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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The King’s Man (2021)

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I am not a huge fan of the series. Each movie in this series seems to miss its mark somehow, leaving us with a mediocre franchise. Kingsmen: The Secret Service has some decent action but the villain and story are bad. Kingsmen: The Golden Circle had a great villain, but the story and action were lacking. The Kings Man was bad all around and shouldn’t have been made. I can only assume that Kingsman: The Blue Blood will continue this trend of disappointing its audience.

While I do believe that the alternate history angle is creative, its execution is another generic action movie with a history lesson full of misinformation. This movie tries desperately to create lore for an IP that already doesn’t have a good story. Instead of an action-packed thriller, you get a boring back story and family drama.

What is sad is that this movie has some cool moments, but they only lead to further disappointment. Whenever this movie builds any momentum, it only devolves into any generic action movie you shouldn’t waste your time on. There is a cool scene in this movie where Conrad goes over the trenches to retrieve some intel from a fallen solder somewhere in the middle. They encounter a group of German soldiers who are doing the same thing. They can’t shoot for fear that they will be fired upon so they all draw bats and axes and ready for quiet close-quarter combat. It is a very cool shot, and I appreciated the costumes, weapons, and the desolate field. The build-up to this scene is perfectly tense, but the fight starts and it’s boring. The camera shakes around, and everyone dies before you even know what is going on. It was such a waste of a cool shot, but the perfect summary for this movie.

The best part about this movie is Rasputin. He is such a great character, it is a shame that he is wasted in this movie. His character is unique and quirky, and his fight scene is creative and so much fun to watch. I only wish that the rest of this movie carried the same energy and creativity as this fight scene. It isn’t worth you sitting through the whole movie, however, so I will leave a link to the scene below.

You shouldn’t waste your time with this movie. It doesn’t add anything to the franchise, but you can watch it on HBO if you have time to waste and a subscription to burn through.

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Eragon (2006)

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I read the Eragon back in high school, back around the time when the movie was coming out. I loved the book and I remember the excitement I felt about watching the movie. I remember exchanging that excitement for disappointment because the movie didn’t hold the same magic that the book did. I decided that today, I was far enough removed from the book that I would no longer hold that bias. I thought that I would be able to see the movie in a different light. I no longer hold onto that bias, but my opinion about this movie has not changed. I now understand why this movie never got any sequels, and it rightfully shouldn’t.

Eragon is a bad movie. You shouldn’t watch it, even if it is free on YouTube. Eragon is a movie that has gotten worse with age. The acting is mediocre, the CGI is ugly, and the story isn’t interesting. If you are looking for a movie with the same story done better, go watch Star Wars or How to Train Your Dragon. It is a much better use of your time.

What hurts this movie is its pacing and characters. There isn’t enough time spent on world-building or establishing Eragon as a competent hero in training. As a result, Eragon feels arrogant and whiny instead of a kid who is slowly growing to become a hero.

Take Brom’s death for example. Eragon gets a vision about saving Arya. Without discussing it with anyone, he just leaves. Brom dies saving Eragon. Brom’s death is supposed to be emotional and serve as an important moment of growth for Eragon. Instead, it is a frustrating scene because of how incompetent Eragon is as a hero. You might be able to excuse Eragon’s incompetence to the inexperience of youth, but the film doesn’t frame it as such. The whole movie doesn’t frame as anything heroic. He either wins because it’s in the script or people die because he messes up. It is difficult to care about a story where the main character is so unlikable.

I thought watching it for free would make watching this movie easier, but it didn’t. Don’t watch it, especially if you liked the book because you will be disappointed. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on YouTube.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Hackers (1995)

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Hackers has not aged well. The dialect, fashion, and story feel obsolete. Don’t get me wrong, there are some interesting characters but it is hard to get passed how cheesy the movie is. I would rather spend my time watching Wargames. It has a similar story but is done a lot better. If you’ve seen the live play D&D show “Critical Role,” they do an ad for Nord VPN where they parody and summarize this movie perfectly. I would rather watch that to be honest because it gets to the point a lot quicker than this movie. No meaningless dated graphics, no gibberish, and no forced romances.

My main issue with this movie is the gibberish. I don’t know anything about hacking computers, but I know that a lot of what goes on in this movie is made up. I don’t have a problem with movies that make up a language when the story is interesting. Unfortunately, the story takes so long to unfold that it leaves you with the time to process the nonsense, leaving these skilled hackers to seem less believable.

If you liked this movie when it first came out, you might enjoy the nostalgia. Otherwise, it is hard to ignore this movie’s many weaknesses. You can watch this movie for free on YouTube.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Kingpin (1996)

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Kingpin is fine if you want to throw something on in the background and not have to pay attention to it. It is like any other buddy/sports comedy but with enough charm that you won’t hate the two hours you spend watching it. The story and acting are fine, but the pacing is a little slow. While I did enjoy this film, there were a few places where I lost interest and zoned out.

There isn’t much I can say about this movie as it doesn’t add much to the genre, but it isn’t the worst movie on the platform. If you have nothing to watch or are working on some hobbies, it works perfectly in the background. Other than that, I wouldn’t put any urgency on watching this movie.

You can watch this movie for free on YouTube. Trust me when I say you can do a lot worse for free.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Faster (2010)

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There are movies that are neither bad nor good. They exist in this weird limbo where they leave no impression. Faster is such a movie. While not one of Dwayne Johnson’s worst films, it doesn’t have much going for it. It takes its place as another forgettable revenge action movie, but one that is very light on the action.

I don’t expect action movies to have a good story, but I do expect the action to be entertaining. While some of the action is ok, I found myself rather bored by the repetitive narrative. Anytime this movie begins to build any momentum, it will cut to story arcs no one asks for. The hitman gets a back story, the cop gets a back story, some of the minor characters get back story and it becomes tedious. As far as twists go, the cop did it. As soon as the movie cuts to him it becomes obvious that he is behind the whole thing.

I think the main issue with this movie is that there isn’t anything interesting going on. The story is tedious at best. When you aren’t sitting through meaningless context, you are watching the Rock drive to his next target. With how much talking and driving there is in this movie, I’d rather watch the Fast and the Furious movies. You can watch it for free on YouTube, but I don’t think it’s worth it, to be honest.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Grumpy Old Men (1993)

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Grumpy Old Men is a cute story about friendship and growing old. The movie is about two stubborn old men who can’t let go of their petty grievances. They have grown complacent in their routine and waiting to die. All of this changes when Ann-Margret moves in next door. She helps them move out of their comfort zone and start enjoying life again.

I like this movie a lot. It has a great cast and a sweet story. The chemistry between the cast is what sells this movie. I love their grumpy back and forth. It truly feels like I was watching two old friends. They bicker, play pranks on each other, but they also care enough to check on each other. They care for each other in their own weird way, but they will never admit it. It is a rivalry that exists because neither character wants to admit their wrongs, and it takes Ann-Margaret to help make their friendship stronger.

What this movie does very well is how they deal with old age. Grumpy Old Men addresses a lot of issues that come with growing old. Their friends die, their health is failing, they are lonely, and they aren’t financially secure. These are issues that are part of the experience, and it is sad. You can see that it affects them, but their pride won’t let them admit it. It affects the characters to the point where they stop trying. It is only when they stop living in the past do they begin to enjoy life again and become a lot less grumpy. 

This movie has a simple plot with an amazing journey. You can watch this movie free on YouTube. 

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Picture This (2008)

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You should not watch Picture This. I don’t even know where to begin with this film. Picture This is a poorly written fantasy of the boring girl getting with the hot guy. It was a struggle getting through this movie, but somehow I found the strength.

Picture This is about a boring high school girl who likes the hottest guy in school. Her only defining characteristic is that she loves the hot guy. Through the power of shitty writing, the hot guy likes her too. The movie is a quest to meet up with the hot boy at the end of the film without her dad finding out. Oh, and the hot boy likes photography. Does that impact the plot? No, but the movie makes a big deal about that, hence the namesake.

This movie is poorly written, it has a decent cast, but they are doing the best they can with what they are given. The whole movie is a series of reactions to the different generic story beats before the girl gets the guy at the end. There are millions of these movies out there, you will forget you watched this too. I can’t name you a single character or attempt to give you any meaningful moments because of how generic this movie is. This movie tries to distract its audience with complicated vocabulary and awkward Chaucer references, but there is no hiding the fact that this is a bad movie.

I know that this is a kids’ movie, and maybe I should give it some slack, but I can not. Your kid’s time is too valuable to be wasted on this movie. Your time is way too valuable. It is free on YouTube, but that price tag is still too high. Skip it.

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Series Reviews

TV Series Review: Upload Season 2

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I need to revisit my initial review of this show because of how disappointing the second season is. The second season of Upload is full of plot holes, filler, and bad acting. There seems to be a trend with shows that go to streaming where they are made too long to be watchable. You see this a lot with those true crime docuseries. Instead of a meaningful story, you get filler. Filler served its purpose when shows were released weekly, but filler has no place in streaming. Filler is the death of good storytelling. The second season of Upload is more filler than story. 

I enjoyed the first season of Upload. It is a cheesy love story that explores philosophies about life, death, and personality. It isn’t revolutionary, but it has its charm. All of this charm is gone. The second season turns into a generic and boring spy thriller with a plot riddled with plot holes and obvious twists. There is maybe an hour of meaningful content within the second season; the rest is boring filler. Any growth or interesting plot points made in the first season are forgotten and replaced with a story that isn’t worth your time. The characters are unlikable, the holes are too many to ignore, and there isn’t anything to care about. I don’t care about Nathan and Nora’s relationship. I don’t care about this weird rebellion that is brewing. I don’t care about who killed Nathan, and that is a huge plot point in the first season. I don’t care because everything takes so long to happen that I lost interest. The only reason I stuck with this show was that I loved Ingrid’s character arc.

Ingrid had the best character development until it is ruined by mediocrity. In the first season, Ingrid is presented as this shallow, entitled, and vain character, but there are meaningful moments where she allows herself to be vulnerable and be compassionate. You learn that her attitude results from her complicated relationship with her family. In the second season, Ingrid begins to do a lot of self-reflection. She begins to work through the guilt she has about Nathan’s death. Ingrid realizes that she is alone, and her personality is to blame. There are powerful moments in this season where she begins to grow as a character as she learns from her experience. She even expresses a desire to become more compassionate, loving, and motherly. The tragedy of Ingrid is that she wants someone to love her as much as she loves Nathan. 

I really thought this show would have her become a more complex character as she works through her flaws. I wanted her to realize that she doesn’t need the approval of her family or Nathan to be happy. She could have had interesting character growth, but she doesn’t. Instead, they make her the crazy obsessive ex-girlfriend. There is also a clone of Nathan now because the writers want to lazily set up an ending where everyone ends up with their true love. Gag. There is no risk, no tension, so why does it matter?

Don’t waste your time on this show. It isn’t worth your time or your data.

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: Status Update (2018)

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Status Update is another wish movie. We’ve seen this before; the main character gets the power to make wishes. He wishes for everything he thinks he wants but somehow is still unhappy. It is only after he realizes that he has to be true to himself to be happy. It helps that he wished for a great singing voice and the ability to work a stage.

Status update is generic. You have the chubby comic relief best friend, the misunderstood lead, the jerk jock, and the artsy girl who writes her own music. None of them are memorable. It is full of cheesy eye-rolling moments and fake deep commentary about the fakeness of social media. As far as wish movies go, this one is average. The plot is ok, the music is fine, but the acting is solid. The cast is the only good thing about this movie. This cast deserves a better movie. There are few scenes in this movie that work only because of the actor’s charisma. It’s not a terrible movie, but you can spend your time watching a better movie.

If you’ve exhausted all of your other options, and need something to watch, you won’t hate this movie. It’s okay, but other movies do this plot better. This is a great movie to throw on if you don’t want to pay attention to it, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it. But hey? You can watch it free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: The Sandlot

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I’ve been avoiding this movie for a while now. I loved this movie as a kid, I have very fond memories about it, but I was afraid that time might have been too kind to one of my favorite movies. There are a lot of movies from my childhood that I can’t bring myself to rewatch because I don’t want to ruin my memories of them. I know they were always bad movies, but I cherish the experience. I am happy to write that The Sandlot still holds up.

The Sandlot is told by an adult reflecting on events of his childhood. He is unreliable. Details might be misremembered, others might be embellished for the story, but it works perfectly for this narrative. Some of us look back on our childhood with a fondness that distorts our retelling. What might and might not have happened ultimately doesn’t matter because it is the emotions that exist within those memories that cherish. The games we played, the friends we made, and the adventures we had are all pieced together into an epic we carry with us. The actual events might not have been anything special, but the memories are. That is what this movie captures very well. 

The Sandlot does a great job of showing the grandeur of childhood. Before the big reveal at the end, the beast is portrayed as a giant blood-thirsty monster. A lot of the interactions between the kids and the best are these epic missions to retrieve the ball. It is only at the end, when they get the full story that the beast is no longer a monster but a sweet giant dog. This is what childhood is. A period full of wonder, urban legends, and adventures with your friends. I remember playing with my friends until the street lamps came on. I remember sharing a cigarette behind my middle school because we all wanted to look cool. This is why this movie still holds up. 

You can watch this movie for free on YouTube.

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