’t bound by their source material because they have a certain level of freedom that the mainstream ones don’t. They aren’t bound by the same conventions and aren’t bogged down by repeating a familiar backstory. I am even more impressed at how deeply Stallone understands the action genre and his respect for his ability to consistently make fun action movies. Samaritan is a fantastic combination of both these worlds and one that I can in good conscious recommend.

If you want to watch a decent superhero movie, you should give this movie a chance. You can stream it now on Amazon.

Movie Review: Orphan First Kill (2022)

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The Orphan First Kill is the prequel that did not need to be made. It is a negligible addition to the universe that adds little to the lore. The prequel focuses on the events before the first movie, but nothing interesting happens. The acting was great, but it is wasted on a boring story with questionable writing. Do yourself a favor and skip this movie.

I went back and re-watched the first movie to see how it compared. It has been a while, and I wanted to make sure that my opinion of the movie wasn’t a memory made better because I was so bored with First Kill. The original is a far better movie. It isn’t perfect, but at least it was entertaining. First Kill doesn’t have any real direction. It pads the run time with sappy family moments then teases you with an interesting and unexpected twist, only to become another generic horror movie that isn’t worth your time.

This movie has a few good moments, but not enough to save it. I am going to spoil this movie to make my point. It doesn’t matter because you shouldn’t watch yourself, but a warning is still in order. 

Ester goes to kill the detective that has been asking too many questions. In his final breaths, as Ester stands over him asking how he knew she was lying, a bullet pierces his head and leaves him lifeless. As he bleeds onto the carpet, Ester turns to see Julia Styles holding a gun. Styles confronts Ester about her lie, but instead of killing Ester and ending the movie, she blackmails Ester into keeping up the charade. Styles had been covering up the murder of the original Ester, and the new Ester was the piece she needed to make her husband happy again. 

This was a great moment that easily stands out against the blandness carried throughout the rest of this film, but it is a moment wasted because the rest of the movie doesn’t have any of this energy. I liked that Ester was made a victim because it puts the audience in an uncomfortable position. Do they root for Ester who is conning the family and has a murderous past, or do you root for the family the dark secret she is conning that also wants her dead? It makes me mad that such an interesting idea sits so comfortably within such a disappointing movie. 

You can stream this on Paramount+, but I wouldn’t bother.

Movie Review: The Long Night (2022)

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The Long Night didn’t make much of an impression on me. It doesn’t do anything I would go rushing to see, but it had enough interesting visuals to keep my attention. The acting is solid, the story is okay, and the lore is pretty tame. I honestly don’t have much to say because it doesn’t stand out much from any other demon cult movies I’ve seen.

The Long Night is a story of a woman who is searching for her biological parents. This search brings her to a mysterious house in the middle of nowhere. She begins to hear voices and sees visions of cults and demons. The situation grows bleak when they are trapped in the house by a group of cultists. Now she and her boyfriend must survive the night. Will they be able to escape, or will they become a sacrifice to some unknown demon?

This movie is better than the average cult movie, but it isn’t something I would go rushing to see. The writing is a bit awkward, and the characters aren’t great. It is always harder to write about these movies because they don’t really inspire much. There are definitely things about this movie I appreciated, but it isn’t something I’ll be watching again. If you like the genre and are starving for a new horror movie, then this movie is fine. If not, you can live your life without it. You can stream it on Shudder.

Movie Review: The Cellar (2022)

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If you like demon possession movies, The Cellar is fine, but it is not without issues. The acting is mostly okay, but there are definitely some outliers trending towards bad. The story is fine, but I don’t know how I feel about math being the evil force that powers the whole narrative.

The Cellar is the story of a family that moves into a house that is possessed by an ancient demon. The family isn’t even allowed a night of peace in the new house as their daughter goes missing instantly. Strange things continue to happen to the family. They hear voices, see figures, and some even lose their free will through possession. The matriarch takes it upon herself to solve the mystery of what is happening to her family. Will she be able to free her family from the clutches of the Leviathan, or will she and her family be more souls added to his collection?

This movie is fine. If you like horror and don’t mind the acting, there are some cool things it does visually that are worth checking out. It plays around with some interesting lore and mythology, but it isn’t something you should be racing to see. It is a nice addition to a horror movie marathon if you are running out of choices.

I will say that after watching a few of these Shudder originals, I am impressed with the direction in which they are taking the genre. They might still be rough, but I can see some solid attempts and exploration that I can see paying off when they truly find their voice. I am curious to see them grow and hopeful that they will become a household name for horror one day. They still have some growth to do, but it is only a matter of time. 

Movie Review: So Vam (2022)

Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay

It has been a while since I have seen a movie this rough and unpolished. So Vam is a low-budget vampire movie that you are better off not watching. While well-intentioned as it addresses important issues that affect the LBGQT community, it just isn’t a good movie. The acting is rigid and stiff, the writing is inconsistent, and the story isn’t interesting. At least the camera quality and the sound is good.

The movie focuses on a young gay kid who just wants to live his life and be who he is. The town he lives in doesn’t accept him for being gay. As a result, he experiences a lot of bullying and discrimination. He is an outcast in this town and dreams of going somewhere where he can be who he is without any judgment. His life changes when a strange man turns him into a vampire. With the help of a few trans and gay vampires, he learns to use his powers for good. He now has the confidence to be who he wants to be, but there is a dark force after him. Will he and his new friends be strong enough to defeat this lingering evil from another time, or will evil prevail?

This movie has too many issues, and it isn’t worth your time. I liked that they try to redefine the vampire mythos, but the writing is too inconsistent to do so properly. There is no effective world-building aside from narrative existing in a small town, no consistency in the powers the vampires have, and no clear distinctions between the faction except that one are the bad one. The villain is one-dimensional and flat partly due to the bad writing and largely due to the rigid and emotionless acting that is thematic for this movie. The writing isn’t good, full of some notable holes and continuity errors. For example, there is a character in this movie that uses the they/them pronouns at the beginning of the film, but then is changed to he/him later on. This inconsistency is glaring for a movie that boasts of being an LGBTQ film early on. If you are going to make an LGBTQ movie, at least get the pronouns right. 

I can forgive low-budget movies when they are fun like Velocipastor, but there is nothing fun here. You can stream this on Shudder, but it isn’t worth your time.

Movie Review: Alone With You (2022)

Image by María Prieto from Pixabay

I don’t know where to start with this movie, but it is hard to talk about because it didn’t leave much of an impression. This is a well-intentioned film that tried something unique, but it has too many issues holding it back that make it impossible to recommend. Even if you like experimental horror movies, there isn’t anything noteworthy to this film. I suggest you skip it.

Alone With You is a psychological horror movie about a woman trapped in her apartment. Her night starts out normal as she waits for her girlfriend to come home from a trip. Strange things start to happen to her as time passes. Charlie finds herself trapped in a sinister loop of memories and thoughts as she becomes more desperate to escape this nightmare. She hears voices, sees visions, and keeps reliving bad memories about her relationship. Will she ever be able to leave, or will the insanity that binds her to the apartment keep her trapped there forever?

Nothing really happens in this movie despite it frantically jumping between memory, reality, and delusion. The main problem with the movie is that the lead isn’t good enough to carry the film. Sure there are some neat visuals, but there isn’t anything to hold the audience’s attention. A movie like this needs a lead that can create the tension required to make this movie work. This movie needed disorienting tension that builds to the big reveal at the end, but there isn’t much here. The big reveal is incredibly obvious, I figured it out before the horror even started. I wouldn’t mind this knowledge if the movie were entertaining, but it is not. It goes without say, but the acting is bad, and the story suffers for it.

Just skip this movie, I am sure you have better things to do with your time. But for those who don’t believe me, you stream it on Shudder.

Movie Review: The Reef: Stalked (2022)

After Jaws, there have been many attempts at creating another good shark movie. There are certainly some that stand out, but The Reef: Stalked isn’t one of them. This movie is about a group of diving buddies who go on vacation to a secluded island to mourn the loss of their friend. They plan on relaxing, diving, and dealing with their loss. While they enjoy the beauty of the ocean, something sinister has caught on to their scent. A shark now hunts for them. The race is on to a populated island miles away before the shark makes them its next meal. Will they survive the shark, or will they be another red spot in the ocean?

With how much good content there is to stream, there is no point in wasting your time with this movie. The acting is bad, the story is worse, and the graphics aren’t up to modern standards. This movie is boring. If you can ignore the plot holes and inconsistencies, nothing interesting happens. Sure there might be a couple of tense moments, but the rest of the time you are sitting waiting for anything to happen. There is an attempt at making this movie about getting over trauma, but maybe on the ocean with a blood-thirsty shark isn’t the best place to do so. There is a lot of filler in this movie because clearly there weren’t enough shark ideas for this shark movie. 

It isn’t the worst movie I’ve seen, but there are better movies more worthy of your time. You can stream this on Shudder.

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Movie Review: Allegoria (2022)

The Harrowing of Hell By Jacob van Swanenburgh. I couldn’t get the rights to the poster, but this painting was referenced in the movie. Source

This movie took a lot of effort to get through because of how unbearably pretentious it is. I had to take multiple breaks just to be able to finish it. That said, I don’t outright hate this movie. I have seen a lot worse, and there are things about this movie I did like, but it is hard to recommend. Unless you like low-budget experimental horror films, I wouldn’t bother.

Allegoria is an anthology of horror stories involving artists encountering evil. Monsters, demons, murders, and the unexplainable are wreaking havoc on the world’s most pretentious artists, and no one knows why. The stories are out of order, but surprisingly, they all connect at the end in a kind of satisfying way. The acting is solid for the most part, but the writing needs a lot of work. There are some clear moments of competence where the filmmaking, acting, and writing come together to create a great narrative, but most of the movie isn’t that.

The problem I have with anthologies is that not all the narratives are good. You get a few good stories, but you have to sit through all the bad ones. Most anthologies have a theme, like Tales From The Crypt. They might exist in the same universe but aren’t always connected aside from the theme and setting. The stories in this anthology are connected by a single event. I would argue that some of the connections between the stories are forced to make them fit the overall narrative. I appreciate the novelty of the storytelling in this movie, but I can’t get over the pretentiousness. Every narrative has a longwinded, eye-roll enduring monologue defining an art form, and there is only so much of that I could take.

I can’t recommend this movie because it is more bad than good. But if you like strange movies that are just okay, you can stream this on Shudder if you have a subscription.

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