Image by María Prieto from Pixabay
I don’t know where to start with this movie, but it is hard to talk about because it didn’t leave much of an impression. This is a well-intentioned film that tried something unique, but it has too many issues holding it back that make it impossible to recommend. Even if you like experimental horror movies, there isn’t anything noteworthy to this film. I suggest you skip it.
Alone With You is a psychological horror movie about a woman trapped in her apartment. Her night starts out normal as she waits for her girlfriend to come home from a trip. Strange things start to happen to her as time passes. Charlie finds herself trapped in a sinister loop of memories and thoughts as she becomes more desperate to escape this nightmare. She hears voices, sees visions, and keeps reliving bad memories about her relationship. Will she ever be able to leave, or will the insanity that binds her to the apartment keep her trapped there forever?
Nothing really happens in this movie despite it frantically jumping between memory, reality, and delusion. The main problem with the movie is that the lead isn’t good enough to carry the film. Sure there are some neat visuals, but there isn’t anything to hold the audience’s attention. A movie like this needs a lead that can create the tension required to make this movie work. This movie needed disorienting tension that builds to the big reveal at the end, but there isn’t much here. The big reveal is incredibly obvious, I figured it out before the horror even started. I wouldn’t mind this knowledge if the movie were entertaining, but it is not. It goes without say, but the acting is bad, and the story suffers for it.
Just skip this movie, I am sure you have better things to do with your time. But for those who don’t believe me, you stream it on Shudder.
Movie Review: The Reef: Stalked (2022)
After Jaws, there have been many attempts at creating another good shark movie. There are certainly some that stand out, but The Reef: Stalked isn’t one of them. This movie is about a group of diving buddies who go on vacation to a secluded island to mourn the loss of their friend. They plan on relaxing, diving, and dealing with their loss. While they enjoy the beauty of the ocean, something sinister has caught on to their scent. A shark now hunts for them. The race is on to a populated island miles away before the shark makes them its next meal. Will they survive the shark, or will they be another red spot in the ocean?
With how much good content there is to stream, there is no point in wasting your time with this movie. The acting is bad, the story is worse, and the graphics aren’t up to modern standards. This movie is boring. If you can ignore the plot holes and inconsistencies, nothing interesting happens. Sure there might be a couple of tense moments, but the rest of the time you are sitting waiting for anything to happen. There is an attempt at making this movie about getting over trauma, but maybe on the ocean with a blood-thirsty shark isn’t the best place to do so. There is a lot of filler in this movie because clearly there weren’t enough shark ideas for this shark movie.
It isn’t the worst movie I’ve seen, but there are better movies more worthy of your time. You can stream this on Shudder.
Movie Review: Allegoria (2022)
The Harrowing of Hell By Jacob van Swanenburgh. I couldn’t get the rights to the poster, but this painting was referenced in the movie. Source
This movie took a lot of effort to get through because of how unbearably pretentious it is. I had to take multiple breaks just to be able to finish it. That said, I don’t outright hate this movie. I have seen a lot worse, and there are things about this movie I did like, but it is hard to recommend. Unless you like low-budget experimental horror films, I wouldn’t bother.
Allegoria is an anthology of horror stories involving artists encountering evil. Monsters, demons, murders, and the unexplainable are wreaking havoc on the world’s most pretentious artists, and no one knows why. The stories are out of order, but surprisingly, they all connect at the end in a kind of satisfying way. The acting is solid for the most part, but the writing needs a lot of work. There are some clear moments of competence where the filmmaking, acting, and writing come together to create a great narrative, but most of the movie isn’t that.
The problem I have with anthologies is that not all the narratives are good. You get a few good stories, but you have to sit through all the bad ones. Most anthologies have a theme, like Tales From The Crypt. They might exist in the same universe but aren’t always connected aside from the theme and setting. The stories in this anthology are connected by a single event. I would argue that some of the connections between the stories are forced to make them fit the overall narrative. I appreciate the novelty of the storytelling in this movie, but I can’t get over the pretentiousness. Every narrative has a longwinded, eye-roll enduring monologue defining an art form, and there is only so much of that I could take.
I can’t recommend this movie because it is more bad than good. But if you like strange movies that are just okay, you can stream this on Shudder if you have a subscription.
Movie Review: What Josiah Saw (2022)
What Josiah Saw is a fantastic horror movie made by our friends over at Shudder. If you don’t have a Shudder subscription, this movie alone is worth the free trial. Shudder also offers a wide selection of horror movies so you can fuel a nice little Summerween marathon. This is not an endorsement of the platform, I just happened to pick up the trial on a whim and had the good fortune of stumbling upon this movie.
What Josiah Saw is the story of three siblings dealing with an unspoken trauma from their childhood. The film is broken up into segments, each focusing on a different sibling until it all comes together nicely at the end. The movie does a great job of showing how their trauma still haunts and affects their adulthood. I don’t want to say any more about this movie because I don’t want to ruin anything.
I loved this movie so much that I have already watched it multiple times. There was a good amount of effort put into this movie, and it all pays off. Every narrative, scene, and even dialogue has been calculated to create this chilling mystery. I still keep finding small details and clues that I missed the first time around. As a note, there are certain actions the characters take, things they say, and even small items that come to focus that won’t make initially, but they will at the end if you’ve been paying attention.
The acting is amazing, the story is uncomfortably chilling, and the cinematography is phenomenal. You have great tension to keep you at the edge of your seat, uncomfortable scenes that will make you squirm, and a twist that will shock you to your core. This is a movie where the filmmakers truly understand what makes good horror. You need to watch this movie, especially if you are a fan of horror. Even if you aren’t, this is a fantastic movie that you need to force yourself to sit through eventually. Stream it on Shudder!
Movie Review: Glorious (2022)
I didn’t know what I was getting myself into with this movie, but I didn’t hate it. Sure it has its issues, but it is an interesting concept that is done fairly well. Glorious is a movie about a conversation between a god and a Wes that happens inside a rest stop bathroom. The god appears to Wes and spends the whole movie trying to convince him to sacrifice himself in order to save the universe from complete destruction. It is a bit pretentious as it talks about destiny and duty, but it is hard not to be when discussing these topics.
As far as horror movies go, this one isn’t scary. There are a few jump scares and some gross scenes, but it is all pretty tame. I would argue that it is more of a comedy because there is a bit of slapstick, but hardly any of the jokes land. The acting is okay, but there are some very awkward reads that are hard to overlook. The set and cheap special effects fit the overall tone of the movie. This movie gets very cheesy, but I never hated it for it. The story is okay. This movie takes a few unique risks, and they mostly pay off. Not everything they discuss is interesting, but it never got so bad I wanted to turn off the movie. The narrative properly builds to a nice twist, one that you can figure out if you pay attention to the conversation. I liked that it was a plausible twist because of all the clues scattered throughout the movie. This movie does a nice job of complicating the idea of the protagonist and heroes. This movie was definitely a nice surprise, but it is a surprise that is hard to recommend.
This is a good movie if you like weird experimental films and don’t mind the low budget and the general cheesiness. If you have a Shudder subscription, go for it. Otherwise, I would hold off.
Movie Review: Day Shift(2022)
Day Shift is a buddy comedy about vampire hunters that certainly has its moments, but I wouldn’t rush out to go stream it unless you have nothing else to watch. While it may not be the worst movie on the platform, its inconsistencies leave it in an awkward place where it is hard to recommend.
Jamie Foxx is a rogue vampire hunter that plays by his own rules. This flaw makes him a broke vampire hunter, desperate for money. In an effort to stay afloat, he must join the heavily regulated secret organization of vampire hunters. Here he is assigned Dave Franco, an inexperienced desk jockey who does everything by the book. The two find themselves in a conflict against a powerful vampire and her clan. They now must learn to work together to save Los Angeles from a vampire uprising.
Day Shift is just okay. The acting is fine, the jokes are inconsistent at best, and the story is generic. I don’t think there was a clear road map for this movie as it feels like a series of unfunny sketches strung together with some decent action scenes. If you cut out the dull and unfunny bits, we wouldn’t have a movie.
There is nothing special about this story. The characters are forgettable. Dave Franco and Jamie Foxx don’t have enough chemistry to pull this movie off, but I will blame the script for that. The villains have no presence, leaving the film without the suspense and tension it needs to be interesting. This would be forgivable because this movie is a comedy, but most of the jokes aren’t funny. The movie always goes for the cheap laugh and it doesn’t always work. I will commend the movie’s attention to detail. There are some small insignificant bits of lore that are set up very nicely, but I only noticed them because I was losing interest in the movie.
The action is this film’s only redeeming feature. Whoever designed the action scenes in this movie had a lot of fun with their job. Not all the scenes are equally fun, but there were enough to save this movie from being terrible. The first couple of fights in this movie are fantastic, but the movie definitely loses its steam towards the end.
If you are thinking of watching Day Shift, do so passively. Not everything in this movie is worth your attention. Otherwise, I wouldn’t go out of my way to put this on. You can stream it over on Netflix.
Movie Review: Men (2022)
I enjoyed Men, but I find it difficult to recommend because of its pacing. While the movie is beautiful, it is a slow burn that won’t be for everyone.
Harper is dealing with the recent suicide of her husband.
In an effort to get over this trauma, she decides to spend some time in the beautiful English countryside. She slowly begins to find peace in her isolation, but strange things begin to unfold. Something is up with the men around her, but will she find out what before it is too late?
Mechanically, this movie is great. The acting is fantastic, the score is phenomenal, the imagery is beautiful, and the horror is well done. This is a unique horror movie in that it doesn’t rely on cheap jump scares. The horror comes from the uncomfortable and confusing situations it creates. The isolations, the aggressive men, and the weirdness that carries through the movie all come together to create a very ominous tone. The problem is that sometimes it takes too long for anything to happen.
If you have seen Hereditary or Midsommar you are familiar with the slow-moving imagery that is woven throughout the film. It is often cryptic and adds meaning to the narrative. In this movie, for example, there is a slow-moving closeup of a statue whose visage acts as foreshadowing for events that will occur later in the film. It’s an interesting form of storytelling that I appreciate, but its effectiveness has worn off. This movie didn’t need this much imagery. It almost feels like filler because of how often it would happen. I am sure that if you weave these scenes together and take the time to study them, they create a more meaningful narrative, but as a filthy casual, I don’t have time for that. I just want to sit back and enjoy a good horror movie.
If you have the patience for the pacing and enjoy these odd horror movies with their even stranger twists, Man is a solid choice. If you just want some mindless horror to enjoy on a Friday night, this isn’t for you.
Movie Review: Honor Society (2022)
Honor Society was a delightful surprise hidden away in the otherwise baron catalog or Paramount plus. It isn’t perfect, it plays out a bit like a fairy tale, but it is an entertaining two hours of your life.
Honor Society is about Honor’s last year in high school. She has great ambitions and plans to achieve every one of them. To do so, she surrounds herself with reliable people, gets good grades, starts clubs, does volunteer work, and sucks up to the school’s guidance counselor. She wants to go to Harvard, and the only thing standing in her way is a letter of recommendation from the counselor. The problem is that three other students are competing for this recommendation. Honor hatches a plan to make sure she is the only candidate left by the end of the year, but her plotting isn’t as nefarious as intended.
This movie is a very high-energy and fun movie structured almost like a heist movie. Honor will constantly break the fourth wall to lay out her plans and reasonings, the camera will pan to the person or people involved, and you get to watch as she manipulates her way toward Harvard. It is really fun to see.
This style is unique and very effective for telling Honor’s story. The movie jumps from plot to plot seamlessly at Honor’s request without ever being confusing or disorienting. Honor is a fantastic protagonist with the charisma to make this movie work. The rest of the cast is equally fantastic and the performances come together as a fun teen movie about surviving high school.
My biggest complaint about this movie is how easily and quickly everything falls into place. People will do what she asks without question. The movie does a decent job at setting up Honor as the popular girl everyone likes, but the narrative still fits together like a fairy tale. One could argue that she isn’t being manipulative, but rather encouraging people into doing something they have always wanted to do. You can also argue that she is an unreliable narrator. You are being told a story from her perspective where she is cool and smart enough to get what she wants. Whatever the reason, this is a fun movie and you should check it out. Find it on Paramount+.
Movie Review: Secret Headquarters (2022)
I was pleasantly surprised by Secret Headquarters. I was expecting a completely generic superhero kids action movie, but I got a decent action comedy. It may not be perfect, but it has an undeniable charm to it. It is a solid kids’ movie, but one that you should only watch with your kids. It isn’t good enough to recommend to anyone outside of the target demographic.
The movie focuses on Charlie and his friend’s attempt to survive a villain’s assault on the world’s only superhero. Charlie is a normal kid trying to survive middle school while dealing with his parent’s separation and his absent father. Charlie’s life changes when he and his friends discover that his dad is the superhero The Guardian. Unfortunately, this discovery throws the kids into an ongoing conflict between The Guardian and an organization that is after The Guardian’s power. With the help of his friends and the Guardian, Charlie must now stop the villains from taking over the world.
This movie is okay. It isn’t going to win awards or redefine the genre or the medium, but it isn’t the worst way to spend two hours. The plot is simple, the humor is easy, but the special effects are pretty good. You will lose interest because the pacing is a little slow. A lot of the humor in this movie is designed for kids. Not all of the jokes land, but there are some solid references and double entendres that will offer you a good chuckle. The best part of the movie is its editing. The editing is hilarious. I love how it would cut away perfectly to sensor the cuss words. Your kids (if applicable) will have more fun with this movie than you will.
What helps make this movie palatable is the acting. The kids are fun and share some great chemistry, and Owen Wilson and Micheal Pena are a delight. The characters are given enough development to be distinguishable but don’t expect anything complex. Most characters fill an archetype; but they do well enough within those restrictions. The villains in this movie are exactly what you can expect from a kids’ movie. They are dumbed down and generic; Micheal Pena does his best.
This movie isn’t perfect. If you don’t have kids, I wouldn’t go out of my way to seek it out. If you have kids, it is a decent action comedy. Check it out on Paramount+.
Movie Review: Elvis (2022)
Elvis is an interesting biopic, but one that has a certain audience in mind. While I do appreciate the film’s unique storytelling, its novelty wears off. Not everything in this movie works. Sometimes you get some interesting narrative about Elvis, but most of the time, this film is sporadic and lacking in focus. While I didn’t outright hate this film, I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it. I definitely won’t be watching it again by choice.
Elvis is the dramatization of Elvis’s career. The movie will jump around various key moments in Elvis’ life. These jumps often happen in the same scene. I can’t speak on the film’s historical accuracy, but parts of this movie feel embellished for narrative purposes and to make Elvis a sympathetic character. I can’t overlook how one-sided this narrative seems to be. I can only wonder about the unfavorable parts of Elvis’ personality that they hide behind the flashing lights and his famous wiggle.
Elvis is fine. The acting and music are great, but the sporadic narrative style leaves a lot to be desired. The constant jumping in time, the overbearing narration, and the editing make this feel like a long trailer for the movie about his life. This whole experience feels like an Elvis Presley speedrun that skips a lot of crucial story beats about his character. When the movie decides to have a long uninterrupted scene, I loved it. I loved watching the performances, but they were often cut too short. As I have mentioned before, the concept is great, but the execution isn’t effective.
If you are an Elvis fan, you will probably have a lot more fun than I do. I loved the music in this movie, I am sure you have a deeper appreciation for it. I also can’t deny that Austin Bulter gives a great performance. That said, this is made with a specific audience in mind, and if you don’t like the style, you won’t like the movie. If you like biopics, this is an interesting one, to say the least; otherwise, I would hold off on watching this till you can find it somewhere for free.