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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The 355 (2022)

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As far as spy thrillers go, The 355 is just okay. I didn’t hate this movie, but it also didn’t leave much of an impression. I will forget what this movie is about tomorrow, and so will you. This movie doesn’t do enough to earn a recommendation.

A drug cartel has made a device that allows the user to hack anything. The race is on to get the device before it falls into the wrong hand. This world-ending device brings together a group of unlikely characters who must work together to retrieve the device and save the world. Will they be able to save the world? Of course they do, this isn’t a deep movie.

The movie has a great cast whose talents are wasted. The biggest problem I have with this movie is with its plot, it is slow and dry. If you are going to have good actors in your movie, make sure the story takes advantage of their strengths. As far as action movies go, this movie is limited by its actors’ abilities. There are a few interesting sequences, but a lot of it is awkward. If you aren’t going to have a good story, at least make the action fun and exciting. The movie suffers as it slows down for pointless backstory, and meaningless tech babble, and it tops it all off with obvious twists. If you watch this movie, you will skip a few scenes.

You can watch this movie on Amazon with your prime membership. While it is not the worst movie out there, I wouldn’t rush out to see it.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The House of Gucci (2021)

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House of Gucci is one of the harder movies I’ve had to sit through this year. I took a break five minutes into this movie because of how bad the accents are. I have a headache from two hours of this nonsense. Save yourself the trouble and forget this movie exists.

The worst part of this movie is Lady Gaga’s performance as Patrizia Gucci. I couldn’t possibly pick a worse lead for a movie that wasn’t very good to begin with. I watched an interview with Lada Gaga where she talks about the different schools and methods of acting that she used for her performance, and I am here to tell you that none of them worked. She should stick to roles that take advantage of her limited range. The character is supposed to be a manipulative, obsessive, and powerful woman. Lady Gaga is awkward at best and flat the rest of the time. I struggled to restrain myself from skipping any of her scenes because of how boring they are.

The story doesn’t fair much better. With a better cast, I still don’t think this movie would be good. It would be easier to sit through, sure, but there isn’t enough here for a compelling story. You get to watch boring meetings, awkward conversations, relationship problems, and betrayal that happens off-screen. This story might make a good documentary, but there isn’t enough to make it the drama this film desperately wants to be. 

You can watch this movie on Amazon with your prime membership, but I wouldn’t bother. I understand why the Gucci family was offended. I am offended by them, and I am not even Italian.

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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Karate Kid (2010)

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I remember watching this in theaters when it first came out. I also remember the disappointment I felt after watching it. It’s been a while since then, and I thought that time and the fact that it is free would dull the disappointment, but it hasn’t. I am still as disappointed as I was before, but somehow it stings more.

This movie is a shameless rehashing of the Karate kids franchise, but you are better off watching all the originals. This is beat for beat the first Karate kid, although it does borrow elements from its sequels. The acting is awkward, the story is dumb, and it lacks the charm of the originals. I don’t believe Jaden Smith has the acting ability that his father wishes he had, and as a result, we’ve gotten a series of bad movies that aren’t worth your time. Maybe he’s a better musician, but I don’t see any awards in his future.

I am glad the Karate Kid Franchise got its proper reboot with Kobra Kai. If you haven’t seen that show, I highly recommend it. There is a bit of high school drama that you can skip over, but overall it is a nice continuation of the saga.

You can find this movie on YouTube for free, but I wouldn’t bother.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Black Phone (2022)

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The Black Phone is a welcome addition to the horror genre, one that leaves me hopeful for the future of scary movies. If you are thinking of watching this movie, just buy the tickets already. This movie is worth the theater experience. This terrifyingly suspenseful thriller will have you the most stressed you have ever been in a movie as you experience the cold isolated realm carefully crafted by the Grabber.

The sleepy town of Boulder Colorado has been hit with a series of kidnappings. The town is in a panic as they fear for the safety of their young boys. The movie focuses on Fin, the Grabber’s latest victim, who has the supernatural ability to speak with the dead through an old phone. Will Fin be the one to get away, or will he be just another victim?

This is a fantastic movie with amazing actors, a great story, and well-crafted horror. There are no cheap jump scares, farfetched storylines, or torture porn here. Instead, you have a tense and stressful situation effectively created through the isolation of the room and the maddening performance of Ethan Hawk. He is creepy, he is odd, and he is frightening. Hawk is a brilliant villain whose performance alone is worth the ticket price. But this movie is not possible without the equally brilliant child actors who help fuel a lot of the tension and suspense of this movie. You couple all of this with the movie’s terrifyingly stunning visuals and editing, and you get one of the creepiest movies I have seen in a while. The Black Phone is horror done correctly.

You need to watch this movie, and it needs to be in theaters.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Exit Strategy (2012)

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Exit Strategy was a difficult sit because of how hard it tries to be quirky and funny. The problem with this movie is that the actors aren’t charismatic enough to make the movie work. The poor script and mediocre acting lead to some very flat performances and a film that is never funny. To make matters worse, the sound in this movie is horrible. I can forgive bad writing and acting but never bad sound.

The movie is about a man who finds himself trapped in a relationship he doesn’t want to be in. The girlfriend is comically insane and the harder he tries to leave, the stronger the hold she has over him becomes. The movie tries to focus on the absurdity of the situation, and a lot of the comedy is intended to come from the wacky antics its quirky characters get into, but none of the characters are quirky enough to pull it off.

This movie was a struggle as I waited for credits that took too long to roll. The jokes never land, the situations are never funny, and the story is terrible. I felt as trapped as the protagonist is supposed to feel watching a movie that got progressively worse with time. I will say that the editing was interesting. Scenes will repeat or skip and the movie would recall previous dialogue in sound bites. It gave the movie the feel like it was a nightmare, too bad this wasn’t a better movie.

You can find it free on YouTube, but it isn’t worth your time.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Heat (1995)

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If you want to see a classic and thrilling heist movie, you can find Heat free on YouTube. This heist movie focuses on a cat and mouse chase as a cop and a crook battle it out in the mean streets of Los Angeles. You have a fantastic cast telling an amazing story, what more can you ask for? Do not be intimidated by the almost three hours run time, this movie is worth every minute.

The acting in this movie is amazing with action to match. What I love about this movie is how good it is at telling the story. It pieces together different narratives in a way that never slows the pacing of the movie. I love how it is able to tell a story with small scenes or moments. You have a cop dealing with his crumbling marriage as his obsession with his job interferes with his life. You have the story of a young girl working with her abandonment issues. You have the crook who is addicted to the game, and the movie becomes more of the chase than the score. These stories blend together and build up to a final satisfying confrontation. It is brilliant, and if you haven’t seen this movie, you should do so now! You can find it free on YouTube.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Murder at Yellowstone City (2022)

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I love westerns and Murder at Yellowstone City is a murder mystery with the western aesthetic that almost scratches my itch. While it does lean a bit heavily into its white guilt preaching for my taste, it is a solid murder mystery that I have little trouble recommending. If you like westerns and want a murder mystery that isn’t a comedy and won’t disappoint, you can’t go wrong with this movie. The acting is solid, the story is fine, and the mystery is well crafted. The mystery is solvable, but if you miss clues, you will be kept guessing till the big reveal.

The town of Yellowstone City struggles to keep afloat as the only company it keeps are the whores and the desperate prospectors. Hope shines on this forgotten outpost when gold is discovered, but the man who would bring the town new prosperity is gunned down in the dead of night. All clues point to the stranger who just strolled in. Did he do it, or is there something more sinister afoot?

I can’t lie, this movie feels longer than it is. There are a lot of preachy pc moments that stop the movie and feel out of place. While I don’t have an issue with woke messaging, there is a time and a place for it. In Murder at Yellowstone City, it really hurts the pacing of the movie. Scenes will stop for some wholesome political correct messaging when the movie should be solving murders and getting into gun fights. I definitely felt issues with the pacing throughout the second half, but it isn’t unwatchable. Ironically, the movie spends its run time trying to prove that not all white people were racist, only to end a little racist. 

If you like murder mysteries, this is a fun one that isn’t a comedy. If you like westerns, I would consider it. I appreciated the western aesthetic, but it doesn’t have the grit and conflict that make westerns fun and exciting. I guess what I am trying to say is, that it is good enough.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Man From Toronto (2022)

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I am fairly certain that Netflix is struggling and desperate to create content that will retain and grow its fleeting subscribers. All of the recent Netflix originals I have watched have been these uninspired half-baked films where the main draw is a story written around a named brand actor or group of actors. The Man From Toronto is no different. Kevin Hart plays the same character as always, in a film you’ve seen done slightly better elsewhere.

In possibly the dumbest mix-up in movie history, the world believes Kevin Hart to be the infamous Man from Toronto, a highly-skilled gun for hire. Kevin Hart, an average Joe, must take on the Façade and save the world.  Can he talk his way out of a difficult situation, learn to be more serious, and become the man worthy of his wife’s love? Yes he does, and it is terribly unfunny.

This unoriginal movie moves from story beat to story beat, throwing the easiest jokes available at the audience hoping one of them will land. They don’t, and instead you are left with the disappointment that the talent in this movie was wasted. Woody Harrelson steals every scene he is in, but he doesn’t have much competition. Kevin Hart does not have the charisma or acting talent to make this movie work.

I can’t recommend this movie because it isn’t funny. If you are a Kevin Heart fan, he does this exact movie better elsewhere. It is a lazy and uninspired movie that isn’t worth anyone’s time. You can watch it on Netflix, but I wouldn’t bother.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Home Team (2022)

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You have already seen the plot to this movie play out many times before. This one does little to stand out against anything else in the genre, but it isn’t the worst way you can spend two hours. Kevin James is refreshing in a role that doesn’t revolve around him being fat. It is nice to see a movie that isn’t another Paul Blart rip off because he has proven that he has the range to do anything else. I hope this means that James will begin his transition into more serious roles. He definitely has the talent for it.

The movie focuses on the story of the disgraced Saints coach Sean Payton. It deals with the aftermath of his headhunting scandal as Payton deals with his suspension by coaching his son’s football team. It is a solid redemption movie, one where he learns what is truly important in his life.

This movie is fine. The acting is solid and the story is fine, but it isn’t anything award winning. If you like this genre of movie, this is a solid choice. If you are forced to sit through this movie, you won’t hate the time you spend on it. Go  watch it on Netflix.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Senior Year (2022)

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This movie is fine. The cast is charming and funny enough to make this movie work, but it isn’t anything transcending and I doubt this movie’s lasting power. This will not be your favorite comedy. That said, the acting is fine, the jokes are funny enough, and the story is decent. There are worse ways to spend two hours.

The movie focuses on a girl’s goal to achieve her dream life in high school. She wants to be popular, cheer captain, have the hottest boyfriend, and live in the nicest house. Her goals are complicated when an accident puts her in a coma for 20 years. Now, she must attempt to achieve all her goals as a 38 year old with the mind of an 18 year old. Will she achieve everything she always wanted, or will modern life ruin any of her chances? Think of this as the Kickin’ it Old skool reboot no one asked for.

This movie is very much a Rebel Wilson movie as it leans heavily into her style of comedy. If you are not a fan of her characters or her style of comedy, you will not find this movie funny. I wasn’t impressed with the work, but I didn’t hate watching it. I don’t see myself ever rewatching this film because a lot of the jokes won’t land the second time around. The second act of this movie slows almost to a halt as it becomes increasingly preachy about priorities, expectations, and growing up. There is a moment where this movie stops to monologue about the themes and message of the movie as if it weren’t already blatantly obvious. This movie makes  a lot of lazy obvious jokes about the current generation that you have seen done better elsewhere.

There are worse comedies out there, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this one either. You can find this on this movie on Netflix.