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Movie Reviews

YouTube Movie Review: Orange County (2002)

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Orange County is a very disappointing movie. Do not waste your time on it. It isn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s not worth watching. I don’t understand how a movie with such a great cast can be so boring.

Sean is a whiny rich kid from Orange County whose recent dream is to go to Stanford to become a writer. His dream gets complicated by unknown forces that don’t want him to go to Stanford. The whole movie is about Sean trying to get to Stanford to convince the Dean or whoever to reconsider him for admission. Spoilers: he decides not to go after getting in, making the whole adventure pointless.

Orange County isn’t worth your time. The premise and execution are bad. You float from scene to scene not caring about Sean or his problems because Sean doesn’t have the charisma to make this movie work. He doesn’t drive his own story. Instead, the other more interesting characters do so for him. At the end of this movie, Sean is the same person. He doesn’t grow, learn, or do anything except waste your time.

Orange County is a boring adventure about a boring character that ends without any payoff. There are better movies with this exact plot; watch those instead. Don’t waste your time on this movie. You can watch it free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother.

Watch it here!
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YouTube Movie Review: Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)

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Confessions of a Shopaholic is a very middle-of-the-road movie that doesn’t have much going for it. Sure the cast is great, but the story lacks anything worthwhile. If I am being honest, it is very bland despite it having a colorful obsession. The movie plays like a bad fantasy, and your time is better spent elsewhere.

My biggest issue with this movie is its main character. Isla Fisher does the best she can with what she is given, but her character lacks depth. Rebecca is this Mary Sue character who happens to be addicted to shopping. The way they depict shopping addiction was fun and creative, but that creativity is missing from the rest of the movie. Instead, you have this character that is destined to have a happy ending. The whole world is there to support Rebecca, but they never get the reason as to why. As a result, none of the meaningful moments are earned. It is hard to care about a character who doesn’t face any adversities. Instead, Rebecca faces inconveniences. She doesn’t get the job she wants, but she becomes a world-renowned author with just one article. She finds the love of her life because the script says so. She is even able to settle her crippling debt by selling her junk. This movie ends with Rebecca not learning anything but getting everything she didn’t know she wanted. 

There is a lot more I want to say about this movie, but I don’t want to waste your time with a movie that isn’t worth your time. There are better movies of this genre you can watch instead. But for those of you who are still interested, you can watch it for free on YouTube.

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YouTube Movie Reviews: The Sandlot

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I’ve been avoiding this movie for a while now. I loved this movie as a kid, I have very fond memories about it, but I was afraid that time might have been too kind to one of my favorite movies. There are a lot of movies from my childhood that I can’t bring myself to rewatch because I don’t want to ruin my memories of them. I know they were always bad movies, but I cherish the experience. I am happy to write that The Sandlot still holds up.

The Sandlot is told by an adult reflecting on events of his childhood. He is unreliable. Details might be misremembered, others might be embellished for the story, but it works perfectly for this narrative. Some of us look back on our childhood with a fondness that distorts our retelling. What might and might not have happened ultimately doesn’t matter because it is the emotions that exist within those memories that cherish. The games we played, the friends we made, and the adventures we had are all pieced together into an epic we carry with us. The actual events might not have been anything special, but the memories are. That is what this movie captures very well. 

The Sandlot does a great job of showing the grandeur of childhood. Before the big reveal at the end, the beast is portrayed as a giant blood-thirsty monster. A lot of the interactions between the kids and the best are these epic missions to retrieve the ball. It is only at the end, when they get the full story that the beast is no longer a monster but a sweet giant dog. This is what childhood is. A period full of wonder, urban legends, and adventures with your friends. I remember playing with my friends until the street lamps came on. I remember sharing a cigarette behind my middle school because we all wanted to look cool. This is why this movie still holds up. 

You can watch this movie for free on YouTube.

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YouTube Movie Review: A Good Woman (2004)

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I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. It has a solid cast who give great performances, and the writing is excellent. If you like romance movies, this is a complicated one full of wit, drama, and misunderstandings that’s easy to enjoy. If you are a fan of the 20’s era aesthetic, there is enough in it to satisfy most audiences. If you are only looking for something to watch, I can promise you that you won’t be disappointed.

A Good Woman is about a newlyweds trip to Italy. All seems fine until gossip and desire place a strain on their relationship. The movie focuses on a group of social elites who have too much time on their hands. The overall message isn’t wholly universal, but it does address some important topics. The film is an exploration of the relationship between man and woman. What is acceptable differs based on gender. Men can cheat and have mistresses, while women must accept this fact and hate the mistress. A man can’t be friends with a woman, things of that nature. It doesn’t go deep enough, but at least there is an attempt. This movie is framed as a fantasy, so expect a lot of the lessons learned to be superficial. You can only do so much with out-of-touch characters.

That said, it is a good movie full of lots of witty banter. I recommend it, and you can watch it for free on YouTube.

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Movie Review: Lantern’s Lane (2021)

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Do not waste your time on this terrible movie. The camera work, the plot, the acting, and the big reveal are irredeemably bad. There is nothing worth watching in this movie.

Lantern’s lane is about a girl who returns to her rural home town where she reunites with friends from high school. Bitter that she hasn’t returned, her friends attempt to play a prank on her by scaring her. Things turn sour when a killer starts hunting them instead. The mom and daughter from the opening scene are the killers. This movie spoils its ending in the first five minutes of play time with its terrible acting and camera work. Lantern’s Lane is a great example of a filmmaker who is trying way too hard to be symbolic. This movie is full of obvious foreshadowing that ruins any tension that this movie could have had. Not that anything of note ever happens. It takes a whole hour before the horror element comes into play, but it doesn’t matter because you already know who the killer is.

Instead, you are forced to sit through terribly read high school drama no one asked for. I don’t know which is worse, the acting or the writing. I don’t think anyone involved with the making of this movie has ever talked to a real person before. The dialogue in this movie is unreal. You can mash your keyboard right now, and the outcome would be better dialogue.

And the editing of this movie? I don’t think there is a single scene in this movie that isn’t a collection of shots lazily pieced together. There are more cuts in a scene of simple dialogue than there are in an MCU fight scene. Disney cuts fight scenes to hide the fact that the actors can’t fight. This movie does it to hide the fact that they can’t act. There are moments of dialogue where there is a 5-second delay before an actor responds to what was just said. I wouldn’t be surprised if the actors weren’t competent enough to remember simple dialogue. 

Don’t waste your time with this movie. Even if you like watching bad movies for fun, there’s nothing here for you. It isn’t worth sitting through because nothing happens. You don’t even get to see anyone die. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on Hulu.

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YouTube Movie Reviews: The Duchess (2008)

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I have an indifference when it comes to period movies or TV shows. I don’t generally seek them out, but I don’t have any real problem with them. I feel this same indifference about The Duchess. It is a pretty average movie that didn’t leave much of an impression on me. If you like period movies, I think it is a pretty solid one. The acting is great, the costumes are pretty, but the story leaves a lot to be desired. This movie is based on real events, and my disappointments come with the restrictions that come with it.

I loved the first half of this movie. I love G as a character. She is witty, charismatic, and I loved her outfits. The costumes in this movie are easily my favorite part. The second half is where I lost interest because the movie slows down too much to be enjoyable. It does make sense in context, and I understand why they did it. At the start of the film, G makes the best of her situation. She gets involved in politics, goes to parties, takes on the role she is supposed to take with a smile. In the 2nd act, when the movie slows down, she can no longer live with her unhappiness. It makes sense that there are no more parties. It makes sense that she can no longer smile. It makes sense that everything is so slow. It is done well enough, but it is much too slow for the average audience.

I can only recommend this movie if you like period movies. I can’t speak on how accurate it is to the period, but it’ll be enough for casuals. Other than that, it isn’t really worth it. It isn’t bad; it is just okay. It is still better than The Last Duel. For those interested, it is free on YouTube.

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YouTube Movie Reviews: Legally Blonde (2001)

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Legally Blonde is free on YouTube. What can I say that hasn’t already been said? It is a great movie with a fantastic cast and a great story. Without question, it is easily one of my favorite movies. The sequels are also available on YouTube, but I can’t speak on how good they are. It has been a while since I’ve seen those.

This movie made a huge impact on me when I watched it in my youth. Although I am a strait Mexican-American male, I empathized with a lot of Elle’s struggles. My whole life people do not take me seriously because of how I look and speak. I find that I am constantly being judged for my appearance and interests. I have to constantly prove myself to people because most think I am just some dumb Mexican kid. I was Elle’s strength and perseverance. Although our struggles are completely different and Elle has advantages that I don’t, I know what it feels like to be dismissed because of my appearance. I know what it feels like to constantly have to prove myself. It hurts when people think I am dumb. It hurts when people are shocked that I can speak English or that I study for tests. This movie helped me deal with a lot of that. 

I will be so bold as to say that this movie is a timeless classic. It has a strong and capable female lead who goes on a journey where she experiences growth. The issues she experiences are relatable. The lessons it teaches are important. If you haven’t seen this, add it to your list. For the rest of you, it’s free!

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Movie Reviews: The VelociPastor (2019)

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I loved this movie, but I can’t recommend it. It’s not good. The VelociPastor was made for a certain type of audience, but it wasn’t a mainstream audience. Unless you love watching bad cheesy movies for fun, you are going to have a bad time.

The VelociPastor is about a Catholic priest who has lost his faith. He goes on a pilgrimage to find his faith, but he finds the power to turn into a raptor instead. With the help of a prostitute, he uses his powers to fight an origination of evil ninja. It is insane and I loved almost every minute of it.

Again, this movie isn’t for everyone. The writing is bad, the fight scenes are cheesy, and the costumes and special effects are terrible. This movie looks like it was shot at someone’s house. That said, the acting was surprisingly good, the soundtrack was great, and the sound was amazing. It is often the case with low-budget movies like this for the sound to be awful. I’ve seen movies where dialogue is barely audible or full of reverb. The VelociPastor has its sound on point and I appreciate the filmmakers for it. I can forgive bad acting and terrible special effects, but the sound is hard to overlook. That said, a normal audience will not enjoy this movie.

I am not normal, and I enjoy watching bad movies. I loved this movie for what it is, a goofy attempt at a polymorphing action movie. The one-liners, the costumes, the action scenes, and the big twist at the end were all very much appreciated. It does slow down towards the middle, I think they were running out of ideas, but they were able to bring me back in with a grand finale. This is easily my favorite bad movie. 

If you like making fun of bad movies, check this out. For the rest of you, it’s hard to recommend. The lack of structure and overall goofiness isn’t for everyone. If you are interested in watching The VelociPastor, do not take it seriously. Have fun with it. You can watch it if you have an Amazon Prime membership.  

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YouTube Movie Reviews: Little Shop of Horrors (1986)

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Little Shop of Horrors is a musical based on a movie of the same name from the 60s. I am not a huge fan of musicals so I can’t comment on how it holds up as one. That said, it still holds up as a film. The singing is fine, the acting is decent, and the special effects are appropriate. It was the actor’s gravitas and charisma that kept my attention. I can see there being an audience for this movie; unfortunately, I am not among them.

This isn’t a bad movie. If you like musicals and 50 eras music, you should check this out. If you are like me and do not like musicals, you should still watch this version for its impact on modern pop culture. I didn’t realize how much this movie is referenced in modern media. I didn’t like it as a musical, but I did enjoy it for its importance in modern American Pop Culture. I appreciate all the risks this movie takes to tell such an odd story. I believe it is important to go back to these older films to see the different forms of storytelling, and how it has changed over the years.

Anyways, if you are looking for a solid musical with a lot of nostalgia, this is a safe bet. You can watch this movie free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free. Trust me.

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Movie Reviews: Free Guy

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I watched Free Guy in theaters, and I enjoyed it. Rewatching it recently, however, I found that it has lost some of its initial intrigue. Although it wasn’t bad, I can feel it not aging well. Free Guy relies heavily on pop culture references. Movies that heavily rely on pop culture references never age well. In a few years, when gaming dialect changes and people have moved on to the next streaming platform, a lot of the jokes and scenes will not work. I don’t think this movie will become obsolete, there will be fans of this movie, but I don’t believe that this movie is timeless.

Now, I didn’t hate this movie this time around. Ryan Reynolds is still charming, the action is still fun, but the story just isn’t there for me. Free Guy is a knock-off to The Lego Movie, and honestly, I would rather watch that instead. The Lego Movie has a better narrative. The plot for Free Guy is fine, but it could be better. I think it takes too long on certain references and sappy romance plots when it should be gaming. It loses a lot of its momentum during the twitch leveling montage. The movie stops halfway through for meaningless commentary that adds little to the movie. I mean references appreciated, but it feels out of place, and the movie never really recovers. The movie just turns into every other Disney movie, a mad dash to save the world against the clock. 

This isn’t a bad movie. This is honestly a great attempt at a video game movie. The action and special effects are showing of what could be, if only the story was good enough to support it. At least it wasn’t the usual cringe-worthy attempt where clueless actors stumble over gaming jargon. Free Guy makes me hopeful that we will one day get the gaming movie we deserve. 

For those interested, This movie is available for streaming on Disney+.