In a surprising and satisfying conclusion to the Halloween season, I watched Barbarian and loved it. This fantastic and thrilling film is perfect for the next time you are in the mood for some solid horror. While I am glad I didn’t watch it in theaters, this is a great movie to stream from the comfort of your own home.
Tess books an Airbnb only to find that the property has been double booked. She finds a strange man named Keith who has already made himself at home. With no other option available, Tess decides to spend the night and deal with the management in the morning. The situation is uncomfortable at first, but Tess eventually begins to find comfort in the situation. But there is something ominous lurking in the shadows that slowly begins to eat away at this newfound confidence. What is this presence that haunts Tess? Is it Keith? Is it Ghosts? You will need to watch to find out.
This movie is fine. It is a lot better than a lot of the horror I saw this season. The acting is great, the story is decent, and it had a generally creepy tone that had me properly on edge. It might not be the best story, but it is a solid experience.
I liked the structure of the movie. The movie jumps between a few different stories that all neatly come together at the end. There are some parts that feel fragmented and rushed, but it stands as a solid example of how complex narrative can be. I also liked that the backstories didn’t drag on for too long. It is always frustrating to watch a horror movie that is mostly backstory or set up, with only the last thirty minutes or so dedicated to any meaningful horror. Barbarian is able to create an interesting story while holding onto a general creepy tone. My only issue is with the ending. The events unfold a bit too quickly and cartoonishly. It wasn’t enough to ruin the experience, but it is a fact that holds the movie back.
All in all, Barbarian is a solid horror movie. It doesn’t set out to redefine the genre, but it sits comfortably within it. You can stream it now on HBO.
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Series Review: Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities 2022
I love Guillermo del Torro, so I was justifiably excited about his Cabinet of Curiosities on Netflix. What should have been a weird and horrific anthology turned out to be less of a cabinet and more of a junk drawer. The series is a disappointing collection of uninspired and uninteresting stories that were mostly a waste of time.
The series does have its moments, but it suffers from the same affliction most of these horror anthologies do; not all of the stories are interesting. I would argue that the first two episodes hold up the best, but considering the quality of the rest of the show, it isn’t saying much. I would have published this review sooner, but it was a struggle to finish this series. I had to take multiple breaks in order to finish because I kept losing interest. I’ll be honest, I almost gave up, but I powered through and remember some of it. There are episodes in this series that didn’t leave any impression on me, so I can’t bother to remember any specifics.
It is always difficult to recommend horror anthologies because the quality between episodes is never consistent. While some episodes might stand out, the writing and acting aren’t always there for the whole series. Cabinet of Curiosities continues to prove this theory. If you are looking for quality horror set in the mind of Guillermo Del Torro, look elsewhere. Ultimately, this series holds nothing to be curious about, so don’t bother. But to the nonbelievers, you can stream it on Netflix.
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Movie Review: Bullet Train (2022)
Before I start, I’d like to give a special shoutout to Impromtdude for buying me coffee. I really appreciate you my dude. It means a lot to have your support. I’ll do my best to keep making better content, and I will be sure to review the Fallout series when it’s out! Now without any further ado, my review:
I am glad I did not see Bullet Train in theaters. I really wanted to watch this movie when it came out, but thankfully I never got around to it. Bullet Train isn’t a bad movie, but it isn’t worth the theater ticket. If you can stream it or rent it, those are the ideal circumstances in which to watch this movie. Bullet Train is a beautiful and interesting concept that ultimately falls flat because the story isn’t good.
Fate has gathered Ladybug and a group of hungry assassins on a bullet train to Kioto. Bad luck seems to follow Ladybug, and now he finds himself in the middle of a logistical nightmare. The assassins are on this train to carry out conflicting missions, turning the train into a colorful battleground. Who will make it to the end of the line? Who is behind this mixup? You have to watch to find out!
There is no question that the acting in this movie is great for the most part. There are some fun and memorable characters that do their best with what they are given. I love the aesthetics of this movie. The costumes, the colors, and the sets are fantastic. Bullet Train is such a pretty movie, but it loses me with its story. The movie is set up like a mystery of sorts, although you can probably solve it in the first few minutes. It will constantly jump between groups, and it becomes tedious quickly. Each group gets a back story, each blander than the last, and you get a bit more of the mystery to piece together. It’s this formula throughout, and I honestly stopped caring because I just wanted more action. Bullet Train has some solid action scenes, and it makes me sad that there weren’t more.
A big issue with the plot is how heavily it relies on fate to work. The constantly regurgitates the idea that fate has heavily handily brought all these events to unfold on this train. This movie literally derails itself to make every narrative fit together as destiny. They make some ridiculous rationalizations in this movie that ruin the overall tone. What could have been a cool, colorful, and fun action thriller turns into a boring cartoon. It is a shame because there are a few moments that work well. This movie had potential, and it was wasted. Maybe they shouldn’t have spent so much money on cameos and instead focused on making a better movie.
If you want something to watch that isn’t a huge commitment, this is a solid choice. You can throw this on, do your chores or work and pay attention only to the cool bits. If you are looking for a cool action movie, there are better options for you. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this, but you won’t hate it if you do.
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Movie Review: Wendell & Wild (2022)
Before I start, I would like to send a special shoutout to @JiMiG2pt0 for buying me coffee. I live on coffee, and this is a huge help to my productivity. It means the world to have your support. Thank you, and I hope I can continue to help you with my reviews. Stay blessed my friend!
I’ve been wanting to watch Wendal & Wild since I first heard about it. I put it on my calendar and even set up notifications so I could watch it on release. The art is gorgeous, and I was curious to see what Jordan Peele could do with stop motion. Unfortunately, this film ended up being a beautiful disappointment.
After her parents’ deaths, Kat finds herself stuck in the system. She is constantly moving around in group homes and detention centers because she finds it difficult to cope with the loss of her parents. Kat is given a second chance at a normal life when she is sent to a private school. Kat finds the school to be troublesome. People want to be her friends, and as hard as she pushes, they keep coming back. The guilt she feels for the loss of her parents makes Kat feel as if she doesn’t deserve anything good in her life. To make matters worse, Kat discovers she is able to see the future and summon demons. Demons promise to bring her parents back to life, but there is always a catch. Now Kat finds herself in a fight to save the town from an evil couple who wants to tear it all down to make a for-profit prison. Will she and her new friends be able to save the town?
This movie had so much promise. The first half is great! The soundtrack is phenomenal, and the art is beautiful, but it all slowly fizzles out to a generic and disappointing ending. I lost interest around the time this became every other movie. What should have been a fantastical narrative full of magic and demons is just another generic save the town movie. They could have pushed boundaries and created something new, but instead, they decided to play it safe. Whatever they achieved through their art, they lose in their narrative. It isn’t a bad movie, but it is a disappointing one.
I appreciate a lot of the work that went into this film. I loved the character design, the art of the sets, and how they handle magic. I just wish it were a better movie. You can watch it on Netflix if you have nothing else to watch, but don’t go out of your way for it.
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Game Review: The Valiant
I was sent The Valiant as a review code. While I am grateful for the opportunity, I will not let this sway my opinions about the game. This will be an honest review of my experience.
The Valiant is a real time strategy game where you control a group of Templars as they try to save the world from an ancient evil. It is available now on both Steam and Epic Games.
I liked this game at first. The graphics are good, the music is solid, and the mechanics were manageable. Unfortunately, my experience with this game grew staler the deeper I got into the story. The missions got repetitive, the fights got annoying, and the story isn’t great. The story isn’t bad, but it isn’t anything exciting. The more I played, the harder it was to convince myself to keep playing. It is a shame that the story isn’t better because the voice acting is fantastic. I didn’t play multiplayer, but I doubt it would have saved the experience for me.
The gameplay isn’t great. It could do with a bit of polish. The mechanics were fine at first and very manageable for my skill level. There are skill trees, random drops, and some macro management that adds some depth to the game without being overwhelming. Unfortunately, there isn’t much variety in the missions and it gets a bit tedious. My biggest issue with the gameplay is with the pathing. The pathing in this game is a pain. I lost a few missions because my units would get stuck trying to find a path while the enemy slowly slaughtered them. This makes some of the missions unnecessarily hard because there is no way to replenish your troops. This would have been fine if the game didn’t get boring.
I don’t think this game is anything special, but I also don’t think this is a bad game. There is an audience for this game, but they might have to wait till it goes on sale. If you are a veteran of the genre, you will be disappointed. Stick to the classics. If you are new to the genre, this is a solid introduction, but know that there are greener pastures. For the price, you can do better. But for those interested, you can check them out on Steam and the Epic Game store.
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Series Review: The Pentaverate (2022)
Someone somewhere saw Love Guru and The Master of Disguise and decided that the world needed more of that. As a result, we were cursed with the most painfully unfunny series, The Pentaverate. The Pentaverate is a series full of bad puns, worse accents, and no jokes. Even if you like to make fun of bad tv, this series is a huge waste of time. Avoid it with your life. You have been warned.
The Pentaverate is a comedy series about a Canadian journalist who is searching for his next big story. His search leads him into the ranks of a secret organization that has tasked itself to help solve humanity’s biggest issues like hunger, illness, and global warming. What he stumbles into is more than he bargained for. There seems to be an ominous presence killing off members of the organization. Will he be able to get to the bottom of it, or will this be the end of the Pentaverate as we know it?
I hope this is the end of The Pentaverate because this series should not exist. This series is a collection of bad sketches connected together by a surprisingly nuanced narrative. As bad as this comedy is, there is an attempt at a narrative that I haven’t seen in other bad comedies. It might not be a good story, but it is a story and not a random collection of sketches.
None of the sketches in this series are worth your time. They go on for too long, and each one grows increasingly unfunny over time. Most of the humor in this series hinges on people speaking in skilly bad accents. They sprinkle a lot of bad puns and meta jokes in a desperate attempt to elicit a single chuckle from its audience, but all it achieves is the pity I feel for the people who had to sit through the filming. If this series is the best of what the script had to offer, I can only imagine how terrible the stuff that got cut out is. I pray to the gods we never get an extended cut.
If you were hoping that this would be the great comeback for Myers you were waiting for, it is not. If you are a fan of any of his earlier works, watch those instead. This is the worst collection of his comedy packaged as a series, and I hate whoever thought it was a good idea to print it. You can stream it on Netflix, but please don’t.
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Image by Michael Knoll from Pixabay
Movie Review: Beast (2022)
Beast is so bad that not even Idris Elba can save it from mediocrity. If you get a chance to watch this for free, don’t. You have been warned.
Beast is a movie about a single father who takes his two daughters to Africa in an effort to bond with them and help them connect with their roots. But what they find isn’t the exotic adventure they were hoping for. A lion now hunts them relentlessly across the Sahara. Will they be able to make it out alive?
The best part of this movie is their attention to detail in first aid practices. Every time Idris Elba had to sew a wound or treat someone, he would make it a point to wash his hand and sterilize his equipment. I appreciated this attention to detail, but this small detail doesn’t make for an exciting thriller. This movie is so boring, that it makes basic hygiene exciting.
Pacing is a huge issue with this movie. The first 30 minutes are dedicated to family drama that doesn’t add anything to the story. I get that they are trying to establish pathos for the characters, but it is lazy. You learn that the mother died from cancer and the family hasn’t fully recovered and the dad struggles to forge a strong bond with his daughters. It’s been done before, and all it did is make me wish I was watching a better movie.
The lion is problematic because he has an ungodly omnipotence that should have been enough to make this a shorter movie. When the lion isn’t fighting the main characters, it is beyond calculated, trapping and killing relentlessly. With the family, however, there is restraint because the script is poorly written. The lion will always show up and the family will always escape, not based on instinct or luck, but because that is how it is written. As a result, the movie becomes insanely predictable.
This movie isn’t worth your time. The acting is mediocre at best, the writing is bad, and the action is poorly rendered. But for those who don’t believe me, you can stream it on Peacock.
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Series Review: The Patient
The final episode of The Patient just released and I can’t help but feel some disappointment. This series is too long for what it is, but it isn’t terrible.
Alan is a therapist who has been kidnapped and imprisoned by one of his patients, Sam. Sam is a serial killer who is desperate to cure himself of his wicked desires. He believes that Alan is the only person who can cure him. Through a series of sessions, Sam hopes to cure himself of his affliction. Will Alan be enough to help Sam, or will he be another of his victims?
First off, the acting is terrific. Steve Carell and Domhnall Gleeson are simply amazing. The chemistry between these two is the only reason I stayed with this show as long as I did. You won’t be disappointed by anyone’s performance in this series. That said, this series has an issue with its pacing. If you watch the series in a sitting or two, it is a bit more palatable as you can more effectively experience the nuances of narrative as they unfold. You get a fuller picture as you watch the growth of both characters under the circumstance, and it makes an okay story. It is still too long for its good, but it makes for a better experience.
Unfortunately, the series was released weekly, and as a result, the narrative felt fragmented. The episodes are short and often weren’t satisfying. There are a few episodes where not much happens, hurting audience retention. This series doesn’t have enough tangible excitement episode to episode that would convince a viewer to come back for more. Watching this series without such a big gap makes this less of an issue because you are getting a more complete narrative experience. Had they combined some episodes, made them longer, or even had it been a movie, it would have been a better experience.
The Patient sits in a weird space for me because while there are some impressive moments, it takes too long to make its point. I do like how they deal with mental illness and how they highlight the importance of mental health. I do love the characters and their motivations. What I don’t like is that it feels like they drag this series on too long for profit, and it hurts the narrative. The Patient isn’t a bad series, and if you need something to watch, it is defiantly an option, but be prepared to skip around a bit. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this, but you can stream the whole series on Hulu.
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Movie Review: Pearl (2022)
Pearl is the unnecessary prequel to the horror movie X. While I did enjoy it more than the original, it doesn’t add anything new to the narrative. Both of these movies seem to exist as separate stories in the same universe, so it doesn’t matter in which order you watch them. The only tangible connection between these movies is a few scattered references that aren’t very important to your understanding of the plot. These connections seemed more like Easter eggs than actual plot points.
Pearl is the story of a young and troubled farm girl with big dreams. Pearl wants to be a movie star so that others will love her, but she is bound by her duty to her family and farm and is incapable of pursuing her dreams. Trapped on this farm, Pearl becomes frustrated and angry that she can’t have the life she dreams about. The movie focuses on how Pearl deals with her frustrations and mounting anger.
Overall, this movie was okay. The acting is fantastic, the tone is fun, and the story is fine. Pearl is an interesting character, and Mia Goth carries this movie. There are some very intense scenes that are only possible because Goth is amazing. I love the quirky tone of the narrative. It creates a nice contrast to the dark themes this movie plays with, and it gives the film its unique flavor.
Pearl isn’t a bad origin story, there have been far worse attempts this year, but it wasn’t necessary. It doesn’t add anything to the universe. Watching them back to back made me appreciate Pearl a bit more because the story was better, but I don’t feel like I have more complete experience having watched both.
If you are looking for a horror movie to watch, Pearl is a solid choice. Pearl is a unique entry into the genre that you should at least watch for the experience. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, it isn’t that special, but you won’t hate it if you do. I am glad I watched this movie, but I wouldn’t watch it again.
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Movie Review: X (2022)
X is a solid slasher film, but it didn’t leave much of an impression. It is a beautifully shot movie with a solid foundation, but it is a slow burn with little payoff. It certainly stands out amongst all the other horror I’ve watched this season. It’s a much better story than Halloween Ends. If you are looking for something to watch and don’t mind the nudity, X is a solid choice. I don’t regret watching this movie, but it isn’t something I will ever be revisiting.
X is about an overly ambitious porn producer and his dream to make the next big porno. He and his cast and crew head to a remote farm in Texas where they will film his first and greatest movie. Filming goes better than expected, but there is something sinister on the farm. Before they can finish their film, the crew begins to get hunted. Will they be able to make it out alive?
This movie is okay. There is enough good with it that you won’t hate it if you watch it. The acting is great, the visuals are fantastic, and the story is fine. The problem most viewers will have with this movie is you have to sit through an hour of people making a porno. It goes without saying, if you don’t like sex and nudity, do not watch this movie.
The movie is a solid addition to the horror genre. There is proper suspense, some creepy scenes, and some fun kills. The problem is that it takes too long to get to the horror. I get that they are trying to create deeper characters and a more meaningful narrative, but it takes away from the horror. Don’t get me wrong, I like that there is an attempt to give slasher movies a stronger narrative, but they haven’t figured out the perfect balance between murder and story. It is a great attempt, but it falls flat.
If you don’t mind the softcore porn and you are patient, sure, it’s something to watch. It clears a very low bar to be better than average. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but it’s fine if you want to kill some time.
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