I love Guillermo del Torro, so I was justifiably excited about his Cabinet of Curiosities on Netflix. What should have been a weird and horrific anthology turned out to be less of a cabinet and more of a junk drawer. The series is a disappointing collection of uninspired and uninteresting stories that were mostly a waste of time.
The series does have its moments, but it suffers from the same affliction most of these horror anthologies do; not all of the stories are interesting. I would argue that the first two episodes hold up the best, but considering the quality of the rest of the show, it isn’t saying much. I would have published this review sooner, but it was a struggle to finish this series. I had to take multiple breaks in order to finish because I kept losing interest. I’ll be honest, I almost gave up, but I powered through and remember some of it. There are episodes in this series that didn’t leave any impression on me, so I can’t bother to remember any specifics.
It is always difficult to recommend horror anthologies because the quality between episodes is never consistent. While some episodes might stand out, the writing and acting aren’t always there for the whole series. Cabinet of Curiosities continues to prove this theory. If you are looking for quality horror set in the mind of Guillermo Del Torro, look elsewhere. Ultimately, this series holds nothing to be curious about, so don’t bother. But to the nonbelievers, you can stream it on Netflix.
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Movie Review: Pearl (2022)
Pearl is the unnecessary prequel to the horror movie X. While I did enjoy it more than the original, it doesn’t add anything new to the narrative. Both of these movies seem to exist as separate stories in the same universe, so it doesn’t matter in which order you watch them. The only tangible connection between these movies is a few scattered references that aren’t very important to your understanding of the plot. These connections seemed more like Easter eggs than actual plot points.
Pearl is the story of a young and troubled farm girl with big dreams. Pearl wants to be a movie star so that others will love her, but she is bound by her duty to her family and farm and is incapable of pursuing her dreams. Trapped on this farm, Pearl becomes frustrated and angry that she can’t have the life she dreams about. The movie focuses on how Pearl deals with her frustrations and mounting anger.
Overall, this movie was okay. The acting is fantastic, the tone is fun, and the story is fine. Pearl is an interesting character, and Mia Goth carries this movie. There are some very intense scenes that are only possible because Goth is amazing. I love the quirky tone of the narrative. It creates a nice contrast to the dark themes this movie plays with, and it gives the film its unique flavor.
Pearl isn’t a bad origin story, there have been far worse attempts this year, but it wasn’t necessary. It doesn’t add anything to the universe. Watching them back to back made me appreciate Pearl a bit more because the story was better, but I don’t feel like I have more complete experience having watched both.
If you are looking for a horror movie to watch, Pearl is a solid choice. Pearl is a unique entry into the genre that you should at least watch for the experience. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, it isn’t that special, but you won’t hate it if you do. I am glad I watched this movie, but I wouldn’t watch it again.
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Movie Review: X (2022)
X is a solid slasher film, but it didn’t leave much of an impression. It is a beautifully shot movie with a solid foundation, but it is a slow burn with little payoff. It certainly stands out amongst all the other horror I’ve watched this season. It’s a much better story than Halloween Ends. If you are looking for something to watch and don’t mind the nudity, X is a solid choice. I don’t regret watching this movie, but it isn’t something I will ever be revisiting.
X is about an overly ambitious porn producer and his dream to make the next big porno. He and his cast and crew head to a remote farm in Texas where they will film his first and greatest movie. Filming goes better than expected, but there is something sinister on the farm. Before they can finish their film, the crew begins to get hunted. Will they be able to make it out alive?
This movie is okay. There is enough good with it that you won’t hate it if you watch it. The acting is great, the visuals are fantastic, and the story is fine. The problem most viewers will have with this movie is you have to sit through an hour of people making a porno. It goes without saying, if you don’t like sex and nudity, do not watch this movie.
The movie is a solid addition to the horror genre. There is proper suspense, some creepy scenes, and some fun kills. The problem is that it takes too long to get to the horror. I get that they are trying to create deeper characters and a more meaningful narrative, but it takes away from the horror. Don’t get me wrong, I like that there is an attempt to give slasher movies a stronger narrative, but they haven’t figured out the perfect balance between murder and story. It is a great attempt, but it falls flat.
If you don’t mind the softcore porn and you are patient, sure, it’s something to watch. It clears a very low bar to be better than average. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but it’s fine if you want to kill some time.
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Series Review: The Watcher (2022)
The Watcher is a suspenseful drama full of fantastic actors that is fine at first, but it certainly overstays its welcome. I was fully invested for the first half of the series, but the show becomes tedious towards the end. It isn’t a bad show, and you won’t hate it if you sit through it, but it should have been shorter.
The Watcher is a series based on the real events of a family being sent threatening letters when they move to the suburbs of New Jersey. Strange things start to happen to the family as they attempt to settle into their new lives. There is an ominous force messing with the family. The family grows increasingly paranoid as they desperately try to determine the cause of the unexplainable events in the house. Will they ever find the cause of all this evil?
I have mixed feelings about this series because the pacing is terrible, and the ending is disappointing. I think Netflix was trying to drag this series out, as most streaming services do with their original content, to keep people watching. The slow pacing hurts the narrative, making it hard to recommend. There is too much build-up to an ending that doesn’t deliver a satisfying conclusion. The last two episodes are pointless and add little to the story. This series should need to be condensed to be a more effective narrative
Toward the end, the series gets repetitive. The couple will get a clue and follow the lead toward a big confrontation only to be proven wrong by a new lead. This keeps happening to the point where I grew tired of the couple and as a result, less sympathetic. The Watcher does a fantastic job at showing the growing obsession and paranoia in the family, but it does a terrible job unfolding its mystery. This puts me in a weird place because I love the initial presentation, but hate how diluted it becomes.
If you have nothing else to watch, this is a good choice. Just be aware of its faults. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but you can stream it on Netflix.
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Movie Review: Halloween Ends (2022)
This series should have ended with the last movie. There is no reason for this movie to exist except to make money, but you shouldn’t give it any of yours. If you want to indulge in someone else’s self-serving terrible vision, this is the movie for you. But if you are trying to watch some good horror for Halloween, watch anything else.
Halloween Ends is the conclusion to the Michael Meyers saga that no one asked for. This is possibly the dullest and most uninspired slasher movie I have seen this year, and I just watched Jeepers Creepers: Rebirth. There are many issues with this movie, but the biggest one is that nothing happens. I like that there has been a trend to give horror movies proper plots, but please make it interesting. There is nothing interesting about this sequel. The first half of this movie is wasted on a relationship no one cares about. There are maybe 15 minutes where the slasher movie exists, but the rest is just pointless filler. The slasher bits aren’t even fun, most of the kills happen off-camera or too quickly to matter.
The biggest issue I have with this movie is with overbearing narration that refuses to go away. I am sorry, but I came here expecting to watch a slasher film, not to listen to a terrible audiobook. All the narration in this movie comes in the form of a fake book Jamie Lee Curtis is writing that only seems to be repeating her big speech from the last movie. You even get to watch her write the book in real-time. How exciting is that? I am very upset that this movie is desperate to convince its audience that the Halloween series is some deep allegory for the human condition when it has never been about that. It is completely self-serving and takes away from the only reason people would go watch this dumb movie.
The other issue I have with this movie is how inhuman they make Meyers be. This film feathers an immortal, omniscient, and teleporting Michael who terrorizes the town until he gets to Jamie Lee Curtis. They make it a point to show that he is unstoppable, but then he is easily and anti-climactically stopped by an injured woman and her granddaughter. I don’t even have the words to express my disappointment.
I can only hope that this is truly the end of this series, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they reincarnate him for another terrible reboot. I am not surprised that this disappointing reboot got such a disappointing ending, but it does hurt that I wasted my time on it. Don’t watch this movie in theaters when you can stream it on Peacock. Don’t stream it on Peacock because it is a complete waste of time.
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Image Source: By Universal Pictures – https://www.universalpictures.com/movies/halloween-ends, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=71346881
Movie Review: Jeepers Creepers:Reborn (2022)
They should let the Jeepers Creepers series die already. We haven’t gotten a good one in years, and Jeepers Creepers Reborn isn’t the rebirth the series was hoping for. This cheap and uninspired sequel is better left forgotten and ignored. If you are searching for a movie to add to your Halloween marathon, please look elsewhere.
The film focuses on a couple that is on the verge of a life-changing moment. While the boyfriend plans a proposal, the girlfriend plans a pregnancy announcement. The plan is to make a big reveal at possibly the worst rave/Halloween festival put on screen. But before the couple can start the next phase of their lives, they must survive Jeepers Creepers. Will they survive? You will never know because you aren’t watching this garbage.
There is so much wrong with this movie that I am not sure where to start. The acting is bad, the writing is worse, and the plot doesn’t matter. I am convinced that whoever wrote this script has never held a real conversation or knows how real people speak. The dialogue is unreal, and a lot of it is used as lazy exposition because the filmmakers aren’t competent enough to show and not tell. The actors seem to be trying their hardest to make it work, but it’s hard to tell because the script doesn’t do them any favors.
The biggest issue with the plot is that it doesn’t exist. You get to sit through a boring rave before anything starts to happen. There is a changing montage in this movie to distract the audience from the fact that there isn’t enough plot for a movie. All this does is make me wish I was watching anything else. When Jeepers Creepers finally decides to come out, you are already halfway done with the movie. There was a convoluted cult subplot that was somehow integral to the film that I completely forgot about because this movie sucks at storytelling. What makes me the maddest about this whole experience is that this movie has the gal to sequel bait. They should just let this series die because they have clearly run out of ideas.
I assume this movie was a tax write-off. I refuse to believe that a group of people’s vision was to make something this terrible on purpose. If you see this movie in the wild, avoid it at all costs.
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Movie Review: Significant Other (2022)
Image by Bingo Naranjo from Pixabay
Don’t waste your time on Significant Other. It is a garbage movie that should have never been made. I don’t know what it is about Paramount, but they don’t seem to understand how to make a proper horror movie.
The movie focuses on a generic couple who go on a camping trip. Alone in the woods, they begin to notice that there is something off. They find strange animal corpses, they see shadows, and it feels like something is watching them. Tensions grow high as the couple’s relationship begins to strain. There are aliens in the woods, and they seem to be after one of them. Will they be able to make it out alive?
It’s a shame that these actors are wasted on such a bad movie. The acting is fine, but everything else is terrible. There is no tension in this film, the buildup makes no sense, the twist is confusing, and the ending is disappointing. I had to rewatch this movie because I thought I missed some important details. I was very confused when the twist came, and I wanted to make sure I gave this film its fair trial. I didn’t miss anything. This movie is just that bad at telling its story.
I feel like a broken record at this point, but nothing happens in this movie. The first thirty minutes of this movie is relationship problems the movie. The boyfriend proposes, but the girl has issues with commitment. The film becomes a lot of awkward conversations in reaction to not accepting the proposal. The movie then tries desperately to be symbolically and suspenseful like Hereditary, but it only slows down the plot. There are a lot of scenes where the camera pans over nature to suggest something sinister is going on when nothing is.
I am going to spoil this movie because I need you to understand my frustration with it. If you are planning to watch this, don’t, but if you insist, stop reading here.
The movie suggests that the drama between the couple stems from unresolved trauma the girl is holding on to. I refuse to use the character names because they are generic and flat. The only defining characteristic for this girl is that she has crippling anxiety. This anxiety creates the strain on their relationship that takes up the first half of the movie. Something happens in the woods that makes the girl become distant. The movie suggests that maybe she was possessed by the aliens, and she pushes her boyfriend off a cliff.
The big twist is that the alien can steal the form of other life forms. With each transformation, the alien also gets the instincts and emotions of the form he takes. This will become important later. The boyfriend had been dead the whole time. The girl had somehow stumbled on the body early on and was acting suspicious because she knew. After the big reveal, the alien stands over the girl ready to claim another victim, but he finds himself frozen, unable to act. He can’t bring himself to kill the girl because he is overwhelmed by his love for her. Instead, he decides to save her from the impending alien invasion. The girl freaks out, and a convenient shark helps her escape again.
The alien can’t die, and he traps her again. The alien takes her form, and as he is about to kill her, the girl overcomes her anxiety and stands up for herself. The alien, on the other hand, is overwhelmed by crippling anxiety and has a panic attack. The girl takes this opportunity to kill the alien. As the girl rides off into the sunset, the movie sequel baits. The alien isn’t dead, and there is an invasion on the way.
I am still struggling to make sense of what I just watched. I am so mad that love saved her the first time and even madder that her anxiety saved her the final time. It’s not a good movie. This is time I will never get back. Don’t waste your time when there are better, more competent horror movies out there. But if you don’t believe me, you can stream it on Paramount+.
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Movie Review: Hellraiser (2022)
I was excited about the new Hellraiser because I loved the original, but I have since exchanged my excitement for disappointment. It is time to let this series die since it has run its course.
The movie focuses on a recovering drug addict who is struggling to get her life back together. Desperate for money, she breaks into an old warehouse where she finds the sinister puzzle box. After a relapse, she solves the puzzle and sets into motion the gruesome events that will change her life forever. The Cenobites are back and are looking to collect souls. Will she be able to make the sacrifices required to wish for her brother back, or will she be another claimed soul?
This movie is slow and dull, but at least the monster designs were interesting. I recommend skipping through any part without the Cenobites because the rest of this story doesn’t deserve your attention. What kills this movie for me is the pacing; it is unbearably slow. The original also has a pacing problem, but it is more interesting.
This movie is gore porn, designed to gross out its audience with gruesome death scenes and disgusting monsters. It doesn’t go as far as it can, and a bit of the gore is held back by its technology. Most of the kills are fine, and some are even creative, but there are some that are rendered poorly. Don’t watch this movie if you are looking for proper gore.
I take issue with this movie’s narrative style. Most of the time I was waiting around for the next death scene. The last fifteen minutes or so fair a bit better than the rest of the movie because that is when the most action happens. The ending has a few lazy twists, some poorly designed tension, and some interesting lore dumps, but nothing really goes out of your way to watch. I just wished the rest of the movie had the same energy as the last bit, it might have fared a little better.
If this movie existed in a vacuum, it would be fine. The acting is decent, and the deaths are solid. But it doesn’t, and there are better options out there. If you need horror movies to fill your Halloween marathon, watch the original instead. Otherwise, be prepared to skip around. You can stream it on Hulu, but I wouldn’t bother.
Series Review: The Midnight Club
The Midnight Club is a huge waste of time. Even if you enjoy horror anthologies and mysteries, this is a very weak entry into either genre. I wouldn’t bother with this series even for the morbid curiosity.
The Midnight Club is a collection of poorly written and acted ghost stories that exist within a mystery. In a hospice designed for teens with terminal diseases, a club was formed to help cope with the ever-looming death around them. The teens gather every night to tell ghost stories and blow off steam. But there is something sinister is afoot. The teens see ghosts and hear voices that aren’t there. There is something about a cult, but I honestly stopped caring pretty early on.
The acting is bad, and somehow the writing is worse. Scenes that exist outside of the ghost stories fair a little better, but barely. The biggest issue I have with this series is with the ghost stories. The stories are generic, and often parodies of better horror stories or movies. This would be fine if the intention was to parody, but it isn’t. This is a serious attempt at horror with very little value. Each story comes with an overbearing and poorly read narration that kills any tension the story could have. Some of the stories recap events that have occurred in the series, making this a redundant and uninteresting mess.
I wouldn’t mind if this show was a horror anthology if there wasn’t so much narration. I wouldn’t mind the stories if they didn’t take away from the overarching mystery. This series feels like several different shows, and none of it is cohesive. I often forgot there was a mystery tying the series together. I can’t tell you how many times I almost gave up on this series because nothing of note ever happens. This series has ghosts, tragic backstories, cults, death, and none of it matters.
The pacing is terrible. There is a lot of filler in this series. Most of it comes from the ghost stories, but there is a fair amount of self-service. The ghost stories are often interrupted by snide remarks or criticism from the other characters, and it kills any suspense the stories have. There are minutes dedicated after the stories to remark on how great the story and storyteller are. The main character won’t go an episode without talking about how smart and talented she is. It is infuriating how pretentious these characters can be.
The series does have a few interesting moments. I liked how the kids dealt with their mortality and talked about their illnesses. There are some interesting conversations about the social struggles they face due to their illness, but there isn’t enough to make it worth your time. Other than their illnesses, the characters have no depth to them.
Don’t watch this show because it is bad. The characters are flat, the plot doesn’t matter, and the acting isn’t even good. But if you don’t believe me, check it out on Netflix.
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Series Review: Devil in Ohio (2022)
Image by Waldkunst from Pixabay
This series is average at best, but I don’t believe it’s earned a recommendation. If you are looking for something to throw on and not be invested in, there are still better options. If you are looking for a creepy satanic cult series, look elsewhere. This series has a deep focus on high school and family drama, and it eventually remembers its cult roots.
Devil in Ohio is about a family that takes in a mysterious girl who has escaped a cult. While she is trying to adjust to normal life, strange things begin to happen. Not everyone trusts Mae, but the matriarch will go out of her way to save her. Is Mae the sweet and innocent girl she seems to be, or is something sinister brewing?
This series wastes a lot of time on the drama that I didn’t care for. The acting is average at best, making the drama even harder to sit through. Mae is by far the only interesting character in this series, and she deserves better. I liked how she was constantly conflicted about acting on her own or acting as she was raised. Watching her begin to build her own identity was an interesting narrative, but one that wasn’t explored to its full potential. They of course ruin her development towards the end when they remembered they were making a horror series.
I didn’t care for the rest of the family. Most of them had no personality and would only appear for their mandatory appearance. There was really no reason for having a family this big. Most of the drama was fabricated only as a means to drag out the series, and none of it is meaningful. This series feels longer than it is.
In the end, I can’t really recommend this show because it isn’t good. With Halloween coming up, you shouldn’t add this to your marathon. You can stream it on Netflix, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it.
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