In a surprising and satisfying conclusion to the Halloween season, I watched Barbarian and loved it. This fantastic and thrilling film is perfect for the next time you are in the mood for some solid horror. While I am glad I didn’t watch it in theaters, this is a great movie to stream from the comfort of your own home.
Tess books an Airbnb only to find that the property has been double booked. She finds a strange man named Keith who has already made himself at home. With no other option available, Tess decides to spend the night and deal with the management in the morning. The situation is uncomfortable at first, but Tess eventually begins to find comfort in the situation. But there is something ominous lurking in the shadows that slowly begins to eat away at this newfound confidence. What is this presence that haunts Tess? Is it Keith? Is it Ghosts? You will need to watch to find out.
This movie is fine. It is a lot better than a lot of the horror I saw this season. The acting is great, the story is decent, and it had a generally creepy tone that had me properly on edge. It might not be the best story, but it is a solid experience.
I liked the structure of the movie. The movie jumps between a few different stories that all neatly come together at the end. There are some parts that feel fragmented and rushed, but it stands as a solid example of how complex narrative can be. I also liked that the backstories didn’t drag on for too long. It is always frustrating to watch a horror movie that is mostly backstory or set up, with only the last thirty minutes or so dedicated to any meaningful horror. Barbarian is able to create an interesting story while holding onto a general creepy tone. My only issue is with the ending. The events unfold a bit too quickly and cartoonishly. It wasn’t enough to ruin the experience, but it is a fact that holds the movie back.
All in all, Barbarian is a solid horror movie. It doesn’t set out to redefine the genre, but it sits comfortably within it. You can stream it now on HBO.
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Movie Review: Bullet Train (2022)
Before I start, I’d like to give a special shoutout to Impromtdude for buying me coffee. I really appreciate you my dude. It means a lot to have your support. I’ll do my best to keep making better content, and I will be sure to review the Fallout series when it’s out! Now without any further ado, my review:
I am glad I did not see Bullet Train in theaters. I really wanted to watch this movie when it came out, but thankfully I never got around to it. Bullet Train isn’t a bad movie, but it isn’t worth the theater ticket. If you can stream it or rent it, those are the ideal circumstances in which to watch this movie. Bullet Train is a beautiful and interesting concept that ultimately falls flat because the story isn’t good.
Fate has gathered Ladybug and a group of hungry assassins on a bullet train to Kioto. Bad luck seems to follow Ladybug, and now he finds himself in the middle of a logistical nightmare. The assassins are on this train to carry out conflicting missions, turning the train into a colorful battleground. Who will make it to the end of the line? Who is behind this mixup? You have to watch to find out!
There is no question that the acting in this movie is great for the most part. There are some fun and memorable characters that do their best with what they are given. I love the aesthetics of this movie. The costumes, the colors, and the sets are fantastic. Bullet Train is such a pretty movie, but it loses me with its story. The movie is set up like a mystery of sorts, although you can probably solve it in the first few minutes. It will constantly jump between groups, and it becomes tedious quickly. Each group gets a back story, each blander than the last, and you get a bit more of the mystery to piece together. It’s this formula throughout, and I honestly stopped caring because I just wanted more action. Bullet Train has some solid action scenes, and it makes me sad that there weren’t more.
A big issue with the plot is how heavily it relies on fate to work. The constantly regurgitates the idea that fate has heavily handily brought all these events to unfold on this train. This movie literally derails itself to make every narrative fit together as destiny. They make some ridiculous rationalizations in this movie that ruin the overall tone. What could have been a cool, colorful, and fun action thriller turns into a boring cartoon. It is a shame because there are a few moments that work well. This movie had potential, and it was wasted. Maybe they shouldn’t have spent so much money on cameos and instead focused on making a better movie.
If you want something to watch that isn’t a huge commitment, this is a solid choice. You can throw this on, do your chores or work and pay attention only to the cool bits. If you are looking for a cool action movie, there are better options for you. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this, but you won’t hate it if you do.
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Movie Review: Wendell & Wild (2022)
Before I start, I would like to send a special shoutout to @JiMiG2pt0 for buying me coffee. I live on coffee, and this is a huge help to my productivity. It means the world to have your support. Thank you, and I hope I can continue to help you with my reviews. Stay blessed my friend!
I’ve been wanting to watch Wendal & Wild since I first heard about it. I put it on my calendar and even set up notifications so I could watch it on release. The art is gorgeous, and I was curious to see what Jordan Peele could do with stop motion. Unfortunately, this film ended up being a beautiful disappointment.
After her parents’ deaths, Kat finds herself stuck in the system. She is constantly moving around in group homes and detention centers because she finds it difficult to cope with the loss of her parents. Kat is given a second chance at a normal life when she is sent to a private school. Kat finds the school to be troublesome. People want to be her friends, and as hard as she pushes, they keep coming back. The guilt she feels for the loss of her parents makes Kat feel as if she doesn’t deserve anything good in her life. To make matters worse, Kat discovers she is able to see the future and summon demons. Demons promise to bring her parents back to life, but there is always a catch. Now Kat finds herself in a fight to save the town from an evil couple who wants to tear it all down to make a for-profit prison. Will she and her new friends be able to save the town?
This movie had so much promise. The first half is great! The soundtrack is phenomenal, and the art is beautiful, but it all slowly fizzles out to a generic and disappointing ending. I lost interest around the time this became every other movie. What should have been a fantastical narrative full of magic and demons is just another generic save the town movie. They could have pushed boundaries and created something new, but instead, they decided to play it safe. Whatever they achieved through their art, they lose in their narrative. It isn’t a bad movie, but it is a disappointing one.
I appreciate a lot of the work that went into this film. I loved the character design, the art of the sets, and how they handle magic. I just wish it were a better movie. You can watch it on Netflix if you have nothing else to watch, but don’t go out of your way for it.
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Series Review: The Pentaverate (2022)
Someone somewhere saw Love Guru and The Master of Disguise and decided that the world needed more of that. As a result, we were cursed with the most painfully unfunny series, The Pentaverate. The Pentaverate is a series full of bad puns, worse accents, and no jokes. Even if you like to make fun of bad tv, this series is a huge waste of time. Avoid it with your life. You have been warned.
The Pentaverate is a comedy series about a Canadian journalist who is searching for his next big story. His search leads him into the ranks of a secret organization that has tasked itself to help solve humanity’s biggest issues like hunger, illness, and global warming. What he stumbles into is more than he bargained for. There seems to be an ominous presence killing off members of the organization. Will he be able to get to the bottom of it, or will this be the end of the Pentaverate as we know it?
I hope this is the end of The Pentaverate because this series should not exist. This series is a collection of bad sketches connected together by a surprisingly nuanced narrative. As bad as this comedy is, there is an attempt at a narrative that I haven’t seen in other bad comedies. It might not be a good story, but it is a story and not a random collection of sketches.
None of the sketches in this series are worth your time. They go on for too long, and each one grows increasingly unfunny over time. Most of the humor in this series hinges on people speaking in skilly bad accents. They sprinkle a lot of bad puns and meta jokes in a desperate attempt to elicit a single chuckle from its audience, but all it achieves is the pity I feel for the people who had to sit through the filming. If this series is the best of what the script had to offer, I can only imagine how terrible the stuff that got cut out is. I pray to the gods we never get an extended cut.
If you were hoping that this would be the great comeback for Myers you were waiting for, it is not. If you are a fan of any of his earlier works, watch those instead. This is the worst collection of his comedy packaged as a series, and I hate whoever thought it was a good idea to print it. You can stream it on Netflix, but please don’t.
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Image by Michael Knoll from Pixabay
Movie Review: Beast (2022)
Beast is so bad that not even Idris Elba can save it from mediocrity. If you get a chance to watch this for free, don’t. You have been warned.
Beast is a movie about a single father who takes his two daughters to Africa in an effort to bond with them and help them connect with their roots. But what they find isn’t the exotic adventure they were hoping for. A lion now hunts them relentlessly across the Sahara. Will they be able to make it out alive?
The best part of this movie is their attention to detail in first aid practices. Every time Idris Elba had to sew a wound or treat someone, he would make it a point to wash his hand and sterilize his equipment. I appreciated this attention to detail, but this small detail doesn’t make for an exciting thriller. This movie is so boring, that it makes basic hygiene exciting.
Pacing is a huge issue with this movie. The first 30 minutes are dedicated to family drama that doesn’t add anything to the story. I get that they are trying to establish pathos for the characters, but it is lazy. You learn that the mother died from cancer and the family hasn’t fully recovered and the dad struggles to forge a strong bond with his daughters. It’s been done before, and all it did is make me wish I was watching a better movie.
The lion is problematic because he has an ungodly omnipotence that should have been enough to make this a shorter movie. When the lion isn’t fighting the main characters, it is beyond calculated, trapping and killing relentlessly. With the family, however, there is restraint because the script is poorly written. The lion will always show up and the family will always escape, not based on instinct or luck, but because that is how it is written. As a result, the movie becomes insanely predictable.
This movie isn’t worth your time. The acting is mediocre at best, the writing is bad, and the action is poorly rendered. But for those who don’t believe me, you can stream it on Peacock.
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Movie Review: Pearl (2022)
Pearl is the unnecessary prequel to the horror movie X. While I did enjoy it more than the original, it doesn’t add anything new to the narrative. Both of these movies seem to exist as separate stories in the same universe, so it doesn’t matter in which order you watch them. The only tangible connection between these movies is a few scattered references that aren’t very important to your understanding of the plot. These connections seemed more like Easter eggs than actual plot points.
Pearl is the story of a young and troubled farm girl with big dreams. Pearl wants to be a movie star so that others will love her, but she is bound by her duty to her family and farm and is incapable of pursuing her dreams. Trapped on this farm, Pearl becomes frustrated and angry that she can’t have the life she dreams about. The movie focuses on how Pearl deals with her frustrations and mounting anger.
Overall, this movie was okay. The acting is fantastic, the tone is fun, and the story is fine. Pearl is an interesting character, and Mia Goth carries this movie. There are some very intense scenes that are only possible because Goth is amazing. I love the quirky tone of the narrative. It creates a nice contrast to the dark themes this movie plays with, and it gives the film its unique flavor.
Pearl isn’t a bad origin story, there have been far worse attempts this year, but it wasn’t necessary. It doesn’t add anything to the universe. Watching them back to back made me appreciate Pearl a bit more because the story was better, but I don’t feel like I have more complete experience having watched both.
If you are looking for a horror movie to watch, Pearl is a solid choice. Pearl is a unique entry into the genre that you should at least watch for the experience. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, it isn’t that special, but you won’t hate it if you do. I am glad I watched this movie, but I wouldn’t watch it again.
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Movie Review: X (2022)
X is a solid slasher film, but it didn’t leave much of an impression. It is a beautifully shot movie with a solid foundation, but it is a slow burn with little payoff. It certainly stands out amongst all the other horror I’ve watched this season. It’s a much better story than Halloween Ends. If you are looking for something to watch and don’t mind the nudity, X is a solid choice. I don’t regret watching this movie, but it isn’t something I will ever be revisiting.
X is about an overly ambitious porn producer and his dream to make the next big porno. He and his cast and crew head to a remote farm in Texas where they will film his first and greatest movie. Filming goes better than expected, but there is something sinister on the farm. Before they can finish their film, the crew begins to get hunted. Will they be able to make it out alive?
This movie is okay. There is enough good with it that you won’t hate it if you watch it. The acting is great, the visuals are fantastic, and the story is fine. The problem most viewers will have with this movie is you have to sit through an hour of people making a porno. It goes without saying, if you don’t like sex and nudity, do not watch this movie.
The movie is a solid addition to the horror genre. There is proper suspense, some creepy scenes, and some fun kills. The problem is that it takes too long to get to the horror. I get that they are trying to create deeper characters and a more meaningful narrative, but it takes away from the horror. Don’t get me wrong, I like that there is an attempt to give slasher movies a stronger narrative, but they haven’t figured out the perfect balance between murder and story. It is a great attempt, but it falls flat.
If you don’t mind the softcore porn and you are patient, sure, it’s something to watch. It clears a very low bar to be better than average. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but it’s fine if you want to kill some time.
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Movie Review: The School of Good and Evil (2022)
The School of Good and Evil is a fun little fantasy that I am sure you will enjoy. While not without its flaws, it is a solid narrative. It is made for a younger audience, so expect a general cheesiness to its tone. This movie also leans heavily on its fairy tale tropes, so expect a sappy ending. That said, if you’re looking for something to watch, especially with your kids, try The School of Good and Evil.
The School of Good and Evil was established to create a balance between the two opposing forces. This school was designed to create the actors that would frame the many fairy tales we have come to know. The story is about two girls who are brought to this school from another world. As they struggle to adapt to the new roles they are given, evil lurks in the shadows. It is their destiny to change the world of good and evil presently, but will this change be their happily ever after?
I had a lot of fun with this movie. The acting is great, the action is fun, and it has a solid narrative. The movie attempts to challenge the traditional roles in fairy tales by having two headstrong and competent female leads challenging the system. It is nice that they aren’t perfect at first, but they do suddenly become perfect when the plot needs them to be. I also liked that the story focuses on their friendship, rather than having a prince give them meaning. It is a solid attempt at redefining the genre, but they could have pushed the boundaries further.
This movie is long, but it never felt like it. Every actor in this brought tremendous energy making this movie a fantastic experience. The villain is a bit one-dimensional, but there are enough characters to hate to keep the plot moving nicely. The movie gets a little preachy about the ideas of good and evil, but I kind of expected it from the general tone. Regardless of its flaws, it’s a solid fantasy movie.
This movie is what I believe the Descendants movies tried to be but failed to do so. If you are looking for a fun movie to watch with your family, this is a solid choice. It has action, adventure, and some pretty solid leads. Go stream it on Netflix.
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Movie Review: The Curse of Bridge Hollow (2022)
The Curse of Bridge Hollow might be one of the most unfunny and stiff horror comedies I have seen this year. It is very forgettable. If this movie comes up as a recommendation, ignore it.
Another generic family moves to a new city to start a new life, but the house they move into is shrouded with mystery and ominous energy. Their lives change when the generic daughter character unleashes a curse on the city that brings all the Halloween decorations to life. She and her daughter must free the town of this curse before it unleashes a great evil into the world. But before they can deal with the curse, they must first fix their relationship. Can they do so before midnight on Halloween?
The Curse on Bridge Hollow is poorly written and acted waste of time. There is no chemistry between the leads, and it makes all the banter and dialogue painful to get through. A movie like this that focuses so much on intrapersonal conflicts needs better leads with better chemistry. Everything about this movie is stiff, and as a result, none of the jokes, one-liners, or emotional moments work. There is no reason to watch this movie, even if you like making fun of bad movies.
The plot of this story is basic at best. You’ve seen this story play out better anywhere else, but this story is beyond redundant as it follows a tiring formula. The daughter and father would go to the next scene, they would have an argument about how controlling the father is only to be interrupted by the animated decorations. The father begins to see that his daughter is competent, they have a small emotional moment and move to the next scene to do it all again. The only difference between the scenes is the terrible jokes and the poorly delivered one-liners for each situation.
I don’t think they had enough ideas for this movie because there is a bit of filler. There is a painfully unfunny recurring bit about the mom’s terrible baking. The mom would push her vegan goods on people only to have them reject them out of disgust. This plot point came back so often that I thought it was going to be the ex-Machina that would save the world from the curse, thankfully, it wasn’t. Although now thinking about it, it would make for a much better conclusion. Unfortunately, this joke was the best attempt at storytelling this movie has. This unfunny baking bit is the only plot point that gets a proper conclusion.
It took several sittings to get through this movie because it was so boring. This season hasn’t been good for Halloween movies, and I can only hope there is some hidden gem on the horizon. Until then, I will keep sifting the genre in hopes of finding anything worth watching. Until then, skip this movie. But if you don’t believe me, you can stream this on Netflix.
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Image by HANSUAN FABREGAS from Pixabay
Movie Review: Halloween Ends (2022)
This series should have ended with the last movie. There is no reason for this movie to exist except to make money, but you shouldn’t give it any of yours. If you want to indulge in someone else’s self-serving terrible vision, this is the movie for you. But if you are trying to watch some good horror for Halloween, watch anything else.
Halloween Ends is the conclusion to the Michael Meyers saga that no one asked for. This is possibly the dullest and most uninspired slasher movie I have seen this year, and I just watched Jeepers Creepers: Rebirth. There are many issues with this movie, but the biggest one is that nothing happens. I like that there has been a trend to give horror movies proper plots, but please make it interesting. There is nothing interesting about this sequel. The first half of this movie is wasted on a relationship no one cares about. There are maybe 15 minutes where the slasher movie exists, but the rest is just pointless filler. The slasher bits aren’t even fun, most of the kills happen off-camera or too quickly to matter.
The biggest issue I have with this movie is with overbearing narration that refuses to go away. I am sorry, but I came here expecting to watch a slasher film, not to listen to a terrible audiobook. All the narration in this movie comes in the form of a fake book Jamie Lee Curtis is writing that only seems to be repeating her big speech from the last movie. You even get to watch her write the book in real-time. How exciting is that? I am very upset that this movie is desperate to convince its audience that the Halloween series is some deep allegory for the human condition when it has never been about that. It is completely self-serving and takes away from the only reason people would go watch this dumb movie.
The other issue I have with this movie is how inhuman they make Meyers be. This film feathers an immortal, omniscient, and teleporting Michael who terrorizes the town until he gets to Jamie Lee Curtis. They make it a point to show that he is unstoppable, but then he is easily and anti-climactically stopped by an injured woman and her granddaughter. I don’t even have the words to express my disappointment.
I can only hope that this is truly the end of this series, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they reincarnate him for another terrible reboot. I am not surprised that this disappointing reboot got such a disappointing ending, but it does hurt that I wasted my time on it. Don’t watch this movie in theaters when you can stream it on Peacock. Don’t stream it on Peacock because it is a complete waste of time.
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Image Source: By Universal Pictures – https://www.universalpictures.com/movies/halloween-ends, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=71346881