Tag Archives: 2022

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Orphan First Kill (2022)

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The Orphan First Kill is the prequel that did not need to be made. It is a negligible addition to the universe that adds little to the lore. The prequel focuses on the events before the first movie, but nothing interesting happens. The acting was great, but it is wasted on a boring story with questionable writing. Do yourself a favor and skip this movie.

I went back and re-watched the first movie to see how it compared. It has been a while, and I wanted to make sure that my opinion of the movie wasn’t a memory made better because I was so bored with First Kill. The original is a far better movie. It isn’t perfect, but at least it was entertaining. First Kill doesn’t have any real direction. It pads the run time with sappy family moments then teases you with an interesting and unexpected twist, only to become another generic horror movie that isn’t worth your time.

This movie has a few good moments, but not enough to save it. I am going to spoil this movie to make my point. It doesn’t matter because you shouldn’t watch yourself, but a warning is still in order. 

Ester goes to kill the detective that has been asking too many questions. In his final breaths, as Ester stands over him asking how he knew she was lying, a bullet pierces his head and leaves him lifeless. As he bleeds onto the carpet, Ester turns to see Julia Styles holding a gun. Styles confronts Ester about her lie, but instead of killing Ester and ending the movie, she blackmails Ester into keeping up the charade. Styles had been covering up the murder of the original Ester, and the new Ester was the piece she needed to make her husband happy again. 

This was a great moment that easily stands out against the blandness carried throughout the rest of this film, but it is a moment wasted because the rest of the movie doesn’t have any of this energy. I liked that Ester was made a victim because it puts the audience in an uncomfortable position. Do they root for Ester who is conning the family and has a murderous past, or do you root for the family the dark secret she is conning that also wants her dead? It makes me mad that such an interesting idea sits so comfortably within such a disappointing movie. 

You can stream this on Paramount+, but I wouldn’t bother.

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: The Long Night (2022)

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The Long Night didn’t make much of an impression on me. It doesn’t do anything I would go rushing to see, but it had enough interesting visuals to keep my attention. The acting is solid, the story is okay, and the lore is pretty tame. I honestly don’t have much to say because it doesn’t stand out much from any other demon cult movies I’ve seen.

The Long Night is a story of a woman who is searching for her biological parents. This search brings her to a mysterious house in the middle of nowhere. She begins to hear voices and sees visions of cults and demons. The situation grows bleak when they are trapped in the house by a group of cultists. Now she and her boyfriend must survive the night. Will they be able to escape, or will they become a sacrifice to some unknown demon?

This movie is better than the average cult movie, but it isn’t something I would go rushing to see. The writing is a bit awkward, and the characters aren’t great. It is always harder to write about these movies because they don’t really inspire much. There are definitely things about this movie I appreciated, but it isn’t something I’ll be watching again. If you like the genre and are starving for a new horror movie, then this movie is fine. If not, you can live your life without it. You can stream it on Shudder.

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Alone With You (2022)

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Image by María Prieto from Pixabay

I don’t know where to start with this movie, but it is hard to talk about because it didn’t leave much of an impression. This is a well-intentioned film that tried something unique, but it has too many issues holding it back that make it impossible to recommend. Even if you like experimental horror movies, there isn’t anything noteworthy to this film. I suggest you skip it.

Alone With You is a psychological horror movie about a woman trapped in her apartment. Her night starts out normal as she waits for her girlfriend to come home from a trip. Strange things start to happen to her as time passes. Charlie finds herself trapped in a sinister loop of memories and thoughts as she becomes more desperate to escape this nightmare. She hears voices, sees visions, and keeps reliving bad memories about her relationship. Will she ever be able to leave, or will the insanity that binds her to the apartment keep her trapped there forever?

Nothing really happens in this movie despite it frantically jumping between memory, reality, and delusion. The main problem with the movie is that the lead isn’t good enough to carry the film. Sure there are some neat visuals, but there isn’t anything to hold the audience’s attention. A movie like this needs a lead that can create the tension required to make this movie work. This movie needed disorienting tension that builds to the big reveal at the end, but there isn’t much here. The big reveal is incredibly obvious, I figured it out before the horror even started. I wouldn’t mind this knowledge if the movie were entertaining, but it is not. It goes without say, but the acting is bad, and the story suffers for it.

Just skip this movie, I am sure you have better things to do with your time. But for those who don’t believe me, you stream it on Shudder.

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Movie Review: The Reef: Stalked (2022)

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After Jaws, there have been many attempts at creating another good shark movie. There are certainly some that stand out, but The Reef: Stalked isn’t one of them. This movie is about a group of diving buddies who go on vacation to a secluded island to mourn the loss of their friend. They plan on relaxing, diving, and dealing with their loss. While they enjoy the beauty of the ocean, something sinister has caught on to their scent. A shark now hunts for them. The race is on to a populated island miles away before the shark makes them its next meal. Will they survive the shark, or will they be another red spot in the ocean?

With how much good content there is to stream, there is no point in wasting your time with this movie. The acting is bad, the story is worse, and the graphics aren’t up to modern standards. This movie is boring. If you can ignore the plot holes and inconsistencies, nothing interesting happens. Sure there might be a couple of tense moments, but the rest of the time you are sitting waiting for anything to happen. There is an attempt at making this movie about getting over trauma, but maybe on the ocean with a blood-thirsty shark isn’t the best place to do so. There is a lot of filler in this movie because clearly there weren’t enough shark ideas for this shark movie. 

It isn’t the worst movie I’ve seen, but there are better movies more worthy of your time. You can stream this on Shudder.

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Movie Review: Allegoria (2022)

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The Harrowing of Hell By Jacob van Swanenburgh. I couldn’t get the rights to the poster, but this painting was referenced in the movie. Source

This movie took a lot of effort to get through because of how unbearably pretentious it is. I had to take multiple breaks just to be able to finish it. That said, I don’t outright hate this movie. I have seen a lot worse, and there are things about this movie I did like, but it is hard to recommend. Unless you like low-budget experimental horror films, I wouldn’t bother.

Allegoria is an anthology of horror stories involving artists encountering evil. Monsters, demons, murders, and the unexplainable are wreaking havoc on the world’s most pretentious artists, and no one knows why. The stories are out of order, but surprisingly, they all connect at the end in a kind of satisfying way. The acting is solid for the most part, but the writing needs a lot of work. There are some clear moments of competence where the filmmaking, acting, and writing come together to create a great narrative, but most of the movie isn’t that.

The problem I have with anthologies is that not all the narratives are good. You get a few good stories, but you have to sit through all the bad ones. Most anthologies have a theme, like Tales From The Crypt. They might exist in the same universe but aren’t always connected aside from the theme and setting. The stories in this anthology are connected by a single event. I would argue that some of the connections between the stories are forced to make them fit the overall narrative. I appreciate the novelty of the storytelling in this movie, but I can’t get over the pretentiousness. Every narrative has a longwinded, eye-roll enduring monologue defining an art form, and there is only so much of that I could take.

I can’t recommend this movie because it is more bad than good. But if you like strange movies that are just okay, you can stream this on Shudder if you have a subscription.

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: What Josiah Saw (2022)

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What Josiah Saw is a fantastic horror movie made by our friends over at Shudder. If you don’t have a Shudder subscription, this movie alone is worth the free trial. Shudder also offers a wide selection of horror movies so you can fuel a nice little Summerween marathon. This is not an endorsement of the platform, I just happened to pick up the trial on a whim and had the good fortune of stumbling upon this movie.

What Josiah Saw is the story of three siblings dealing with an unspoken trauma from their childhood. The film is broken up into segments, each focusing on a different sibling until it all comes together nicely at the end. The movie does a great job of showing how their trauma still haunts and affects their adulthood. I don’t want to say any more about this movie because I don’t want to ruin anything.

I loved this movie so much that I have already watched it multiple times. There was a good amount of effort put into this movie, and it all pays off. Every narrative, scene, and even dialogue has been calculated to create this chilling mystery. I still keep finding small details and clues that I missed the first time around. As a note, there are certain actions the characters take, things they say, and even small items that come to focus that won’t make initially, but they will at the end if you’ve been paying attention.

The acting is amazing, the story is uncomfortably chilling, and the cinematography is phenomenal. You have great tension to keep you at the edge of your seat, uncomfortable scenes that will make you squirm, and a twist that will shock you to your core. This is a movie where the filmmakers truly understand what makes good horror. You need to watch this movie, especially if you are a fan of horror. Even if you aren’t, this is a fantastic movie that you need to force yourself to sit through eventually. Stream it on Shudder!

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Glorious (2022)

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I didn’t know what I was getting myself into with this movie, but I didn’t hate it. Sure it has its issues, but it is an interesting concept that is done fairly well. Glorious is a movie about a conversation between a god and a Wes that happens inside a rest stop bathroom. The god appears to Wes and spends the whole movie trying to convince him to sacrifice himself in order to save the universe from complete destruction. It is a bit pretentious as it talks about destiny and duty, but it is hard not to be when discussing these topics.

As far as horror movies go, this one isn’t scary. There are a few jump scares and some gross scenes, but it is all pretty tame. I would argue that it is more of a comedy because there is a bit of slapstick, but hardly any of the jokes land. The acting is okay, but there are some very awkward reads that are hard to overlook. The set and cheap special effects fit the overall tone of the movie. This movie gets very cheesy, but I never hated it for it. The story is okay. This movie takes a few unique risks, and they mostly pay off. Not everything they discuss is interesting, but it never got so bad I wanted to turn off the movie. The narrative properly builds to a nice twist, one that you can figure out if you pay attention to the conversation. I liked that it was a plausible twist because of all the clues scattered throughout the movie. This movie does a nice job of complicating the idea of the protagonist and heroes. This movie was definitely a nice surprise, but it is a surprise that is hard to recommend. 

This is a good movie if you like weird experimental films and don’t mind the low budget and the general cheesiness. If you have a Shudder subscription, go for it. Otherwise, I would hold off.

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Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Day Shift(2022)

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Day Shift is a buddy comedy about vampire hunters that certainly has its moments, but I wouldn’t rush out to go stream it unless you have nothing else to watch. While it may not be the worst movie on the platform, its inconsistencies leave it in an awkward place where it is hard to recommend.

Jamie Foxx is a rogue vampire hunter that plays by his own rules. This flaw makes him a broke vampire hunter, desperate for money. In an effort to stay afloat, he must join the heavily regulated secret organization of vampire hunters. Here he is assigned Dave Franco, an inexperienced desk jockey who does everything by the book. The two find themselves in a conflict against a powerful vampire and her clan. They now must learn to work together to save Los Angeles from a vampire uprising.

Day Shift is just okay. The acting is fine, the jokes are inconsistent at best, and the story is generic. I don’t think there was a clear road map for this movie as it feels like a series of unfunny sketches strung together with some decent action scenes. If you cut out the dull and unfunny bits, we wouldn’t have a movie.

There is nothing special about this story. The characters are forgettable. Dave Franco and Jamie Foxx don’t have enough chemistry to pull this movie off, but I will blame the script for that. The villains have no presence, leaving the film without the suspense and tension it needs to be interesting. This would be forgivable because this movie is a comedy, but most of the jokes aren’t funny. The movie always goes for the cheap laugh and it doesn’t always work. I will commend the movie’s attention to detail. There are some small insignificant bits of lore that are set up very nicely, but I only noticed them because I was losing interest in the movie. 

The action is this film’s only redeeming feature. Whoever designed the action scenes in this movie had a lot of fun with their job. Not all the scenes are equally fun, but there were enough to save this movie from being terrible. The first couple of fights in this movie are fantastic, but the movie definitely loses its steam towards the end. 

If you are thinking of watching Day Shift, do so passively. Not everything in this movie is worth your attention. Otherwise, I wouldn’t go out of my way to put this on. You can stream it over on Netflix. 

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Series Review: This Fool (2022)

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As far as sketch comedy shows go, This Fool is just okay. I thought it was funny enough, but it isn’t something you should be rushing to see. If you are looking for something to throw on in the background to watch passively, this is an option.

This Fool is about an ex-con and the cousin who helps him with his rehabilitation. The series is about Mexican-Americans in Los Angeles. The show deals with the problematic penal system, the hardships of adjusting to life after prison, and trying to find ones place in society. 

The acting is okay, the story is fine, and the comedy is mostly funny. The show has a narrative it follows loosely, but it mostly moves from skit to skit. The problem with these types of shows is that not all of the jokes and skits are funny. There are some episodes that are really lackluster and skits that are a chore to get through. Although I did laugh and enjoyed the concept, This Fool didn’t leave much of an impression.

What I liked most about this show is how it handles important social issues. This country’s penal system is broken, and life for those who go through it is hard. The show makes some valid criticism of the system while also showing the hardships people face when they are released from prison. While they do keep the subject light, there are some very real moments that I appreciated.

Other shows in this genre tend to lose their novelty after a couple season. Inspiration dies and the shows stop being as funny. I thought the first season of this show was fine, but I doubt it can survive another season. I just don’t think there is enough material.

If you like shows like Broad City or Portlandia, it might be worth checking out. Keep in mind that this was written from the Mexican-American perspective and a lot of the humor relates to the culture. While I thought it was hilarious and appreciated the nuances, others might not understand or catch the jokes. I recommend watching this show when you have other stuff to do, it doesn’t deserve your full attention. You can stream it on Hulu.

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Men (2022)

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I enjoyed Men, but I find it difficult to recommend because of its pacing. While the movie is beautiful, it is a slow burn that won’t be for everyone.

Harper is dealing with the recent suicide of her husband. 

In an effort to get over this trauma, she decides to spend some time in the beautiful English countryside. She slowly begins to find peace in her isolation, but strange things begin to unfold. Something is up with the men around her, but will she find out what before it is too late?

Mechanically, this movie is great. The acting is fantastic, the score is phenomenal, the imagery is beautiful, and the horror is well done. This is a unique horror movie in that it doesn’t rely on cheap jump scares. The horror comes from the uncomfortable and confusing situations it creates. The isolations, the aggressive men, and the weirdness that carries through the movie all come together to create a very ominous tone. The problem is that sometimes it takes too long for anything to happen.

If you have seen Hereditary or Midsommar you are familiar with the slow-moving imagery that is woven throughout the film. It is often cryptic and adds meaning to the narrative. In this movie, for example, there is a slow-moving closeup of a statue whose visage acts as foreshadowing for events that will occur later in the film. It’s an interesting form of storytelling that I appreciate, but its effectiveness has worn off. This movie didn’t need this much imagery. It almost feels like filler because of how often it would happen. I am sure that if you weave these scenes together and take the time to study them, they create a more meaningful narrative, but as a filthy casual, I don’t have time for that. I just want to sit back and enjoy a good horror movie. 

If you have the patience for the pacing and enjoy these odd horror movies with their even stranger twists, Man is a solid choice. If you just want some mindless horror to enjoy on a Friday night, this isn’t for you.