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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Eragon (2006)

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I read the Eragon back in high school, back around the time when the movie was coming out. I loved the book and I remember the excitement I felt about watching the movie. I remember exchanging that excitement for disappointment because the movie didn’t hold the same magic that the book did. I decided that today, I was far enough removed from the book that I would no longer hold that bias. I thought that I would be able to see the movie in a different light. I no longer hold onto that bias, but my opinion about this movie has not changed. I now understand why this movie never got any sequels, and it rightfully shouldn’t.

Eragon is a bad movie. You shouldn’t watch it, even if it is free on YouTube. Eragon is a movie that has gotten worse with age. The acting is mediocre, the CGI is ugly, and the story isn’t interesting. If you are looking for a movie with the same story done better, go watch Star Wars or How to Train Your Dragon. It is a much better use of your time.

What hurts this movie is its pacing and characters. There isn’t enough time spent on world-building or establishing Eragon as a competent hero in training. As a result, Eragon feels arrogant and whiny instead of a kid who is slowly growing to become a hero.

Take Brom’s death for example. Eragon gets a vision about saving Arya. Without discussing it with anyone, he just leaves. Brom dies saving Eragon. Brom’s death is supposed to be emotional and serve as an important moment of growth for Eragon. Instead, it is a frustrating scene because of how incompetent Eragon is as a hero. You might be able to excuse Eragon’s incompetence to the inexperience of youth, but the film doesn’t frame it as such. The whole movie doesn’t frame as anything heroic. He either wins because it’s in the script or people die because he messes up. It is difficult to care about a story where the main character is so unlikable.

I thought watching it for free would make watching this movie easier, but it didn’t. Don’t watch it, especially if you liked the book because you will be disappointed. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on YouTube.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Hackers (1995)

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Hackers has not aged well. The dialect, fashion, and story feel obsolete. Don’t get me wrong, there are some interesting characters but it is hard to get passed how cheesy the movie is. I would rather spend my time watching Wargames. It has a similar story but is done a lot better. If you’ve seen the live play D&D show “Critical Role,” they do an ad for Nord VPN where they parody and summarize this movie perfectly. I would rather watch that to be honest because it gets to the point a lot quicker than this movie. No meaningless dated graphics, no gibberish, and no forced romances.

My main issue with this movie is the gibberish. I don’t know anything about hacking computers, but I know that a lot of what goes on in this movie is made up. I don’t have a problem with movies that make up a language when the story is interesting. Unfortunately, the story takes so long to unfold that it leaves you with the time to process the nonsense, leaving these skilled hackers to seem less believable.

If you liked this movie when it first came out, you might enjoy the nostalgia. Otherwise, it is hard to ignore this movie’s many weaknesses. You can watch this movie for free on YouTube.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Faster (2010)

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There are movies that are neither bad nor good. They exist in this weird limbo where they leave no impression. Faster is such a movie. While not one of Dwayne Johnson’s worst films, it doesn’t have much going for it. It takes its place as another forgettable revenge action movie, but one that is very light on the action.

I don’t expect action movies to have a good story, but I do expect the action to be entertaining. While some of the action is ok, I found myself rather bored by the repetitive narrative. Anytime this movie begins to build any momentum, it will cut to story arcs no one asks for. The hitman gets a back story, the cop gets a back story, some of the minor characters get back story and it becomes tedious. As far as twists go, the cop did it. As soon as the movie cuts to him it becomes obvious that he is behind the whole thing.

I think the main issue with this movie is that there isn’t anything interesting going on. The story is tedious at best. When you aren’t sitting through meaningless context, you are watching the Rock drive to his next target. With how much talking and driving there is in this movie, I’d rather watch the Fast and the Furious movies. You can watch it for free on YouTube, but I don’t think it’s worth it, to be honest.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Grumpy Old Men (1993)

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Grumpy Old Men is a cute story about friendship and growing old. The movie is about two stubborn old men who can’t let go of their petty grievances. They have grown complacent in their routine and waiting to die. All of this changes when Ann-Margret moves in next door. She helps them move out of their comfort zone and start enjoying life again.

I like this movie a lot. It has a great cast and a sweet story. The chemistry between the cast is what sells this movie. I love their grumpy back and forth. It truly feels like I was watching two old friends. They bicker, play pranks on each other, but they also care enough to check on each other. They care for each other in their own weird way, but they will never admit it. It is a rivalry that exists because neither character wants to admit their wrongs, and it takes Ann-Margaret to help make their friendship stronger.

What this movie does very well is how they deal with old age. Grumpy Old Men addresses a lot of issues that come with growing old. Their friends die, their health is failing, they are lonely, and they aren’t financially secure. These are issues that are part of the experience, and it is sad. You can see that it affects them, but their pride won’t let them admit it. It affects the characters to the point where they stop trying. It is only when they stop living in the past do they begin to enjoy life again and become a lot less grumpy. 

This movie has a simple plot with an amazing journey. You can watch this movie free on YouTube. 

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Marry Me

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Marry Me is a shamelessly lazy vanity project about a down-to-earth pop star trying to find true love. Don’t waste your time with this movie, it is bad. There is a big unignorable hole in this already shaky plot; there is no way a teacher can afford tickets that close to the stage.

In the movie, JLO and Maluma are world-renowned music sensations who make history with their lazily composed music. They are about to get married on stage at the world’s most anticipated concert until the script complicates things. I looked up BTS tickets because that seemed the most comparable comparison and tickets that close to the stage run around $3000 on ticket master before the fees. That means the tickets to have Owen Wilson that close to the stage would have cost more than $10,000. This being a once-in-a-lifetime event would have made the tickets more expensive. Adele tickets once sold for $78,000. It is fair to assume that these tickets would be unattainable on a teacher’s salary. If there are no tickets, Owen Wilson can’t marry JLO and there is no movie.

But unfortunately, there is a movie and it is bad. I don’t know what is worse, Maluma’s acting or the writing. Whenever the writing hits the wall, they use social media footage as a transition. It is awkward and it slows down an already slow movie.

Let’s be honest, this is JLO’s vanity project. She plays an idealized version of herself. Every bit of JLO’s dialogue is a terribly cheesy speech about love. Acting aside, her fake-deep speeches get insufferable. Every scene exists to show how nice and positive JLO always is despite her hectic lifestyle. JLO might be nice in real life, but this was exaggerated to a fantastical degree. 

 I have seen enough JLO movies to know that she plays the same character in each one. A down-to-earth kind whatever trying to find love, and each time it somehow gets worse. At least in this movie, she is proactive. You add the lazily composed music throughout and this movie becomes even harder to sit through.

This is a lazy and shameless cash grab, do not watch it.

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: 10 Things I Hate About You

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10 Things I Hate About You is one of those classic high school teen movies everyone has seen. If you haven’t seen it, you need to watch it. If you have seen it, you can find it free on YouTube. The cast is great, and the story is timeless. I can’t come up with a better sell because there are already a lot of great reviews out there. You will need to trust me when I say that this is a must-watch if you are looking for something to watch.

I’ve watched a lot of teen movies. Unfortunately, I’ve seen a lot of bad teen movies. My issue with bad teen movies is that they try too hard to be flashy and current. It always has the latest slang, the best fashion, and the hottest actors at the moment. In turn, this limits the lifespan of the movie. Lingo and fashion change, and the hottest actors aren’t always the best. The results are movies that look nice but without any substance to them. But every now and then, I stumble on solid teen movies that surprise me. Movies with good actors and compelling narratives. 10 Things I Hate About You is one of these movies.

I will boldly claim that this narrative is timeless. Sure the slang and fashion are dated, but it touches on issues that will always be relevant. Things like dealing with narcissists, being an outcast, being judged based on your looks, and the pressures of trying to fit in are issues that we have all struggled with. These are part of our human experience. I am not saying this is a perfect representation. There are some fairy tale elements to it, but it does a great job of expressing experiences we are all familiar with. This is an important film because of how it handles a confusing and complicated time of our lives.

This is a very good movie. Go watch this movie on YouTube

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Izzy Gets the F Accross Town (2017)

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I loved this movie. It has a great cast, a fun story, and an amazing soundtrack. Izzy Gets the F Across Town is the movie to watch if you liked Scott Pilgrim Vs The World. This movie has a similarly weird and spazzy narrative style. I did find its exploration of fate to be a bit pretentious, but I’ll let it slide because I loved the movie.

Izzy Gets the F Across Town is about a girl who tries to get to her ex-boyfriend’s engagement party to break it up. Izzy swears that she is destined to be with her ex, and is constantly sees signs that confirm this belief. Izzy’s journey is full of trials and tribulations as she makes her way across town. This journey forces Izzy to examine her life and work through her demons. It makes for an interesting and creative narrative.

That said, I don’t think this movie is for everyone. The narrative style is hyperactive, the characters are rude, and the plot is a bit pretentious. Its very punk and I loved it. If you love weird existential narratives about self-discovery, you can watch Izzy gets the F Across Town free on YouTube.

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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: School Spirits (2017)

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School Spirits is a kids/young adult movie about ghost hunting. The plot and acting are pretty good for a kids’ movie. This movie is a little slow at points, but I didn’t hate it. There is some cartoonish over-acting, and some awkward line reads, but it is a kids’ movie. There is also a bit of ex machina, but that is expected.

As far as kids’ movies go, this one isn’t annoying. The characters are a bit on the quirky side, but I never felt like they were trying too hard. I was never annoyed, even by the more cartoonish characters. School Spirits is about a group of teen girls who hunt ghosts to help them cross over. You have the tough one, the smart one, and the spiritual one. The movie does a decent job at making the main characters complex enough that they aren’t boring archetypes. Some tropes are still present. The girls work well together and were overall a positive representation. I like that this movie doesn’t fall into the overbearing girl power trap some of these movies tend to do. Every other line isn’t devoted to reminding the audience that these are girls and they are capable. Instead, the movie spends time developing plot points and character arcs well enough. I liked this ghost hunting group, and I was invested in their adventure.

I can’t recommend this movie unless you are a kid or looking for a kids’ movie. As far as kids’ movies go, this one is solid. The plot is simple, the acting is fine, but unless you are the target audience, it isn’t going to make much of an impression. Don’t get me wrong, if you are forced to sit through this, you won’t hate it, but I wouldn’t seek it out. 

You can watch this on Amazon Video if you have a Prime Membership. 

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Picture This (2008)

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You should not watch Picture This. I don’t even know where to begin with this film. Picture This is a poorly written fantasy of the boring girl getting with the hot guy. It was a struggle getting through this movie, but somehow I found the strength.

Picture This is about a boring high school girl who likes the hottest guy in school. Her only defining characteristic is that she loves the hot guy. Through the power of shitty writing, the hot guy likes her too. The movie is a quest to meet up with the hot boy at the end of the film without her dad finding out. Oh, and the hot boy likes photography. Does that impact the plot? No, but the movie makes a big deal about that, hence the namesake.

This movie is poorly written, it has a decent cast, but they are doing the best they can with what they are given. The whole movie is a series of reactions to the different generic story beats before the girl gets the guy at the end. There are millions of these movies out there, you will forget you watched this too. I can’t name you a single character or attempt to give you any meaningful moments because of how generic this movie is. This movie tries to distract its audience with complicated vocabulary and awkward Chaucer references, but there is no hiding the fact that this is a bad movie.

I know that this is a kids’ movie, and maybe I should give it some slack, but I can not. Your kid’s time is too valuable to be wasted on this movie. Your time is way too valuable. It is free on YouTube, but that price tag is still too high. Skip it.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)

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Confessions of a Shopaholic is a very middle-of-the-road movie that doesn’t have much going for it. Sure the cast is great, but the story lacks anything worthwhile. If I am being honest, it is very bland despite it having a colorful obsession. The movie plays like a bad fantasy, and your time is better spent elsewhere.

My biggest issue with this movie is its main character. Isla Fisher does the best she can with what she is given, but her character lacks depth. Rebecca is this Mary Sue character who happens to be addicted to shopping. The way they depict shopping addiction was fun and creative, but that creativity is missing from the rest of the movie. Instead, you have this character that is destined to have a happy ending. The whole world is there to support Rebecca, but they never get the reason as to why. As a result, none of the meaningful moments are earned. It is hard to care about a character who doesn’t face any adversities. Instead, Rebecca faces inconveniences. She doesn’t get the job she wants, but she becomes a world-renowned author with just one article. She finds the love of her life because the script says so. She is even able to settle her crippling debt by selling her junk. This movie ends with Rebecca not learning anything but getting everything she didn’t know she wanted. 

There is a lot more I want to say about this movie, but I don’t want to waste your time with a movie that isn’t worth your time. There are better movies of this genre you can watch instead. But for those of you who are still interested, you can watch it for free on YouTube.

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