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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Don’t Get Caught (2018)

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Don’t Get Caught is an action stoner comedy that you haven’t heard of for good reason. This lazy and uninspired movie does not deserve your time. The acting is horrible, the editing is terrible, and there is no plot. You can find this movie free on YouTube, but it isn’t worth the trouble. There is absolutely no amount of weed in this world that would make this movie even a little funny.

Don’t Get Caught is about a couple of guys who stumble on a weed farm one day. They decide to steal the weed and sell it for profit. Unfortunately, the owner of the field finds out and wants his product back. This escalates to what is possibly one of the dumbest shootouts in history. They kill the biker gang, save the stripper, and get to keep all the money.

There are a couple of celebrity cameos in this movie to trick people into watching the movie. They only have one line and it isn’t very good. This is a shameless way to get people interested in a movie that is too lazy to edit its scenes correctly. There are scenes in this movie that will end mid-sentence and jarringly transition to the next scene. Don’t waste your time on a movie that is too lazy to put in the effort on proper editing. 

It was painful sitting through this movie. The poorly scripted dialogue delivered by the most wooden acting makes this movie a chore to sit through. None of the jokes land, none of the situations are funny, and none of the action is suspenseful or exciting. It doesn’t help that the whole movie is full of terribly echoey sound. They cut too many corners, and it makes this movie unwatchable. I can’t believe I sat through this whole movie.

I deserve a refund for having to sit through this god-awful movie. At least the music was good.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Once Bitten (1985)

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I was unimpressed by Once Bitten. This comedy has not aged well. A lot of the jokes no longer land, making this movie feel as eternal as the life of the vampires in it. Once Bitten is an absurd and unstructured comedy that relies heavily on the absurdity of the narrative. You have a matron of vampires who are starving for her eternal youth. To achieve this, she must drink virgin blood three times before Halloween, or she will age terribly. As a result, this movie is full of misunderstandings, innuendos, and horny teenagers. 

This movie isn’t terrible, the acting is fine, and the soundtrack is fantastic, but the pacing is a problem. The pacing is already slow, but it feels slower because you will have to sit through a number of unfunny and uncomfortable scenes. This isn’t the hyperactive Jim Carrey you might know him as, but a rather subdued character trying to figure life out. He like this movie is instantly forgettable. 

The only positive worth mentioning is the soundtrack. I love the music in this movie, but it isn’t enough to save this movie. The only scene that I enjoyed was the dance fight that happens towards the end. The music choice, the choreography, and the energy that the actors bring to their performance make me sad that this movie isn’t a musical. If you haven’t seen it, check it out because it is fun! Unfortunately, the rest of this movie lacks this energy and it suffers for it. 

You can watch this movie free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother. It isn’t terrible, but there are better uses for your time.

Series Reviews

Series Review: Star Trek: Prodigy(2021)

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Star Trek: Prodigy is the modern Star Trek narrative I have been searching for. This animated series follows a group of misfits who find themselves on a stolen federation ship. With The Diviner after them, they must learn to fly the ship and work together as a functioning crew. Will they be able to overcome their own demons in time, or will they be captured, forced to spend their lives as another one of The Diviner’s undesirables?

If you are looking for an entry to the series, you can’t go wrong with Star Trek: Prodigy. The animation is beautiful, the voice acting is fantastic, and the characters are lovable. The story is incredibly fun and beginner friendly. You do not need to know anything about Star Trek to enjoy this series. This series is what I hope all modern Star Trek shows get to be. You have an interesting a capable villain with clear motivations chasing a crew of capable and lovable heroes operating a cool and powerful ship. What more can you ask for? 

The crew of the S.S. Protostar is filled with unique and flawed characters that will grow as the adventure unfolds. They mess up and fumble through each situation, but they learn and grow from each mistake. I love the attention to detail put into this show. There are small bits of dialogue or small subtle actions that show the audience that these are dynamic characters growing into something great. They might not be the cool collected crew of the Enterprise, but they are lovable just the same. This is a very much welcomed addition to the Star Trek universe, one that you should consider the next time you are looking for something to watch. 

It is available for streaming on Paramount Plus. Trust me when I say, it is well worth your time. 

Movie Reviews, movies, Series Reviews

South Park: The Streaming Wars (2022) Review

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The fellas at South Park have released a few made for streaming specials that are anything but special. While I do appreciate that the comedy is evolving and adapting to a newer audience, it is a style that doesn’t always vibe with me. I am not a purist in any anyway. There are older episodes of the IP that I enjoyed when I was young, but haven’t aged well. There are episodes from the newer seasons that I enjoy, but I do find myself enjoying the series less and less. I did not care much for any of the made for streaming specials, they weren’t terrible but they didn’t leave much of an impression. I am struggling to remember the plot of them as I write this review.

The streaming wars special is a criticism of water rights and a discussion of the problems with streaming services in the form of a Chinatown parody. While I did appreciate the references, I don’t think a lot of the newer audiences will find it as funny. A lot of the humor is very on the nose, pointing out obvious problems with the state of streaming. Characters will poke fun at how many options there are for streaming as well as share the frustration of having to be constantly be switching between each one. It gets a bit tedious when every other scene seems to be dedicated to pointing this out. The same can be said for the special’s valid criticism about water misuse. It feels more like a lecture than an episode of South Park and that was a problem for me.

The special is only available through Paramount+, but it isn’t worth subscribing to another service just to watch a special for a series that isn’t as funny as you remember.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

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I’ve watched this movie a few times already, but even now forget what this movie is about. While I appreciate the attempt of bringing this older IP to a modern audience, it isn’t a very good attempt. This is a Ninja Turtles’ movie from the perspective of April. Instead of an action packed war against the Foot clan, you get a very bland about investigative journalism. 

Megan Fox is not a strong enough lead to make this movie work. With as stronger lead, this might have been a better movie, but it’s not. This movie needed someone who could at the very least act as if they were interested in solving crime or getting a story. Instead, you have an unenthused Megan Fox whose acting is inconsistent, her personality is flat, and she has no chemistry with any of the other characters.  

The other characters don’t fare much better. There isn’t enough time with the turtles to establish their personalities. You get a few pop culture references that will help age this movie terribly, but outside of that, they don’t make the impact they should. They are massive, each step seems to shake the world around them, but the dated CGI makes their movements look awkward and incomplete. The combat is boring to watch because it is so slow and ugly. If you are watching this film on anything larger than a smart phone, it is difficult to ignore how terribly this movie is aging. This movie will not stand the test of time, and it shouldn’t. 

You can find it on YouTube for free, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to look for it.  

Series Reviews

Obi-Wan Kenobi(2022) Initial Thoughts

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I am sure most of you have already seen the new expansion to the Star Wars universe, Obi-Wan Kenobi, that was just released on Disney+. For those still on the fence, I think waiting for more episodes might be a good play. While the acting and action are fine, It does little to set itself apart from anything else you’ve already seen. So far, Kenobi doesn’t offer anything new to the Star Wars universe. Instead, the show reinforces facts fans already know. If you’ve seen the movies, you know Kenobi feels guilt about Anikan’s fate. This show follows Kenobi as he deals with this guilt. The show also offers some obvious insight into characters that are already established. 

I wish Disney would write stories that focused on other narratives and other characters in the Star Wars universe. There are so many books and games that expand the lore, yet they continue to dish out the same narrative. I appreciate that they are attempting to keep the IP alive, but I need some variation. Kenobi feels like it is going to be another narrative of a fallen hero moving through his redemption arc, and I can only hope they make it interesting.  

The show is fine, although I wasn’t impressed. The new city is neat, the acting for the most part is fantastic, the music is amazing,  and there are some pretty solid action scenes.  My only complaint is that they settle for another babysitting plot. It is hard not to compare it to The Mandalorian because it becomes a similar story, which defiantly swayed my reception of the series. The Mandalorian does it better. Unless Kenobi can effectively expand on the universe, I fear it might become another shameless cash grab. It is a shame because Disney has proven its competence at creating interesting expansions to the lore. Star Wars: Rebels is a fantastic example of a series that introduces new and interesting characters and also properly expands on the universe without heavily relying on well-known characters. I can still cling to the hope that this show will be good because they have done it before, but I will have to wait till Friday to know for sure.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Gone Tomorrow (2017)

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Gone Tomorrow is the uninteresting thriller you will probably forget watching. While there isn’t anything objectively bad about this movie, it doesn’t have the presence needed to make it work. It feels like a lesser unintended Taken reboot, but I would much rather be watching Taken. This movie is about a group of stoic brothers who are searching for their missing niece. They will stop at almost nothing to get her back from a mysterious and insidious organization. This movie doesn’t deserver more details.  

The acting is fine, the story hits all the mandatory action movie tropes, but the villains don’t exist. There is so much emphasis on showing how cool the heroes are that they forget to spend any time on the villains. The henchmen are reprehensibly sad men who are slaves to a system, but are negligible at best when it comes to actually affecting the narrative. The main villain will make his few stale appearances throughout the movie, but honestly, I forgot he existed. The only indication of the villain’s malice is that he is willing to rape and kill without cause or reason. Movie makers, you can have an interesting villain without him being a rapist.  

I’ll keep saying it, you can’t have a hero without an interesting villain. The hero’s intentions may be pure and his actions just, but without any tangible adversities, his narrative doesn’t matter. A good action movie has tension, adversity, and a capable adversary. There is no point in watching an action movie that has no stakes. The exception to the rule is if the action is fun, but that isn’t the case here either. 

The film makers try to complicate the plot by making the henchmen more human. They regret their actions, but are slaves to the organization they work for. There is also an obvious twist that is thrown in that only slows down the movie.  Most of the time you are just watching a stoic man walk from one scene to the next, waiting for him to inevitably find the baby. 

It isn’t the worst movie I’ve seen. The acting is fine, but we’ve all seen this movie done better elsewhere. If you are going to throw this on and not pay attention, it is decent background noise. Don’t go out of your way to watch this, even if you are starving for new content. You can find it free on YouTube.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers (2022)

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I really wanted to like this movie because the mixed media style is great. Unfortunately, the interesting style does not hide how uninteresting and cliché this movie is. If you have to sit down and watch it with your kids, you will lose interest but there are worse movies out there.  

The movie treats Chip and Dale as actors dealing with the aftermath of their career in their hit cartoon. Dale still clings to his past, attempting to revitalize his career and be able to see his friends again. Chip has moved on and attempts to live a normal life as a insurance salesman. Both are brought together as an evil gang has been enslaving cartoons and using them to produce knockoff movies. The thrill of the mystery revitalizes a broken friendship and is the focus of this movie.  

This movie isn’t all bad. There are some fun visual gags and puns that made me laugh, and I thought the way they mixed different animation styles was brilliant. Unfortunately, the story is uninspired and lazy. Gags will go on a little too long, the voice acting is inconstant, and the interactions between real people and the toons is always awkward. This movie also tries desperately to be meta, but these jokes only highlight the blaring flaws of this movie.  

John Mulaney isn’t a good choice for this movie. His voice acting in this movie is stiff, and took me out of the movie. It is jarring to have him aside Andy Samberg because their energies never match. Samberg is fantastic, but no one in this movie is able to bring the same energy he does to their performance. I know that Chip is supposed to be this stale character to contrast Dale’s bubbly nature, but Mulaney’s  performance is too stale to be entertaining. There is a catalogue of fantastic voice actors who would have been a better choice, but instead they chose to be disappointing. 

There is a moment in this movie where the characters poke fun at how cliché the plot is, I think that was valid criticism. This movie never surprises or tries anything interesting outside of the art style and it doesn’t pay off. You get the same buddy cop comedy you’ve seen way too many times but this time there are cartoons in it. There are better examples in the genre, I suggest you watch those instead.  

Look if you have to sit through this for your kids, it isn’t going to kill you. You will probably lose interest, but it isn’t the worst kids movie out there. I assume the kids this movie was made for will enjoy it more than I did. The whole time I was watching this, I was wishing I was watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit or even either of the Sonics. If you are interested, it is available for streaming on Disney+. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Perfect Guy (2022)

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This was a very forgettable romantic comedy that tries a little too hard to be quirky. I couldn’t find any information about this movie, even on the lead’s (Kate Micucci) IMDb page. This might be an indication that this movie was meant to be buried, but I was the unfortunate soul that unearthed it. If you like quirky and wholesome comedy, this movie might be salvageable, but it is so slow and cringeworthy that I would caution against it.  

The Perfect Guy is about Emma who doesn’t trust men. Her ex-boyfriend left her, stealing her billion dollar idea for an app about stars. Because of this betrayal, the only deep male relationships she can have are with her cat and dog. She wishes that her pets could be men she could trust. Through the power of astrology, her wish comes true. Now her cat and dog must adapt to being human while they try to help Emma through her emotional turmoil. There is also a romantic subplot between Emma and a repair man, but it is brushed to the side to till the end. 

The writing for this movie is awful. A lot of the dialogue is awkward, contributing to a lot of the stiff acting. The story is dull. You sit through some awkward dates, humans doing pet stuff, and more awkward conversations with very little humor or intrigue in-between. There are some moments that made me chuckle, but there aren’t enough to make the experience better. This movie tries too hard to lean into the leads awkwardness, but fails to capture any of her charm.  

I will say that the actors who play the human pets are the best part of this movie. They have a lot of fun with their roles and do the best with what they are given. Unfortunately, Kate Micucci isn’t a strong enough actor to make this movie work. I have no problem with Kate Micucci, I’ve liked some of her work in the past, but she fits a very specific niche and unfortunately this movie isn’t it. That said, it is difficult to decern if the problem lies within the poorly script or the acting ability of the cast.  

The Perfect Guy is the awkward fairy tale you will forget watching. You can find it free on YouTube, but it isn’t really worth the trouble. It isn’t a terrible movie, but there are better things you can be doing with your time.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Joe Dirt: A Beautiful Loser (2015)

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Joe Dirt 2 is the sequel no one asked for. It isn’t a direct sequel but rather a painfully unfunny and lazy parody of iconic movies starring Joe Dirt. Someone who I assume was on a lot of drugs thought it would be a fantastic idea to remake iconic movies with a character who wasn’t very funny to begin with. I remember liking the first movie, but I was the target audience at the time. I refuse to watch the movie now because deep down I know that it hasn’t aged well. After seeing this disaster of a sequel, I will let it live in my heart as the experience it was and not soil it with the experience it actually is.
The acting in this movie is terrible. It feels like people just showed up for their paycheck as no one tries remotely to be funny. This might be a symptom of this movie’s terrible script. There aren’t any funny jokes in this movie, just a series of unfunny skits loosely tied together by a framed narrative. This movie is a dream within two framed narratives where Joe learns that he was special the whole time. To illustrate what type of movie this is, there is a five-minute scene where people stand around and fart on Joe Dirt. The rest of the movie is no better as you have to sit through skits that go for way too long hoping the credits will roll to end your misery.
You can find this movie free on YouTube, but don’t bother. It isn’t funny and it isn’t worth your time. This sequel is anything but beautiful.