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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: A Good Woman (2004)

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I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. It has a solid cast who give great performances, and the writing is excellent. If you like romance movies, this is a complicated one full of wit, drama, and misunderstandings that’s easy to enjoy. If you are a fan of the 20’s era aesthetic, there is enough in it to satisfy most audiences. If you are only looking for something to watch, I can promise you that you won’t be disappointed.

A Good Woman is about a newlyweds trip to Italy. All seems fine until gossip and desire place a strain on their relationship. The movie focuses on a group of social elites who have too much time on their hands. The overall message isn’t wholly universal, but it does address some important topics. The film is an exploration of the relationship between man and woman. What is acceptable differs based on gender. Men can cheat and have mistresses, while women must accept this fact and hate the mistress. A man can’t be friends with a woman, things of that nature. It doesn’t go deep enough, but at least there is an attempt. This movie is framed as a fantasy, so expect a lot of the lessons learned to be superficial. You can only do so much with out-of-touch characters.

That said, it is a good movie full of lots of witty banter. I recommend it, and you can watch it for free on YouTube.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Lantern’s Lane (2021)

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Do not waste your time on this terrible movie. The camera work, the plot, the acting, and the big reveal are irredeemably bad. There is nothing worth watching in this movie.

Lantern’s lane is about a girl who returns to her rural home town where she reunites with friends from high school. Bitter that she hasn’t returned, her friends attempt to play a prank on her by scaring her. Things turn sour when a killer starts hunting them instead. The mom and daughter from the opening scene are the killers. This movie spoils its ending in the first five minutes of play time with its terrible acting and camera work. Lantern’s Lane is a great example of a filmmaker who is trying way too hard to be symbolic. This movie is full of obvious foreshadowing that ruins any tension that this movie could have had. Not that anything of note ever happens. It takes a whole hour before the horror element comes into play, but it doesn’t matter because you already know who the killer is.

Instead, you are forced to sit through terribly read high school drama no one asked for. I don’t know which is worse, the acting or the writing. I don’t think anyone involved with the making of this movie has ever talked to a real person before. The dialogue in this movie is unreal. You can mash your keyboard right now, and the outcome would be better dialogue.

And the editing of this movie? I don’t think there is a single scene in this movie that isn’t a collection of shots lazily pieced together. There are more cuts in a scene of simple dialogue than there are in an MCU fight scene. Disney cuts fight scenes to hide the fact that the actors can’t fight. This movie does it to hide the fact that they can’t act. There are moments of dialogue where there is a 5-second delay before an actor responds to what was just said. I wouldn’t be surprised if the actors weren’t competent enough to remember simple dialogue. 

Don’t waste your time with this movie. Even if you like watching bad movies for fun, there’s nothing here for you. It isn’t worth sitting through because nothing happens. You don’t even get to see anyone die. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on Hulu.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: The VelociPastor (2019)

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I loved this movie, but I can’t recommend it. It’s not good. The VelociPastor was made for a certain type of audience, but it wasn’t a mainstream audience. Unless you love watching bad cheesy movies for fun, you are going to have a bad time.

The VelociPastor is about a Catholic priest who has lost his faith. He goes on a pilgrimage to find his faith, but he finds the power to turn into a raptor instead. With the help of a prostitute, he uses his powers to fight an origination of evil ninja. It is insane and I loved almost every minute of it.

Again, this movie isn’t for everyone. The writing is bad, the fight scenes are cheesy, and the costumes and special effects are terrible. This movie looks like it was shot at someone’s house. That said, the acting was surprisingly good, the soundtrack was great, and the sound was amazing. It is often the case with low-budget movies like this for the sound to be awful. I’ve seen movies where dialogue is barely audible or full of reverb. The VelociPastor has its sound on point and I appreciate the filmmakers for it. I can forgive bad acting and terrible special effects, but the sound is hard to overlook. That said, a normal audience will not enjoy this movie.

I am not normal, and I enjoy watching bad movies. I loved this movie for what it is, a goofy attempt at a polymorphing action movie. The one-liners, the costumes, the action scenes, and the big twist at the end were all very much appreciated. It does slow down towards the middle, I think they were running out of ideas, but they were able to bring me back in with a grand finale. This is easily my favorite bad movie. 

If you like making fun of bad movies, check this out. For the rest of you, it’s hard to recommend. The lack of structure and overall goofiness isn’t for everyone. If you are interested in watching The VelociPastor, do not take it seriously. Have fun with it. You can watch it if you have an Amazon Prime membership.  

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000)

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I will admit that there is some bias when it comes to “Dude Where’s My Car.” I consider it a very influential movie from my childhood, although it had been a while since I last saw it. I have to say, this movie still holds up. Sure some of this movie charm has dulled from age. Some of the jokes don’t land anymore, but the overall experience is entertaining. Sean William Scott and Ashton Kutcher are fantastic together. Their performance in this film shouldn’t be overlooked. Their charisma in this movie is the reason why it works so well.

Now this movie isn’t perfect. The plot is a bit slow at points. You can see this movie age showing itself. Some of the bits are a bit cheesy, but overall I think that is part of the experience. This was never meant to be a movie that was supposed to be taken seriously. I find that stoner comedies are either hit or miss. Either the audience has to be high for it to be funny, or the movie just isn’t funny at all. You don’t need to be high to think this movie is funny, but it does enhance the overall experience. Overall, this isn’t the worst way to spend your time.

“Dude Where’s My Car” is a silly buddy stoner comedy that isn’t a waste of your time. You can check it out for free on YouTube.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Chick Fight (2020)

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Every once in a while, I stumble across a bad movie that leaves me feeling angry about the time I’ve just wasted. Chick Fight is one of those movies. There is so much I want to say, but here is the short version: This movie is terrible, do not watch it. The plot is lazy and predictable, the acting is mediocre at best, and the characters are unimagined.

I knew this movie bad. I felt it in my soul, but I wasn’t ready for how bad. The title alone should have been a red flag, but unfortunately, I watch anything once.

Chick fight is as generic as they come. The main character trains for a high-stakes big fight at the end while facing impossible odds. Somehow, through mostly confidence, she overcomes these odds and wins at everything. Think Karate Kid, but never as good.

My main issue is with Anna, the main character. She is as boring. She has nothing to lose, that is her motivation, but the plot gives her things. She gets the fight club, she gets to win at the end, she gets the successful coffee shop, and she gets the guy at the end without ever struggling. She gets all this because she believes in herself now? Fighting real people gives her the strength to fight life. That is the moral of the story, and I hate it. This movie takes every chance it gets to include a line of dialogue to slap you with its cheesy moral.

The cheesy message of empowerment aside, there is no way she wins her final fight. Anna joins the fight club, not knowing how to fight. Everyone in this fight club demonstrates some real skill, and then you have Anna, who has never even thrown a punch. Anna has two months to get good enough to fight the best fighter in the club. The rival, Olivia, has never been defeated. Olivia is shown beating three fighters at once. There is no way she wins the fight at the end. But through the power of character and shitty foreshadowing, Anna wins. Just watch Karate Kid.

There is so much I want to say about this movie. I have pages and pages of angry notes, but I will end it here: This movie isn’t worth your time.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: Arkansas (2020)

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Arkansas is a movie about drug dealers that focuses on the revolving nature of the industry. It isn’t your typical high octane violent movie of an individual rising in the ranks and taking over the city; instead, the focus of this movie is on the rise and fall of drug bosses. It deals a lot with how volatile respect and power is. The power and respect a person earns in his lifetime can disappear in a blink of an eye.

This movie is a tragedy. It is about these tragic heroes who are stuck in this endless struggle of trying to make a living, but it can never be enough. The struggle is framed like a curse rather than this exciting epic rise to dominance. There is no permanence in life.

You need to watch this movie. Liam Hemsworth and Clark Duke play off each other so well. Clark Duke shows how much of a master he is at telling a compelling and interesting story. The pacing is great, the action is enough, and the story is one of my favorites. I am enamored with this movie and impressed with what they were able to do with their budget. This movie proves that you do not need a crazy budget to tell a good story. If you have Amazon Prime, it is included with your subscription. Go watch this now!

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Pig (2021)

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You need to watch this movie! On paper, it doesn’t seem interesting, but in execution it is magnificent. Nicholas Cage shows the world his talent as an actor as he searches Portland for his missing pig. The plot of this movie is a lot more tame version of John Wick. Do not let the tame and subdued tone this movie takes dissuade you; it tells a very thrilling story. It is an exciting and engaging story, and Nick Cage doesn’t even throw a single punch.

The acting in this movie is great, resulting in some very moving and emotional scenes. A bit of warning, this movie is quiet. There is a lot of silence, but it is used effectively to create tension and suspense. If you are not at the edge of your seat through this whole ordeal, we didn’t watch the same movie.

If you have Hulu, watch it now! You won’t regret it.