Burning Kentucky is a very unremarkable movie about loss and grief that you haven’t heard of for good reason. It isn’t a bad movie, but it leaves no tangible impression. I struggle to remember what this movie is about and I just watched it. You can find it free on YouTube, but you are better off watching anything else.
The movie focuses on a family dealing with the loss of the matriarch of the family. Some of the members drown their grief with drugs and alcohol, while others begin to move past it. Throughout the movie, you get insight into the death through different perspectives, each revealing a dark secret. It would be well done if the story was interesting and the acting was better, but it’s not.
The acting is mediocre at best, but most people can’t stick to an accent. The story isn’t interesting. I liked that it would focus on people dealing with grief, but the whole movie feels like it is hitting certain emotional beats to create interest. There are some cool shots in this movie, but it isn’t worth the trouble. It isn’t the worst thing I’ve seen on YouTube, but I definitely won’t remember it.
I wanted to like Spiderhead, but unfortunately, this movie is an utter disappointment. Chris Hemsworth is a fantastic villain, but unfortunately, his efforts are wasted on a film with a severe identity crisis. This movie struggles as it tries to decide whether it wants to be horror, action thriller, or dark comedy. The result is something that feels like three different movies awkwardly stitched together and posted as a cheap way to generate views. There are about 30 minutes of salvageable film, but the disappointment is too overwhelming to merit a recommendation.
Spiderhead is a prison facility run by a shady pharmaceutical company. They use the facility to test highly experimental drugs on its inmates. All the inmates are here by choice, but as the side effects begin to get severe, it becomes harder to justify volunteering. The movie focuses on a protagonist with a dark past that you uncover as the tests continue. Will he continue to subject himself to the experiments, or will his questions prompt a release from the program? Or worse?
The movie starts as another prison game narrative. The movie does a great job of setting up how isolated the facility is. It also provides the audience with a taste of the type of tests involved. What sets this movie apart is the very charismatic Chris Hemsworth who uses his charisma to manipulate the prisoners into always cooperating with the testing. It is fun to see Steve (Chris Hemsworth) turn every conversation in his favor. The problem is that none of the other actors add this same level of energy and it hurts the film. When the movie shifts its focus from Hemsworth to the true protagonist, the movie loses its momentum, and I, in turn, lost my interest. The movie becomes this lazy, cartoonish The Warriors ripoff no one asks for full of ex-Machina and poorly delivered drama. I don’t like this movie because of how badly I was let down by the ending.
If you want something to throw in the background, sure. Chris Hemsworth’s performance is fantastic. There are a lot of bits in this movie where nothing happens, making it not worth your full attention. You can find this movie on Netflix, but there are a lot of other media that do this same story better elsewhere.
This part will have spoilers, do not read if you care about spoilers. This is one of those movies where I wish the villain won. It would have been such a better story if at the end of the movie, after all the effort of trying to escape, the protagonist finds he is still a part of the test. Anything would have been better than how it ends.
You Won’t Be Alone is a delightfully odd low-budget film about a witch who just wants to live a normal life. Nevena was turned into a witch as a baby. Her mother, fearing that the witch would take her, hides Nevena in a cave. Nevena will spend the first 16 years of her living in this cave in isolation. Eventually, the witch returns for Nevena and takes her out of the cave. Although Nevena appreciates her newfound freedom, she doesn’t want to be a witch. The witches in this movie have the power to take the form of a corpse. Nevena will make three transformations in this movie. We get to watch her learn about human nature from three different perspectives by living as a young woman, a young man, and a little girl. Will she be able to assimilate and have a normal life, or will the hatred toward witches be her demise?
This is a trigger warning! There is a bit of nudity and sex. The movie also deals with abuse, both emotional and physical. If any of these topics trigger you, do not watch this movie.
This movie does a fantastic job of creating an engaging narrative by piecing together different stories. I loved how each Nevena focuses on different aspects of human life based on the assumed perspective. For each version of Nevena, she finds different objects of importance that help her grow as a person. A lot of the narrative exists within her childlike observations. She grew up away from society, so she finds intrigue in everything. This innocent curiosity is a great driving force for the narrative. It is through Nevena’s innocence that we get a lot of important criticism about human nature.
The only complaint I have is that this movie is with the pacing. This movie is a slow burn, and it is going to be an issue for most people. This movie is also a bit unrefined because of its budget. It is not unwatchable, but it is difficult to ignore. There is some awkward camera work and a few of Nevena’s reactions get tedious. If you can get past these flaws, it is a solid movie. If you can get past the issues, this movie proves that you don’t need a hefty budget of name-brand actors to tell an interesting story.
This is an Armenian film with some awkwardly translated subtitles. Not unintelligible, but award at points. If you don’t mind the budget and pacing, this is a good way to spend two hours. This movie fills a certain niche, and it won’t be for everyone. This movie is also very quiet. Nevena never learned to speak, a lot of her communication is through gesticulation. The movie does a fantastic job at combining Nevena’s non-verbal communication with a contemplative internal monologue to create a powerful narrative. If you are interested, you can stream it on Peacock.
The plot of the original Overboard makes me uncomfortable because of the unethical misogyny. A man takes in a woman who has lost her memory and tricks her into being the perfect housewife. If you like cheesy 80’s comedies and you can overlook this flaw, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have enough charisma and chemistry to make this movie salvageable. Otherwise, you can skip this and be fine.
Don’t get me wrong, I did not hate this movie, but there are bits that make me uncomfortable. I don’t agree with how they treated Goldie Hawn’s character at the start of her kidnapping. While it might be excusable because she was a nightmare at the start of the film, it was a bit excessive and mean. It is also problematic that a woman who has never worked a day in her life learns instinctually how to be the perfect mother and housewife over a period of a couple of days. If the acting in this movie wasn’t as good as it is, I wouldn’t have finished this movie. I don’t know how it compares to the remake, but I am glad they did the gender swap. This movie would not be successful with a modern audience.
If you like cheesy 80’s movies, this one is fine. This movie has a very specific audience, and if you aren’t in that group, I wouldn’t bother looking it up. That said, you can watch it for free on YouTube.
The Siege of Robin Hood is a cheesy, low-budget fantasy movie you have not heard of for good reason. This film feels like a very well-funded LARP, unfortunately, it makes for a terrible movie.
The Sheriff Of Nottingham is a tyrant who rules the land cruelly. The citizens have had enough but are unable to break away from his rule. It is up to Robin Hood and his band of misfits to storm the castle and give the land its peace and freedom. Do they have what it takes, or will they be another failed rebellion?
This was exceptionally boring to watch. The costumes and the setting are the best things about this movie. They spent a lot of money on cool pieces of armor and weapons, but they ran out of money for the actors and sound. There are a couple of fun fights, but they are too few for this movie to be worth the trouble. Overall, this film’s greatest weakness lies in its actors. There are no actors in this movie, and a lot of this movie consists of a poorly written script performed terribly. Getting through this movie was hard work, work I hope you never have to do.
The biggest issue with this movie is its lack of urgency. Nothing in this movie matters because there isn’t a threat or challenge for Robin Hood and his gang. The henchmen will die at the mere sight of the group, and Robin Hood will ex Machina his way out of everything. The villain in this movie is horribly written. The Sheriff Of Nottingham is evil for the sake of being evil. He rapes and pillages because he has to be the bad guy and that’s boring. A good villain needs clear motivation with competent henchmen so that the hero’s struggle is exciting and fun to watch. There is no weight to this villain and I was left waiting for Robin Hood to awkwardly stroll to the final disappointing battle. It is a shame because there are a couple of well-choreographed fights that leave me more disappointed in this movie. Why couldn’t the movie be full of well-choreographed and fun fights if they were going to skimp on actors and narrative?
This movie is a complete waste of time. I like cheesy movies, but this takes it to an unwatchable level. If you like to watch bad movies to make fun of them, don’t bother with this one because it isn’t as fun as you might think. I don’t know who funded this LARP, but it wasn’t worth it. You aren’t the target audience.
I’ve seen enough of these curse game movies to have low expectations of the genre. However, I was pleasantly surprised by Choose or Die. While it may not leave a lasting impression, it isn’t the worst way to spend two hours. I honestly believe it to be one of the better films in the genre.
Choose or Die is about a girl Thea who is really good at computers. As she is desperately trying to find ways to make some extra money, she stumbles onto a text-based RPG that promises a healthy payout. While the game seems innocent, it comes with some deadly consequences. Now she is trapped in the game of her life. Will she win it all, or die trying?
Choose or Die does enough to keep it from being another bad entry to the genre, but it is far from perfect. The acting is solid, and some games are creative, but the narrative is lacking. Thea is a solid protagonist. Usually, movies like this feature a bland misrepresented character that is inexplicably perfect when the plot needs her to be. Thea on the other hand is shown early on to be a capable computer engineer. It isn’t random or unbelievable when she plays the game competently or when she overcomes obstacles. She is also likable enough, although there is some bad writing that keeps her from being better.
The games Thea is forced to play are fun and creative for the most part. This movie does a decent job converting text-based RPG elements into a realistic and suspenseful challenge that Thea must overcome. Most importantly, these games are winnable. In some of the Saw movies or that dumb Escape Room movie, the games aren’t winnable. Instead of the suspenseful ride of watching someone trying to win their life, you get torture porn. While there is nothing wrong with that type of genre, it isn’t horror. You don’t see much torture in Choose or Die instead it becomes a very intense puzzle where the choices are difficult, but not impossible. Unfortunately, not all of the games are created equal. This will hurt this movie’s rewatchability.
My only complaint is with the writing. There are a few very cheesy moments that destroy the tension. Terrible one-liners, cheesy outcomes, and the pointless scenes with the drug dealer kind of slow the movie down and distract from the more creative bits. There is also a lot of buildup to a very disappointing ending that almost ruins the experience.
You can watch this movie on Netflix. While I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, it’s not bad if you have nothing else to do.
I was not expecting a fantasy adventure from The Northman, but I am not one to complain as I have been starving for a good fantasy. From the trailers, this seemed like another revenge action movie only with a Viking skin, but I was surprised that there was a bit more depth to it. The Northman is essentially Hamlet adapted to Nordic mythology, and it works beautifully. A bit of warning, this is a bloody and violent movie, but so was the original tragedy.
The Northman follows a young boy on his quest for revenge. Amleth’s uncle has slain his father and taken over his clan. Amleth vows to avenge his father, save his mother, and restore his honor. His destiny guides his journey, and his journey is an excellent way to spend two hours.
I enjoyed this movie more than I thought I would because of how much attention to detail there was. I am not sure about the historical accuracy of the movie, but a lot of the lore and the references to Hamlet were spot on. This movie is well-acted, and beautifully shot, and the story is fantastic. I loved how action scenes that were long single takes. They are very creative and not the jarring million-cut action scenes we’ve become accustomed to in modern action movies. There are also a lot of long wide shots of the beautiful Icelandic landscape that are simply breathtaking. My only complaint is that some of the scenes take a bit too long, but it doesn’t make this movie unwatchable.
If you love Vikings and revenge, you probably already saw this movie. For everyone, this movie is worth the experience. This is the Hamlet adaptation you didn’t know you need it. You can watch The Northman on Peacock.
Queen Latifah proves once again that she can be good in anything. This isn’t a very good movie, but I can’t deny that her performance gives this movie its life. I liked it when I watched it long ago, but watching it again came with the uncomfortable realization that Last Holiday has not aged well. It is a bit too cartoonish, and I can never be comfortable with the tokenism.
Last Holiday is about Georgia, a woman who lives a very restricted life because she is waiting for a perfect moment that might never come. She saves her money, clips coupons, only eats lean cuisines, and never makes any unnecessary waves in the world. This changes when she is given only three weeks to live. She spends those three weeks fulfilling everything in her book of possibilities.
As far as bucket lists movies go, this one will always have a special place in my heart. I am biased. I like the light-hearted tone mixed with some very valid criticism about life and greed. It does get a bit preachy at points, and some scenes are difficult to watch, but it isn’t unwatchable. While her performance is amazing, there are some actors that lack the ability. The plot is a bit on the wacky side and some of the bits aren’t as funny as they used to be. I loved the scenes where she talks to the French chef. It was in these moments that the movie wasn’t trying too hard to be funny and wacky, and although the performance wasn’t great, it was a real and authentic exchange. I wish the rest of the movie carried this tone, but then it wouldn’t be a comedy.
You can watch this movie on YouTube for free. My only suggestion is that you throw this up in the background while you work on other stuff. There are a few scenes you can skip. Last Holiday is average at best, but Queen Latifah is as fantastic as always.
This is a fantastic movie that you need to see in theaters. While I believed that this film was going to be another shameless attempt at cashing in on our nostalgia, I was properly impressed by an experience that I can only describe as breathtaking. This is not a vanity project by a self-absorbed actor, but a passion project by a man who revitalized my faith in reboots. Top Gun: Maverick earns its ticket price, and if you aren’t watching it in theaters, you are doing it wrong.
Top Gun: Maverick is set after the events of the first movie. Maverick has been reassigned to train a new class of pilots for an impossible mission. Maverick is the only pilot for the job, but he must learn to overcome the demons of his past or risk the lives of the pilots he has in his hands.
This movie is as pro-America as you expect. Every scene is dripping in American flags, but it is an aesthetic fitting of the narrative. There is also plenty of references to the first movie expertly woven throughout this film, but they only serve as nods to the fans of the first movie. You do not need to see the first movie to understand this movie, they do a fantastic job at catching up the audience. The weakest part of this movie is the romantic plot, but it isn’t enough to ruin the movie. Jennifer Connelly sort of just exists in this movie, but her presence is very much appreciated. I wish they had done more with her character, but then it would take away from all the cool airplane stuff.
The best part of the movie has to be everything involving the jets. The dog fights will have you clutching at your seat, ripping away at the material. The flight scenes will have your heart racing, as you watch airplanes do seemingly impossible feats. Watching this movie in theaters is mandatory. Watching the planes on the big screen while feeling the vibrations of the engines make it a powerful experience.
I particularly liked the evolution of Maverick’s character. While still plays by his own rules, age and experience have changed him. While some of it may be self-serving, it is nice to see a hero that isn’t stoic and emotionless. I enjoyed watching him work through his demons and grow as a character. It makes his character interesting, and it gives the movie a depth I didn’t expect from an action movie.
You need to watch this movie, and it has to be in theaters!
Joe Dirt 2 is the sequel no one asked for. It isn’t a direct sequel but rather a painfully unfunny and lazy parody of iconic movies starring Joe Dirt. Someone who I assume was on a lot of drugs thought it would be a fantastic idea to remake iconic movies with a character who wasn’t very funny to begin with. I remember liking the first movie, but I was the target audience at the time. I refuse to watch the movie now because deep down I know that it hasn’t aged well. After seeing this disaster of a sequel, I will let it live in my heart as the experience it was and not soil it with the experience it actually is. The acting in this movie is terrible. It feels like people just showed up for their paycheck as no one tries remotely to be funny. This might be a symptom of this movie’s terrible script. There aren’t any funny jokes in this movie, just a series of unfunny skits loosely tied together by a framed narrative. This movie is a dream within two framed narratives where Joe learns that he was special the whole time. To illustrate what type of movie this is, there is a five-minute scene where people stand around and fart on Joe Dirt. The rest of the movie is no better as you have to sit through skits that go for way too long hoping the credits will roll to end your misery. You can find this movie free on YouTube, but don’t bother. It isn’t funny and it isn’t worth your time. This sequel is anything but beautiful.
