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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Senior Year (2022)

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This movie is fine. The cast is charming and funny enough to make this movie work, but it isn’t anything transcending and I doubt this movie’s lasting power. This will not be your favorite comedy. That said, the acting is fine, the jokes are funny enough, and the story is decent. There are worse ways to spend two hours.

The movie focuses on a girl’s goal to achieve her dream life in high school. She wants to be popular, cheer captain, have the hottest boyfriend, and live in the nicest house. Her goals are complicated when an accident puts her in a coma for 20 years. Now, she must attempt to achieve all her goals as a 38 year old with the mind of an 18 year old. Will she achieve everything she always wanted, or will modern life ruin any of her chances? Think of this as the Kickin’ it Old skool reboot no one asked for.

This movie is very much a Rebel Wilson movie as it leans heavily into her style of comedy. If you are not a fan of her characters or her style of comedy, you will not find this movie funny. I wasn’t impressed with the work, but I didn’t hate watching it. I don’t see myself ever rewatching this film because a lot of the jokes won’t land the second time around. The second act of this movie slows almost to a halt as it becomes increasingly preachy about priorities, expectations, and growing up. There is a moment where this movie stops to monologue about the themes and message of the movie as if it weren’t already blatantly obvious. This movie makes  a lot of lazy obvious jokes about the current generation that you have seen done better elsewhere.

There are worse comedies out there, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this one either. You can find this on this movie on Netflix.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Choose or Die (2022)

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I’ve seen enough of these curse game movies to have low expectations of the genre. However, I was pleasantly surprised by Choose or Die. While it may not leave a lasting impression, it isn’t the worst way to spend two hours. I honestly believe it to be one of the better films in the genre. 

Choose or Die is about a girl Thea who is really good at computers. As she is desperately trying to find ways to make some extra money, she stumbles onto a text-based RPG that promises a healthy payout. While the game seems innocent, it comes with some deadly consequences. Now she is trapped in the game of her life. Will she win it all, or die trying?

Choose or Die does enough to keep it from being another bad entry to the genre, but it is far from perfect. The acting is solid, and some games are creative, but the narrative is lacking. Thea is a solid protagonist. Usually, movies like this feature a bland misrepresented character that is inexplicably perfect when the plot needs her to be. Thea on the other hand is shown early on to be a capable computer engineer. It isn’t random or unbelievable when she plays the game competently or when she overcomes obstacles. She is also likable enough, although there is some bad writing that keeps her from being better. 

The games Thea is forced to play are fun and creative for the most part. This movie does a decent job converting text-based RPG elements into a realistic and suspenseful challenge that Thea must overcome. Most importantly, these games are winnable. In some of the Saw movies or that dumb Escape Room movie, the games aren’t winnable. Instead of the suspenseful ride of watching someone trying to win their life, you get torture porn. While there is nothing wrong with that type of genre, it isn’t horror. You don’t see much torture in Choose or Die instead it becomes a very intense puzzle where the choices are difficult, but not impossible. Unfortunately, not all of the games are created equal. This will hurt this movie’s rewatchability.

My only complaint is with the writing. There are a few very cheesy moments that destroy the tension. Terrible one-liners, cheesy outcomes, and the pointless scenes with the drug dealer kind of slow the movie down and distract from the more creative bits. There is also a lot of buildup to a very disappointing ending that almost ruins the experience. 

You can watch this movie on Netflix. While I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, it’s not bad if you have nothing else to do.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore(2022)

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I expected a lot more magic from a movie about wizards. While there are a few scenes that tickle my desire for wizard violence, it is often cut short for political garbage that I didn’t care for. If I wanted to watch a political movie about zealots and corruption, there are better avenues.  

As far as prequels go, I don’t think The Secrets of Dumbledore was necessary. I don’t feel like the Fantastic beasts series really add much to the Harry Potter universe. While I thought the first Fantastic Beasts was fine, The Secrets of Dumbledore feels like a large derailment. Character growth was undone, magic rules are changed, and they took out all the beasts. This is a world where disaster can be done and undone at will, but in this movie we have to sit through procedural nonsense. All I want from my wizard movies is cool wizard battles.  

This movie has a fantastic cast and there are some fun, and some creative fights, but energy is wasted on a dull plot. There is all this build up to an epic fight between good and evil, but the battle isn’t epic. The setup is mostly perfect too, if you ignore the zealot nonsense and the weird dear ritual. There are tense and suspenseful moments as the heroes fight evil. You get a meaningful connection between Dumbledore and Grindelwald, but then the fight is a huge let down. It is outclassed and outshined by earlier less essential fights. Where did this momentum go? Where is all the magic? Where are all the beasts? 

I don’t think knowing any of the secrets added any character to Dumbledore, nor do I think this movie adds anything meaningful to the franchise. I am sure there is an audience for this movie, but this movie wasn’t for me. But what do I know, I am just a casual. You can watch it now on HBO.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

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I’ve watched this movie a few times already, but even now forget what this movie is about. While I appreciate the attempt of bringing this older IP to a modern audience, it isn’t a very good attempt. This is a Ninja Turtles’ movie from the perspective of April. Instead of an action packed war against the Foot clan, you get a very bland about investigative journalism. 

Megan Fox is not a strong enough lead to make this movie work. With as stronger lead, this might have been a better movie, but it’s not. This movie needed someone who could at the very least act as if they were interested in solving crime or getting a story. Instead, you have an unenthused Megan Fox whose acting is inconsistent, her personality is flat, and she has no chemistry with any of the other characters.  

The other characters don’t fare much better. There isn’t enough time with the turtles to establish their personalities. You get a few pop culture references that will help age this movie terribly, but outside of that, they don’t make the impact they should. They are massive, each step seems to shake the world around them, but the dated CGI makes their movements look awkward and incomplete. The combat is boring to watch because it is so slow and ugly. If you are watching this film on anything larger than a smart phone, it is difficult to ignore how terribly this movie is aging. This movie will not stand the test of time, and it shouldn’t. 

You can find it on YouTube for free, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to look for it.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers (2022)

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I really wanted to like this movie because the mixed media style is great. Unfortunately, the interesting style does not hide how uninteresting and cliché this movie is. If you have to sit down and watch it with your kids, you will lose interest but there are worse movies out there.  

The movie treats Chip and Dale as actors dealing with the aftermath of their career in their hit cartoon. Dale still clings to his past, attempting to revitalize his career and be able to see his friends again. Chip has moved on and attempts to live a normal life as a insurance salesman. Both are brought together as an evil gang has been enslaving cartoons and using them to produce knockoff movies. The thrill of the mystery revitalizes a broken friendship and is the focus of this movie.  

This movie isn’t all bad. There are some fun visual gags and puns that made me laugh, and I thought the way they mixed different animation styles was brilliant. Unfortunately, the story is uninspired and lazy. Gags will go on a little too long, the voice acting is inconstant, and the interactions between real people and the toons is always awkward. This movie also tries desperately to be meta, but these jokes only highlight the blaring flaws of this movie.  

John Mulaney isn’t a good choice for this movie. His voice acting in this movie is stiff, and took me out of the movie. It is jarring to have him aside Andy Samberg because their energies never match. Samberg is fantastic, but no one in this movie is able to bring the same energy he does to their performance. I know that Chip is supposed to be this stale character to contrast Dale’s bubbly nature, but Mulaney’s  performance is too stale to be entertaining. There is a catalogue of fantastic voice actors who would have been a better choice, but instead they chose to be disappointing. 

There is a moment in this movie where the characters poke fun at how cliché the plot is, I think that was valid criticism. This movie never surprises or tries anything interesting outside of the art style and it doesn’t pay off. You get the same buddy cop comedy you’ve seen way too many times but this time there are cartoons in it. There are better examples in the genre, I suggest you watch those instead.  

Look if you have to sit through this for your kids, it isn’t going to kill you. You will probably lose interest, but it isn’t the worst kids movie out there. I assume the kids this movie was made for will enjoy it more than I did. The whole time I was watching this, I was wishing I was watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit or even either of the Sonics. If you are interested, it is available for streaming on Disney+. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Firestarter (2022)

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This is a poorly executed movie that isn’t worth your time. If you watched this movie in theaters, I hope you received a refund. Firestarter is boring; there is nothing interesting about this movie. Firestarter is a poorly executed horror thriller without any suspense or urgency. The plot is predictable and lazy, and the acting isn’t good enough to make this movie work. I don’t know how it compares to the original, but the original can’t be worse than whatever this is.

There is a lot of build-up in this movie that leads nowhere, yet there isn’t enough worldbuilding to flesh out its universe. I can’t tell you how the powers work or what the difference between each is; all I know is that people will awkwardly stare at each other and special effects wash over everything. It would help if they explanation or guidance so I could care about what is going on, but instead, there is only incompetence.

There is no suspense in this movie. The villains in this movie are negligible at best. They are guided by generic motivations and only seem to appear when the writing hits a wall. When they do show up, they are blown away almost instantly. It is extremely anticlimactic. It would be nice if it felt like Charlie and her family were being pursued by a competent force. It would help make things interesting if the fights were fun. This movie does a great job at making super-powered fights boring. I don’t even want to get into how problematic Rainbird is, but I am deeply offended. 

There are other movies that tackle this story more effectively, seek those out instead. This movie doesn’t deserve your time. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it over on Peacock.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Dirty Work (1998)

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Dirty Work is a movie about being petty. A man must raise $50000 to pay for life-saving surgery and uses his pettiness to earn it. He and his brother are hired to exact petty revenge. It is a silly movie with a great cast that has aged decently but not without its faults.

While I did enjoy the film, I understand that it isn’t for everyone. The pacing, the jokes, and the tone are an issue. If you offend easy, avoid this movie. While there are some genuinely funny bits in this movie, some of the jokes have not aged well or don’t land. That said, the cast is talented enough to make this movie work. I love the obnoxious and loud tone. I love the petty over-the-top revenge schemes. There is no plot, but there are enough funny moments to keep you entertained. 

I recommend you through this movie on in the background while you work. The plot isn’t engaging enough for your full undivided attention. When the jokes don’t land, it starts to feel like a long movie. While I wouldn’t rush out to go see this, you won’t hate that you watched it. You can watch it free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Lost City (2022)

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I wish Hollywood would stop making these uninspired and lazy movies filled with stars. It is a shameless way to get people to see a film that they would not otherwise consider. While The Lost City isn’t a terrible movie, it is still a shameless cash grab at its core. The Lost City is the kind of movie that loses its charm after viewing it once.

I didn’t hate The Lost City, it is better than whatever Red Notice tried to be, but it isn’t good. Its star-studded cast cannot hide how lazy it is. All the jokes are either body humor, jokes relating to the actor, or dick jokes. It feels like a comedy sketch that goes on too long. While it did make me laugh a few times, I doubt that I will laugh as much the next time around.

I did like that they didn’t push the same traditional roles for the actors. I liked Channing Tatum’s awkwardness and Sandra Bullock’s confidence, but the characters weren’t push far enough. I hated Daniel Radcliffe’s character because he can play a better villain. I get that this is supposed to be a comedy, but a little more effort with the villain might have made me care more about the movie. This plot lacks substance, and as a result, I just sat there waiting for the next dick joke. The best way to describe this movie is disappointing.

I am glad I didn’t watch this in theaters because I would have hated spending money on this. You can stream it now on Paramount Plus.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: All We Had (2016)

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All We Had is a neat little film you can watch for free on YouTube. It details the struggles of a mother and daughter dealing with their homelessness. The film focuses on their desperation as they search for a normal life. This movie deals with hard topics such as homelessness, transphobia, and substance and sexual abuse. This isn’t a gruesome movie, but I felt a trigger warning was appropriate. A lot of the dark elements of this movie are implied rather than performed.

Overall, I thought this movie was fine. Although it does little to stand out from all the other emotional movies of the genre, I enjoyed it. The acting was fantastic, and the story is fine. If you like emotional and inspiring movies about overcoming adversity, this is a solid choice. Even if you don’t like the genre, you can appreciate the performance.

You can watch this for free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

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I love the novel this movie is adapted from. I rank it among one my favorite books and recommend it to anyone looking for a new book to read. Although the movie isn’t completely true to the novel, it is a fantastic adaptation that you must watch. I do hold the novel a bit more favorably, but this fact didn’t ruin my experience. I had a blast with this movie, and I believe you will too.

The Count of Monte Christo is a fantastic movie about revenge. It has some fantastic acting and a great narrative. It is easy to get immersed into the period’s politics and revenge plot because the characters are so well done. If you love period movies, this is easily a great staple of the genre.

Dante is a fantastic hero to root for. He is charismatic, intelligent, capable, and well deserving of his revenge. Although the ending is a bit on the fairytale side, it makes for a satisfying journey. This story has it all: romance, sword fights, betrayal, and revenge. What more can you ask for in a film?

The Count of Monte Cristo is a timeless narrative that continues to prove it will continue to be so. Best of all, you can watch it for free on YouTube!