Tag Archives: Scary

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Don’t Worry Darling (2022)

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Don’t Worry Darling is a huge waste of time, don’t watch it in theaters. This film’s abysmal failure was rightfully predicted when the only news coming out nearing its release was about the drama that surrounded the filming. If this amateur attempt at horror doesn’t ruin Olivia Wild’s directing career, nothing will.

Don’t Worry Darling is about a dystopian desert community that is themed after the 1950’s American nuclear family fantasy. The men all work at a factory where what they do is a secret. The women are homemakers who look after the house and their husband’s every need. Everything seems perfect at the Valor project. Food is plentiful, there is a lot to do, and everything is perfect. But there is something sinister happening in the desert, and Alice is the only one who suspects such. Alice seeks answers, but the answers she seeks begin to unravel her world. It seems like her life at the Valor project isn’t as perfect as it seems.

Don’t Worry Darling is two hours where nothing happens. The first half hour is dedicated to Harry Styles making out with Alice, while the rest of the run time is padded with more fan service and fake deep sequences. If this movie dedicated as much time to developing its plot as it did with Mr. Styles, this could have been an actual movie. Instead, Don’t Worry Darling is a superficial attempt at replicating a better horror film.

The biggest problem with this movie is that there isn’t enough tension. The editing, the bizarre directing choices, and the acting 

aren’t able to make this work. The acting is very inconsistent. In some scenes, the writing and the acting come together nicely and give the audience the false hope that the movie might get better. Most scenes, however, feel as if the actors are struggling to remember the lines they were given minutes before filming. It doesn’t help that most characters are poorly written cardboard cutouts of people. The cast does its best, but nothing can save this atrocity to film.

This is the part of the review where I will spoil the movie. If you are planning to watch it, don’t, but this is a good place to stop. You’ve been warned.

The movie is all set up, full of scenes that take way too long and symbols that overstay their welcome. With all this setup, the big defining twist still manages to come as a surprise. This whole movie exists as a simulation, and only the men know the truth. The women on the other hand have been reprogrammed to believe in the simulation and be perfect housewives. The idea is cool. In the hands of a competent director, this could have been a good movie, but it’s not. 

Don’t Worry Darling’s follies make this movie anti-climactic. The villain is poorly written and without any presence. I forgot Chris Pine was even in this movie until he would show up for some poorly written moments. The only reason I knew he was the villain was that he was nearly always accompanied by ominous music. Alice on the other hand suffers from magical competence. She knows something is wrong and knows what to do because the script and director say so. Most events in this movie happen for the same reason. You can argue that it was all programmed to happen, but this movie isn’t good enough for that explanation. As a result, I never cared when Alice was in danger because I knew ex-Machina would save the day.

Instead of wasting so much time on symbolism and fan service, it should have spent time developing its mystery and gas-lighting Alice. There should have been more clues to suggest that this was a simulation. There should have been more meaningful interactions between Alice in the world; maybe it wouldn’t feel so frustratingly magical. There should have been a better director. Olivia Wild tried and failed, and this was the result. Don’t watch this movie. 

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Series Reviews

Series Review – Roar (2022)

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Image by Ian Lindsay from Pixabay

Roar is a horror anthology series on Apple TV that deals with women’s issues. Each episode is a different scary story that tackles a specific issue. The show deals with subjects like discrimination, sexism, and abuse, to name a few. If you like shows like Black Mirror, you might enjoy this more than I did. Ultimately, while many of the concepts were interesting, I was left with a disappointment that makes it impossible for me to recommend this show.

There are a few technical issues that are hard to ignore with the acting and writing, but ultimately the show’s biggest issues are with the pacing and endings. The endings ruin this show for me. The show does a decent job at setting up an interesting narrative, only to fall flat as it struggles to achieve its empowering and happy ending. As a result, this show becomes very preachy, and the narrative suffers for it. I don’t mind morals of female empowerment, but in Roar, it seems forced and out of place.

Each episode is limited by the same simple formula. A woman encounters an issue that gets personified into some kind of magical and inexplicable presence. The presence can be a disease, a person, or even a monster. The idea is that the issue the protagonist faces is tangible and something they can overcome. There is some solid setup and buildup, but it is all wasted on some ex-Machina. The protagonist will always easily overcome their ordeal, and the episodes will sort of just end. It is very anti-climactic and a waste of some interesting concepts. It also creates an issue with the pacing that I cannot overlook. Halfway through the episodes it feels like there is a sudden rush towards a happy ending. 

As is tradition with these types of shows, not all the stories are good. Some stand out, but it is always a gamble on what you are going to get. If you enjoy this type of storytelling, you might have a better time than I did. I would suggest you skip it because none of the stories are good enough to earn a recommendation.   

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Movie Review: Mad God (2022)

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Mad God was the last movie I watched with my trial to the shudder streaming service and it has left me speechless. This innovative and creative journey through a confusing and nightmarish collection of narratives is an experience I suggest everyone have. It isn’t for everyone as it is very artsy and strange, but it is a movie that definitely redefines itself within the genre. If you want to watch a film that is different, uncomfortable, and somewhat frightening, give this movie a gander.

Mad God is a collection of stories that form a cohesive narrative told through a combination of mediums. Most of the movie is in stop motion, but it also mixes some CGI and live-action scenes for great effect. Keep in mind, that this is a silent movie, and it can be slow. Most scenes are composed of uncomfortable images and moments designed to make the audience uncomfortable. I would say that this movie works as a metaphor for the atrocities mankind is capable of. I am simply amazed by how far the creators were able to push this nightmare. This is a movie that pushes the limits of the genre in order to create a truly unique form of storytelling.

I liked this movie a lot. The stories it tells are interesting and the nightmare it sculps is fantastic. I have never seen anything like this. If you like experimental horror that pushes the envelope, check this movie out. Even if you don’t like these types of movies, I would ask you to experience the weirdness. It isn’t for everyone, but you can stream it on Shudder.

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Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Orphan First Kill (2022)

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The Orphan First Kill is the prequel that did not need to be made. It is a negligible addition to the universe that adds little to the lore. The prequel focuses on the events before the first movie, but nothing interesting happens. The acting was great, but it is wasted on a boring story with questionable writing. Do yourself a favor and skip this movie.

I went back and re-watched the first movie to see how it compared. It has been a while, and I wanted to make sure that my opinion of the movie wasn’t a memory made better because I was so bored with First Kill. The original is a far better movie. It isn’t perfect, but at least it was entertaining. First Kill doesn’t have any real direction. It pads the run time with sappy family moments then teases you with an interesting and unexpected twist, only to become another generic horror movie that isn’t worth your time.

This movie has a few good moments, but not enough to save it. I am going to spoil this movie to make my point. It doesn’t matter because you shouldn’t watch yourself, but a warning is still in order. 

Ester goes to kill the detective that has been asking too many questions. In his final breaths, as Ester stands over him asking how he knew she was lying, a bullet pierces his head and leaves him lifeless. As he bleeds onto the carpet, Ester turns to see Julia Styles holding a gun. Styles confronts Ester about her lie, but instead of killing Ester and ending the movie, she blackmails Ester into keeping up the charade. Styles had been covering up the murder of the original Ester, and the new Ester was the piece she needed to make her husband happy again. 

This was a great moment that easily stands out against the blandness carried throughout the rest of this film, but it is a moment wasted because the rest of the movie doesn’t have any of this energy. I liked that Ester was made a victim because it puts the audience in an uncomfortable position. Do they root for Ester who is conning the family and has a murderous past, or do you root for the family the dark secret she is conning that also wants her dead? It makes me mad that such an interesting idea sits so comfortably within such a disappointing movie. 

You can stream this on Paramount+, but I wouldn’t bother.

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: The Long Night (2022)

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The Long Night didn’t make much of an impression on me. It doesn’t do anything I would go rushing to see, but it had enough interesting visuals to keep my attention. The acting is solid, the story is okay, and the lore is pretty tame. I honestly don’t have much to say because it doesn’t stand out much from any other demon cult movies I’ve seen.

The Long Night is a story of a woman who is searching for her biological parents. This search brings her to a mysterious house in the middle of nowhere. She begins to hear voices and sees visions of cults and demons. The situation grows bleak when they are trapped in the house by a group of cultists. Now she and her boyfriend must survive the night. Will they be able to escape, or will they become a sacrifice to some unknown demon?

This movie is better than the average cult movie, but it isn’t something I would go rushing to see. The writing is a bit awkward, and the characters aren’t great. It is always harder to write about these movies because they don’t really inspire much. There are definitely things about this movie I appreciated, but it isn’t something I’ll be watching again. If you like the genre and are starving for a new horror movie, then this movie is fine. If not, you can live your life without it. You can stream it on Shudder.

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Alone With You (2022)

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Image by María Prieto from Pixabay

I don’t know where to start with this movie, but it is hard to talk about because it didn’t leave much of an impression. This is a well-intentioned film that tried something unique, but it has too many issues holding it back that make it impossible to recommend. Even if you like experimental horror movies, there isn’t anything noteworthy to this film. I suggest you skip it.

Alone With You is a psychological horror movie about a woman trapped in her apartment. Her night starts out normal as she waits for her girlfriend to come home from a trip. Strange things start to happen to her as time passes. Charlie finds herself trapped in a sinister loop of memories and thoughts as she becomes more desperate to escape this nightmare. She hears voices, sees visions, and keeps reliving bad memories about her relationship. Will she ever be able to leave, or will the insanity that binds her to the apartment keep her trapped there forever?

Nothing really happens in this movie despite it frantically jumping between memory, reality, and delusion. The main problem with the movie is that the lead isn’t good enough to carry the film. Sure there are some neat visuals, but there isn’t anything to hold the audience’s attention. A movie like this needs a lead that can create the tension required to make this movie work. This movie needed disorienting tension that builds to the big reveal at the end, but there isn’t much here. The big reveal is incredibly obvious, I figured it out before the horror even started. I wouldn’t mind this knowledge if the movie were entertaining, but it is not. It goes without say, but the acting is bad, and the story suffers for it.

Just skip this movie, I am sure you have better things to do with your time. But for those who don’t believe me, you stream it on Shudder.

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Movie Review: The Reef: Stalked (2022)

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After Jaws, there have been many attempts at creating another good shark movie. There are certainly some that stand out, but The Reef: Stalked isn’t one of them. This movie is about a group of diving buddies who go on vacation to a secluded island to mourn the loss of their friend. They plan on relaxing, diving, and dealing with their loss. While they enjoy the beauty of the ocean, something sinister has caught on to their scent. A shark now hunts for them. The race is on to a populated island miles away before the shark makes them its next meal. Will they survive the shark, or will they be another red spot in the ocean?

With how much good content there is to stream, there is no point in wasting your time with this movie. The acting is bad, the story is worse, and the graphics aren’t up to modern standards. This movie is boring. If you can ignore the plot holes and inconsistencies, nothing interesting happens. Sure there might be a couple of tense moments, but the rest of the time you are sitting waiting for anything to happen. There is an attempt at making this movie about getting over trauma, but maybe on the ocean with a blood-thirsty shark isn’t the best place to do so. There is a lot of filler in this movie because clearly there weren’t enough shark ideas for this shark movie. 

It isn’t the worst movie I’ve seen, but there are better movies more worthy of your time. You can stream this on Shudder.

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Movie Review: Allegoria (2022)

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The Harrowing of Hell By Jacob van Swanenburgh. I couldn’t get the rights to the poster, but this painting was referenced in the movie. Source

This movie took a lot of effort to get through because of how unbearably pretentious it is. I had to take multiple breaks just to be able to finish it. That said, I don’t outright hate this movie. I have seen a lot worse, and there are things about this movie I did like, but it is hard to recommend. Unless you like low-budget experimental horror films, I wouldn’t bother.

Allegoria is an anthology of horror stories involving artists encountering evil. Monsters, demons, murders, and the unexplainable are wreaking havoc on the world’s most pretentious artists, and no one knows why. The stories are out of order, but surprisingly, they all connect at the end in a kind of satisfying way. The acting is solid for the most part, but the writing needs a lot of work. There are some clear moments of competence where the filmmaking, acting, and writing come together to create a great narrative, but most of the movie isn’t that.

The problem I have with anthologies is that not all the narratives are good. You get a few good stories, but you have to sit through all the bad ones. Most anthologies have a theme, like Tales From The Crypt. They might exist in the same universe but aren’t always connected aside from the theme and setting. The stories in this anthology are connected by a single event. I would argue that some of the connections between the stories are forced to make them fit the overall narrative. I appreciate the novelty of the storytelling in this movie, but I can’t get over the pretentiousness. Every narrative has a longwinded, eye-roll enduring monologue defining an art form, and there is only so much of that I could take.

I can’t recommend this movie because it is more bad than good. But if you like strange movies that are just okay, you can stream this on Shudder if you have a subscription.

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: What Josiah Saw (2022)

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What Josiah Saw is a fantastic horror movie made by our friends over at Shudder. If you don’t have a Shudder subscription, this movie alone is worth the free trial. Shudder also offers a wide selection of horror movies so you can fuel a nice little Summerween marathon. This is not an endorsement of the platform, I just happened to pick up the trial on a whim and had the good fortune of stumbling upon this movie.

What Josiah Saw is the story of three siblings dealing with an unspoken trauma from their childhood. The film is broken up into segments, each focusing on a different sibling until it all comes together nicely at the end. The movie does a great job of showing how their trauma still haunts and affects their adulthood. I don’t want to say any more about this movie because I don’t want to ruin anything.

I loved this movie so much that I have already watched it multiple times. There was a good amount of effort put into this movie, and it all pays off. Every narrative, scene, and even dialogue has been calculated to create this chilling mystery. I still keep finding small details and clues that I missed the first time around. As a note, there are certain actions the characters take, things they say, and even small items that come to focus that won’t make initially, but they will at the end if you’ve been paying attention.

The acting is amazing, the story is uncomfortably chilling, and the cinematography is phenomenal. You have great tension to keep you at the edge of your seat, uncomfortable scenes that will make you squirm, and a twist that will shock you to your core. This is a movie where the filmmakers truly understand what makes good horror. You need to watch this movie, especially if you are a fan of horror. Even if you aren’t, this is a fantastic movie that you need to force yourself to sit through eventually. Stream it on Shudder!

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Glorious (2022)

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I didn’t know what I was getting myself into with this movie, but I didn’t hate it. Sure it has its issues, but it is an interesting concept that is done fairly well. Glorious is a movie about a conversation between a god and a Wes that happens inside a rest stop bathroom. The god appears to Wes and spends the whole movie trying to convince him to sacrifice himself in order to save the universe from complete destruction. It is a bit pretentious as it talks about destiny and duty, but it is hard not to be when discussing these topics.

As far as horror movies go, this one isn’t scary. There are a few jump scares and some gross scenes, but it is all pretty tame. I would argue that it is more of a comedy because there is a bit of slapstick, but hardly any of the jokes land. The acting is okay, but there are some very awkward reads that are hard to overlook. The set and cheap special effects fit the overall tone of the movie. This movie gets very cheesy, but I never hated it for it. The story is okay. This movie takes a few unique risks, and they mostly pay off. Not everything they discuss is interesting, but it never got so bad I wanted to turn off the movie. The narrative properly builds to a nice twist, one that you can figure out if you pay attention to the conversation. I liked that it was a plausible twist because of all the clues scattered throughout the movie. This movie does a nice job of complicating the idea of the protagonist and heroes. This movie was definitely a nice surprise, but it is a surprise that is hard to recommend. 

This is a good movie if you like weird experimental films and don’t mind the low budget and the general cheesiness. If you have a Shudder subscription, go for it. Otherwise, I would hold off.

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