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Movie Review: The Competition(2018)

I had to gut this review because every draft before this was too long. I was beginning to nitpick every aspect of this movie out of frustration, but this movie doesn’t deserve it. The Competition is bad and you should avoid it. 

The competition is supposed to be a quirky rom-com about an intelligent woman who views love and relationships scientifically. She creates an arbitrary formula that can predict when a someone will cheat in a relationship, but has never actually tested it. This formula is to the test when she falls in love with a man who was bribed to go out with her. Together they decide to test this formula by trying to trick five different people into cheating on their significant other. The outcome of this test will determine the outcome of their relationship. It is a lot dumber and annoying than you can imagine.  

This writing is terrible, the acting is stiff and awkward, and the plot is pseudoscience garbage. I’m not sure what upsets me more, the lack of science from a movie that desperately tries to convince its audience otherwise, or the irredeemable main characters you are supposed to be rooting for.  

The experiment they have is gross and unethical. This three million dollar idea wouldn’t produce a valid conclusion because the sample size is way too small and the test is heavily skewed to prove her hypothesis. The main character is insufferable. She is cocky and condescending without any real reason other than she’s good at making formulas. The formula behind this whole movie is one with arbitrary variables that she herself gages with a personal scale. This is the dumbest most frustrating movie I’ve seen in a while. It took me multiple breaks to get through this movie and it isn’t worth the trouble. 

You can watch it for free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother. 

Movie Review: Dirty Work (1998)

Dirty Work is a movie about being petty. A man must raise $50000 to pay for life-saving surgery and uses his pettiness to earn it. He and his brother are hired to exact petty revenge. It is a silly movie with a great cast that has aged decently but not without its faults.

While I did enjoy the film, I understand that it isn’t for everyone. The pacing, the jokes, and the tone are an issue. If you offend easy, avoid this movie. While there are some genuinely funny bits in this movie, some of the jokes have not aged well or don’t land. That said, the cast is talented enough to make this movie work. I love the obnoxious and loud tone. I love the petty over-the-top revenge schemes. There is no plot, but there are enough funny moments to keep you entertained. 

I recommend you through this movie on in the background while you work. The plot isn’t engaging enough for your full undivided attention. When the jokes don’t land, it starts to feel like a long movie. While I wouldn’t rush out to go see this, you won’t hate that you watched it. You can watch it free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free. 

TV Show Review: Guilty Party

Guilty Party is a story about a disgraced journalist, Beth, who is desperately trying to regain her reputation. An opportunity arises when a woman who was wrongly convicted of murder writes Beth and asks for help to prove her innocence. Beth takes it upon herself to search for any proof that Toni didn’t murder her husband.

I really wanted to like this show. It had some interesting elements to it. I liked that the show uses Beath as someone who is too dated for the industry. I liked that while she was trying to write meaningful stories, she gets overlooked for stories about pop culture. The first couple of episodes make some interesting criticisms about modern journalism. It was really well done at first.

I also liked that Beth wasn’t perfect. She stumbles through the clues and is frightened easily. It feels like she is in way over her head but her desperation keeps her from quitting. Beth is a refreshing take on the detective genre because it felt like she could fail. Usually, in these types of shows, you have a godlike lead with easy access to all these connections and clues, but Beth has none of these. She is constantly having to struggle to find any evidence. This gave the show its tension and I loved it until it became self-serving.

Every episode in this series has a scene where someone comments on how hot Beth is for being old. It wouldn’t be a problem if the story didn’t stop to make this a point. As the series progresses, it gets lazy. Hardships are thrown at Beth for the sake of moving the plot forward. Her husband cheats on her to give her the excuse to sleep with a younger man. Worst of all, this show becomes a white savior narrative as she learns how special black people are. It is gross and I can’t recommend it.

I don’t hate that they use Kate Beckinsale as their lead. When the show isn’t about her and she is trying to solve the mystery, it’s great. Beth is a good character with clear motivations and flaws, but the show never capitalizes on it. This show could have worked, but people got lazy.

This is the second project I’ve seen her in where the show spends so much time talking about how hot she is. I wonder if that is a clause in her contract? I wish they would have focused on actually telling a story. If you don’t believe me, you can stream this on Paramount Plus.

Movie Review: The Lost City (2022)

I wish Hollywood would stop making these uninspired and lazy movies filled with stars. It is a shameless way to get people to see a film that they would not otherwise consider. While The Lost City isn’t a terrible movie, it is still a shameless cash grab at its core. The Lost City is the kind of movie that loses its charm after viewing it once.

I didn’t hate The Lost City, it is better than whatever Red Notice tried to be, but it isn’t good. Its star-studded cast cannot hide how lazy it is. All the jokes are either body humor, jokes relating to the actor, or dick jokes. It feels like a comedy sketch that goes on too long. While it did make me laugh a few times, I doubt that I will laugh as much the next time around.

I did like that they didn’t push the same traditional roles for the actors. I liked Channing Tatum’s awkwardness and Sandra Bullock’s confidence, but the characters weren’t push far enough. I hated Daniel Radcliffe’s character because he can play a better villain. I get that this is supposed to be a comedy, but a little more effort with the villain might have made me care more about the movie. This plot lacks substance, and as a result, I just sat there waiting for the next dick joke. The best way to describe this movie is disappointing.

I am glad I didn’t watch this in theaters because I would have hated spending money on this. You can stream it now on Paramount Plus.

Movie Review: All We Had (2016)

All We Had is a neat little film you can watch for free on YouTube. It details the struggles of a mother and daughter dealing with their homelessness. The film focuses on their desperation as they search for a normal life. This movie deals with hard topics such as homelessness, transphobia, and substance and sexual abuse. This isn’t a gruesome movie, but I felt a trigger warning was appropriate. A lot of the dark elements of this movie are implied rather than performed.

Overall, I thought this movie was fine. Although it does little to stand out from all the other emotional movies of the genre, I enjoyed it. The acting was fantastic, and the story is fine. If you like emotional and inspiring movies about overcoming adversity, this is a solid choice. Even if you don’t like the genre, you can appreciate the performance.

You can watch this for free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.

Movie Review: I Still See You (2018)

As far as free teen mystery thrillers go, this one is okay. You will probably forget you watched it after, but there are worse ways to spend two hours. The acting is decent, but both the plot and the twist are predictable. As a teen movie, it hits many of the obligated traps. The edgy brooding teen girl is special because the plot needs her to be. She falls for the mysterious brooding boy because it’s in the script. There are some cheesy moments mixed in throughout because it needs to hit certain story beats. It is better than an average teen movie, but it isn’t winning awards. 

If you do decide to watch this movie, you must suspend all your disbelief. The science is not sound, and the movie will go out of its way to make the plot work. There is a lot of nonsense and inconsistencies in this movie that are hard to ignore because the plot moves so slowly.

I Still See You takes place in Chicago after a catastrophic explosion opens a portal into the spirit world. The dead now roam the world and are visible but intangible to the living. People are doing their best to return to normal life, but it becomes increasingly hard for Bella Thorne. Something is after Bella Thorne, and it is more obvious than you might think.

As far as mysteries go, this one is solvable within the first ten minutes. This might be a symptom of an over-ambitious filmmaker trying too hard to be deep. This movie is littered with clues as it attempts and fails to foreshadow an ending with very little payoff. Either Bella Thorne’s character is truly oblivious or I have been watching too many movies, but the clues aren’t subtle. Either way, whatever suspense and buildup this movie attempts to have wasn’t there for me.

If you are the target audience, you might have a better time with this movie. It isn’t a terrible movie, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it. I would throw this on if I wanted something playing in the background but didn’t want to commit or pay all my attention. There are better movies in the genre, but you can do a lot worse for free. You can find it over on YouTube.

Movie Review: The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

I love the novel this movie is adapted from. I rank it among one my favorite books and recommend it to anyone looking for a new book to read. Although the movie isn’t completely true to the novel, it is a fantastic adaptation that you must watch. I do hold the novel a bit more favorably, but this fact didn’t ruin my experience. I had a blast with this movie, and I believe you will too.

The Count of Monte Christo is a fantastic movie about revenge. It has some fantastic acting and a great narrative. It is easy to get immersed into the period’s politics and revenge plot because the characters are so well done. If you love period movies, this is easily a great staple of the genre.

Dante is a fantastic hero to root for. He is charismatic, intelligent, capable, and well deserving of his revenge. Although the ending is a bit on the fairytale side, it makes for a satisfying journey. This story has it all: romance, sword fights, betrayal, and revenge. What more can you ask for in a film?

The Count of Monte Cristo is a timeless narrative that continues to prove it will continue to be so. Best of all, you can watch it for free on YouTube!

TV Movie Review: Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008)

Journey to the Center of the Earth is a delightful explorer movie that should be a part of your never-ending backlog of movies you still need to watch. To clarify, this review is about the made-for-TV version, not the theatrical one starring Brendan Frasier.

As expected of any made-for-TV adaptation, this movie is a cheesy and low-budget retelling of a book of the same name. While I do not know how true this adaptation is to the book, it is an adaptation I very much enjoyed. Full disclosure, I have not seen the theatrical version, and I can’t make the comparison. That said, this film is proof that a movie doesn’t require a huge budget, fancy computer graphics, or big named actors to have a compelling story. While it may not be Indiana Jones, it nuzzles itself neatly into its charming place in the genre.

Professor Jonathan Brook has been hired by an heiress to find her lost husband Edward. With the help of a local Russian settler, his nephew, and the heiress, Jonathan must comb the Alaskan wilderness for Edward. What they find in Alaska is greater than the mere fate of a long-lost Edward.

I loved this movie, but this movie isn’t perfect. You can tell the actors are trying their hardest to do period-appropriate accents, some of the action is stiff and awkward, and the graphics are terrible, but that is part of the charm. All things considered, it can tell a compelling and interesting narrative. 

The only real issue I had with this movie was how they treated the natives. It is unavoidable for movies, especially older ones, to have problematic representations of minorities. It isn’t bad enough that I would discourage people from watching this movie, but it is an issue nonetheless. 

This is a pretty great way to spend two hours, especially if you love cheesy movies. You can watch this movie for free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free. 

Movie Review: The Illusionist (2006)

I thought this movie was fine. The acting is fantastic, but the story isn’t something that excites me. It isn’t bad, but it is what you would expect from any other period romance movie, except this one comes with a twist. If you like period movies, this is a solid one with great actors. If you don’t, it is a little slow and you might lose interest, especially if you figure out the twist ahead of time.

The Illusionist is about a magician who falls in love with a duchess. Their love is forbidden, but they want to be together. He is a skilled magician and his performances garnish a massive following. Does he do real magic or is it all smoke and mirrors? Will they end up together in the end? You will have to watch to find out.

This is a low-budget movie. There are a few scenes where you can clearly tell there wasn’t enough funding, like with the sound, the special effects, and the scenery. But this humbly put-together movie is well done for what it is. It doesn’t need a bigger budget to make this movie better because its greatest assets are its actors. The biggest draw to this movie is the acting. Paul Giamatti easily gives this movie its life, but the rest of the cast isn’t far behind. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this film, but believe me when I say, there are worst ways to spend two hours.

You can watch this movie for free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.

Movie Reviews: Legally Blondes (2009)

I did not hate this movie as much as I thought I would. Usually, when it comes to sequels, a series loses its magic around the third entry. This is especially true when there is a change in the casting, like there is in this movie. By the third movie, a series becomes a shameless and poorly executed cash grab. I’m looking at you Big Momma’s House 3I didn’t feel that way about this movie however. While this movie isn’t perfect, it is competently made, and not a bad way to spend two hours. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but you won’t hate that you did.  

This movie focuses on Elle’s twin cousins who move from England to attend a prestigious private high school in Malibu. The local mean girl has taken it upon herself to get rid of the twins in order to hold her reign over the school. This movie is very tweeny, so keep that in mind if you are considering this movie. A lot of this plot is a regurgitation of the original, but translated to a modern high school setting. It hits a lot of the important story beats from the original, but with a much less serious tone. It is really well done for what it is, but it makes it also means that this movie isn’t for everyone. If you are in the target demographic, you might have a lot more fun with this movie.   

Obviously this movie won’t win any awards, but that doesn’t mean it is terrible. For the most part, the translation was properly done. The protagonists were fine, the acting was decent, and the villain was cartoonish but fun. The fact that this was set as a high school drama is limiting for the story, but it is entertaining enough. There are some cringey and sappy elements to this movie, but it fits the tone of the movie.  While it doesn’t capture the magic that Legally Blonde had, it is a nice attempt.  

This movie is fine for a third, but it is made for a certain audience. If you have to watch this with your kids, you won’t hate it. You can watch it for free on YouTube. Trust me, you can do a lot worse for free.