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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Apartment 1303 (2012)

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You can watch Apartment 1303 for free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother. The acting is terrible, the sound is bad, and the story isn’t interesting. The movie focuses on two sisters who move into apartment 1303 to get away from a drunk and abusive mother. They live in this apartment at different times, but both will experience the ominous presence of the ghosts that live there. It makes me wonder how this complex exists when half the residents are ghosts. 

Apartment 1303 fails as a horror movie in every regard. The poor acting and lack of any emotion kill any suspense this poorly written movie could have had. Its garbage sound mixing means you hear every breath and rustling in the background, and it gets distracting. The soundtrack is played on a speaker one room over, and once from a pair of wireless headphones. The plot is full of holes and continuity errors. There are lines of dialogue that contradict themselves in the same breath. This movie is lazy, boring, and a huge waste of time.

I do, however, want to take a moment to overanalyze the plot a bit. Usually, in horror movies, a character will make frustratingly incompetent choices that lead to their demise, like staying in an apartment everyone says is haunted. In this movie, I don’t blame the characters for not leaving the apartment. Apartment 1303 is a one-bedroom high-rise apartment in downtown Detroit that is definitely nicer and bigger than the one I am currently living in. The rent was only $700 a month with a full kitchen, a large living room, a full-sized bathtub, and a balcony with a nice view of the lake. I could put aside my fear of ghosts for $700 of rent. The sisters were also escaping an abusive mother who was desperately clinging to her failed career as a singer. I would choose the ghost too, especially after hearing her music. This movie is dumb, but living in the haunted apartment is blameless.

Anyways, this movie is free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Little Big Soldier (2010)

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Little Big Soldier is one of my favorite Jackie Chan movies. This pseudo-historical twist on an unlikely buddy comedy is a journey you really need to consider. It is a hilarious adventure with a powerful and relevant message. I have watched this movie in both the original Cantonese and its English dubbing. While the dubbing is solid, I prefer the original because there is a lot of emotion that is lost in translation. Not that I understand any Cantonese.

Little Big Soldier is about a farmer who doesn’t want to be a soldier. He uses his wit to survive a bloody battle where he was able to capture an enemy general by chance. He is determined to turn in the enemy general to his own empire so that he may never have to fight in another war. The two start off as enemies, but will reluctantly become friends along the way. 

This movie is a reimagining of historical events, but it also aims to show how meaningless war is. While I can’t speak on its historical accuracy, the narrative is fantastic. The movie does a great job of showing the effects war has on some of the different groups of people in China. From the nomadic tribes to the wondering homeless trying to survive, everyone is affected by the decisions of a few greedy men. It is scary to think a single impulse or feud could uproot and destroy the lives of thousands of people. This movie makes some very powerful criticisms about war while at the same time being silly and entertaining.

You can watch this movie in Cantonese for free on YouTube. You can watch the English dubbing on Peacock with a subscription.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: The Inherited (2016)

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I didn’t know Lifetime made horror movies, but here we have the oddest ghost story you probably shouldn’t watch. I had to take multiple breaks to get through this movie, and it wasn’t worth it. The acting is very stiff and awkward. This kills all suspense; horror movies rely heavily on good suspenseful buildup. At least there aren’t any cheap jump scares. If there are jump scares, they are so poorly done that I didn’t notice. This is a very incompetent movie. The story is full of holes, and it never knows what it wants to be. Is this a movie about murder? A haunting? Spousal abuse? It is dumber than you could imagine.

The inherited is about a newly-wed couple who move into a mansion that the husband inherits. There is something sinister in the house, and it is Tom, the husband. The ghost of Tom’s ex-wife still roams the house, but the worst thing she does is try to open locked doors. Tom, on the other hand, is short-tempered and aggressive. There are a lot of red flags in this relationship, and it is not because the house is haunted. There is a scene in this movie where he is on the verge of hitting Eve because she was voicing that she felt unsafe in the house. I was more worried that Eve was stuck in an abusive relationship than anything the ghost could have done. 

This movie never figures out what it wants to be. It sets up an ominous town with creepy citizens like in Get Out, but they don’t do anything. After investigating Tom’s past, it is implied that he might have murdered his ex-wife, but he didn’t. There is a ghost in the house, but she doesn’t do anything sinester either. It takes an hour for this movie to remember it is horror and by then, there are only 20 minutes left. 

Eve is a dumb character. With possible murder on the table, Eve still doesn’t leave a clearly abusive husband. She gets poisoned, and she still decides to stay and work things out.Then there is ghost who roams the halls. You find out that its the ghost of the ex-wife. This is possibly the most helpful ghost in cinema since Casper. This ghost talks to Eve when she is lonely and even helps with the housework. It is no wonder that in the end, after Tom is murdered, Eve decides to co-parent a child with the ghost. Eve wins this movie. She gets a huge train money inheritance, a nice mansion, and a family. What more can a girl ask for? 

This movie is bonkers, but not in a fun way. It moves too slowly and the acting is terrible. It is free on YouTube, but I would honestly skip it.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Wolf Hour (2019)

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The Wolf Hour is a depressing and anxiety-inducing representation of the writing process. The film focuses on June and her descent into madness as she attempts to write her next big hit. June has isolated herself from the world, fearing to leave her apartment. The movie does a great job at manifesting June’s anxiety, loneliness, depression, and even desperation as she fails to find the words for her next book. The movie does a great job at blurring reality and imagination as June’s time in isolation has loosened her grip on reality. It is unclear what is real and what June imagines, making the movie seem more sinister than it is.

I love the insanity of this movie. The unreliable perspective of the narrative gives the movie its much-appreciated mystery. The acting is fantastic. I loved its dark and dirty setting. This subtly trippy representation of trying to write something great is so accurate that I shared in June’s anxiety. I loved everything about this movie. I could go on about all the symbolism and metaphors, but I will leave that for you to discover on your own. 

You can watch this movie on Amazon Video with A Prime Membership. It is also free on Tubi, PlutoTV, and Vudu.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Awake (2021

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Awake is incredibly disappointing. Awake is a horror movie where the monster is human nature. People are no longer able to sleep, and sleep deprivation is slowly killing humanity. Now the race is on to find a cure before humanity goes extinct. The movie focuses on a dysfunctional family and their survival. You get to watch as society crumbles under the weight of sleep deprivation.

This movie is alright. The acting is decent, the action is appropriate, but the ending is terrible. This is a great example of a movie that uses its run time to build up to nothing. What makes this movie hard to recommend is that it makes some solid artistic choices, but it doesn’t make enough of them to make this movie work. Awake is good at showing the story rather than relying on exposition. For example, in the first few minutes, you are introduced to Jill who is a recovering addict who is trying to give her family a better life. You know this because the son will check the car for drugs or they will make slights at the mom for being late or looking tired. You get a lot of Jill’s back story without the characters having to explicitly say anything about it. I liked this form of storytelling and hope more movies can follow suit.

I liked Jill as a character. She isn’t perfect, some of her dialogue isn’t good, but she has some redeemable moments. Jill is smart, capable, and most importantly, human. Jill doesn’t go into situations guns blazing like she is immortal. Instead, she takes the time to think and only engages when she has to because there are stakes. These stakes give the movie much-needed tension, too bad it leads nowhere.

I can’t recommend this movie. There are parts of this movie that I liked, but I can’t forgive the ending. The movie does a good job of introducing different plausible conclusions. There could be a cure, God’s wrath, scientific mumbo-jumbo, or even aliens. But instead, the movie ends in disappointment. SPOILERS: The movie ends with a baptism. As a way to start over. The kids figure that people need to die to start over so they take Jill to the river and drown her and then the movie ends. You don’t know if the cure worked. You don’t know what happens to humanity. It just ends and I was left bitter about it.

Don’t watch this movie. This is another failed attempt at another A Quite Place clone. Go watch that instead. But if yo don’t believe me, you can watch it on Netflix.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Frances Ferguson (2019)

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It is hard to recommend this movie due to the subject matter. This is without a doubt the best movie about a sex offender that I have seen. What is tricky about this movie is that it attempts to create sympathy for the sex offender. What she did is wrong, there shouldn’t be any sympathy. If the genders were swapped, this movie wouldn’t work.

Frances Ferguson is a mockumentary about a substitute teacher that sleeps with one of her students. While the movie focuses on her rehabilitation after the incident, the film attempts to justify her actions. Frances is stuck in a loveless marriage working a job she hates. She sees the newfound attention she is getting from her male students as the excitement she is missing. She must now live with her mistake as she tries to have a normal life again.

I love the quirky almost wimsical style of this movie. The quirky narration is fitting of the narrative, although the subject matter is a bit inappropriate. The acting is fine, and the progression is solid, but it is still a movie about a sex offender. Frances is a great character. She is quirky enough to keep the narrative intersting.

I recommend this movie if you like quirky weird movies. The subject matter is an issue, but it is told well. I can say it is refreshing to see a movie that takes a lot of risks and seeing most of them pay off. You can watch this on Amazon Video with a Prime membership.

Movie Reviews, movies

Spinster

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It is hard to recommend Spinster because the movie is slow and the character is annoying. The sound is bad, and most conversations exist within an echo. That said, the story is solid, and the journey that Gaby is pretty good.

Spinster is about a 39-year-old Gaby who is having an identity crisis. According to society, Gaby hasn’t hit any of the major achievements a woman her age should have. She has no kids or romantic relationships, and she runs her own business. Most will criticize her because she chooses to be alone instead of being a stay at home mom. The movie is about Gaby finding a self she is comfortable with, despite what society demands from her. It is really well done, and watching Gaby go from a grouchy aimless person to a positive happy person was worth the run time.

I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. Where I expected some generic feel-good movie about woman empowerment, I got a delightful story about growth and empowerment. I loved that the whole movie is about her coming to terms with doing her own thing, and they didn’t spoil it by making her find meaning in a relationship. Often with movies of this genre, the strong independent female lead needs to find meaning in her life by being in a heterosexual relationship. It is an offensive notion that women need a man to have meaning in their lives. It is refreshing that this movie didn’t go that route.

 It isn’t perfect. Some of the dialogue is odd, and the Gaby can be annoying. But if you can power through, it is a pretty solid movie. Now, this isn’t for everyone. If you aren’t a fan of Chelsea Peretti, you will have a bad time. A lot of the character is her, but I’d say it is worth watching her growth. She isn’t the same person she starts out as. It is a bit of a fairy-tale, but who cares. The pacing is the only thing keeping me from recommending Spinster outright. It can be slow at times, so if you don’t have much patience, this might not be the movie for you. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this, but if you are looking for something to watch, this is a safe option.

If you are interested, you can watch this on Amazon Video with a Prime membership. You can also watch it on Plutotv for free.

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Tommy Boy (1995)

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Tommy Boy remains a classic Chris Farley comedy. While it does suffer a bit from the ravages of time, it still holds up well. Sure, some of the jokes don’t land, and the story is a little basic, but it is still a solid comedy that had me crying from laughter.

It goes without saying, Chris Farley was a treasure and this movie is a great example of why. The charisma and energy he brings to his performances remain unparalleled. It saddens me that we didn’t get to see his career evolve.

I do take issue where the joke is that he is the fat guy. I never thought those jokes were funny. This one doesn’t have too many, but it has enough where I have to say something. He is a funny guy, and weight has nothing to do with it. I do love the chemistry that Farley and Spade share. The only reason this movie works is that they play off each other so well. 

If you are in the mood for a classic comedy that still holds up, you can find this free on YouTube.

Watch it Here!
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Movie Review: No Clue (2013)

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No Clue is a fun and quirky parody of the detective noir genre. It is similar to the Naked Gun series but less suave and more dorky. The movie is about a dorky pen salesman who gets hired as a PI by a mysterious woman. Now he must use the little skills he has to solve a murder and an overarching conspiracy.

I loved this movie, but I am a sucker for the dorky kind of comedy that is this movie. This movie isn’t for everyone. The jokes are cheesy and can be a little cringey, but Brent Bunt has the charisma (or lack of) to make it work. A lot of the comedy relies on Leo being aloof. The humor comes from his constant miscommunication and stammering awkwardness. Leo has no clue what he is doing, and he will fumble his way through this mystery. It isn’t perfect. Some of the acting is awkward, some of the writing is bad, and not all of the jokes land. But this movie has its own awkward charm as there are some genuinely funny moments. Then again, I am a huge fan of awkward comedy and dad jokes.

I would say, if you like comedy that is based on wordplay and misunderstandings, it is a safe bet. But if you don’t like Leo as a character, this is going to be a rough sit. You can watch it on Amazon Video with a Prime membership.

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Apartment 143 (2012)

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I am not a fan of found footage movies. I don’t like the lack of structure. There are some exceptions to this, but unfortunately, Apartment 143 isn’t one of them. Maybe I would have liked this movie if I could understand any of the conversations. In an odd artistic decision, the sound is recorded from a camera microphone too far away to pick up a lot of the dialogue. The idea was probably to make the found footage seem more authentic, but it is hard to care about a movie you can’t understand.

The movie is about a group of paranormal investigators on a job. Strange things have been happening to the family living in Apartment 143, and this team of experts is here to figure out what it is. The movie entertains the possibility of ghosts, demons, psychic powers, and even mental illness for the strange activity. There is a lot of pointless misdirection because the movie ends without a clear answer. The worst part of this movie is that it ends in sequel bait. Whatever is going on in the house isn’t done yet.

There are better found footage movies out there. Ones that don’t involve people waiting around having irrelevant conversations. This shamelessly relies on cheap jump scares to hide the fact that there is nothing valuable in the rest of the movie. As of writing this, you can watch this free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother.

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