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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Here After (2020)

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I had to think hard about whether or not I liked this movie. While it does have its moments, they are overshadowed by this movie’s lazy writing. Here After is one of the laziest romantic comedies I have ever seen. 

Here After is about a romance between a ghost and a living woman. The movie deals with relationships, love, and the afterlife, but it does so ineffectively. It gets incredibly hard to watch with how hard it tries to be a sappy love story.

A lot of the narrative exists within pretentious conversations about life, death, and love. While there are some quirky and fun scenes, the whole movie doesn’t carry this energy. Instead, it becomes another generic and predictable love story. Its desperate attempts to be different sadly cannot hide the fact that this love story has been told better elsewhere.

Micheal and Honey Bee fall in love, but can’t be together. Obviously, this movie will build up a romantic journey just to have Honey Bee die at the end. They have to end up together forever somehow. What makes this movie incredibly lazy is that the only reason that the two can interact is that Honey Bee is also conveniently dying. It’s hard to believe that in New York City, these two can find each other by chance.

My biggest problem with this movie is the inconsistency of the rules for the afterlife. These rules seem to change to fit the narrative or are overlooked by its bad writing. The movie sets up that people cannot die alone. Instead, those who die alone must find a soul mate before they can cross over. Cross over to what? The movie doesn’t specify.

So what are the rules? A soul mate is strictly a romantic partner. What happens to asexual people? Narcissists? What happens if I die and I become best friends with someone? Can we cross over as bros? I love my wife. She is my soulmate. If I die before her, do I automatically pass over? What if she remarries? Do I get yanked out of the other side, forced to seek out a new soul mate?

When a person becomes a ghost, he is removed from all his distracting feelings. These change depending on what the story needs to be, but lust seems to be constant. A ghost whose mind isn’t clouded by a desire for sex is free to find his true love. There are lines of dialogue that contradict this, but no one’s paying that close attention. The ghosts still roam the Earth, but can’t touch or affect the physical world or living people. Unless of course, it is alcohol, glasses containing alcohol, books, and your true love. Like everything, this will change if the plot needs to move forward or there needs to be a cheap laugh.

I am clearly overanalyzing a movie that doesn’t deserve it. I can’t recommend this movie. It is pretentious, lazy, and inconsistent. Even if you like these kinds of movies, I don’t find this love story to be all that inspiring. Micheal has to be reprogrammed in order to find Honey Bee, what happens when he gets those feelings back? Anyways, you can find this movie on YouTube for free. Oh and if you are watching this for Christina Ricci, she is barely in the movie. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Apartment 1303 (2012)

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You can watch Apartment 1303 for free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother. The acting is terrible, the sound is bad, and the story isn’t interesting. The movie focuses on two sisters who move into apartment 1303 to get away from a drunk and abusive mother. They live in this apartment at different times, but both will experience the ominous presence of the ghosts that live there. It makes me wonder how this complex exists when half the residents are ghosts. 

Apartment 1303 fails as a horror movie in every regard. The poor acting and lack of any emotion kill any suspense this poorly written movie could have had. Its garbage sound mixing means you hear every breath and rustling in the background, and it gets distracting. The soundtrack is played on a speaker one room over, and once from a pair of wireless headphones. The plot is full of holes and continuity errors. There are lines of dialogue that contradict themselves in the same breath. This movie is lazy, boring, and a huge waste of time.

I do, however, want to take a moment to overanalyze the plot a bit. Usually, in horror movies, a character will make frustratingly incompetent choices that lead to their demise, like staying in an apartment everyone says is haunted. In this movie, I don’t blame the characters for not leaving the apartment. Apartment 1303 is a one-bedroom high-rise apartment in downtown Detroit that is definitely nicer and bigger than the one I am currently living in. The rent was only $700 a month with a full kitchen, a large living room, a full-sized bathtub, and a balcony with a nice view of the lake. I could put aside my fear of ghosts for $700 of rent. The sisters were also escaping an abusive mother who was desperately clinging to her failed career as a singer. I would choose the ghost too, especially after hearing her music. This movie is dumb, but living in the haunted apartment is blameless.

Anyways, this movie is free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother.

Series Reviews

TV Series Review: Julia (2022)

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Julia is a very wholesome show that you should be binging right now! If you are a fan of Ted Lasso, you will adore Julia. I am not a huge fan of biopics, but this definitely has changed my opinion. It is well cast, wonderfully written, and beautifully shot. You should not waste another minute with me, but instead, be watching this show.

Julia is the retelling of the rise of Julia Child’s career. It is quirky, fun, and inspiring. I never grew up with her cooking show, but this show made me feel guilty that I didn’t. The energy and wholesomeness that these actors put into their performances are intoxicating. If you are not smiling by the end of an episode, there is something wrong with you. My only warning for you is: do not watch this show while hungry. Every episode had me craving a bite of whatever Julia was making or eating.

I can’t speak on the show’s historical accuracy, but the story is truly inspiring. If you do not love Julia for her warm and bubbly personality, you will love her for her perseverance. Julia is constantly being overlooked because of her gender, and it is inspiring to see her push through and make her dreams come true. 

You need to watch this show. You can watch it on HBO. The last episode airs on May 5th,2022. If you don’t have a subscription, get one then. It is well worth the binge. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: The Inherited (2016)

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I didn’t know Lifetime made horror movies, but here we have the oddest ghost story you probably shouldn’t watch. I had to take multiple breaks to get through this movie, and it wasn’t worth it. The acting is very stiff and awkward. This kills all suspense; horror movies rely heavily on good suspenseful buildup. At least there aren’t any cheap jump scares. If there are jump scares, they are so poorly done that I didn’t notice. This is a very incompetent movie. The story is full of holes, and it never knows what it wants to be. Is this a movie about murder? A haunting? Spousal abuse? It is dumber than you could imagine.

The inherited is about a newly-wed couple who move into a mansion that the husband inherits. There is something sinister in the house, and it is Tom, the husband. The ghost of Tom’s ex-wife still roams the house, but the worst thing she does is try to open locked doors. Tom, on the other hand, is short-tempered and aggressive. There are a lot of red flags in this relationship, and it is not because the house is haunted. There is a scene in this movie where he is on the verge of hitting Eve because she was voicing that she felt unsafe in the house. I was more worried that Eve was stuck in an abusive relationship than anything the ghost could have done. 

This movie never figures out what it wants to be. It sets up an ominous town with creepy citizens like in Get Out, but they don’t do anything. After investigating Tom’s past, it is implied that he might have murdered his ex-wife, but he didn’t. There is a ghost in the house, but she doesn’t do anything sinester either. It takes an hour for this movie to remember it is horror and by then, there are only 20 minutes left. 

Eve is a dumb character. With possible murder on the table, Eve still doesn’t leave a clearly abusive husband. She gets poisoned, and she still decides to stay and work things out.Then there is ghost who roams the halls. You find out that its the ghost of the ex-wife. This is possibly the most helpful ghost in cinema since Casper. This ghost talks to Eve when she is lonely and even helps with the housework. It is no wonder that in the end, after Tom is murdered, Eve decides to co-parent a child with the ghost. Eve wins this movie. She gets a huge train money inheritance, a nice mansion, and a family. What more can a girl ask for? 

This movie is bonkers, but not in a fun way. It moves too slowly and the acting is terrible. It is free on YouTube, but I would honestly skip it.

Watch it Here!
Series Reviews

TV Series Review: Star Trek: Picard

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Picard is my introduction to Star Trek. I’ve seen the movies, but I wasn’t a fan of the movies. As someone who is unfamiliar with the show, this was a great place to start. While it is a little preachy at points, it did make me start watching some of the older shows. If you are a long-time fan, you might be disappointed by the series, but at least it is better than the movies.

I will say that the first season is the only one that is worth watching. The acting is fantastic, the action is fun, and the story is engaging enough. It isn’t perfect, it makes a lot of weird choices, and the ending is disappointing, but it got me interested in the series.

One issue that might arise is with the references made to the original show. I felt a bit alienated when they would introduce an old crew member or reference certain events, but it wasn’t bad enough that I couldn’t understand the story. They exist as nods to the fans of the show and add little to the plot. My biggest issue is how much it addresses social justice issues. While appreciated, these moments get tedious and overbearing. I love Patrick Stewart, but he doesn’t need a speech every time he is on screen. There are moments in this show where Picard is more white guilt personified than the great captain the show wants him to be. The first season isn’t perfect, but it is good enough for casuals.

However, do not waste your time on the second season. I have personally created my own ending to the first season to cope with the disappointment that comes with watching the second season. The second season discards everything that makes Star Trek unique and fun and turns into a generic social justice action thriller no one asked for. While I do appreciate the sentiment, the messaging should be a lot more subtle. I didn’t like how the crew kept getting thrown from social issue to social issue as if they were collecting hashtags in their desperate attempt to stay woke and relevant. It isn’t fun, it isn’t interesting, please skip it.

You can watch this show on Paramount+. Watch it if you are interested in sci-fi but don’t know where to start. This is science fiction for casuals. If you are in the mood for sci-fi that requires little investment, Picard is a good place to start. The only problem is, you might not want to stop.

Series Reviews

Halo Series Revisited

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Now that I have seen more episodes of the Halo series, I want to revisit my initial assessment. Halo is a good show if you have never seen a sci-fi show before. Otherwise, it is a generic and unimpressive attempt at sci-fi with a halo skin. If you are a fan of the game, don’t bother. It has been a while since I’ve played any of the campaigns, but even I can see that this isn’t the show you were hoping for.

My biggest issue with this show is that none of its narratives are interesting. I don’t care about the space pirates, the UNSC, the spartan project, the rebellions, or the covenant. Every storyline serves as a reminder to the audience of a better show they could be watching. The build-up to the inevitable release of the flood is so drawn out that it left me apathetic to its various important story beats. This is the flashiest show you won’t care about.

The only good that comes from this show is some of the designs. Some of the costumes, weapons, and monsters are cool to see on screen. The problem is that they rely too heavily on the audience having rudimentary knowledge about the series. There are moments where the story stops to show off its famous iconography, but it does little to the story. Instead, they are shameless reminders that this show is somehow Halo, despite how far it has diverted from its source.

 If you are a fan of sci-fi, don’t waste your time. If you are new to sci-fi, there are better ones out there. Watch Star Wars Rebels if you want something with a familiar IP that is well done. But for those who don’t believe me, watch it over on Paramount plus.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Awake (2021

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Awake is incredibly disappointing. Awake is a horror movie where the monster is human nature. People are no longer able to sleep, and sleep deprivation is slowly killing humanity. Now the race is on to find a cure before humanity goes extinct. The movie focuses on a dysfunctional family and their survival. You get to watch as society crumbles under the weight of sleep deprivation.

This movie is alright. The acting is decent, the action is appropriate, but the ending is terrible. This is a great example of a movie that uses its run time to build up to nothing. What makes this movie hard to recommend is that it makes some solid artistic choices, but it doesn’t make enough of them to make this movie work. Awake is good at showing the story rather than relying on exposition. For example, in the first few minutes, you are introduced to Jill who is a recovering addict who is trying to give her family a better life. You know this because the son will check the car for drugs or they will make slights at the mom for being late or looking tired. You get a lot of Jill’s back story without the characters having to explicitly say anything about it. I liked this form of storytelling and hope more movies can follow suit.

I liked Jill as a character. She isn’t perfect, some of her dialogue isn’t good, but she has some redeemable moments. Jill is smart, capable, and most importantly, human. Jill doesn’t go into situations guns blazing like she is immortal. Instead, she takes the time to think and only engages when she has to because there are stakes. These stakes give the movie much-needed tension, too bad it leads nowhere.

I can’t recommend this movie. There are parts of this movie that I liked, but I can’t forgive the ending. The movie does a good job of introducing different plausible conclusions. There could be a cure, God’s wrath, scientific mumbo-jumbo, or even aliens. But instead, the movie ends in disappointment. SPOILERS: The movie ends with a baptism. As a way to start over. The kids figure that people need to die to start over so they take Jill to the river and drown her and then the movie ends. You don’t know if the cure worked. You don’t know what happens to humanity. It just ends and I was left bitter about it.

Don’t watch this movie. This is another failed attempt at another A Quite Place clone. Go watch that instead. But if yo don’t believe me, you can watch it on Netflix.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Frances Ferguson (2019)

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It is hard to recommend this movie due to the subject matter. This is without a doubt the best movie about a sex offender that I have seen. What is tricky about this movie is that it attempts to create sympathy for the sex offender. What she did is wrong, there shouldn’t be any sympathy. If the genders were swapped, this movie wouldn’t work.

Frances Ferguson is a mockumentary about a substitute teacher that sleeps with one of her students. While the movie focuses on her rehabilitation after the incident, the film attempts to justify her actions. Frances is stuck in a loveless marriage working a job she hates. She sees the newfound attention she is getting from her male students as the excitement she is missing. She must now live with her mistake as she tries to have a normal life again.

I love the quirky almost wimsical style of this movie. The quirky narration is fitting of the narrative, although the subject matter is a bit inappropriate. The acting is fine, and the progression is solid, but it is still a movie about a sex offender. Frances is a great character. She is quirky enough to keep the narrative intersting.

I recommend this movie if you like quirky weird movies. The subject matter is an issue, but it is told well. I can say it is refreshing to see a movie that takes a lot of risks and seeing most of them pay off. You can watch this on Amazon Video with a Prime membership.

Series Reviews

TV Series Review: The White Lotus (2021)

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You should watch White Lotus because it is a great show. The pacing is a bit slow and some of the arguments get repetitive, but the narrative is well put together. White Lotus has fantastic actors giving wonderful performances in a beautiful setting, what more can you ask for? A fair bit of warning, however, this show gets sad. The ending triggered me. I found myself depressed for a few days after I finished the show. Experiences may vary, but I felt an obligation to issue the warning.

White Lotus follows four groups of people who are either on vacation or working at the resort in Hawaii. It is a modern-day tragedy of the working class as told by the experiences of disconnected rich white people. The main goal of the narrative is to show the disparities between classes against the backdrop of a vacation. Both groups are stuck in a cycle, but the rich get to leave and move on. It is very well done, and I fear I am not doing it justice. 

I love the complexity of this show and how it weaves together all these different stories. I love that by the end, everyone is stuck, although some are worse off than others. I love that it comes in the form of a mystery that they keep well through the whole series. Although the mystery isn’t the most important aspect of the narrative, it is very much appreciated. This is a great show and you need to watch it. Check it out on HBO.

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Tommy Boy (1995)

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Tommy Boy remains a classic Chris Farley comedy. While it does suffer a bit from the ravages of time, it still holds up well. Sure, some of the jokes don’t land, and the story is a little basic, but it is still a solid comedy that had me crying from laughter.

It goes without saying, Chris Farley was a treasure and this movie is a great example of why. The charisma and energy he brings to his performances remain unparalleled. It saddens me that we didn’t get to see his career evolve.

I do take issue where the joke is that he is the fat guy. I never thought those jokes were funny. This one doesn’t have too many, but it has enough where I have to say something. He is a funny guy, and weight has nothing to do with it. I do love the chemistry that Farley and Spade share. The only reason this movie works is that they play off each other so well. 

If you are in the mood for a classic comedy that still holds up, you can find this free on YouTube.

Watch it Here!