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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: All the Old Knives (2022)

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All the Old Knives is a new movie on Amazon. It is supposed to be this suspenseful mystery about a detective trying to find the traitor, but all that is uncovered is deep disappointment.  

The poster has you believe that you will get a murder mystery type movie, where the main character goes around investigating the different people involved. You don’t. The whole movie is a long-drawn-out conversation between two people who share absolutely no chemistry. There are flashbacks mixed in to give the movie variation, but they are pointless and add nothing to the plot. This movie uses most of its run time on a conversation that slowly builds to an obvious and disappointing twist. All the Old Knives fails at creating any tension, suspense, or mystery. Without these, the plot doesn’t work.

For this movie to work, it needs more moving parts. The whole movie is a conversation between two people. A conversation that merely summarizes events that don’t matter. It is easy to figure out what this movie is building up to early on. When the big reveal happens, I think disappointing is too nice a word. I wanted to break things. There should have been more narratives to keep the audience guessing. Anything to keep the audience invested in the mystery. The twist is garbage and they should change it. Anything is better than what they chose and I stand by this statement. Even comedies like Clue or Murder Mystery understand how to create a more effective mystery. 

This movie is missing the essential components needed for the plot to work. Skip it. If you don’t believe me, you can watch it on Amazon with a Prime Membership.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Kept Woman (2015)

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Kept Woman is a horror movie where the monster is toxic masculinity. The film is about a strong, intelligent, independent Jessica who is kidnapped and forced to live the rest of her life as a 1950’s American housewife in her neighbor’s basement. It is a story about the struggle between modern womanhood and the pressure of an always creeping outdated ideal. Kept Woman attempts to create horror in the mundane, almost like in Stepford Wives or Get Out. The monster isn’t scary, but rather the need for idyllic perfection. As a result, there are some beautiful set designs, but faulty execution.

The movie spends the first half of the movie establishing Jessica as the here. She is a quirky and intelligent amateur sleuth. The movie wastes so much time on her development, that the horror is limited to the last 30 minutes of the film. It is dull and disappointing. I believe the intent was to build up to a powerful moment when she escapes, but it doesn’t pan out as such. It feels rushed and forced. Some cool moments in this movie suggest that a bigger budget and better writing might have saved this movie, but as is, this movie is a waste of time. 

If you want a movie with the same plot done better, watch 10 Cloverfield Lane. It has the same plot done better, even with the whole alien subplot. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on Amazon Video with a Prime subscription. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Mitchells vs. the Machines (2021)

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If you haven’t yet seen The Mitchells vs. the Machines, you need to check it out on Netflix. In the past, I have always been critical of Netflix originals because they tend to be reskinning’s of other popular movies. NextGen, for example, is a beat-for-beat worse copy of Big Hero 6. I Was pleasantly surprised that this movie has a cute and unique story fit for the whole family. The Mitchells vs. the Machines is creative and quirky with a fun narrative.

The movie is about a Katie who feels like an outsider. She doesn’t fit in at school or with her family. Katie is an odd artsy girl and her dad doesn’t understand her process. As a result, they are often at odds. Katie gets accepted to an art school in California. She finally feels like she has found a place where she belongs, but drama with her family has made for an awkward goodbye. In the hopes of mending their relationship, her dad decides to take a road trip to California with the whole family. On their way to California, robots have begun to take over the world. Now it is up to the Mitchells to work together as a family and save the world. 

This story is cute. There are some preachy talking points about big tech, data privacy, and our dependence on wifi, but they aren’t overbearing. The main focus of this movie is the self-exploration that Katie and her family go through. Katie learns to appreciate where she comes from, and her bond with her family is strengthened. It is a great adventure full of laughter and excitement that is worth your time if you can spare two hours.

The best part of this movie is the animation. I love the different art styles and how they come together into one quirky narrative. Even if this is a story you might have seen elsewhere, it is unique enough to carry its own charm and claim a special place in your heart. 

If you need something fun to watch, The Mitchells vs. the Machines is your safest bet. Go watch it on Netflix today!

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022)

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Sonic the Hedgehog 2 is a quality sequel that you should go watch in theaters if you enjoyed the first one. The characters are well cast, the story is fun, and if you aren’t crying from how hard you are laughing, you have no sense of humor. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 is a fun kids’ movie that anyone can and should enjoy.

It is no secret that movies adapted from video games tend to flop. With the initial character design debacle, there was little hope that this franchise would be successful. I am glad that the first movie surpassed its expectations because I absolutely adored it. If you haven’t seen the first one, I highly recommend it. This franchise gives me hope that we will continue to get fun and enjoyable movies based on video games. 

If you haven’t seen this movie, or are on the fence, you need to go watch it. I can’t stress enough how fun this movie. The humor is great, the action looks amazing, and it is a solid sequel. Sometimes sequels lose the magic that was achieved the first time around. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 recaptures this magic and expands on it. If you are looking for a fun and enjoyable movie to watch in theaters, this is a great choice!

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Infini (2015)

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Infini is a low-budget sci-fi horror that is essentially a live-action dead space. The movie is about a mining operation that is in the outer reaches of space. Some mysterious illness is causing people to go insane. A team is sent to investigate, but they return afflicted, rabid with insanity. No one knows what is going on except for the one lone officer Carmichael who is left behind. A special team has been sent to investigate what is going on and rescue Carmichael.

This movie is a suspenseful and psychological horror. Infini does a great job at creating a feeling of disorientation that emulates what the characters feel. We don’t know what is going on and uncover the mystery along with Carmichael. The acting is fine, and the story is okay, but I was impressed with what the filmmakers do with their budget. I love how the film handles the characters’ descent into insanity. The echoing voices, how the characters talk to themselves, and the music all come together to create a tense narrative that will keep you at the edge of your seat. 

This movie isn’t perfect. It is low budget, so expect some inconsistencies. Some of the acting is rough, the story has some holes, and some of the effects are goofy. The ending was also a bit disappointing, but this is to be expected. Overall, it is a solid movie that makes some creative risks and they pay off. 

If you like sci-fi horror or the Dead Space games, this is worth a shot. If you are looking for a movie to watch, you can watch it for free over on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: The A Team (2010)

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This movie is a lot of fun. It has explosions, some decent action, and fun characters. The story is a little lacking, but you aren’t watching this movie for the story. You are watching this movie for chases, explosions, and gunfights. Although some of the action falls flat because of the shaky-cam, it redeems itself with its antics. What other movie involves people flying a plane? A bit of warning, you will need to suspend your disbelief a lot for this movie. The antics are not realistic, but they are cool non the less. 

My only issue with this movie is that it does try to drive its story. The plot twist is obvious, you will know the plot twist in the first 5 minutes. It is obvious. The movie will spend the rest of the time trying to hide this from its audience, but there is no need for so much misdirection. All this time could be used on more explosions and helicopter chases. Another weakness of this movie is how much it tries to tie in the original show. Some of the references, like Mr. T., feel forced and out of place. When Quinton wasn’t awkwardly adding “foo” to his dialect, he is a pretty cool character. 

Overall, if you are looking for a movie you can watch mindlessly, The A Team is a solid choice. This movie doesn’t need much investment, but you won’t hate having watched it. The story is simple, the action is fun, and the cast is solid. You can watch this movie for free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

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I read this book back in middle school and it is an experience that has stuck with me well into my adulthood. I loved this book, but I didn’t get around to seeing the movie when it came out. I didn’t have the money. When I did, I was afraid it would have ruined my experience. When this movie was recommended to me by the YouTube algorithm, I reluctantly decided to watch it. What do I have to lose? It is free. I am very happy with the adaptation, but I am also saddened that there isn’t a sequel.

 I can’t tell you how close the adaptation is to the book, it has been a while since I’ve last read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, but it was pretty close to what I remember. As far as movies go, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is the quirky and fun sci-fi movie you didn’t know you were looking for. The cast is great, the costumes are fantastic, and although the story isn’t finished, it is entertaining. I usually don’t like narration or meta-jokes in movies, but they are utilized expertly in this movie. This movie is very well done and you should give it a gander if you like silly quirky movies about space.

Check it out for free on YouTube. So long, and thank you for all the fish!

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Eragon (2006)

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I read the Eragon back in high school, back around the time when the movie was coming out. I loved the book and I remember the excitement I felt about watching the movie. I remember exchanging that excitement for disappointment because the movie didn’t hold the same magic that the book did. I decided that today, I was far enough removed from the book that I would no longer hold that bias. I thought that I would be able to see the movie in a different light. I no longer hold onto that bias, but my opinion about this movie has not changed. I now understand why this movie never got any sequels, and it rightfully shouldn’t.

Eragon is a bad movie. You shouldn’t watch it, even if it is free on YouTube. Eragon is a movie that has gotten worse with age. The acting is mediocre, the CGI is ugly, and the story isn’t interesting. If you are looking for a movie with the same story done better, go watch Star Wars or How to Train Your Dragon. It is a much better use of your time.

What hurts this movie is its pacing and characters. There isn’t enough time spent on world-building or establishing Eragon as a competent hero in training. As a result, Eragon feels arrogant and whiny instead of a kid who is slowly growing to become a hero.

Take Brom’s death for example. Eragon gets a vision about saving Arya. Without discussing it with anyone, he just leaves. Brom dies saving Eragon. Brom’s death is supposed to be emotional and serve as an important moment of growth for Eragon. Instead, it is a frustrating scene because of how incompetent Eragon is as a hero. You might be able to excuse Eragon’s incompetence to the inexperience of youth, but the film doesn’t frame it as such. The whole movie doesn’t frame as anything heroic. He either wins because it’s in the script or people die because he messes up. It is difficult to care about a story where the main character is so unlikable.

I thought watching it for free would make watching this movie easier, but it didn’t. Don’t watch it, especially if you liked the book because you will be disappointed. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on YouTube.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Marry Me

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Marry Me is a shamelessly lazy vanity project about a down-to-earth pop star trying to find true love. Don’t waste your time with this movie, it is bad. There is a big unignorable hole in this already shaky plot; there is no way a teacher can afford tickets that close to the stage.

In the movie, JLO and Maluma are world-renowned music sensations who make history with their lazily composed music. They are about to get married on stage at the world’s most anticipated concert until the script complicates things. I looked up BTS tickets because that seemed the most comparable comparison and tickets that close to the stage run around $3000 on ticket master before the fees. That means the tickets to have Owen Wilson that close to the stage would have cost more than $10,000. This being a once-in-a-lifetime event would have made the tickets more expensive. Adele tickets once sold for $78,000. It is fair to assume that these tickets would be unattainable on a teacher’s salary. If there are no tickets, Owen Wilson can’t marry JLO and there is no movie.

But unfortunately, there is a movie and it is bad. I don’t know what is worse, Maluma’s acting or the writing. Whenever the writing hits the wall, they use social media footage as a transition. It is awkward and it slows down an already slow movie.

Let’s be honest, this is JLO’s vanity project. She plays an idealized version of herself. Every bit of JLO’s dialogue is a terribly cheesy speech about love. Acting aside, her fake-deep speeches get insufferable. Every scene exists to show how nice and positive JLO always is despite her hectic lifestyle. JLO might be nice in real life, but this was exaggerated to a fantastical degree. 

 I have seen enough JLO movies to know that she plays the same character in each one. A down-to-earth kind whatever trying to find love, and each time it somehow gets worse. At least in this movie, she is proactive. You add the lazily composed music throughout and this movie becomes even harder to sit through.

This is a lazy and shameless cash grab, do not watch it.

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Izzy Gets the F Accross Town (2017)

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I loved this movie. It has a great cast, a fun story, and an amazing soundtrack. Izzy Gets the F Across Town is the movie to watch if you liked Scott Pilgrim Vs The World. This movie has a similarly weird and spazzy narrative style. I did find its exploration of fate to be a bit pretentious, but I’ll let it slide because I loved the movie.

Izzy Gets the F Across Town is about a girl who tries to get to her ex-boyfriend’s engagement party to break it up. Izzy swears that she is destined to be with her ex, and is constantly sees signs that confirm this belief. Izzy’s journey is full of trials and tribulations as she makes her way across town. This journey forces Izzy to examine her life and work through her demons. It makes for an interesting and creative narrative.

That said, I don’t think this movie is for everyone. The narrative style is hyperactive, the characters are rude, and the plot is a bit pretentious. Its very punk and I loved it. If you love weird existential narratives about self-discovery, you can watch Izzy gets the F Across Town free on YouTube.

Watch it Here!